by Ford, Julie
“They haven’t lived with you for eleven years.”
“They also said that you’re sweet,” John came back.
Touché.
Josie finished wiping the counters—the floor could wait until tomorrow, or the next day while John continued with a myriad of questions. “Why didn’t you tell me Bobbie was failing science? Who’s Ashley? When’s Jack’s next game and Bobbie’s karate testing? The carpool lady at Jack’s school can’t possibly be married—she’s mean as hell!”
“Oh, and congratulations on your first win,” he said proudly. Josie couldn’t remember the last time John was so eager to talk to her about anything, much less, everything. There was a time, not too long ago, that she would have given anything for this kind of dialog between them.
“Thanks,” she said, feeling proud herself. Part of her wanted to tell him all about it but she didn’t—in the past, he’d never been interested in hearing about her day. “I think I am going to call it a night. Thanks again for everything. You really saved me today,” she said, as she shuffled off down the hall, desperately in need of a hot shower and sleep.
John mumbled something Josie didn’t catch.
On her way to say goodnight to the kids, Josie put her fingers to her mouth—she could still feel Brian’s lips on hers. A self-satisfied smirk touched her face as she anticipated that tonight she would undoubtedly have pleasant dreams.
* * * *
Referring to a fourteen-year-old complaint brought before the court in St. Clair County regarding contaminated water, an anonymous caller tipped a local reporter off to Josie’s possible involvement in an alleged breaking and entering charge.
Two days later, Josie watched as John and Lanny stood in front of TV cameras together. In support of Josie, John asserted, “My wife is a courageous woman who refused to back down…”
Lanny simply lied. “I gave those documents to Mrs. Bearden in an effort to do what was right by the town’s folk and…”
John’s opponent was blamed for the leak and accused of being desperate to boost his falling numbers in the polls.
Chapter 13
The karate studio was silent as a young girl wearing a white gee chopped, blocked, and kicked at her imaginary opponent while executing her form perfectly. Her classmates sat quiet and cross-legged around the edge of the massive dark blue mat. There were two more students before Bobbie, and Josie felt her pulse quicken as his turn at testing approached. Luckily, Brian had been working with him to hone his skills for the last few weekends.
Just over a week since Slidell’s trial, and Brian’s law office seemed busier now then ever. Josie breathed a quiet sigh of relief at having just a few minutes where she wasn’t expected to be engaged and productive. Beside her, Brian reclined with both arms draped over the chairs next to him, his left ankle resting on his right knee. One step up on the bleachers behind them, Gina and Dash waited for Luke’s turn, after Bobbie.
The day after Gina’s scathing reprimand, Josie had talked to Brian and they’d agreed—somewhat reluctantly—to slow things down. Sitting next to him now, with his arm casually resting across the back of her chair, Josie thought that maybe if he tried to kiss her again, she might let him. Only, she kind of already had. Once in the copy room and once in her office, each time professing that this kiss would be the last. Josie edged ever so slightly closer to Brian and smiled on the inside when he responded by subtly caressing the back of her arm with his finger. His touch sent ripples of delight rolling through her belly. She allowed her body to relax back into the chair, savoring the moment—but it didn’t last.
Making his way from the door and up the few bleachers in front of them was John; his malevolent eyes were trained on Josie.
“What’s the warden doing here?” Gina leaned forward and asked. Then, to Brian, she said, “You better move that arm before Josie’s husband rips it off.”
Begrudgingly, Brian rolled his eyes while moving both arms to his lap and straightening in his chair. Josie blinked in disbelief as she stared up at John. She could feel the tension emanating from him penetrate her body, freezing her every cell. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t breath, she couldn’t think. He had never, in two years, come to see Bobbie test for karate.
Standing over Josie, his green eyes darkening and his gaze moving from Brian to her and then back, John waited, saying nothing.
Gina kicked Josie’s chair, springing her to life, and Josie managed to say, “Oh, um...John this is Brian; Brian, John.” Josie awkwardly introduced the two men in her life for the very first time.
Brian wrapped his left arm around the back of Josie’s chair again, and leaning as close as humanly possible over her, reached up with his right hand to shake John’s. The white knuckles on both of their hands told Josie that relaxing through the rest of the testing would now be out of the question.
John released Brian’s grip and turned his attention to Dash, reaching up to shake his hand as well. “Dash, it’s good to see you again…Gina.” John greeted them cordially. “Where’s Audrey?” he asked before taking the seat next to Josie—opposite Brian.
“Out planning the derailment of conservative judicial candidates who, if elected, will trample the constitution and abolish our civil rights,” Gina said.
Brian snickered.
After sending a clearly strained smile to Bobbie, who’d been beaming proudly up at his father since he’d walked in, John leaned over to Josie and said, not so quietly, “What’s he doing here?”
Resentment replacing shock, Josie said, “The question is, ‘What are you doing here?’” She couldn’t believe that John had picked today, of all days, to finally show up. “Brian’s my boss, and we came over together after work.” Josie glared at John, who returned the sentiment. “He’s been helping Bobbie with his karate.”
“Really? And how long has that been going on?”
“That’s not a problem, is it, John?” Brian answered for Josie.
“Well, let me see. Since I’m his daddy, wouldn’t that be my job?”
“Maybe the question you should be asking yourself is, ‘Who’s better suited to do the job?’” Brian came back smugly.
John eyed Josie. “I see, and what else do you assume to be better suited at handling with regards to my family?”
“Well, I don’t know, let me think.” Brian leaned forward, turning to face John, and paused for a moment, pretending to reflect. “If I had Josie alone on a tropical island, she wouldn’t be sitting by herself in our hotel room making calls to her ex-lover.”
“Is that a fact?” John’s eyes narrowed at Josie while blood stained his cheeks and neck red.
Brian continued. “Not to mention that I took Josie all over the world and never got a scratch on her. You took her on one vacation in over a decade, and she came back with broken ribs.”
Through clenched teeth, John hissed, “Maybe this is a discussion we should finish outside?”
Brian kept his voice low, yet belligerent. “Fine by me! I’ve been waiting eleven years to kick your ass!”
Josie felt like she was having an out-of-body experience watching John and Brian go after each other.
Dash jumped in, “Come on, Brian, John. Think about Bobbie. He wants both of y’all here. This should be about him, not—”
“Dash is right,” Josie choked out before turning to Brian with a cut-it-out look. “No one’s kicking anyone’s ass.”
Brian’s blazing eyes sent a shiver down Josie’s spin, but she didn’t back down—her only concern was for Bobbie. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you don’t back off.”
“Me? Why should I have to leave? He’s the one—”
“John is Bobbie’s father,” she said. “And like it or not, Bobbie is ecstatic that he finally decided to show up, so I can’t ask him to leave. This is about Bobbie, not you, not John.”
Josie could see the tendons in Brian’s neck constrict as he shot her an irritated stare before crossing his arms and sitting back in his chair. Behind he
r, she could hear Gina stifling a laugh and thanked her lucky stars that she hadn’t joined the conversation. Then, for about fifteen seconds, everyone sat quietly until…
“For someone who’s been waiting eleven years to do something, you sure give up easy,” John said, refusing to let it go.
Josie felt Brian stiffen, and she turned to John with a warning. “This might be a good time for me to mention that Brian has a black belt in karate.”
Regarding the seriousness in Josie’s eyes, John abandoned his chiding and sat back quietly as Bobbie took the mat.
Thirty agonizing minutes later, Bobbie proudly donned his new blue belt, and while both men tried to pretend the other wasn’t there, posed for a picture with John, and then with Brian.
Once outside the studio, the night air swirled cool while the tension continued to boil.
“Well, I have to say this was the most ‘entertaining’ karate testing yet,” Gina said, giving Josie a quick squeeze before turning to leave. Right behind her, Dash looked apprehensive to leave before both Brian and John had driven away in one piece.
“Uh, huh,” Josie said with narrowed eyes for Gina. “See ya, Dash.”
At her side, Bobbie was pulling on her hand. “Can I ride home with Daddy? Can I? Can I?”
“Of course you can, son,” John said, keeping one eye on Brian who was leaning casually against Josie’s van—waiting. Turning to his wife, he asked, “Where are Jack and Beth?”
“At my momma’s.”
“Fine, I’ll pick them up, and then I’ll see you at home,” he said.
When they drove away, Josie turned to Brian who was now regarding her ambiguously. “What did he mean, ‘at home?’” Uncrossing his arms, Brian pushed up from the van and asked, “Is he living back in y’all’s house?”
“In the guest house.” Josie shrugged, averting her gaze.
“So, all the time that you two have been ‘separated’…” Brian threw up his hands. “That little detail would have been good to know. If I had, I never would have—”
“Kissed me.” Josie finished.
“I should have known that you’d never leave him.” Brian looked as if he had more to say but he swallowed it back, turning instead to leave.
“Come on, Brian, that’s not fair.” Josie stepped in front of him. “What was I supposed to do? The kids missed him, and he didn’t have a place to go.” She stopped when she realized how pathetic she sounded. Plus, it had been more than two weeks, and she hadn’t asked John to move back out. Only now was she wondering why.
“It’s always going to come back to the kids, isn’t it?” he said, shaking his head. “Like tonight when you took his side.”
“He’s their father,” Josie replied, offended that Brian would imply she took John’s side for any reason other than what was best for Bobbie.
“I don’t want to be the other man, Josie.” Brian’s eyes showed anger with a hint of disappointment. “I guess you best be gettin’ home to your husband,” he said, pushing past her and stalking off to his car.
And just like that, Josie was left standing, abandoned, on the sidewalk and confused as to how she managed to get herself into such un-fortuitous situations. Brian’s words left her feeling cheap and manipulative. After he drove away without looking back, she climbed into the van, shut the door, and leaned her head back, closing her eyes. Brian was pretty livid but he usually got over being angry with her fairly quickly. Even so, is this what I can expect from the rest of my life? Caught between two men, raising children in two households, possibly with four parents? What’ll happen when John starts bringing a woman around the children? How could I have neglected to consider the complications that would arise after becoming divorced? Is this the life I wanted? She sighed. Her shoulders and head started to ache.
Pushing those thoughts aside for now, first she had a few things she needed to get straight with John.
* * * *
Outside the kitchen door, Josie took another moment to compose herself. John’s jealous husband routine was unacceptable, and she refused to tolerate being ordered around like a child.
In the kitchen, John was pacing. The kids were nowhere to be seen. Immediately after Josie crossed the threshold, he started in, saying, “What are you doing bringing your boyfriend around my son? Bobbie has a daddy!”
“Brian is not my boyfriend!” Is he? “Maybe if you were around more, I wouldn’t have to ask someone else—”
“Well, maybe if my wife wasn’t drunk all the time, I would be around more,” John spit back, before she could finish. When Josie’s jaw dropped open but no rebuttal came out, he continued. “Do you know how many times I’ve had to make excuses to friends and co-workers for you? How many times I have had to carry you to bed after coming home and finding you passed out somewhere?”
Josie tried to keep her voice low even though internally she wanted to scream. “Maybe if I had a husband that wanted me, I wouldn’t have needed to drink all the time.”
“Oh, I wanted you. I wanted you plenty,” John said, pointing a finger at Josie. “You were the one who put me off. Who never wanted to be touched.”
“Okay. First of all I wasn’t referring to sex, but since you brought it up.” Josie lowered her voice again. “I wanted you to, but was it too much to ask for you to spend just a few minutes talking to me first?”
“‘Talking?’ You mean, listening to you complain.”
What? John’s the one who insisted that she stay home with the children; the least he could have done was listen when she needed to talk about it. “You try being surrounded by little hands all day. Always wanting something from you and then when you finally get them down, your husband comes home and all he wants is to paw you, too.” Crossing her arms defensively, Josie added, “Just a little adult conversation was all I needed.”
“Yeah well, you try spending fourteen-hour days under the gun trying to prove yourself to clients and partners—to provide a good living for your family. Then, after a long day, coming home and listening to your wife complain about how hard her life is, like nothing I ever did was going to be good enough, would never make you happy.” He pointed a self-righteous finger at himself. “I worked my ass off to provide a decent life for you, a good home, security and what do you do? Turn into a drunk.”
He still didn’t get it. “Did you ever think that all this—this house, this lifestyle,” Josie motioned around the room, “is not what I wanted? I wanted you to need me.” Talking about how John cut her out of his life hurt, but she swallowed back her emotions and continued. “I wanted to be your partner, to be a part of you—part of your dreams.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re my wife, the mother of my children—”
“Great, go ahead,” Josie said. “Discount my feelings the way you always have. At least you’re starting to act normal again.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately. All of a sudden you’re talkative, attentive, coming to the kids’ activities—calling me ‘babe.’”
“Me? What about you?” Shaking his head, John said, “Since the trip, you’ve become opinionated, sarcastic, and…interesting.” Then with wistful eyes he said, “A lot like the woman I married.”
“The woman you married?” Oh, I don’t think so! “The woman you married was the Judge’s daughter, and the only reason you married her was to further your career. Then, when you got everything you wanted, you proceeded to have an affair with the woman you really wanted to marry in the first place!”
“Is that what you think happened?” John asked, as if nothing could be further from the truth. “I may have had an affair, but it takes two to screw up a marriage, Jocelyn. I didn’t do this all by myself.”
“Oh yeah? Well, no one held a gun to your head, forcing you to sleep with Trisha.”
Josie spilled the words out before she noticed that they weren’t alone. Dressed in his superman pajamas, his newly acquire
d blue belt tied around his waist, Bobbie was standing tentatively in the kitchen doorway.
Josie softened her tone. “Hey, buddy, you need something?”
“Is everything okay, Momma?” he asked, sheepishly eyeballing his angry, fighting parents.
“Sure. Your daddy and I are just talking, that’s all.” Josie forced a smile through her quivering lips.
“Are you gonna tuck us in?” Bobbie asked like he wished he hadn’t.
It was at that very moment Josie realized she and John had never fought in front of the children, or at all for that matter. Instead, all these years they’d chosen to simply avoid communication, negative or otherwise.
“Of course—come on,” Josie said, crossing the kitchen. Spinning Bobbie around, she steered him down the hall toward his room.
“Daddy, you comin’?” Bobbie called over his shoulder.
John followed.
Josie and John continued their argument by shooting scathing glances at one another as they walked silently down the hall. After tucking in the boys, and then Beth, while pretending to be happy, doting parents, John followed Josie out of their daughter’s room, closing the door behind him. Heading toward the master bedroom, Josie didn’t even bother to turn and face John before starting back in.
Using an angry whisper, she said, “I can’t believe you have the nerve to blame me for your affair.” After stepping into the bedroom, Josie turned to see John right behind her.
“That’s not what I meant—” he started.
With one hand on each of the double doors, Josie blocked his entry into the bedroom. “Don’t think you’re coming in here!”
Holding his hands up in surrender, John stepped back, apologizing. “My bad.” He started to say something else, but Josie slammed both doors in his face before he could get one more word out.
Fists clenched, Josie paced the carpet between the door and the bed. “He has some nerve blaming our lame excuse for a marriage on me!” she muttered to herself. “He’s the one who ignored me all these years, accusing me of not wanting sex. How many nights did I lay here waiting for him while he was getting it from someone else? What wife wouldn’t need to drink?” Her anger seethed from her gut, threatening to rupture from the top of her head. She stopped pacing, and snatching a pillow from the bed, hurled it end over end into John’s autographed picture of Bear Bryant. The portrait fell to the floor in a tragic crash of shattered glass and tattered possibilities.