Or maybe they did know, and I was the idiot who was just now figuring it out.
My chest ached at the possibilities of going to war. Pictures of these men and women going into battle. They wouldn't make it.
They were farmers, carpenters… not warriors.
Not like Robin.
And even with the serum running through her veins and all her experience, she could fall, no matter what she thought. When I thought about her out there tomorrow with who knew how many men, it made me feel like a coward.
Why had I been so stupid and kept things casual between us?
Why had I been so quick to agree to her suggestions when she said she didn't want strings?
Because, from the first moment I saw her, with the sun on her face and the wind blowing her hair, I knew what I wanted.
Her.
Any way I could have her.
And I screwed it up by letting her close herself off. Telling myself over and over this was what I wanted. That this was my kind of woman, that here was someone who understood how I felt.
Easy.
No commitment.
And in the end, lying to myself… and to her.
When she needed me the most, I buckled and left her to what she thought she wanted. When instead, I should have tried harder.
Deep down, the real reason I had done all those things and messed up something great?
I was scared.
Scared of the way she made me feel. Of how her smile made my heart pick up speed.
In my thirty-five years on this earth, no one had made me feel like that, and it terrified me. So, when she gave me an olive branch that could save me from those feelings, I accepted with both eyes open.
And tonight, I did the same thing.
Tonight, as she looked at me with her bright green eyes, asking me to come with her, I denied her the one thing she had asked for.
My help.
I was disgusted with myself. I didn't deserve her.
Now she was off to save some man she barely knew, and I was left alone, wishing I could have had more time with her.
More time to tell her how I felt. And now, I wasn't sure I'd ever have that.
The tent flap rustled and Ava walked in without asking. She was beautiful, with her pouty red lips and excessive curves that I had enjoyed more than my fair share of, but I didn't want her. Not really.
I hadn’t wanted her or anybody else in a long time. Not since a certain red-haired, green-eyed beauty had stepped into my life.
"Jon, do you need me for anything?"
Ava’s lower lip jutted out seductively. She could always play the game well, and I hated that I allowed her to think she could play it with me.
"Yes. Tell Lex I need him to watch the camp. I've got to go with Robin."
Her eyebrows furrowed at my words and her seductive pose and expression disappeared. "You’re going after Robin?"
She laid her hand on my arm, and I forced myself not to move it away.
Hand tight on my wrist, her eyes grew slightly frantic as her nails bit into my skin. “She doesn't want you, Jon. She wants that Smite man. I heard her tell you it was over. Why go running after someone who doesn't want you?"
"Because I refuse to let her go." I paused, not wanting to hurt Ava, but to at least give her the truth. "I love her, Ava, and if I can talk her into taking my sorry ass back, well, I'm never going to let her go."
Ava withdrew her hand from my arm. Her nail had left crescent shapes in my skin. Uncertainty fell across her face before she straightened her back and stared me in the eye. “Jon, I have to tell you something.”
Eager to find Robin, I resisted the urge to just leave. I had been so stupid to wait this long and needed to stop the one person who thought I didn't care. “Ava, what is it? I’m not going to be mad, as long as you tell me what it is that's bothering you.”
Tears fell from her eyes.
Chills erupted down my spine, just as dread pooled in my stomach. Her secret was no ordinary secret. It was something that would possibly change what I was about to do.
“He has my sister.” Her voice cracked, and I searched for what to say.
Ava hadn’t been here long, but she had certainly made a name for herself in that time.
But a sister? I hadn't realized.
And, judging by the way she was crying, the 'he' in this scenario was no mystery.
In the most soothing voice I could muster, I tried to pull as much information as I could from her. To weed out what I needed to do to help her. To help Robin.
“Ava, what sister? Who has her?”
Her lips quivered, her eyes frantically moving back and forth between me and the door, as if she was thinking of running.
I grasped her hand to keep her in place. I had to know. If this had anything to do with Robin, then I needed to know so I could warn her.
She glanced down at my hand holding her.
“Ava, tell me. I have to help her.”
She licked her lips. “The general... he has my sister. He told me he would kill her if I didn't help him. And I did. Lord help me, I did.”
My heart pounded at her words. Without meaning to, I squeezed her wrist, causing her to wince. “Help how, Ava? How are you helping him?”
Her breaths turned to pants as she jerked her arm from me and cradled it against her chest. Not looking at all like herself, Ava not only appeared scared, but broken. “I told him of Robin’s plan. He knows she's coming, Jon. They’re going to be prepared for her. They're going to kill her.”
My heart stumbled as my stomach bottomed out.
They were going to kill her.
Numb, I hadn't realized Ava had run to the tent’s entrance. But I could care less right now. My world was falling apart.
She pulled the flap back before giving me one last sorrowful look. "Jon, I’m so sorry. Maybe me and you have both screwed up.”
I nodded, still numb. She was right. We had both screwed up beyond repair.
She smiled sadly. "Well, what are you waiting for? You can still save the person you love."
I licked my lips. “What about your sister?”
Another tear openly fell down her cheek. “I think if Robin can’t save her, then maybe she would rather die than stay where she is.”
With those parting words, she disappeared into the night. I didn't have the heart to follow her and demand she pay for her part in helping the general.
For now, self-hate would have to be enough.
Right now, I needed to warn Robin they were falling into a trap.
I looked at the newly polished knives that set on top of the papers on my desk. They were my father's. Barely used, I had tucked them away. But watching all the men train, something about it made me want them out. Now I was glad I had.
I walked over, picked them up and balanced them in my hands, giving myself a quick reminder of how they felt and how much I enjoyed the feel when Father trained me.
What Robin didn’t know was that, although I was horrible with a sword, at one time I was more than accurate with a knife.
With that thought, I slid them into my boots and walked out of the tent.
This could go horribly wrong, with either me dead or Robin turning away from me. But if I didn't try, then I would forever regret it and wonder if I could have been happy with Robin. I wasn't letting that happen.
Robin was all I wanted.
All I needed.
17
Robin
* * *
The morning was chilly. Dew covered the leaves of the trees as I sat hunched under them. We had arrived late last night and ended up sleeping under the stars, just a mile from our starting point. The ground had been rough, but it wasn’t the first time I had slept under the blanket of the night with a bunch of men. It had been the first time to be on a mission as unique as this one.
“Are you done with your inner thinking?”
I came out of my daze. I hadn’t realized Aman and the others had been
standing around, waiting on me. They were dressed in their matching green outfits, courtesy of Lily, and I silently gave thanks that the ugly things everyone wore today were good for something. If not entirely eye-catching.
Moisture from the early morning dew saturated their pants, causing them to cling like a second skin, while their shirts plastered to their bodies. The only thing that seemed amiss was… a red hat?
“Aman, why do you have that red hat on? It’s going to stick out like a sore thumb.”
Rafe laughed. “Leave it on. At least it will give the soldiers someone to aim at. I’m all for fodder.” He jerked his thumb back at the twins. “Though I thought the fodder was going to be Rick and Rack back there.”
The one I was sure was Mark, because he had proven the more vocal, crossed his arms, eyeing Rafe. “It’s Mac and Mark.”
Rafe rolled his eyes before meeting mine. “Whatever. Can we go now? I’ve got a few things to settle with your soldiers.”
I held my hand out to pause him, focusing back on Aman.
Aman didn't strike me as someone wanting to be fodder. He had already proved he was a survivor, of horrible things, so curiosity got the best of me and I had to ask. “Why are you wearing the red hat, Aman? I hate to say it, but Rafe is right. It is a target on your back.”
He shook his head, retribution in his eyes as he glared at Rafe, who just smiled back, unafraid. Despite his size, Aman’s personality was huge. If push came to shove, he would give as much as the next man, size be damned.
Eyes trained on me, he swiped the small hat from his head and turned his stare to it as his fingers tracing lovingly over it. “This hat was from my wife. She had just finished making it the day before they took her.”
He glanced back up at me. “She said she made it so my big ole ears would at least be covered now.”
A small smile graced his face at the mention of his wife. A wife that sounded like she could hold her own with a man like Aman, and she would have been a delight to meet.
With a sharp tug, he placed the hat back on his head. He glanced at the guys, who all wore somber expressions, including Rafe before continuing, “Anyways, I always said when this day came, I would wear it.”
No one spoke.
What did you say to that?
The only thing you could when someone wanted to honor their missing wife. Hand on his shoulder, I gave him an awkward pat. “Wear the fucking hat, Aman. Just...”
I paused, trying to figure out what to say next with tact, but Aman smiled and saved me the trouble. “Just run really fast?”
Laughs erupted in our circle. Even Rafe couldn't stop a smile creeping up on his face.
At their reaction, Aman grinned up at me mischievously. “Now that I can do.”
With one last look at Aman, I wiped the grin from my face. We only had a small window and it was approaching fast. “All right, grab some jerky out of your bag, eat what you can. You’re going to need the energy in the next few hours.” I checked the sun against the schedule the castle soldiers kept. It was ingrained in my brain from the many years I had been forced to memorize it. “The soldiers should be ready to switch in the next twenty minutes, which means do what you need to do and be ready.”
Leaving the others to finish their last bit of business before we did something that would change everyone's lives, I went to where I left my bag up against the large pine. I paused when a shadow and the smell of pine and sandalwood fell over me.
Claius.
Not turning, I continued to pick through my backpack, snatching out my set of knives, and food. A tiny smile graced my features when a low huff came from the giant behind me.
“I thought you were better at this sneaking up on people thing. Or are you getting rusty?”
His shadow swayed back and forth as he shuffled on the balls of his feet.
Why was he so antsy?
“Can we talk for just a minute?”
I dropped my pack and pushed my knives into the pockets on my calves and turned. Only to be presented with a look I hadn't ever seen grace his face.
Was it worry? Urgency?
Never having seen this side of Claius before, it scared me. But not enough to move away. I reached out and placed my much smaller hand into his, letting him know I was here. I allowed him to pull me into the covering of the forest. Deeper into the woods we went, and I thought back to just a few days ago when he had taken me to another forest to get me away from everyone else.
This time he was the one who needed to get away.
In a small clearing, he stopped, but didn’t drop my hand. Instead he squeezed it tightly, then entwined our fingers. Warmth from his skin radiated to mine, and he tugged me toward him.
His shirt, still wet from the dew, plastered against my chest. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the way it molded to his form until he finally dropped my hand and instead encircled my waist.
What was he doing? He had never touched me like this before. In the months I had gotten to know him, gotten close to him, he’d never wrapped his arms around me.
Brow furrowed, I pulled back so I could look up at his face. “Claius, what are you doing?”
A heat entered his eyes, and for a moment I thought the color grew brighter… darker. But the next second it was gone, and his eyes still had the same light green I had grown to love looking into.
He squeezed his eyes tightly shut and flexed his hands against the bare skin of my lower back, his nails slightly scraping my skin.
Why were his nails so long?
Eyes open now, his hands dropped to my hips, and I tried to control my breathing as my heart picked up speed.
Claius would never hurt me. Claius would never hurt me.
“Robin, before we go out there, and before something happens...”
Without thinking, I covered his mouth with my hands. His eyes widened when my fingers pressed against the soft skin.
Embarrassed, I quickly removed my hands. “Don’t act like this is the last time we are going to talk to each other.”
He took my hands and pressed them into his chest, where the thundering of his heart bumped at a rapid pace against my fingertips. My eyes widened. Claius was usually so calm, he was my solace when everything threatened to overwhelm me.
“Claius, tell me what’s wrong. Your heart’s beating out of your chest. And why do you look like you’re about to run scared?”
He smiled. “B-because I’m terrified of what you’ll do when you find out the truth.”
I shook my head. Nothing he said was making sense.
Didn't he know that no matter what he said or did, I wouldn't leave? He couldn't scare me. “Claius, I don’t understand. Just tell me. Whatever it is, I’m not going to think less of you.”
I pulled my hand from his grasp, cupped his cheek and stared into his green eyes, that were so filled with worry. "I'm not scared of you."
His hands dropped away as he stepped back and closed his eyes. He tugged at the edges of his shirt, pulled it over his head and threw it onto one of the closest bushes. “That’s what you say now.”
Stunned by the ridges of his muscles, I lapsed into silence as he reached for the button of his pants. “Claius, what are you doing?”
His eyes opened, heat and passion burning bright, but his face remained emotionless. He stepped behind the bushes. “I’m showing you the truth.”
In seconds his pants flew through the air. Out of habit, I reached up and caught them. Just then, I heard a shuffling and looked around to see Claius was gone.
“Claius?”
Leaves rustled near where he’d disappeared, and I stood there, pants forgotten. Then, slowly, and careful not to make any noise, lest I frighten what was behind the bushes, and could have possibly hurt Claius, I stepped closer.
“Claius?”
Bent over slightly, I remained ready to fight the interloper as I edged closer.
Calm and careful, I pressed down onto the small bush and promptly jerked back at what I saw
.
And what I saw, followed me, watching me with its large, intelligent eyes. Its… green eyes?
“Claius?”
The beast with a large, black muzzle nodded.
My legs grew numb and I dropped to the forest floor. “This is what you wanted to show me?”
The words fell from my mouth, a mere whisper.
Claius seemed to hear them anyways as he slowly walked closer.
“I just...”
I shrugged, not attempting to get off the floor just yet, as I tried to slow the jitters that still ran through my body. “Why didn't you tell me?”
I almost missed his eye roll as he let out a loud snort and sat at my feet.
“Did you just eye roll at me? Can large cats even do that?”
With his beautiful green eyes on me, I reached forward slowly. I noticed the jitters had begun to ebb just as his massive head bumped against my fingers.
Why I was so calm with a gigantic cat at my feet, I didn't know. But I was. As for if he should have told me...
“Maybe I do understand why you didn't tell me. But, Claius, I wouldn’t have cared what you were.”
Coarse hair tickled my fingers where I scratched down his head and behind his ears. “You’ll always be Claius to me.”
In response, he turned slightly, his roughened pink tongue licking at my fingers, drawing a small giggle from me. “Hey, now. I don’t know how I feel about getting kisses from a cat.”
His eyes widened before he stood up and quickly moved to where his forgotten pants lay on the forest floor. He picked them up in his mouth and moved behind the bushes.
Did I hurt his feelings?
In seconds Claius stood before me, mostly covered by the bushes, as he pulled on his trousers.
His eyes holding mine, he stepped out, still bare-chested, and I fought not to just take a small glimpse of him.
Almost as if seeing my dilemma, he smirked, to my surprise. I had never seen this playful side of Claius before.
I liked it.
Faster than I thought possible, Claius was in front of me pulling me up, his smirk still in place as his arms wrapped around me and hugged me close. “How do you feel about getting a kiss from a person who shifts into a large panther on occasion?”
The Vengeful Robin Page 12