by Angela Blake
Christina threw her hands up in mock surrender. “Okay, okay, but just so you know, it’s better that I do something than you.”
Esmeralda cocked her head to the side. “Why is that?”
“Because you have a lot more emotion attached to it, so you’d probably feel guilty afterwards.”
“You know me too well, Chris.” Esmeralda tucked her hair behind her ear, and snuggled closer into the jacket, discreetly noting that Daniel’s eyes were searching the camp casually, acquainting himself with his surroundings.
He was wearing a pair of faded blue jeans and a form fitting green shirt that clung to his muscular frame and showed off his rather impressive physique. He had his guitar case with him, and a small camping bag. She couldn’t tell what emotion was in his eyes right now because of the glasses, but if she had to guess, his eyes were probably a molten mountain brown. They turned that shade whenever he went someplace he loved.
His eyes froze as they connected with hers from behind the sunglasses, and his entire body tensed as she saw him clench then unclench his fists, the easy going smile disappearing from his face. From where she was standing, she could see a muscle tick in his jaw, and she crossed her arms over her chest as she stood rooted to the ground.
He ran his hands through his hair, and hung his head. He lifted it a while later and strode towards her purposefully.
“Here he comes,” Esmeralda muttered as Christina turned around and faced him. She narrowed her eyes as she took a step closer to Esmeralda as if offering some kind of human shield.
Esmeralda gave her a tight smile as they watched the brunette stand directly in front of them.
“Christina,” he greeted, his voice as deep and as husky as she remembered. Her insides quivered, but she gritted her teeth, and told herself to get a grip.
“Daniel.” She responded icily.
“You’re looking well,” he commented casually as he shoved his hands in his pockets.
“I’d like to say the same, but you’re looking a little pasty to me.”
A snort escaped Esmeralda’s mouth unbidden, and Daniel’s head quickly snapped to hers. She raised an eyebrow as he turned his head back to Christina and offered her a grimace.
“Yes, well,” He coughed, whether to hide a laugh or a smile, it wasn’t clear. “I’d like to speak to your friend alone.”
“Yeah, and I’d like to date Chris Evans, but not everyone gets what they want.”
Esmeralda uncrossed her arms and placed a hand on Christina’s arm to calm her as much as to calm herself. “It’s okay, Chris. I can do this. I’ll call you if I need you.”
Christina searched Esmeralda’s face and offered her a quick smile before she squeezed her hand, and leaned in. “Just remember, you can always kick him where the sun doesn’t shine.”
She pulled back, gave her a quick wink and sauntered off in search of food.
They stood in silence, nothing but the sound of other tourists chattering amongst themselves, and the dry desert wind whistling between them.
Finally, Daniel cleared his throat and pulled off his sunglasses. He bounced on his feet a little, a nervous habit she had once found endearing, but now she couldn’t stomach it.
Esmeralda refused to be the one to break the silence first, so she picked a spot on the horizon and stared at it intently until all else faded into the background.
“Hi.” His voice was quiet, soft even. She wasn’t sure she had heard him, so her gaze briefly turned to his, and she saw that he was offering her a small smile.
She straightened her back and offered him a curt. “Hello.”
“How are you?”
Esmeralda stared at him. “This feels a lot like deja vu, so if we’re just going to repeat our last conversation —” She wheeled around and made to leave, but Daniel intercepted her. “No, don’t go. Just hear me out, please.” His brown eyes bore into hers in a way that once made her feel like the world tilted on their axis alone.
Esmeralda gestured for him to continue.
Daniel took a deep breath, and slowly released it. “Look, I know that our last conversation didn’t go well. Actually, that’s an understatement. It was never meant to go like that. I didn’t mean to snap at you. You had every right to snap at me though, and I tried to call you back to apologize, but your line was disconnected.”
“I unplugged it from the socket,” she said evenly, her voice betraying no hint of emotion whatsoever.
“Fair enough, but look, I only called because I wanted to make sure you were okay. I was worried about you because Peter told me that you were sick.”
“Peter should mind his own business,” she said, in a deadly calm voice.
Peter Andrews was the man who had introduced them. Esmeralda had known him since he was a child, he was her friend’s brother, and soon enough, they had become friends too, and as the years went by, they became good friends. His best friend was Daniel, and he introduced them one night, a total set up by his own admission, and the rest was as they say history.
“He meant well. He didn’t mean to tell me, I just overheard him tell my sister that he was worried.”
Esmeralda grunted in response.
“I never meant for things to end the way they did. I never meant for them to end at all actually. I did love you, truly. I think I did since the moment we locked eyes when I sang in front of you the first time.”
Esmeralda laughed, a humorless laugh, that did nothing to mask the pain. “I really would rather you didn’t bring up the past, Daniel. As you told me in the end, it’s over and done with.”
“It’s not over and done with. I still think about you all the time even when I try not to, even when I bury myself in work, or my music, or the gym, you’re always there, swirling around in my subconscious, never far from conscious thought.”
“I don’t know why you’re bringing this up.”
“Because you need to understand why I did what I did. It was for you, Esmeralda. I found out something about my past. Something that I don’t think you could’ve handled.” His voice was laced with desperation and a hint of pain, but Esmeralda hardened herself against it.
“Like hell you did. You made the decision to break up with me for your sake, Daniel, not mine. I was happy, amazingly happy, so happy in fact I couldn’t believe my good luck, and I think you were happy too. We were happy together then all of a sudden after the New Year’s party, you just got cold feet.”
“It wasn’t cold feet, I had been thinking about it for a while, I was beginning to feel guilty for not having as much time for you as I did in the beginning, and I didn’t want you to suffer anymore.”
“So you decide to end this thinking it would make things better? That’s some warped logic you’ve got there.” She responded, tartly, as she watched him wince as if the words physically hurt.
He closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them again, she could see the pain hidden in the iris of his eyes. “It was better for me to end it there rather than drag it on and have it hurt much worse down the line. You would’ve ended up resenting me, and I didn’t want that. You deserve better.”
“Don’t you dare give me that crap about how I deserve better, and how I’m too good for you. That’s just an excuse, so you don’t have to try.” Her brown eyes blazed with indignation. “Do you hear the words come out of your mouth right now? Because they sound like a loud of rubbish to me.”
His brown eyes flashed briefly before returning to their normal color. “I can’t really control how you perceive them, but it’s the truth. I was only going to get busier, and I didn’t want a relationship, I couldn’t fully invest in. I don’t like doing things half assed.”
Esmeralda studied him. “Well, then. That makes you a coward because instead of staying and fighting for something that you want, you chose the easy way out. I hope you can look yourself in the eye and be able to tell yourself that you really did do the right thing.”
Daniel took a step forward and placed a hand on
Esmeralda’s.
“Take your bloody hands off of me.” Her voice shook with barely contained fury. “Don’t ever touch me again, do you understand?”
Daniel quickly yanked his hand away as if he’d been zapped. “Okay, I’m sorry. Just listen —”
“No, you listen.” She stood directly in front of him, and she met his gaze squarely. “All those times, we stayed up talking and sharing bits of ourselves we couldn’t share with anyone else, that was real for me. I meant what I said when I said I wanted a future with you, and I thought you meant it too, but to lie to me on New Year’s Eve, and tell me that we had a good year ahead of us, that was cruel. It was cruel because you let me continue to believe that we still had a future, let me continue to dream then you just shattered everything.”
Daniel blinked and took a step back as if the impact of her words had a physical effect on him. “I meant what I said, I meant every word. I did want a future with you, but I don’t —”
Esmeralda held up her hands to interrupt him. “Daniel? Just tell it to someone who actually believes you.”
Esmeralda turned on her heel and walked away in search of Christina, blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay.
***
Christina and Esmeralda lay on their backs in their tents unused to the complete and utter stillness of the desert. They were used to the hustle and bustle of a city that never slept, but out here, it was so quiet, you could hear the person next to you breathing evenly.
That’s what Esmeralda was doing.
She was listening to the sound of Christina’s even breathing wondering if she was asleep, but not wanting to wake her in case she wasn’t.
“I can hear your thoughts from all the way over here.”
Esmeralda gave a start before she turned on her side and faced Christina who aside from the slight smirk on her face looked like she was asleep.
“I thought you were sleeping,” Esmeralda whispered.
“I was trying, but dude your thoughts are so loud, they could probably wake a hibernating bear.”
“Oh, har har har, what a comedian you are.”
“You know how I do.” She peeked one eye open, and waggled her eyebrows at Esmeralda’s who snorted as a laugh escaped her lips.
“We could always leave you know, but then you’d be running away from your problems instead of facing them, and you came all the way here, ready to have this adventure, don’t let him spoil it for you.”
Esmeralda nodded before forgetting that Christina had her eyes closed. “I know you’re right, and I don’t like running away from my problems. It’s just that there’s still a part of me that’s unnerved by his presence. Whenever he’s around me, it’s like my body and soul still haven’t gotten the memo. They’re still in sync with him, just like the first time we met. Even though my mind is screaming at them to stop it.”
“It’s because there’s a part of you that still feels something for him,” Christina pointed out, not unkindly.
“After experiencing the kind of connection, I thought we had, can you blame me?”
“I suppose not,” Christina murmured. “Try to get some sleep, ok, Esme? It’ll help you forget even if it’s just for a little while—”A yawn escaped her lips. “Sweet dreams.”
“Sweet dreams,” Esmeralda responded as she turned on her back and stared at the tent. She began to count sheep backwards, but after reaching one hundred and realizing she still wasn’t able to sleep, she crawled out from beneath the covers and shrugged into her jacket and boots.
She made her way out to the edge of the campsite where she was able to stare at the waves crashing upon the shore, the salty smell premating her nostrils.
She sighed as she took in a huge breath of salty sea air and exhaled allowing it to fill her whole body.
She heard the sounds of music wafting from somewhere close by, the soft plucking of a guitar, and without even seeing who it was, she knew it could only be one person.
Intrigued and feeling the pull of his music the way it once had, she found herself seeking out the source of the music, and she stood a few feet away watching him bite down on his bottom lip as he hummed to himself.
She knew he was probably trying to keep his voice down so as not to wake any of the other campers, but she still felt every note vibrate through the air, filling it with an electric charge, as loudly as if he had his guitar hooked up to a set of speakers.
She thought it had less to do with the music and more to do with his effect on her when he played.
He had his eyes closed in concentration, and it was like he feeling the notes instead of playing them. He looked the same way he did when she first met him.
“Peter, are you sure you want to come get me? I could just take a cab,” Esmeralda said as she slipped on her sweater and shoved all of her stuff into a bag.
“I’m positive,” Peter’s voice came through the loudspeaker. “I’m going to be there anyway because I’ve got to pick something up then I’ll come get you.”
“Okay, when will you be here?”
“In about fifteen minutes, okay?” She could hear him honking in the background.
“Okay, I’ll see you soon then.” Esmeralda hung up the call and proceeded to finish getting ready.
A honk outside her place a few minutes later let her know that Peter was there. She grabbed her keys, called out a goodbye to Christina, and slammed the front door shut behind her.
An ear-splitting grin made its way across her face as she took in the sight of Peter in his sports car, looking so much more mature than she remembered.
She opened the car door and slid in. “Hey, stranger.”
“Hey, yourself.” He began to pull up out of her street. “So we finally see each other, huh?”
“I know, right? It took us four years to finally arrange something.”
Peter gave a quick rueful laugh. “Well, better late than never. Anyway, listen we’re going to head to this park, and a friend of mine is going to meet us there, he’s the one who taught me to how to play guitar, so he’ll be able to help out as well.”
Esmeralda inwardly grimaced. She really wasn’t in the mood to socialize or meet anyone new. She just wanted to hang out with Peter and have him show her some things on the guitar. She had gotten the guitar as a birthday gift from her best friend, Michael, a few years back, but she never seemed to have the time to learn how to play. Until now.
She hoped his friend was at least good company. They pulled up to the park a while later, and Peter led the way as she shouldered her guitar and followed him.
They picked a nice cool spot underneath a tree with a little bit of shade, and they settled down. Esmeralda stretched her legs and titled her head up, letting the sun shine down on her face. A small smile played on her lips as she let the quiet sounds of the park calm her.
“Peter,” she heard a voice call out, a while later. She peeked one eye open, and saw a man making his way towards them with a guitar strapped over his shoulder.
He had jet black hair that was slightly curly that stuck out on all ends. He was wearing a pair of loose sweatpants and an oversized hoodie that made him look like he was a homeless person. He had his feet stuffed into a pair of large crocs, and his hands were shoved in his pockets. He looked to be quite a bit older than them. She’d guess somewhere in his mid to late forties.
He strode towards them with grim determination, and the second his brown eyes met hers, she felt an electric shock go through her body. He paused as he stared at her intently until he was standing directly in front of them.
Peter greeted him with this weird handshake before he stepped back and introduced Esmeralda. His name was Daniel. Daniel Austin
She shyly held out her hand, and he took it in his, and their eyes lingered for a moment as she felt a warmth spread throughout her body.
She blushed as she pulled her hand away, and tried not to be obvious about the fact that she was staring at him as he sat down Indian style in front of them.
Esmeralda ducked her head. “Well, it’s not that I want to learn a specific song, I’d like to learn how to play the guitar, just generally.”
“You’ve never played before?” Esmeralda was very aware of the fact that he had a deep husky voice that sounded a little raspy. He was probably a smoker which would explain the rasp.
She felt the telltale signs of a crush developing, as a swarm of butterflies took hold inside her stomach, and her palms began to get sweaty.
She swallowed. “Well, I used to take lessons a few years ago, but I was so caught up with other things in my life, and I got distracted, so I didn’t pick it up the way I should’ve. I’m pretty sure my tutor would skewer me alive if he ever saw me.”
A deep throaty laugh escaped his mouth, and Esmeralda found herself leaning in just a bit to be able to hear it properly. “I’m sure you weren’t that bad.”
“I don’t think it had anything to do with skill. I think it had more to do with the fact that I didn’t practice enough.”
Daniel stroked his mini goatee thoughtfully. “Do you remember anything from what your tutor taught you?”
Esmeralda unzipped her guitar case and pulled out her guitar. “Well, I think I remember some of the notes.”
“Let’s hear it.” He gestured for her to show him. She played one chord, and he nodded before he shifted closer.
“That’s good, but you should try to press down harder, like this.” He placed his hand over hers, and he gently pressed her fingers down, and she could feel a slight tremor go through his body at the contact.
She wondered if he was as affected by her touch as she was by his. Judging by the way he tried to hide the fact that his hands were trembling, she would say yes.
Their eyes met briefly, and he quickly broke eye contact and snatched his hand away.
He placed his hands over his own guitar and played a quick note. Esmeralda stared at his fingers, trying to pretend that she was just trying to learn the chord, but really she was trying to avoid staring at him.