“Why thank you, Miss Lucas. Not many would have said so.”
She smiled at him again in her engaging way. Some women, though not beautiful otherwise, are made so with their smile.
“I think I should be heading back,” he said. “Will you accompany me?” He held his arm out to her, and she placed her hand upon it.
“Thank you. It was nice to meet you, Mr. Jones,” she said to me.
“Yes, thank you, Christopher,” Mr. Collins added. “You have been a help to me today.”
“I’m glad I could be of service, sir,” I said. And feeling light-hearted, though not entirely guiltless, I made my way back to Netherfield.
As I approached the stables, I heard voices from within, and the name Bennet spoken. I quietly moved near the door so I could remain unseen for a moment while Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley conversed.
“I tell you, Charles,” I heard Mr. Darcy say, “you do not want to get yourself attached to that family. The mother is an embarrassment and the two youngest sisters have been raised to run about and do whatever they choose. Not only that, but Elizabeth is so easily swayed as to have been taken in by Wickham, not to mention that horrible cousin of theirs, Mr. Collins, who so impertinently addressed me at the ball last night. They are a disaster, the whole lot of them, and you don’t want to get yourself mixed up in it.”
“I will admit this to you now, Darcy, I am well on the way to being in love with Jane already, and nothing you can say will make a difference. She is not like the others. She is well-mannered, kind, and sweet. I feel I could not live without her.”
“Then think of your sisters. To have them brought so low in society as to have them connected with that brood? Christmases together, maybe even some of them coming to live with you? As you say, Jane is kind, and would refuse them nothing. They will be on your doorstep night and day. You will never have any peace from them. Is that what you want to impose on Caroline, who is trying to make a decent match for herself? You will ruin her chances.”
“Do you really think so? I never thought of it that way.”
“That is why you have me in your life to guide you. You are thinking with your heart, not your head.”
“I know of no other way to think.”
“That is a flaw of yours, Charles. There aren’t many, but that is one.”
They were quiet for a moment, and I considered making my presence known. Then Mr. Bingley spoke again. “Do you remember last night when Jane’s sister sang?”
“Do you mean Mary, the one Christopher thinks so highly of? Yes, I can never forget. The moment is etched in my memory and it is not a pleasant one.”
This made my blood boil. If I could have challenged him to a duel then and there, I would have, but I have no weapon. I forced myself to remain still.
“After she was reprimanded by her Father to desist, Jane’s heart ached for her,” Mr. Bingley said. “We saw the girl run out of the room, her face red. Jane wanted to go to her to comfort her, but I detained her, not wanting her to catch a chill after her recent illness. It’s just one more thing that makes me love her. She is thoughtfulness itself. Everyone else abandoned the poor creature, but Jane felt her anguish so keenly. I could not cheer her for the rest of the night.”
“I call that a flaw in Jane’s character. She is too soft hearted. And that is exactly my point. You’ll have them living off of you in no time. No, Charles. You must let her go.”
“I cannot.”
“Then leave Netherfield for now and come to London with me for the winter. At least give yourself some distance from her for a few months. After that, if you still feel so strongly, then you know your attachment to her is genuine. There is nothing like a separation to test your feelings. If they fade, then you know it was just a whim of the moment. A weakness for a pretty girl. If they do not, then we’ll say I was wrong and you do what you will. But at least do this for me. I have to get away from here. Those people, this neighborhood, the entire society of Hertfordshire is driving me mad.”
“Are you sure it is not Elizabeth Bennet who is driving you mad?” Mr. Bingley’s tone had taken on a sly, teasing bent.
“Certainly not. You see, Charles? That is the difference between you and I. I will not be swayed by beauty alone. I must have a woman of circumstance, and Elizabeth Bennet is not that.”
“And yet my sister, decidedly a woman of circumstance, and an attractive one at that, does not seem to hold your attention, as much as she tries.”
“We are not talking about me, Charles, we are talking about you. Now where has that Christopher got to? I must begin readying my horses.”
I waited a moment to compose myself, so they would not think I was listening, and then came around the corner.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy.”
“Ah there you are,” said Mr. Darcy. “I am returning to London. I need Gypsy readied for the long journey.”
“I am going too,” said Mr. Bingley with a sigh. “We are all going. I will need my carriage.”
“Are we not to return this winter?” I said, struggling to keep my voice steady.
“No, we are not. I may decide to let Netherfield go altogether. I do not know.”
“Very well.” It was everything I could do to control the expression of my face. Leaving Hertfordshire? I may never see my Mary again! I rushed to my tasks so they wouldn’t see that tears were springing to my eyes.
“You shall see, Charles,” I heard Mr. Darcy say. “It is for the better.”
“I’m not at all convinced of that,” Mr. Bingley replied. “But for now, I shall heed your advice.”
Chapter 8
So many disappointments all at once. Jane received a letter from Caroline Bingley, informing her that they are all leaving Netherfield indefinitely, or at least for the winter. Jane struggles to maintain a composed attitude, but I can see she is unhappy. Not the least because Miss Bingley’s letter mentioned the lady’s hopes that Mr. Bingley will marry Mr. Darcy’s younger sister, Georgiana, a very beautiful and accomplished young lady, so she says. How many beautiful and accomplished young ladies could she possibly know? Lizzy says she talks as if she knows a hundred. I suppose in her circles, there are, in reality, many, while here in the Bennet household, some of the girls are beautiful, and at least one is accomplished, but none of us can really claim to be in possession of both of those qualities. At least Jane and Elizabeth are both beautiful and amiable, and I suppose that gives them more possibilities to attract a mate than the rest of us.
And that brings me to my next disappointment. Mr. Collins is engaged to Charlotte Lucas! I noticed that the two of them had been quite friendly when in company together here and at Lucas Lodge, but I never dreamed that Mr. Collins would consider her. I have been passed up altogether. I tried to call his attention to some interesting books of philosophy I have here about the house, but could not engage his attention while Charlotte was around. Perhaps I have been saved from a situation that, in the end, might not have made me happy. After all, he was so ready to switch his attachment from Lizzy to Charlotte, and proposed to her after just days, that I suppose such a weak and easily swayed mind would not have been to my liking in the end. And then he is so ugly, though that does not signify. So now here we all are, us Bennet girls, with no prospects after all. Oh yes, except perhaps for Mr. Wickham. He and some of the officers came ‘round the house and Lizzy introduced them to Mother and Father.
As the holidays neared, my aunt and uncle Gardiner came for a visit, and that served to cheer us all. We spent a very pleasant time together. Though normally I wouldn’t have joined with my sisters in their walks to Meryton and other gatherings and festivities that they so enjoy, my aunt and uncle being here made me want to pass time in their company. Also it was the Christmas season, and thus the time for being with family, paying visits and taking part in the various activities of the season. This put us in company with the officers of the regiment, and, in particular, Mr. Wickham. It seemed he was at every p
arty or dinner we attend. At one such occasion, he even pressed me to play upon the piano, not for dancing, but for the general enjoyment of the assembly. After checking with Father for his approbation, I obliged, but I kept my performance short, and did not sing.
Since that time, I have purposely striven to be in Mr. Wickham’s general company. He is almost always talking to Lizzy. I suppose he must like her, and I cannot blame him, but I like being near him. He’s handsome, and kind to me, and…has a pleasant aroma about his person.
At the close of Aunt and Uncle Gardiner’s visit, they asked Jane if she might like to go back to London with them, and this seemed like the answer to her desires, for perhaps she would meet with Mr. Bingley there. On the other hand, he lives in a very elegant area of London, near Grosvenor Square, and the Gardiners live on Gracechurch Streetan entire world apart, so I hear. At any rate, it would be a change of scenery for Jane and that must be a good thing.
Not many days after Jane and my aunt and uncle departed, Charlotte Lucas and Mr. Collins were married in the parish church. We all went to the ceremony, but mother was most critical of there being no wedding breakfast to partake of, as the bride and groom left for their new home immediately afterwards, directly from the church.
It was a dismal feeling in our house after that, mother harboring renewed disappointment toward Lizzy for having let Mr. Collins “get away,” as she put it, Jane and the cheer of the Gardiners gone, and nothing left for the four of us girls to do but get on each other’s nerves. Then Lizzy received an invitation to go with Sir William Lucas and Charlotte’s younger sister Maria to visit Charlotte in Kent, and she jumped at the chance, happy to have an opportunity for a change of scenery for a while, and to see her friend in her new surroundings. I wished that I could go too, but the invitation was not extended to me, and I did not feel I should put myself forth. Besides, perhaps it would be uncomfortable for me to see Mr. Collins in his new state of marital bliss. The Lucases will return after just a week or so, and Lizzy will remain with Charlotte for some weeks more. I’m sure it will be a happy time for the two friends.
And now she has gone. The only thing that has served to keep Kitty and Lydia from going mad during this seemingly endless winter is that the regiment has remained in the county. There are many dances and parties in Meryton and Kitty and Lydia go to them all. I usually remain at home with Mother and Father. For a while, it seemed even Mr. Wickham had abandoned us, because Miss Augusta King, a young woman of our acquaintance who recently inherited ten thousand pounds, became the object of his attentions. I hate to think it was because of her money, yet money is one of those practicalities in life we cannot avoid. However, after some weeks she also went to London, probably to look for richer suitors, and poor Mr. Wickham sulked. I wished I had it in my power to cheer him but I didn’t consider myself in possession of the skill, nor the beauty, to draw his attention to me.
I was becoming convinced that, in my parents’ old age, it would be left to me to care for them as the rest of my sisters went off and married. There are worse fates for a young lady I suppose, and I would have taken it upon myself as my solemn duty. And then, when Father died, and Mother and I were driven out of our home, she and I would have gone to live in some small, bleak cottage somewhere with nothing to do but annoy each other, for I have always been her least favorite. When she finally passed, I might have hired myself out as a school teacher, or a governess. I doubt my sisters would have remembered me often, if at all. By this time, I would have been an old, worn spinster and had to make my own way in the world. I might have lived in the small shack behind a school room in some far-flung rural area, teaching the farmer children by day, an unsatisfying task as they would likely be slow and dull and only there by the fact that I had persuaded their parents to educate the poor dears. By night I would have sat and read by the one small candle I would have allotted myself, shivering by my meager fire, eating a bit of soup and hard bread I’d have saved from my lunch. No piano to play upon, no one with whom to talk or share my thoughts. The thousand pounds I would have inherited would have to be guarded carefully, to last out my whole life. I would have had a pittance of pay as well, barely enough to keep me out of rags and off the streets. I had resigned myself that such was to be my fate. If it was to be, so let it be.
Then, one day, when I had gone for a walk to Meryton with Kitty and Lydia, simply for a change of scenery, and was waiting outside the milliner for them, Mr. Wickham happened along. He stood outside and struck up a conversation with me.
“Miss Mary, may I call you Mary?” he began. Before I had a chance to reply, he went on: “Why do you linger outside here by yourself? Have you no interest in bonnets?”
“I do not sir,” I said, feeling quite shy to be so openly addressed by him. I had always thought him handsome, but now that I could observe him at my leisure, I appreciated his features even more so. His hair is golden, his eyes a clear, sky blue, and the bones in his face are, one would almost say, chiseled.
“And why not?” he replied, his smile revealing the straightest, whitest teeth I have ever seen. “It is what all the young ladies are obsessed with.”
“I feel a hat should be for practical purposes, to keep the sun off one’s face. It is frivolous to think of a bonnet for reasons of fashion only.”
“Do you censure your sisters for their desire to be fashionable?”
“No. It is not for me to judge them.”
“How kind. I am used to being around women who delight in gossiping about others, and judging them for their looks and actions.”
“Yes, that seems to be a popular topic of conversation among women. But I do not partake of it.”
He looked at me for a moment as if he were seeing me for the first time. “That is a very admirable way to live one’s life. I applaud you, Mary.”
“I did not say it for your approval, sir.” And then, because that sounded rude, I added, “Though I thank you for the kind compliment.”
“Why is it that I see you so seldom at the kinds of gatherings your sisters frequent? No, do not tell me; it is because you find them frivolous.”
“Now I fear you are teasing me, sir,” I said, ashamed for thinking he had been giving me special notice.
“No, no! Not at all,” he hurried to say. “You strike me as the kind of person who has more important things to do.”
“I do not know if they are important. But I do like to improve myself on a daily basis and so I spend time each day practicing upon the pianoforte, reading, both fiction and more serious tracts, in order to have a good range of knowledge, popular and practical, and I study languages. I like to think I have a fairly good grasp of both French and German.”
“Yet I fear you have no one to speak them with.”
“No, I do not. Therefore, I honestly do not know if I speak them well at all.”
He laughed loudly at this, and his scent of cloves wafted over me. “Oh, Mary, you amuse me. You are a singular girl, you really are.”
Just then my sisters burst out of the shop and Lydia fired a look of jealousy at me. She immediately began to monopolize Wickham’s attention. He proposed walking us home and held out an arm to me, but Lydia grabbed it instead, and Kitty the other, while Lydia shot me a look of triumph. I followed along behind them, but throughout the walk, Mr. Wickham glanced behind at me often, smiling each time. When we arrived, he kissed each of our hands and said good bye to us in turn. No one has ever kissed my hand before. For the rest of the night, I couldn’t stop smiling. Perhaps my future isn’t so bleak after all.
Once we were all settled in London, there wasn’t much for me to do. The winter was frightfully cold and the gentlemen rode out little. Then one day, Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley came to the stables to talk to me. Mr. Darcy said he had asked Mr. Bingley if I could accompany him to visit his aunt’s home in Kent and serve as his groom until Mr. Bingley decided whether or not to move back to the country, and would need me again. He said that Gypsy was partial to mehow
could I say no to that? I’m afraid I must admit I had come to think less of Mr. Darcy. He was ungenerous in speaking about Mary, and cruel to persuade his friend to leave behind the woman he cared for, but saying no to him could cause me to be out of work all together, and so I agreed. The trip to his aunt’s estate from London took about a day, and on our way, we were to pass through the town where his cousin, a Colonel Fitzwilliam, was currently staying. He would join us there, and we would continue on to Kent together.
The weather had warmed by the time we set off, and so Mr. Darcy decided to ride on Gypsy, sending his luggage by the slower method of carriage. He asked me to attend him, on his gelding, Gabriel, and so we went together, the two of us on horseback.
I assumed Mr. Darcy would keep to himself until we met up with Colonel Fitzwilliam, but he seemed to want to talk. As we went, we chatted, mostly about nothing in particular: the scenery, horses, that kind of thing. The leaves on the trees were just beginning to bud out, creating a haze of green over the countryside. Sheep grazed on the rolling hills, nibbling the new, fresh grass, and farmers were out going about the business of spring planting, all of it together forming the most idyllic scenes of pastoral life. Once we had remarked on the view sufficiently though, the discussion took a more serious turn.
“Christopher,” he said to me after we had been silent for a while, “do you ever think of marrying?”
How did he know I had just been entertaining that particular fantasy about Mary Bennet? “Marrying sir, why who would I marry?”
“You seemed very fond of that third Bennet sister.”
If it were possible to will away a blush, I did so now. “I’m afraid that would be an impossibility, sir. She is too far above me to be able to think of ever marrying her.”
“Do you think so?”
“She is a lady of good breeding sir, the daughter of a gentleman. I am nothing but a groom. A servant. She would never have me, nor would her parents allow it.”
Elizabeth, Darcy, and Me: A Pride and Prejudice Variation (Elizabeth and Her Sisters Book 1) Page 5