I tried to hide my unease by speaking rationally to my sisters about it. “This is a most unfortunate affair, and will probably be much talked of,” I said. “But we must stem the tide of malice, and pour into the wounded bosoms of each other the balm of sisterly consolation.”
Then I felt stupid for having expressed myself with such a bland sentiment, especially because no one said anything in reply. I felt called upon to make a better attempt at soothing the situation and so I continued. “Unhappy as the event must be for Lydia, virtue in a female is irretrievable; that one false step involves her in endless ruin; that her reputation is no less brittle than it is beautiful; and that she cannot be too much guarded in her behavior towards the undeserving of the other sex.”
Again, no one replied, so I concluded my unwelcomed sermon by saying, “We must all strive to behave in an exemplary fashion from now on so that none of us are ever the means of bringing such misery to our family, and shame to our neighborhood.”
Lizzy regarded me with a weary stare, so I went off to help my aunt with the children in the nursery, and said no more.
Chapter 10
We said good bye to Colonel Fitzwilliam in London, where we stayed a few more days with Mr. Darcy in a state of indecision. We then rode on to Derbyshire, after seeing Mr. Bingley, and he agreed to come to Pemberley with his two sisters as well as Mr. Darcy’s. I felt Mr. Darcy had become attached to me in some way, or at least his horses have, which is why, he tells me, he likes to have me accompany him.
I was most impressed to see Pemberley, a magnificent building that sits upon a rise in a glorious and immense wooded park. He left Gypsy with me at the stables, several well-constructed buildings that house a great many fine steeds, where the stablemaster informed me that some people had arrived and were looking over the property. In walking up to the servants’ quarters, I espied none other than Elizabeth Bennet in company with Mr. Darcy and two other people I did not recognize, standing near a lovely stream that meanders along in front of the mansion. I was concerned for Mr. Darcy, that he must be most uncomfortable in her presence, and indeed, the way they were standing together made it seem they were both feeling awkward. But then he smiled, and she smiled, and I hoped they could make amends and be friends at least, after all.
The rest of the party arrived later that day so we had a lot to do down at the stables. The following day we prepared the coach to go into Lambton for the Pemberley group to visit with Miss Bennet and her friends. To me, this spoke of a very different situation than what Mr. Darcy had so recently been embroiled in. Were they merely visiting out of polite civility or had he and Miss Bennet genuinely made peace? The following day, the carriage was readied again to bring the Lambton party back to Pemberley for the afternoon. If he were inviting Miss Bennet and her friends to spend the day with his sister, Mr. Bingley, and the rest, it must be that they were no longer angry with each other. I wondered if his feelings for Mary’s sister had rekindled, or if perhaps, in spite of his disappointment, had never been dampened at all. This made me conjecture on how Mary had received my letter. Was I hasty in writing it? Perhaps Mr. Darcy and Miss Bennet would reconcile and the ending for them would be happy after all.
But then, that same evening, Mr. Darcy received the most dire news. He came running to the stables and ordered me to ready Gypsy and Gabriel. We would be riding to London as fast as we could go. On the way there, he related to me the particulars: one of the Bennet sisters, Lydia, the youngest, had run away with that Mr. Wickham! Mr. Darcy felt the fault was entirely his own. He said he had known Wickham to be of a reprehensible nature, but did not tell me how he knew. All he said was that Wickham had wronged his family in the past, and had a notorious reputation with women. He said he should have warned the Bennet family to not mix with him, but had not done so in order to save his own family’s reputation. He said he was sure Wickham was hiding out with Lydia in London, and that he doubted the reprobate would marry hershe of so little fortune. He said it was up to him to find Wickham and force him to do the honorable thing, no matter what it took.
We arrived at his London townhouse the following day, after riding hard for two. Gypsy and Gabriel needed all that was in my power to do for them, which I did, while Mr. Darcy went to make inquiries amongst those whom he thought Wickham would seek out for lodgingand of whom he could best take financial advantage. However, the day brought him no luck and he returned that evening despondent. I begged him to tell me how I could be of service. I could not bear to stand by idly while so much was at stake for my dear Mary’s family. He told me he had sought out a certain Mrs. Younge, a woman of ill reputation who had been Wickham’s cohort in the past. Mr. Darcy told me he was certain he would seek her out for lodging, or assistance of some kind, but the woman would tell him nothing.
Then I started thinking. A person of my class and appearance might worm his way into the confidence of certain people who might not feel inclined to confide in someone of Mr. Darcy’s station. I asked Mr. Darcy to tell me where the woman could be found, and asked him if I could try to get the information out of her myself. He was hesitant to involve me, and also worried that I might drive her further away from giving out any information about Wickham, but I assured him I would not risk that, and that I had a plan. So he told me where to find her and there I went.
I was shocked to think of Mr. Darcy wandering about in the terrible neighborhood where this woman ran her boarding house. No wonder she would tell him nothing. People who lived in places like this did not trust aristocracy such as Mr. Darcy. But I, dressed humbly as one of Mrs. Younge’s class (though not of her ilk) attracted no attention in such a place. I arrived at her home bearing two bottles of fine wine, which I bought with some of my savings, stashed in my satchel. I inquired of her if she had a room for me to let and she said, no, she was full. Then I asked her if she would share a drink with me. I said I was weary from traveling and only wanted to rest there a while. I charmed her with compliments about her house and her person (neither of which merited any at all), while I plied her with drink. I poured her glass after glass of the wine and drank little myself. When she was too drunk to know what she was about, I began to talk fondly of my friends in a particular regiment, and very casually mentioned Wickham. She perked up at the knowledge that we had a friend in common and we spent some time praising his virtues (all of which I made up). Finally, I said how much I would love to reconnect with my old friend and she readily told me where I could find him. So that she wouldn’t remember our conversation, I bade her finish off the last of the wine, and left her asleep with her head on the table, drooling.
I then rushed back to Mr. Darcy’s abode, and, though it was quite early in the morning by that time, had a servant there ring for Mr. Darcy, saying it was urgent.
When Mr. Darcy came down, I told him what I’d learned, and he called for his coach to take him directly to the inn where Wickham and Lydia Bennet were staying. He thanked me with all his heart for what I’d done, and told me to stay and rest. He would handle things from there.
After a few more days in which we were all in a mixed state of suspense, despair, misery and hope, Father at last returned having had no luck in finding the runaways. He was despondent, but Uncle Gardiner remained in London, trying to track them down. Finally, then, we received a letter from Uncle saying that he had found them, and that they, in fact, were not married. Dear God, Lydia had been living in sin for nearly two weeks! It was unfathomable! But Uncle said Wickham agreed to marry Lydia if Father would settle upon them one hundred pounds a year, as well as Lydia’s share of her inheritance once Father is gone. Mother was overjoyed to hear that her youngest daughter would be married, but Jane and Lizzy were properly disgusted, both with Mother’s reaction and that Wickham was so mercenary as to require money in order to make an honest woman out of our Lydia. I was so deceived in him! We all were. I finally realized that a charming exterior can hide the blackest of hearts and that we all must take great care with our choices
in order to avoid falling prey to some other sly fox such as he in the future.
Lydia and Wickham arrived at Longbourn, husband and wife, she in a state of great triumph. She seemed to think nothing of her reprehensible behavior, and instead acted superiorly to all of us, now that she is the first married and yet the youngest of us all. She had nothing to say to me, until she took me aside while everyone else was distracted and said to me with an unpleasant hiss, “I shall never forgive you for reading my letter to Kitty. Now you see that your moralizing had no effect on me whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I was at the point of deciding not to go with Wickham, since he’d made me no offer of marriage, but your letter was the deciding factor. I thought, ‘What would Mary do, and I will do the opposite?’ For there is nothing I want less than to be like you. And in the end, it was the right decision because he married me after all. Me! Not Lizzy, not you (like he ever would). Me. And now you can all be jealous.”
I hung my head in shame and could think of nothing to say. But just as she was about to walk away, I grabbed her arm and shot back in a whisper, “You can have him, Lydia. None of us would ever want anything to do with a man who would take a young girl from her friends and family and shame her as Wickham has done to you.” Her face turned red with anger, but I went on. “That’s right, shame is the only word for it. He took your virtue, Lydia, before you were husband and wife, and there is nothing which can bring a woman lower. No one of our acquaintance can or will respect you again. Wickham said he has been ordered to go join the regiment in the north, and there you will go, out of our sight, and that of anyone we know, and that is the best possible thing because you have brought dishonor to our family. And even though Mother acts as if she is happy with your marriage, Father is demeaned, and the rest of us will be looked down upon forever. You have brought degradation to our family, Lydia, and nothing in your smug and superior attitude will ever change that. Go, be happy with your decision. Our happiness or pride means nothing to you. You have hurt your family beyond any other words I could possibly say to you.”
And with that, I let her go. She stormed away, and went back to her mindless chatter, but I could see my words had an effect on her. No one else will likely speak the truth to her that she has no desire to hear, but I have, and I am glad. It had to be said, one way or another.
The next day they were gone, much to my relief, though Mother wailed at being parted from her favorite child, which Lydia certainly is. The rest of us are glad to have them gone so far off so as to not have to live with the disgrace of their actions right under our noses.
Then, the very day after, who should arrive at Longbourn but Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley themselves! I worried for Elizabeth, that after what had happened in Kent, she would be unhappy to see the former, but she seemed, actually, quite pleased. More importantly, Mr. Bingley, after some hesitation and a bit of manipulation to be alone with Jane, proposed to her. We were out of our minds with joy. For one thing, Jane will be brilliantly marrieda spectacular match. Mother will boast of her for the rest of time. For another, she and Mr. Bingley are deeply in love, it is clear, and our dear Jane will be happy. Lastly, if we are ever put out of our home, at least we had now a place of refuge, for I’m sure she’d take her family in if we needed her. What a relief! Now, I thought, I wouldn’t have to be a governess or a schoolteacher though likely, I will remain a spinster.
And then, something else happened that threw us all into a spin. Lady Catherine de Bourgh herself honored us with her presence at our house, and, to our great surprise, demanded a private tête á tête with Elizabeth. Mother and Kitty, of course, listened at the door, but I refused to partake in such ill-bred behavior. Instead, I opted for a walk around the house in order to give Lizzy her privacy with the great lady, and it is not my fault if I happened to be near the window during part of the interview. I heard something about Mr. Darcy, his engagement to Miss de Bourgh, and then some angry words. How bold Lizzy was to speak to such a personage in such a direct way! I would never have had the courage. I do not know what more was said, but finally, Lady Catherine stormed away angrily and got into her carriage with nary a proper farewell to the family. Elizabeth was angry too, but she would not tell us what had transpired.
Not many days after the great lady’s visit, Mr. Darcy proposed to Lizzy and she accepted! I cannot imagine what Lady Catherine said that propelled Lizzy to do so, because, I would have thought, if the lady had said anything, she would have ordered Lizzy to stay away from her nephew after the disgrace we’ve just suffered with Lydia. Not to mention the fact of his supposed engagement to his cousin. And yet, after he consulted with Father, Lizzy accepted him. I was very concerned for her. Was she just accepting him for financial security? She had refused him once, why accept him this time? I decided another sisterly chat was in order, and so, when I could steal her for a few moments from everyone else’s effusions, I did.
“Tell me, dear Elizabeth,” I began. “Why are you agreeing to marry Mr. Darcy? We all thought you loathed him.”
She smiled at me in her tolerant way. “Well, Mary. Sometimes first impressions are wrong. Just like we were all wrong about Wickham, it turns out we were wrong about Mr. Darcy as well. This I found out when we were in Derbyshire. I told Jane, and Father, though I haven’t told anyone else, though of course our aunt and uncle know, that we took a tour of Pemberley, Mr. Darcy’s estate, while in the region. We didn’t think he would be home, as a matter of fact, were assured by his housekeeper that he wasn’t expected until the following day, but suddenly, he appeared, surprising us all. I was most embarrassed, thinking he would think I was spying on his life in some way, but in fact, he received us all most cordially. The next day, we met his sister, Georgiana, and the affection he showed her was most gratifying. He invited Uncle to fish in his lakes, invited us to dine with him and the Bingley party, who were there as well, and the whole time was most kind and affable. Of course, I always thought he was handsome. More than handsomeI always felt that there was something hiding in the soul of those deep brown eyes. Something mysterious and passionate that he would not reveal. Once I discovered the amiable side of his personality, his physical beauty became all the more pronounced: his broad chest and shoulders, his muscular legs, hisbut I forget myself. You do not want to hear a list of the things I find attractive about him.”
“Well, I am not completely averse to it”
“Most importantly, the housekeeper told us what a considerate master he is, how he helped the people in the surrounding areas with generous acts of charity, and well, in short, I began to be convinced he was a good man after all.”
“Being a good man, and a handsome one, is not enough reason to marry, is it? Doesn’t one want to be in love? I am not a romantic, as you know, but now that I see Jane and Mr. Bingley so happy, I’m coming to think it is a most favorable thing in a marriage.”
She laughed. “Yes, Mary, I agree. I, personally, could never marry a man I didn’t love. I have seen too many examples of unhappy couples living out a life together with nothing more than money, or children, to hold them together. I vowed never to be such a person. So, yes, I do love him. I came to see him in a different light in Derbyshire, and those few days were enough to convince me that I did care for him. When he proposed to me, and I realized how deeply he loves me, I knew that my caring for him was, indeed, more than that. It was love. Truly and utterly.”
“And Lady Catherine did not raise an objection?”
“She did, making me want him even more. You know how I am, Mary. I do not like to be told what, or what not to do.”
I laughed, then thought for a moment before responding. “Then I am truly happy for you. And for Jane and Mr. Bingleyor Charles, as we must now start to call him.”
“Yes, and you may call Mr. Darcy ‘Fitzwilliam.’”
“Oh no!” I cried. “I could never!”
“I think, in time, you will see that he will make a truly amiable brother to you.”
This
was hard for me to imagine, but I took her at her word. “And may I come visit you at Pemberley?”
“Of course, you may count on it. But Mary, I ask just one favor of you.”
“Anything!”
“Please, just do not sing for him.”
I wanted to be offended, but I could not. “Very well, Lizzy,” I said smiling. “But may I play upon the pianoforte?”
“Yes, but only when asked, and then, perhaps not such lengthy pieces.”
“Agreed,” I said, and she kissed me upon the cheek.
Chapter 11
Now that we were back in Hertfordshire, Mr. Darcy released me from his service, and I would go back to my post in Mr. Bingley’s stables. He paid me a generous bonus, which I tried to refuse, but he pressed me, and so I accepted. The money I will save until, perhaps, I can rent, or buy, a small house of my own. I hope to be an independent man one day. Maybe, the world will even look at me as a gentleman. If not by birth, then at least by merit.
I enjoyed working for Mr. Darcy, and entering into his confidence, but I am happier to reside at Netherfield, which Mr. Bingley will now make his permanent country residence. This way, I can be near Mary much of the time.
Word has reached me that not only has Mr. Bingley proposed to the eldest Miss Bennet, but that Mr. Darcy has proposed again to Elizabeth, and both were accepted. I am very happy for bothhappy that Mr. Darcy has changed his position on Mr. Bingley marrying Miss Bennet, not that, I suppose, it would have stood in the way for long of Mr. Bingley’s determination, but that Mr. Darcy also was able to prove to Elizabeth that he was worthy of her.
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