Because of You

by E. L. Todd

  “No,” he snapped. “Penelope is Odysseus’s wife in the Odyssey.”

  “Okay…” Was that supposed to mean something to me?

  “It’s her favorite book, and I…have made comments about it. She’ll understand what it means.”

  As romantic as that was, this was a terrible idea. “Slade, don’t give her the bracelet in the box.”

  “Why?” he asked. “If not, I’ll probably lose it. And it wasn’t cheap.”

  “Just trust me,” I said firmly. “Leave it in there before you give it to her, but make sure you don’t hand her the box like that.”

  Slade was totally clueless to my meaning. “Why?”

  “If you hold out the box like that, she’s going to think you’re proposing.”

  He laughed. “No, she won’t.”

  “Dude, she will. Don’t do it.”

  He rolled his eyes. “You don’t know Trinity like I do.”

  “I’ve known her my entire life. I know she wants to get married and wear a white gown and say her vows in front of everyone she knows. I know she loves you, and if you give it to her like that, she’s going to be disappointed when a ring isn’t inside. Not only will it hurt her feelings, but she won’t be able to appreciate the unbelievably thoughtful gift you just gave her.”

  “I understand what you’re saying, but I told Trinity in the beginning marriage was off the table. She won’t expect it. We’re good.”

  “Maybe she believed you in the beginning, but a lot has changed since then. You’re completely different than you used to be. She probably thinks you’ve changed your view on that. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame her. With the way you treat her and act, it’s clear you’re head-over-heels for her.”

  “Of course I am,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean I want to get married.”

  This argument was just going in circles. “Why are you so against marriage? You guys are practically married as it is.”

  “It’s a stupid tradition,” he argued. “It’s just a piece of paper. I don’t need to be legally obligated to Trinity to love her. Most people get a divorce because they feel oppressed and are forced to stick around if they aren’t happy. Besides, she’s the daughter of a billionaire. If I never marry her, then no one will wonder if I’m with her for her money.”

  “No one would think that anyway,” I argued.

  “And if it doesn’t work out, the break up isn’t messy. We can just walk away.”

  “Do you not understand what marriage means?” I asked. “It’s a commitment to one another forever. It’s because of those vows that you work hard to keep your relationship together. Otherwise you might give up when you shouldn’t.”

  “I didn’t bring this up to start a debate about my philosophy on love and marriage. I’m never going to change my mind about this. I thought you understood me, man. Trinity does and she understands I’ve given her everything I possibly can. And it’s enough for her.”

  I was certain he was wrong. “What about kids?”

  “What about them?” he asked.

  “Don’t you want to have them?”

  “Not really,” he said. “I’ve never wanted kids. Trinity knows that.”

  “You know she wants them, right?”

  “I don’t think it’s that big of a deal to her.”

  Was this really happening right now? “Do you not know Trinity?”

  “I know her a lot better than you!”

  Slade was a smart guy, so I was struggling to understand why he didn’t understand what was right in front of him. “Just don’t give her the box, okay? At least that.”

  “Whatever.” He put the bracelet back inside the box and shoved it into his pocket.

  I sighed, knowing I did the most I could do. I just hoped Slade listened to me.

  Chapter Twelve

  Trinity

  I lie on the couch and read a magazine while I waited for Slade to come over. When he got off work, he went by his apartment and showered before he came to my place. He did it everyday like routine. I expected him unless he texted me and told me otherwise. His apartment really was just a big storage facility.

  He used his key to get inside then tossed it on the counter. “Your man is here.”

  “He is?” I asked with a laugh.

  He leaned over the couch and kissed me. “Why aren’t you wearing slutty lingerie?”

  “Should I be wearing slutty lingerie…?”

  “The answer to that question is always yes.” He kissed me again then lifted my legs before he sat down and left them in his lap. “How was your day?”

  I put the magazine down. “Good. Yours?”

  “It was alright.” He winked at me. “It’s better now.”

  “And it would be even better if I were wearing slutty lingerie, right?”

  “Exactly.” He reached into his pocket then pulled out an envelope. “What are you doing next weekend?”

  I eyed him suspiciously. “Spending it with you…”

  “Well, this is where we’re spending it.”

  I opened the envelope and opened two plane tickets and a reservation for a fancy hotel off the coast of Florida. My eyes widened. “You’re taking me on vacation?” I couldn’t believe it. Slade was sweet, but I never expected that from him.

  “Yep.” He grinned with excitement. “We’re going to relax, fuck, and relax some more.”

  “Well, we do that here.”

  “But we’ll be doing it on the beach.”

  I kept looking at the reservation. “This is so exciting!” A whole weekend away with Slade sounded like a dream. I jumped into his arms and hugged him. “That was so sweet of you, Slade.”

  “I got some extra money and I wanted to spend it on my girl.”

  “I can’t wait,” I said. “I need to start packing.”

  “You got a week,” he said with a laugh.

  “And I need to go shopping.”

  “For slutty lingerie…?”

  “Actually, yes.” I kissed his cheek. “I think you’ve earned it.”

  He grinned wider than I’ve ever seen. “Man, I love my life.”

  I laughed and put the papers on the table. Then I snuggled into him. “You make me so happy.”

  He kissed my forehead. “You make me happy too, baby.”

  ***

  I managed to get Skye out of her apartment and away from Cayson. But I knew I could only get her to stick around for a few hours. She was eager to be with him, and I didn’t blame her. But I was selfish and wanted to tell her my news.

  She sipped her drink then flipped her hair over one shoulder. She was wearing a tight black dress with matching pumps. I noticed guys stare at her but she didn’t seem to care. “Okay, guess what?”

  “What?” she asked with wide eyes.

  “Slade is taking me on a trip to Florida next weekend.”

  “He is?” she asked excitedly. “To the beach?”

  “Yep. We’re staying at a hotel right by the water. I looked it up on online and it looked really nice.”

  “Wow, that sounds like fun,” Skye said. “Drinking and eating all day…”

  “And going at it at night,” I said. “Yeah, it sounds pretty terrific.”

  She shook her head. “Honestly, I never thought Slade would change like he has. He’s like…like…Cayson.”

  “I know,” I said with a smile. “He’s so sweet to me all the time. We still bicker once in a while, but it doesn’t bother me.”

  “The way he mentioned you at the concert, and everything else…he sounds really serious.”

  “I know.” A year ago I wouldn’t have believed it could happen. “I can’t believe I almost picked Reid. He’s a great guy but he never would have made me as happy as Slade.”

  “I know what you mean,” she said. “Ward was great but he wasn’t right.”

  “Yeah…”

  “So, he’s taking you on a trip. Do you think…?”

  “God, I hope so!” It’s what I’d been thinking
since he invited me on the trip. “With everything that’s happened between us, and now we both have incomes and live on our own, I think he’s going to propose.”

  Skye fanned her face in excitement. “That would be so incredible!”

  “I know! I wonder if he’ll do it on the beach…or at dinner…”

  “Probably in bed,” Skye blurted.

  I laughed. “That’d be fine with me. Honestly, I don’t care how he asks. I’m just glad he’s going to.”

  “Make sure you get your nails done,” Skye said. “So your hand looks good in pictures when that diamond ring is sitting on your finger.”

  “I definitely will.” I sighed because I was on cloud nine.

  “I’m happy for you,” Skye said seriously.

  “I know this makes me a horrible person, but I’m happy for me too.”

  Skye laughed. “It doesn’t. You deserve it. You put up with a lot of bull shit from him in the beginning.”

  “I did,” I said with a grumble. “But he was worth it.”

  “God, I feel bad for him,” Skye said.

  “Why?”

  “He has to ask your dad for permission…”

  We both cringed.

  “Damn, you’re right,” I said. “I hope it goes well…”

  “Your dad is going to take it hard,” Skye said. “You don’t live there anymore, but it’ll still be hard for him to let you go.”

  “Yeah…but he’ll get over it.”

  “Yeah, he will.”

  I kept fantasizing how he would ask.

  “Make sure you get a bunch of cute dresses. And a new bikini.”

  “You’re right. That’s a good idea.”

  “Want to go tomorrow?” she asked.

  “Yes!” I said. Then I remembered something. “Don’t mention anything to Cayson.”

  “Why?” she asked in confusion.

  “He might tell Slade I know, and then Slade might back out because I figured it out. And I really don’t want to wait until he’s ready again.”

  “That’s a good point,” she said. “I won’t say anything.”

  “Thank you.”

  Two guys approached our table giving us the eye.

  “We’re lesbians,” I blurted.

  They stilled without speaking.

  “Oh…sorry.” They both turned around and walked off.

  Skye and I looked at each other then laughed.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Arsen

  I wasn’t used to the lack of medal on my wrists. My hands felt lighter, stronger. Now that I was a free man, I wasn’t sure what to do. I looked at the sky, and forgot just how blue it was.

  I was on parole for a few months so I was still being watched. If I had a slip-up of any sort, I’d be thrown back in prison. But I wasn’t concerned about it. I had no desire to go back to my previous life. What I wanted, more than anything, was to get Silke back. In a sick and complicated way, I knew she was meant for me. It was unfortunate I had to rot in prison before I finally figured it out.

  As I stood in the parking lot, I stared at the building where I’d been held. Oddly, I didn’t feel anything. “Now what?”

  “We get your life back together,” Ryan said. “You start over.”

  I didn’t have any money, a car, or a high school diploma. Shit, I didn’t have a place to sleep tonight.

  “Let’s go home.” Ryan unlocked his truck.

  Wait. What? “Sorry?”

  “You thought we were going to get you out of prison and then just abandon you?” he asked with a laugh. “Get your ass in the car.”

  I smiled then got into the backseat. We drove to New York City, and I stayed quiet in the back. When the skyscrapers came into view, all I could think about was Silke. She was somewhere inside the city, living out her life. We could be just a mile apart, and I would never know.

  We arrived at his apartment then walked upstairs. All I had were the clothes I was wearing when I was thrown in the slammer. I’d have to scrap up cash for something new to wear.

  Ryan walked me to Silke’s room. “You can have her old room.”

  I stared at it, thinking about the last time I slept in her bed. I gave her the leather jacket then we made love. But ironically, there was nowhere else I’d rather be.

  Ryan closed the door behind him then lowered his voice. “You’re welcome to live with us as long as you need. Don’t stress about looking for a place or anything like that.”

  “Thank you…I really have nowhere to go.”

  “I know,” he said sadly.

  “What about Silke?”

  “She doesn’t just drop by. She usually lets us know in advance. If that happens, you’ll have to get out of the house.”

  I nodded.

  “Now I have some rules to lay down. Listen up.”

  “Okay.”

  “This is my house, and you will abide by all my rules.”

  “I understand,” I said quietly.

  “You will not go anywhere without telling me where and when you’ll be back.”

  It was excessive but I didn’t complain.

  “If you go anywhere near drugs or take them, I’ll turn my back on you and leave you in the dirt.” He had a fierce look on his face, telling me he wasn’t joking. “You don’t get a second chance, Arsen. This is it.”

  “I understand.”

  “You will not break any laws.”

  “Got it.”

  “You will not bring anyone back to the apartment.”

  I was offended he would even think that. “Okay.”

  “You will clean up after yourself, respect my wife, and do as you’re told.”

  “I understand,” I said quietly. After everything he did for me, I would never do anything to make him upset. I wish he knew that.

  “This is my final rule,” he said. “If you break it, I’ll be extremely disappointed in you.”

  I already knew what it was.

  “You will not go near my daughter or try to communicate with her. You will stay away from her.”

  I nodded. “I understand.”

  “Do you?” he asked.

  “Completely.” I didn’t deserve her and I knew that. We’d been apart for eight months. She was probably just getting back on her feet. When I tried to win her back, I wanted to be the man she deserved. I didn’t want to be on parole and not have any money or security. When I looked into her eyes, I wanted her to look back at me and be proud of the man I was.

  “I’m glad we understand each other.” He gripped my shoulder. “We’ll start tomorrow.”

  “Start what?” I asked.

  “The beginning of your second life.” He walked out and shut the door behind him.

  I stared at her bed and examined her room. In a way, I felt like she was there with me. The faint scent of her hair came to me. I felt the comforter and remembered the way it wrapped around both of us. There were picture frames on her dresser. One of them was with her two friends, Trinity and Skye.

  When I looked out the window, I wondered how many times she had done the same thing. Did she stare across the street at the bakery? Or did she look at the sky? What did she think about?

  I lay on the bed and closed my eyes. If I concentrated hard enough, I could feel her lying beside me just like she used to. I could imagine the shake of the mattress when she turned over. And I could pretend I heard her light breathing.

  I could pretend.

  ***

  Readjusting to normalcy was hard. I was used to sleeping with one eye open so no one would fuck with me. I wasn’t used to having privacy. I could use the bathroom without the chance of someone watching me. The bed I slept on was actually comfortable and didn’t hurt my back.

  I assumed I would bounce back immediately and fall back into the same routine. But it was a lot more difficult than I realized. I tried not to touch anything that didn’t belong to me. Ryan and Janice were compassionate enough to let me live in their home, and I didn’t want to make them
regret it. I made sure I was absolutely clean to the point they didn’t even know I was there. I never touched their stuff and I tried not to eat their food as much as possible.

  I didn’t leave the apartment. I had nowhere to go and no money to spend. I stayed in their apartment and worked out. I went through Silke’s things and tried to read her old books. When I struggled with the words, I realized just how illiterate I was. Fortunately, she had a dictionary so I could look up the definitions.

  I wasn’t bored because I was used to having nothing to do in prison. I could turn on the TV but I never did. Just because I lived here didn’t mean I had the right to touch anything.

  Ryan and Janice came home one night, and I smelled food cooking on the stove. Janice cooked every night, and I wondered if this was what it was like to have a real mom, someone that always came home and always fed you. It was hard to understand.

  We sat at the table and Janice served us.

  “Thank you,” I said quietly.

  “You’re welcome, Arsen.” Janice sat down and ate quietly.

  I rested one elbow on the table.

  “Elbows down,” Ryan said.

  I did as he asked.

  “How was your day, Arsen?” Janice asked.

  “It was okay,” I said. I wasn’t going to complain after everything they did for me. “How was your day, Janice?”

  “It was good.” She talked about a novel that had been pushed back in release because of something controversial. It sounded like she had a lot of responsibilities and was important to the company.

  “How was the shop?” I asked.

  Ryan shrugged. “That place is always busy. If people donate the money they would spend on tattoos to the government we wouldn’t be in debt to China.”

  I chuckled. “Maybe.”

  “Show him your tattoo, Ryan,” Janice said.

  “You got a tattoo?” I asked with interest.

  “Slade and I are getting matching ones. I went first. Slade will get his this week.” He lifted up his shirt and showed the right side of his chest. It was an image of a tree with falling leaves.

  “That’s really cool,” I said.

  “I like it.” Janice showed Ryan a mischievous grin.

  Ryan leaned toward me. “She likes it…a lot.”

  I chuckled. “Girls like ink.”