by Ford, Julie
“One?” John faked a surprised expression, gripping his heart with his hand.
She glared at him. “How many times do I have to tell ya’ll that I am not an alcoholic! Just most of the time I choose to drink myself into oblivion—that’s all,” she said, turning the bottle around on the bar, making watery rings with the condensation.
He raised his hands in surrender. “Okay—okay. I believe you, I reckon,” he conceded. “When did you get so good at golf?”
“What? I taught you how to play,” Josie retorted, half joking, half insulted.
“The Judge taught me how to play.”
“Daddy was a horrid golfer. You didn’t start playing well until after we got married.” Josie shook her head, remembering how her father used to get so competitive that he would pretty much beat himself, swearing and throwing his expensive clubs around. Not having any sons, the Judge had taken Josie golfing and hunting at an early age, also teaching her how to throw a football—and that winning was the only option.
“I suppose you’re right, but you were never that good.”
“Well, I’ve got to do something constructive with my time. Gina and I play two-three times a week at the club—sometimes more.”
“Gina plays golf…at the club?”
“Yeah. Where else can she spend time with her best friend?” Josie pointed a flattered finger at herself. “And mercilessly mock rich people at the same time?” John still looked doubtful so she added, “We won the doubles tournament last spring; you know that. We’re entered again this year.”
John looked mystified. “Doubles tournament? Really?”
“You’re kidding. Right?” Josie laughed; he must be teasing her, but his expression didn’t change. “You’re not joking.” Her smile slowly melted, replaced with contempt. “The trophy’s sitting right there in the study. Has been for nearly a year now.” Josie’s tone turned harsh with the realization that, not only did John know nothing about her life prior to their marriage, but he’d also been equally uninterested in anything concerning her since she had become his wife.
“What’s the big deal?” John tried to brush her off.
“Unbelievable! Have you paid one ounce of attention to anything that has to do with me, ever?”
Glancing cautiously toward the others now congregated back at the dartboard, John warned, “Keep your voice down.”
Josie didn’t keep her voice down. She was done with being hushed. “It’s all about you, isn’t it, John? What am I to you, anyway?” She scoffed. “Some kind of necessary evil?”
“Don’t be ridiculous; you know that’s not true. Keep your voice down; people are starting to look.” John slumped down, focusing on his beer bottle, avoiding the stares that were turning in their direction.
Josie hopped off her stool. “They can look all they want for all I care.”
“Jocelyn, sit back down. You’re not going anywhere,” John hissed. “Come on, don’t be like this…drink your beer.”
Smiling ironically, Josie said, “I think I’ve had plenty, thanks.” Striding off, she smiled audaciously at the questioning faces of John’s friends.
She wasn’t a bit surprised when he didn’t come after her.
* * * *
Hearing the soft whoosh of the ocean, Josie made her way to the beach, looking to clear her head. How long, Josie? How long are you gonna put up with this? Josie cursed herself for letting him draw her in, for swooning like a giddy adolescent at his very touch, his kiss. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” Josie beat her palm against her forehead.
The beach was all but abandoned with only the low lights of the resort illuminating the white foam of the waves as they broke along the shore. A band playing Beach Boys hits very badly could be heard, the music wafting lightly from the poolside bar. Removing her sandals, Josie dug her toes into the sand as she walked. Then, choosing a spot close to the water, she lowered herself down onto the cool, moist sand.
Leaning back on her elbows, she looked up into the night sky and located the Big Dipper, then followed the spout over to the North Star shining brightly in the distance. She concentrated on the twinkling light, wishing the sky had the answers. For eleven years she’d allowed John to ignore her, discount her feelings, her ideas, and her self-worth. What’s worse was how she gave her heart—her soul—to him, all of it, without a fight. Why? Because of his kiss, his looks? No, I’m not that shallow.
It was his passion—his fight—his tenacity to overcome a meager childhood, pulling himself up and refusing to make excuses, never letting anyone push him back down. Josie wanted to be a part of him, to protect him, to see him succeed. She believed that with her family connections and his drive, together they could “rule” the world—make a difference. But it didn’t happen—he took what he needed from her and then left her wanting, waiting to be included, and finally, refusing to let her share in his dream.
After watching the waves roll in, the water moving closer to her feet with each breaking swell, Josie lowered her head down onto the sand. Hoping something with eight legs and pinchers didn’t crawl into her hair, she tried to relax as her mind raced in every direction.
She thought of the Judge and how he bullied her mother all those years. How, although Carol would deny it, she seemed happier now that he was gone. How Josie grew up feeling like an outsider because she wasn’t interested in the “normal” things like proms, cheerleading, or mindless boys who really only wanted sex.
How not much changed when they grew into men.
Then she thought of the years with Brian during college and law school, how they shared everything and what he must have felt when she abandoned him, choosing to marry John instead. She didn’t even get a chance to speak to Brian before the wedding. And how, upon his return from Africa, Brian had simply packed up her stuff and returned the boxes to her in the mail. He didn’t deserve that.
Lastly, her children at home, whom she was missing terribly—they were the only positive aspect Josie could determine that had come from her marriage.
She felt a tear escape from the corner of her eye. Wiping it away, she grabbed a shell, and throwing it at the disobliging North Star, she pushed herself up off the sand—Together, or separate, if John can live his dream…so can I.
* * * *
Following the sound of the music, Josie made her way through the pool and bar area, now bustling with evening partiers. Tiki torches and Chinese lanterns added a soft glow to the lush landscape surrounding the Olympic-sized pool. The water inside the pool rocked gently, while underwater lighting showcased the sea nymphs, fish, and crustaceans tiled on the bottom and sides.
Squeezing between spiked-heeled women in slinky dresses and men with open collars nursing tropical drinks, Josie emerged at the end of the bar and found herself face-to-face with Denton. Wearing a crisp dress shirt, lightweight slacks, and sexy aftershave, Denton didn’t look at all surprised to see her.
“Well, good evening,” he slurred, saluting her with a scotch on the rocks. “You come to join me?” He flashed a blindingly-white smile—his blue eyes were slightly bloodshot, but somehow he was still mesmerizingly handsome.
“No. Hadn’t planned on it, just heading back up to the room.”
His baleful sneer made Josie feel a bit awkward. She tugged on her golf shirt, indicating that she really wasn’t dressed appropriately.
“Where’s your husband?” he asked. Then, looking Josie up and down licentiously, he said, “What a waste, a beautiful and intelligent woman such as yourself,” before turning to take another sip from his tumbler.
Feeling more uneasy, Josie asked, “Am I missing something?”
Denton looked Josie right in the eye. “So it would appear.” After holding her gaze intently, he broke away, going back to his drink. “Why is it that, when it comes to marriage, the things that should be plain as day are the most difficult to recognize?”
As she watched him take another woeful swig, Josie was about to ask him if he was okay, when two very
young, quite leggy women pushed past her from behind. Each took a place on either side of Denton, and said in unison, “We’re ready whenever you are.”
Giving Josie his best Casanova smile, Denton said, “Duty calls.” Then, after sliding off the bar stool and draining his glass, he wrapped one arm around each girl and sauntered off.
Josie stood immobile, mouth literally hanging open, watching them disappear into the crowd. How could a man who was married to possibly the most beautiful woman—Trisha—in the universe…or, the State of Alabama in the very least, be out catting around with other women? Okay, maybe he just has a very large appetite for… Ew.
Suddenly feeling rather slimy, she continued on her way up to the room, now looking forward to that shower more than ever.
* * * *
Clean and comfy in her pajama pants and tank-top, Josie sat on the bed, chewing her bottom lip while staring down at the phone resting in her lap. During her shower, she’d tried to decipher Denton’s cryptic message from the bar. Deep down, she knew what Denton was saying, but she refused to believe that anything sexual was going on between John and Trisha. But then, John was a man, and she had never known him to go longer than a week, maybe ten days without… And they hadn’t…in months.
After some intense concentration, Josie pushed the images of John and Trisha having sex from her mind. Releasing her almost bloody lip from its torture, Josie dialed the phone.
He answered on the first ring.
Josie was startled and her voice crackled. “Brian!”
“Josie, is that you?”
“Um, Uh huh, ya, it’s well, me… Josie.” Good Lord, I sound like an idiot.
“Baby, you all right?” His response caught both of them off guard. “Oh, sorry. Old habits.” Brian recovered. “What’s up, you home yet?”
“Um, no.” Say something besides “um.” It’s Brian for heaven’s sake.
“Damn, I can really use you on the Henry case.” Brian was defending a young black kid accused of shooting an old white man in a gas station a while back. The man’s wife and grandchildren were the only witnesses and swear that it was this young Slidell Henry who did the shooting, but Brian believed he was innocent.
“Funny you mention that ’cause I was actually calling about work.”
“You’re not calling to quit, are you? Please say that there’s another reason for your call. Like, you miss me, maybe?” he said with a chuckle.
If he only knew.
“No, I mean yes.” Ugh! “Actually, I…I wanted to give you an answer, you know, about working full-time.” When Brian stayed silent, probably holding his breath, Josie said, “I’m going to do it. I’ve decided to go full-time.”
“That’s great.”
He didn’t sound excited though. Josie started to bite her lip again.
“What does your husband say about it?”
Josie cringed. “Well, I haven’t exactly told him yet.”
“Josie—”
“I know. I’m getting around to it.”
“What’s going on? Is this about you being banned from school volunteering?”
“You heard about that?”
“Yeah—I think it’s pretty damn hilarious,” he said with a laugh.
In her mind’s eye, Josie could see his brown eyes twinkle as he thought about how she accidentally designed banana costumes that looked like…
“I’m glad someone does.” I bet Brian would have taken up for me that night at the school.
“I take it our next Circuit Court Judge didn’t find your little faux pas funny?” Brian still sounded amused.
“That’s an understatement.” Talking to Brian about the whole fiasco almost had Josie feeling like laughing—almost. Somehow, he always had a way of making her feel like everything was going to be all right.
“Josie, I can’t imagine how you married someone without a sense of humor.”
“Oh, he has one—” Josie stopped talking when she heard a woman’s voice in the background. “I’m sorry, do you have company?”
“No, I mean, sort of. Its just Sandra, we’re…working.” Sandra was an attorney Brian recently hired. Young, enthusiastic, smart, driven, and pretty, Sandra worshipped the ground Brian walked on.
“Oh, is that what you’re calling it these days?” Josie tried to keep her voice light—teasing—while she contained the jealousy welling up inside.
Lord, Josie get a grip.
“It’s just work. Seriously. I really want you on this one, Josie.”
Josie talked to Brian a few minutes about the Henry case, then he asked about the trip. She told him about the island, the parakeets, golf, shopping—he was probably wondering why she was in her room alone, on vacation with her husband, and no kids. Sadly, she hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary before now. Looking across the room, Josie saw her golf clubs had been returned from the course.
John must have been here, but where was he now?
Chapter 9
“I hope you plan on behaving yourself today.” John scowled as he slid a Ron John surf t-shirt over his head.
Oh, I plan on behaving. “Bite me!” she said with equal provocation.
“That’s real mature, Jocelyn.” He plucked his sunglasses off the dresser, stalked over to the door, and held it open for her to exit.
“And coming in at two in the morning’s real grown-up, I assume,” she accused as she glided past him. All the way to the lobby, she could practically feel the piercing force of his glower as they headed out for a day at the beach.
Riding in an open jeep, Josie leaned her head back, allowing the sun to heat her face as the breeze whipped her hair around. Winter in the Caribbean was completely different from the summer. Both seasons were sunny and warm, but the summer heat and humidity were so much more oppressive. Josie remembered the summer she and Brian spent in the Dominican Republic and how it was too hot to even go to the beach during the day. Now riding along the shoreline with the alabaster sand and deep blue ocean, Josie understood why so many people liked to vacation down here during the winter. She imagined bringing the kids here, how they would love the beach, pool, birds, and lizards. Almost three days away from her babies and it felt like an eternity.
John scowled as he navigated the road around the island to a designated beach where they could snorkel and jet ski. Amy and Patrick were in the back seat.
After a few more miles of nothing but coastline, John brought the jeep to a dusty stop next to a dock. Under a large tent, caterers were setting out a late lunch. Lanny, Barbara, and the others had already arrived. Dressed in her bikini again, Josie had donned the board-shorts she’d bought at a local surf shop while shopping with Barbara the other day. Although Josie had lost weight recently, the fact still remained that her hips had given birth to three babies and, therefore, needed to remain hidden.
As they walked down a wooden path leading to the dock, a cool ocean breeze blew in from the water, bringing with it the salty scent of the sea. Lizards with spiky backbones and tails that curled up scurried to and fro. Overhead, large water birds soared against the breeze, swooping down into the water, diving completely under before resurfacing, in search of an afternoon meal.
When they reached the tent Josie gave Barbara a quick squeeze and a peck on the cheek while surveying the lobster, crab, fruit, and desserts lining the white-clothed tables. “Wow, this is really too much.” Catered food at the beach? What happened to PB&J and sandy potato chips?
“I heard you and John got into it last night,” Barbara said covertly. Evidently, news traveled fast when one was vacationing with four women. “Baby steps, dear. Give him time…he’ll come ’round.”
While filling their plates, Josie and John avoided each other like network news and objective journalism. Heading for a seat next to Amy and Patrick, Josie caught Andy staring at the front of her board shorts for about the millionth time. Completely unable to fathom what he could find so interesting about her attire, she questioned him. “What are y
ou doing?”
“Just looking,” he said.
“Looking for what?” Josie couldn’t imagine. Then she caught John looking away sheepishly, and she knew. Unsnapping the top of her shorts, Josie edged down the zipper and pulled the right side open, exposing the tattoo on her hip. “This what you were looking for?” She shot John a contemptuous stare.
“All right. Jocelyn’s got a tat.” Andy bobbed his head, taking a seat in front of her to get a closer look.
Patrick moved in behind Andy. “Where did you get that?”
“Shen Zhen.”
“China?” Trisha scoffed from the other side of the table, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah,” Josie said in a crass voice, and John gave her a don’t-even-start look.
“You lived in Shen Zhen?” Patrick was still mesmerized, eyes locked on Josie’s hip.
“No, in a province just outside. We went to Shen Zhen once, came back with a tattoo.”
“You’re lucky that’s all you came back with.” Denton looked bored and extremely hung over from his night of… Right. She’d decided not think too much about that.
“What does it mean?” Patrick turned his head from side to side, like maybe from another angle he’d be able to read the Chinese symbol.
“Love,” Josie answered, thinking about how Brian had a similar tattoo on his shoulder.
“Cool. Got any others?” Andy asked, a devious smirk on his face. Josie zipped her shorts back up and raised perturbed eyebrows at her husband.
John reached over and slapped his brother on the back of the head.
“What were you doing in China anyway?” Lydia asked, like going to Asia was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard of.
“Teaching English and building an aquifer. Not many people in China have clean water,” Josie said, her tone patronizing at best.
“Who were you over there with, Brian McAlister?” Trisha asked with a smirk, looking in John’s direction. “You two sure had a thing for clean water.”
“I think that it’s interesting,” Amy said with a sideways glance for Trisha. “Where else have you been?”