by Paula Mabbel
Before she had left New York, Ellie had received one more letter from Adam. It described him a little more. Tall, with broad shoulders. Dark hair. Brown eyes. She didn’t know fully what to expect, but the letter had closed telling her that he would be meeting her at the post office, and that he would be wearing a white cowboy hat.
A few hours later, Ellie was standing in the post office, holding her bag nervously. She didn’t see anyone there with any hats on, and she was starting to wonder if he had forgotten about her.
Suddenly, there was a light touch on her shoulder.
“’Scuse me, Ma’am, but I believe you are the one I am looking for.” Ellie turned and her eyes met a tall dark stranger. She saw right away that he was wearing the white cowboy hat, and her breath trembled.
“You must be Adam… I’m Ellie,” she said. She hoped that it wasn’t obvious that she was nervous, but then again, it looked like Adam was nervous, too.
“Adam Westfield,” he said. He kissed her hand, and offered to take her bag. Ellie gave it to him, her heart pounding in her chest.
She took his arm, and walked with him outside to the buggy. It seemed odd to her that they were to be married within the hour, but she still pushed it all out of her mind.
The wedding was over quickly, they really just needed the preacher man to make if official, and they were off. Ellie didn’t know what to say on the ride out to the ranch. She just sat silently on the wagon seat beside Adam.
There was something that was attractive about him, but Ellie was still nervous. This land was so different than anything that she had ever known, and she missed Will.
“There it is,” Adam broke into her thoughts. There, down the road a little way, was the house. She could see the mountains rising high in the background, and there was a wide river to the east.
It looked like there were at the top of a valley, and she could see for miles. Ellie’s breath was literally taken away from her. It was the most glorious sight that she had ever seen.
“You like it?” Adam drawled.
Ellie didn’t speak. She couldn’t. She just looked on with wide eyes and nodded. She didn’t know how to describe this feeling, but for the first time in a long time, she felt like she was home.
*****
Life in Montana was far from anything that Ellie thought it would be. It was as though she had entered an entirely new world. The hardest part of it was, she didn’t know if she wanted to join this world.
She had been happy in New York. She was married to a wonderful man, they had a wonderful life together, and she knew what to expect. Here, she didn’t know what to expect on a day to day basis, let alone what would happen in the weeks to come.
Ellie liked Andrew. He was a gentleman, and he treated her with the utmost respect. Anything that she asked for, he gave to her, and he gave her space to adjust and settle in. Part of her felt bad that she didn’t open up to him right away but she didn’t know how to discuss with her new husband… a man that she hardly knew… how she was dealing with the loss of her former husband, who had been her best friend for years.
Adam left her primarily alone, but they did have dinner together every night. Ellie made a point of making that herself, even though Adam did have a few ranch hands that could cook.
She wanted to make the best impression that she could, even though she didn’t know why. From what she could tell, Adam really did like her, which made her feel insecure. She knew that Will had loved her, too, but Will also knew her.
He knew her cooking, he knew her likes, and he knew her needs. With Adam, all he knew about her was the little that she had said about herself in the ad. She had left a lot out intentionally, but other things, she just didn’t know how to say.
Like the fact that she couldn’t have kids.
Ellie had debated a long time with herself over whether or not she should say anything in her ad about not being able to bear children, but in the end she felt that it was best that she didn’t mention it. If there was a man out there that loved her the way Will had loved her, he wouldn’t care that she couldn’t have children. After all, Will hadn’t.
“I was thinking I would move the cattle into the west side of the ranch tomorrow, if you wanted to join.” Adam said between bites of potato.
Ellie jumped slightly when he spoke. They would make small talk when they were together, but tonight he had been quiet, and his words interrupted her thoughts. She didn’t know what to say. They idea of moving cows sounded hard, but she knew that she had to stop hiding in the house all the time.
“I don’t think Old Blue has ever been around cattle,” she said. She had kept her husband’s horse when she had moved, and had taken him for a few rides, but she had always avoided the cattle. There was just something about the cows that made her feel uneasy.
She didn’t know what to expect, and when the cattle were all headed in one direction, she feared that Old Blue would go that way, too.
“Oh don’t you worry about that, horses pick up fast on the way cows work, and all you need to do is ride along the side of the herd, I’ll do the rest.” Adam hadn’t looked at her while he spoke, but he looked up at her now.
Ellie sat silently for a couple of seconds. She didn’t know what else to say, so she reluctantly agreed. A smile spread across Adam’s face, and he took another big bite of his potato.
Ellie returned his smile, but she felt nervous about how the next day would go.
*****
“Come on! Get on there! Ha! Ha!” Adam waved his hat and yelled at the cattle.
Ellie couldn’t help but smile. She rode easily along the side of the herd on Old Blue. Adam was right about him taking to cattle easily, and she was actually having a good time.
Out here in the sunshine, she felt good. It was like there was a part of her that had fallen asleep that was coming alive again. She laughed at Adam, but there was still a twinge inside of her heart. She wished that Will was there.
“See? Cows are dumb. They go where they’re told, and that’s about it.” Adam rode alongside her now, and smiled at her. He had picked her a flower when they had ridden by some wild roses, and Ellie blushed as he put it in her hair.
He was still awkward, but there was a genuine kindness about him that she really liked. Every now and then, as brief as it was, Ellie could almost see herself loving him. She had lived here for a couple of months now, and it felt like home, but when she saw Adam, she felt something different.
She wanted to fall in love with him, but there was a part of her that told her that she couldn’t. That it wouldn’t be fair to Will if she did. She told herself that she could enjoy his company, but she promised herself that she would remain in love with Will.
There was a sadness that settled over her because of this, and she didn’t know why, but she was determined to ignore it. Ellie felt that she was finally in control of her life, and she was going to remain in control.
Now that she had a handle on things, she wasn’t going to let anything take that from her, but there were times when Adam made that feeling hard to hang on to.
“Hey!” He suddenly said, breaking into her thoughts. “I want to show you something. I’ll race you to the top of that hill right there.”
A smile slowly crossed Ellie’s face. This could be fun, and back home in Vermont, she was the fastest rider in the whole town.
“You’re on!” She said.
“Ok, on the count of three we start,” Adam tightened his hands on the reins. “One, two… Ha!” He dug his heels into his horse’s side, and they shot off.
“Hey that’s not fair!” Ellie called out. She was laughing, and she also took off on her horse. It wasn’t long before Old Blue was closing in on Adam, and Ellie’s heart raced.
Slowly but surely they passed him, and beat him to the top of the hill. From there, Ellie could see everything. She felt speechless at the sight. She got off her horse, and took it all in.
She could see mountains for miles, and in the late even
ing sun, they looked pink.
“They’re somthin, ain’t they?” Adam said, walking up behind her. He put his hand around her waist and pulled her close.
Ellie felt torn. She wanted to be pulled close, but at the same time, she could only think of Will.
“I thought they were purty… almost half as purty as you.” Adam said. He turned and pressed his lips to her forehead. Ellie’s heart pounded in her chest, and she felt such a flurry of emotions.
“It’s getting late,” Adam said. “Best head back before it gets dark.”
And with that, the moment was gone. They mounted their horses, and headed back to the house.
But Ellie couldn’t get her thoughts, or her emotions, to stop spinning.
*****
“Whew! It used to get cold in Vermont, but we never saw snow like this,” Ellie said as she leaned against the door to get it closed. It was getting on towards spring, and she was amazed that there was still so much snow.
“That there is springtime in the Rockies.” Adam said with a laugh. Ellie smiled. They had grown close over the last few months, largely due to the fact they were both stuck inside for nearly four months straight.
“Springtime back home was full of flowers and sunshine… in fact Will-“ Ellie paused, and looked away. She knew that Adam didn’t care if she talked about her late husband, but to Ellie it just felt odd.
Adam could see that she didn’t want to continue, but he felt that silence at this point would just be awkward, so he decided to change the subject.
“You know I was thinking, what with summer coming up on us again, what do you think about getting a milk cow? It would sure be nice to have our own cow and not have to rely on the Andersons for all of our supplies… it would be more work, but I think we could manage.”
Ellie’s face lit up. She had wanted a milk cow for a while now, she just didn’t know how to bring it up.
“I would like that, a lot. I think a milk cow would suit our needs quite nicely, and we would have butter and cheese and everything!”
“That’s right!” Adam said triumphantly. He liked to see his young wife happy. In the months that they had been married, he had felt like there was an awkwardness between them. He knew that it was largely because of the loss of her husband, but he didn’t like it.
*****
Song birds chirped right outside the window, rousing Ellie out of a deep sleep. She sat up in surprise, it wasn’t like her to sleep in this late, and she wondered why Adam hadn’t woken her.
The smell of pancakes drifted into the bedroom, and Ellie rubbed her eyes. It slowly dawned on her that it was her birthday. She smiled to herself when she realized that Adam must have made her breakfast for her special day. She also was touched that he had remembered, she hadn’t said a word about it since the day they were wed.
“Well there is my Beauty,” Adam said when she walked out into the kitchen. “Have a seat, your breakfast is nearly ready, and I have a surprise for you out in the barn.”
Ellie smiled. He had made pancakes which were her favorite, and he had made her a cup of coffee with cream in it. They hadn’t had cream since fall.
“Where did you get the cream?” She asked.
“Hush now, birthday cream is a delicacy, and I worked my magic to get you some.” Adam winked at her and kissed her on the forehead.
As excited as she was, Ellie took her time with breakfast. She wanted to enjoy it, it had been so long since she had taken the time to enjoy breakfast.
After breakfast, she and Adam walked out to the barn.
“Now close your eyes,” Adam said, placing his hands over her eyes.
Ellie closed them, and walked into the barn. She could hear little whimpers, and a smile spread across her face.
“Now, open them!” Adam said, removing his hands.
There, in the hay, was a little collie puppy, with a bright red bow tied about its neck. At least, it had been a bow, now it was two long pieces of ribbon that the puppy was chasing around.
“Oh Adam! A puppy!” Ellie exclaimed, scooping the little pup up in her arms.
“Do you like ‘er?” Adam drawled. “I picked her out right for you.”
“I love her,” Ellie said as the puppy wiggled out of her arms.
She gave Adam a hug, and thanked him dearly. He kissed her on the forehead once more, and took her arm. They walked back to the house hand in hand, with the little puppy chasing after them, and exploring everything she could.
*****
Ellie loved the pup. She took her for walks every day, and in no time at all, the little one was following her everywhere. There was a walking path that Ellie loved, it went right up the hill and turned away from the house, and stopped right at the peak of the valley.
From the top there Ellie could see for miles, and it made her feel like she was on top of the world. She could feel a tingle in her spine whenever she was up there, and it made her shiver with excitement.
She had been coming up here a lot lately. She was struggling with all kinds of feelings. She loved Adam, all the more with every passing day, and she was starting to miss William less. She knew that she would always miss him, but it didn’t feel like it was wrong to love Adam anymore.
Today, as Ellie sat on the branch of a tree, overlooking the valley, she burst into tears. She had hurried through her morning chores, and as soon as Adam had left, she called to her dog and they headed up the hill.
She needed to think.
Ellie felt off. She knew what it was like to be sick, and in a way she felt sick, but this time it was different. Her nausea would come and go, and it was worse in the morning than in the evening. She was grossed out by the smallest of things, and these days, smells were unbearably strong.
Part of Ellie was filled with denial, part of her was thrilled. She didn’t need to go to the doctor to find out for sure, she knew. The fact that she was late for her period was the final confirmation. She knew she was pregnant.
While it was a complete dream come true for her, Ellie also felt like it wasn’t fair. William had wanted children so badly, and she hadn’t been able to give him any. It almost didn’t seem right that she was now going to have kids with another man.
She hadn’t said anything to Adam. It had never seemed right to tell him that she was barren. They had taken their relationship so slowly because of her mourning that it had never come up in conversation, and when Ellie felt that she knew for sure she was expecting, she didn’t know what to say.
So now, here she was, on top of the hill in the middle of the mountains, just letting all of her pain come forth. Part of her cried because she missed William and would do anything to have him back.
Part of her cried because she was in her new life now, and it was so different from her old life that everything before seemed like nothing more than a dream. The rest of her cried because she was ok with it.
Ellie had spent so much time trying to stay true to the memory of her husband that she couldn’t help but fall in love with Adam, and to her the feeling felt crushing. She knew that William wasn’t coming back, and she knew that he would want her to be happy, but it still felt so wrong.
Ellie sighed, and looked around the valley. She could see that there were green leaves over the trees, and that there were lilac blossoms on the bushes that were around the barn. The river ran with grace in the distance, and there was a warmth to the air that kissed her cheek.
Her pup was running around the tree barking at her, and Ellie smiled. As much as she felt that she should fight it, there was a small voice inside of her that was urging her forward. It told her to face her new life and embrace everything that was in it.
Each time that feeling came over her, there was a twinge of guilt that came along with it, but lately, that guilt was going away, and now that she was going to have a baby, she didn’t feel it at all.
The wind came up out of the valley once more, and brushed her hair off of her cheek. For a brief second, Ellie thought of Willia
m and the soft way he used to brush her hair off of her cheek, but instead of feeling sad, it made her smile.
She was finally ready to let go of William, and to embrace her new life. She knew that part of her would always miss him, and that she would never forget him even for a second, but she was also ready to move on.
I am so ready to be happy again, she thought, and slid down from the tree. She picked a handful of flower buds and walked to the edge of the hill. She looked down at the valley that was in front of her, then she looked back at the house.
A large gust of wind came up out of the valley, and blew the flower buds right out of her hands. It swirled about her for a brief second, then blew on down the hill.
“Goodbye, Will.” Ellie whispered. A tear was on her cheek, but she smiled.
There was new life inside of her, both in her child, and in her soul. She called to her pup and laughed as the two of them hurried down the hill back to the house together.
Ellie couldn’t wait until Adam came home for supper, she was bursting with joy, and couldn’t sit still.
She found him out in the north pasture. He was rounding up a few of the cows that had had their calves early this year.
“Adam! Adam!” She called. It took a second, but finally Adam pulled the reins of his horse, and stopped to look at her.
Ellie laughed, and lifted her skirt to her knees. She ran across the field to him, she couldn’t wait to tell him the news.
*****
THE END
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Murder In Montana
Kids pushed past, laughing and shouting to each other.