This decision should be a no-brainer. Her bank account had recently dipped into her overdraft. She couldn’t stay here, basically unemployed, for much longer.
Besides, this was what she’d wanted. Still wanted. She just wanted it not to come at the cost of the man she was falling in love with. She shook her head. She couldn’t be falling for Jake that fast, could she? She’d only known him for five months, and most of that time, she’d paid little or no attention to him. He’d made it easy to not like him.
Then things had changed. He’d changed. Yet he knew she was planning to leave, and they hadn’t discussed what would happen next. She should be grateful he wasn’t asking her to stay or trying to get serious. How could she fall for a guy she didn’t really know that well? How could she possibly miss him when she left?
Unfortunately, the knot in her stomach told her she would. She would miss him, and she was definitely falling for him.
Her cell phone chimed with a new text, and she smiled at the picture of Jake standing next to his three-foot tree on her screen.
She needed to talk to him. She had a huge decision to make, and while her common sense—and her sister—told her she couldn’t base such an important choice on Jake, she wanted to give him one last chance to open up, to tell her exactly what was going on with him. She needed to know she’d be making the right move by listening to her head and leaving, when her heart was demanding that she listen to it instead. She needed to have the confidence to reboot her career in New York without a shadow of a doubt that she was where she was supposed to be, doing what she was supposed to do.
And she couldn’t have that confidence without being certain this thing with Jake wasn’t going anywhere. That a future with him was not possible. If he still refused to open up and be honest with her, if he refused to tell her why he wouldn’t go back to New York—not for his family and not for her—then that was it. It would be over, and she would move on.
Finally, she read the text. Be there in five. Dress warmly.
Obviously their date was something outside. She went to the front closet, debating her choices: warm and frumpy thermal coat that kept her toasty but made her look like a marshmallow or stylish and slim-fitting wool that accentuated her waist but left her mind-numbingly cold? “Vic, how cold is it outside?” she asked her friend as Victoria entered the B and B a second later.
Victoria was bundled in a long parka, a hat, scarf and mittens, and she was still shivering as she set the baby’s car seat on the floor. Baby Harper’s eyes were the only thing visible beneath layers of clothing and the blanket wrapped tightly around her. “Let’s just say my breast milk has ice cubes in it.”
“That’s pretty cold.” She reached for the thermal jacket and her matching cashmere hat and glove set. She was wearing a flattering V-neck sweater and jeggings and her peppermint body lotion—Jake’s favorite. She just had to make sure they went somewhere indoors at some point so he could enjoy the sight and smells beneath the Michelin Man costume. If this was her last chance to get some clarification from the guy about his feelings and where he saw this going, she wanted to use everything she had to persuade him to say the words that she longed to hear.
Which were what? The thought made her pause.
“Where is Jake taking you?” Victoria asked. She removed her warmer layers and put her boots against the heater in the hallway to dry.
“He wouldn’t tell me, which makes it impossible to get dressed.”
A sound of a car pulling into the driveway made her stomach flip. “He’s here.”
“Tonight’s the night, huh?”
She nodded. “I’ve been putting it off long enough. I have to tell him.”
“What do you think he’s going to say?”
“I really don’t know.” That was the most terrifying part. If he was upset about her taking the job in the city, she’d be torn, wondering whether she should accept the position or not. But if he wasn’t upset...that would be so much worse. They hadn’t exactly told one another how they were feeling yet, but she was pretty sure he was falling just as hard and fast as she was.
“Well, try not to worry about it and just enjoy your evening,” was her friend’s advice.
But Heather knew she had to say something, and maybe it was like pulling off a Band-Aid—better to do it quickly and get it over with right away. Otherwise, it would weigh on her all evening.
As she opened the door to the B and B and stepped outside, she prepared her speech. The only part she was unsure of was her time frame for leaving. They wanted her there for the twenty-third to sign off on the position and attend the corporate Christmas party, but...
A snowball hit her arm, breaking into her thoughts, followed immediately by another one to the chest. “Hey!” she said, forgetting everything she’d been rehearsing as she stooped to gather a handful of snow.
Jake hid behind the open driver’s-side door of the squad car, and she could see a pile of snowballs on the ground in front of him.
“That’s not fair! You need to let me get my own stack,” she said, forming balls quickly, but not as quickly as he was making more and launching them toward her.
“There’re no rules in a snowball fight,” he said, tossing another one just as she bent to gather her own handful. The snow landed above her collar, and cold, wet slush seeped down the inside of her V-neck sweater. “Oh, my God—cold!” she said, trying to scoop snow away from her neckline.
Laughing, he moved toward her, removing his gloves. “Sorry. Here, let me help.”
Instead, she grabbed his shoulders and tripped him, dropping him on his butt. “For a cop, you’re awfully trusting,” she said, staring down at him.
Without a word, he reached for her leg, knocking her off balance and pulling her onto the snowbank next to him. In an instant, her butt and legs were soaked. “Great, now we are both wet and freezing,” she said, standing and dragging him to his feet.
“This is nothing. I wasn’t kidding when I said to dress warmly. This is just the beginning.”
* * *
TEN MINUTES LATER, they stood at the top of a steep, icy hill at the edge of the town park. “Are you kidding?” Heather asked.
He hadn’t been. Now he wasn’t so sure. He’d heard the kids at the community center talking about this epic sledding hill, and he’d thought they were exaggerating. Now, standing at the top of a hundred-foot slope with a forty-degree incline, he was starting to believe the outrageous stories the kids had been telling. “This is nothing,” he said, hoping he sounded brave, placing the two-person toboggan he’d borrowed from Mrs. Kelly’s shed on the ground and climbing on. Now that he’d brought her here, he couldn’t exactly wimp out. “Climb on.”
“No, thanks.”
“All of those little kids are doing it,” he said, amazed that it was true. On the hill, kids who looked as young as five and six were jumping on their sleds with excitement and sailing down at breakneck speed.
Kids were fearless...or dumb.
“Peer pressure doesn’t work on me.” She watched with a horrified expression as two kids flew off of their sleds and rolled several feet, when they reached the bottom of the hill. When they stood up, laughing and high-fiving, she muttered, “Children are insane.”
“Come on. You’re not going to make me be the only adult sledding, are you?”
A long row of parents stood at the side of the hill, watching in terror probably, sipping hot chocolate while their children participated in the winter sport.
She shrugged. “This was your idea—go nuts.”
“Look, it’s safe. We even have a steering wheel,” he said, wiggling it. It came loose and broke off in his hands. “Had a steering wheel.”
“How old is that sled, anyway?”
Wooden with metal skids, it had to be at least forty years old. Mrs. Kelly had sa
id her own kids had used it. “I don’t know. Just get on.” He was starting to lose his nerve, and if he didn’t do this soon, he wouldn’t at all.
“You go first. If you survive, I’ll think about it,” she said.
“Fine.” He put his feet up.
“Want a push?” she asked, going behind him.
“No!” He put one foot back out on the ground and turned to face her. “But I’ll take a kiss in case I die.”
She laughed as she leaned forward to kiss him, and in an instant, he’d grabbed her and placed her on the sled in front of him.
Panicking, she flailed, and in her desperate attempts to get off, she sent the sled in a spiral. A second later, they were headed down the hill...backward.
His heart raced as they picked up speed, and Heather’s scream grew louder. “Relax, I’ll try to turn us around,” he said, shifting their weight to the left and eventually righting the sled.
Seeing where they were going didn’t make things much better. The ground flew by beneath them, cold wind and powder blowing up into their faces. The snow was too firm from all the other kids going up and down, so that digging his heels in to slow them wasn’t working.
“Trees,” Heather whispered, her voice full of terror. Through her gloves, her nails dug into his hands at her waist.
He glanced up. They were headed straight for a group of trees at the edge of the hill. “Grab the steering,” he said, trying to keep the note of panic out of his voice and failing. Big, snow-covered pines were getting closer by the second.
“You broke it!” She threw her feet onto the ground, but the movement sent them spiraling again.
Faster and faster the sled went, as they descended the hill and approached the trees. They were only a few feet away from the thick trunks. They were going to hit. “We need to bail.”
“What?”
“On three, go to the right,” he said in her ear, his grip tightening on her waist, ready to yank her off with his own body weight if she refused to jump.
“Jake—”
“One, two, three!” he said, as they both hurled themselves off the sled.
They rolled several feet as the sled continued and crashed into the pines, breaking into two pieces. Sitting up, they stared at it.
“That was fun,” Heather said.
He wrapped an arm around her, and she rested her head against his shoulder. He kissed her hair, her hat lost somewhere on the hill. “Ah, they say surviving a near death experience only makes a relationship stronger.” Relationship? Where had that word come from? Maybe she hadn’t noticed.
But she’d obviously picked up on it. Heather stiffened at his side, pushing off of his shoulder to turn to face him. “I was offered the job in New York.”
His stomach clenched, as if he’d been punched, but he shook it off. He had been expecting this. He’d had no doubt she’d get the position. This was good. She was going back to the city, where he would be again one day. Hopefully, soon. But the thought only made him feel ever more uneasy. Here in Brookhollow, he’d been able to let go a little and follow his heart for once; but back in the city, back at his high-danger job, things would be different. He forced a smile. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”
She didn’t appear happy at his response. “They want me to start January 4, but they’d like me in the city by December 23.”
Before Christmas. That sucked. The longer Heather had been waiting to hear from Highstone, the more hopeful he’d become that she’d at least consider staying for the holidays, or at least until Christmas Day. But that wasn’t fair, either—he knew she wanted to spend Christmas with Cameron and her family.
He took a deep breath. “This is amazing, Heather. It’s what you wanted.” There were so many reasons why this opportunity was great for her...it was just hard to keep them at the forefront of his mind when disappointment threatened to strangle him. When she left, he’d be alone in his tiny apartment, with his tiny tree, surrounded by memories of her and the peppermint smell she’d left on his sofa cushions. He cleared his throat. “Now you can spend Christmas with your sister.”
“I know... I had just been hoping to spend it with you,” she said softly.
It was exactly what he’d been hoping for, as well. And hearing her say it... But she couldn’t pass up this opportunity. She had been dying to leave Brookhollow, and she’d been eager to get this job. He couldn’t be the reason she stayed. Especially when he had no plans of staying himself. He struggled to choose his words carefully. “I’d like that, too, but you can’t stay if your new boss is expecting you there. You want to make a good impression. And your family is waiting for you, too.”
She studied him for a minute. “Would you come to New York for Christmas?”
Crap. He knew that must have taken a lot for her to ask. Putting herself out there, allowing her emotions to show, being vulnerable. He sighed before shaking his head. “I can’t.”
She touched his shoulder. “Jake, I haven’t brought any of this up over the last week because I’ve been having too great of a time with you, but I need to know...is your family... I mean, your sister...is she...alive?” she whispered.
His eyes widened, and he snapped up his head to look at her. “Yes, of course she’s alive.” He ran a hand through his hair. This was a disaster. She was staring at him as if she wasn’t sure whether or not to believe him. He had to say something. He took a deep breath. “She’s alive,” he said softly. “She and Kyle just moved out of the city for a while...”
“Around the same time you came here?” She eyed him with open curiosity.
Her imagination was probably running wild, but he truly felt no information was better than lies. “Yes. Things are complicated, Heather.”
“Okay.” She breathed a sigh of relief. “Well, I’m sorry I assumed the worst.”
He nodded.
A long moment of awkward silence passed before she spoke. “So, will they be coming to see you at Christmas?”
His gut tightened. “I’m not sure...” It wasn’t a complete lie. And he didn’t know what else to say. He saw a lonely Christmas in his future. In fact, he was starting to see a lot of loneliness in his future. Lying to people he cared about, never being able to be completely truthful about himself wasn’t fair to anyone. Getting involved with anyone when he lived the life he did was wrong. He wished he could shut off the feelings he had for Heather, but he couldn’t.
She turned to face him, her eyes unreadable, illuminated by the pole lamps at the edge of the toboggan hill. “Fine. If you don’t want to tell me anything else, just answer this one question—what happens to us?”
His heart was torn. He took her hands and held them firmly as he slowly shook his head. “I’m not sure. But I do know you should take the job in the city.”
Her mouth gaped, then she clamped her lips shut. “Oh,” she muttered, looking away.
God, how was he supposed to do this without hurting her? “I just know how much you want this job...”
“What if I want you more?”
His heart stopped. She was falling for him as much as he was falling for her. Fantastic, wonderful, terrible, devastating. Could he tell her the truth? Could he trust her with his life? His family’s well-being?
He’d known her less than six months. Her sister was his lawyer, and she’d lose it if he told Heather. But what was he supposed to say at this exact moment when she was looking to him for answers? For confirmation that what they had was real.
“Heather...”
“Jake, I realize you think you’re doing the right thing by letting me go, but the truth is I’m falling in love with you. In the end, what good is a career when I’m coming home to an empty apartment every night? I’ve never met anyone who’s ever made me feel the way you do. How do I walk away from that? I don’t want to walk away from
that.” She stared at him, waiting, silently pleading with him to give her the answer she wanted to hear.
This wasn’t fair. He wanted to grab her, kiss her, tell her to stay...
“Heather, this thing between us...we both said it was just...fun.” He choked on the words. This wasn’t just fun. This was as torturously real as it got.
Her eyes glistened, and she pulled her hands away. “What are you saying, Jake? That you don’t feel the same way about me? That I’ve misread everything going on between us? I’m not buying it,” she said, but the confidence in her voice wavered.
Just tell her the truth. Believe in the woman you’re falling in love with. Trust in her. He urged himself to say the words and hope she could forgive his deception. But he hesitated, an image of Amber and Kyle, of Leo Gonzales, and of Cameron’s angry look playing on a maddening loop in his mind.
“Jake?”
Her heartbroken expression was too much. Turning to face her, he took her hands in his. “Heather, I haven’t been completely honest with you.”
She sighed. “I know!”
“No, I mean about everything—the reason I’m here, my past...” He searched her face, wondering if she would understand once he told her the truth. He swallowed hard before continuing. “Amber and Kyle are under the witness protection program.”
She sucked in a breath.
“So am I, sort of...” He paused and ran a hand over his face. So much rested on his trust in her. “Six months ago, I was undercover working a drug case. My cover was blown, and I had to leave the city.” That was as far as his confession would go. There was no way he could tell her the rest—that he’d decided to come to Brookhollow to be close to Newark. Or that he was waiting on a call to once again put his life on the line for the case.
“Who are you?” she whispered, looking at him as though she didn’t recognize him anymore.
He held her hands tightly. “I’m still me...my name isn’t Jake Matthews, it’s Jacob Marx, but everything else I told you was true.” He paused. “Except my birthday...”
Love, Lies & Mistletoe Page 18