by Jarrod, Cait
She licked her lips, her concentration on him so intense he wondered which way her thoughts went. Would she smack him or kiss him? With his heart trying to beat a hole in his chest, he didn’t wait another second to taste her and demonstrate what went through his mind. He cupped her face and brought his mouth to hers.
She leaned into the kiss, her hands grasping his shirt, holding the material tight as if her life depended on the support, while her lips devoured his. She slid her tongue across his lips and plunged into his mouth. Her flavor, pure and simple Cadence, burst into his mouth. He growled. His body jumped on board. His erection pushed against his jeans, caused discomfort against the zipper, and pleaded not to wait until he confirmed she would be with no one else.
The kiss grew hungrier, firmer. She sipped his lips as if she’d never sampled anything so pleasing, worshipping him. The mighty inferno breaking around them, igniting their suppressed emotions didn’t add up. This kiss wasn’t from someone who’d kick another out of his or her life. This was a she-missed-the-hell-out-of-me kiss.
She sighed into his mouth, and he about came unhinged. Sinking a hand into her hair, he tilted her head, angling it to take the kiss deeper. The emotional overload of touching his girl took away their issues. He wanted her here, now, and forever. The shocking revelation made him skeptical of the strength in his feelings and the thoughts passing through his mind. His girl.
Then slowly, very slowly, reasoning returned to his muddled brain. Discovery of Cadence’s secret took precedence before allowing his body or heart to become hooked on her. But darn it, he went head first into her vortex and loved every minute of it too. But now, it was time. He kissed her lips slowly, with meaning. If it was their last one, he’d have something to remember. Pulling away so their lips lingered against each other until the last possible moment, he looked into her eyes and waited for the dilation to return. “We have to talk.”
She clutched his wrists and nodded her head as the tears welled. “I fear once I spill, you won’t want any more to do with me. That scares me.”
She had discarded him easily at the hospital, how could she have these thoughts now? “I’m listening.”
When she tried to get up, he firmed his grip on her hips. “Stay.”
“If you promise not to yell, or—” she whispered then swallowed, “hit.”
Anger seethed through his veins and covered him in heat, not the delicious kind. “My God, Cadence, what do you think of me? You accuse me of pity fucking you, and now you’re suggesting I might hit you? What have I ever done to make you think I’m such a lowlife?”
Tears fell and she moved her head slightly as she pulled her lips inward. “It’s not you,” she slipped her hand over the side of his face. “Sweet, sweet man, it’s not you. I’m broken and I keep lashing out. I’ve done something so terrible that you would have every right to hit me.”
His breath ripped from his throat. He’d never hit anyone except in self-defense. She knew this. “What on God’s green earth did you do?” He paused. “Son of a bitch,” he grumbled, hating he used the same phrase his father did when shocked.
“Remember the crash?” Her words drifted out on a puff of air.
Almost two years had passed since he’d laid eyes on the vehicle that’d picked up Trina and Cadence from the bar. The driver’s side had been demolished to the point of being unrecognizable. The passenger door panels crushed. Amazingly, Trina and Cadence survived. The driver hadn’t. “How could I not?”
“It was my fault, the driver d-d-ied.”
“Bullshit!” Cadence had sat next to Trina in the backseat. “The driver who hit you caused his death.”
“No-o.” Her head shook so fast, and her eyes held pain like he’d never seen.
He cupped her face. “Focus on me. Look in my eyes. See me?”
She stopped moving her head and stilled. “Yes,” she said weakly.
“Your driver lost control of the car after he was hit. Not your fault, not his either. You’re not responsible.”
“But Bradley, I a-am. If I had been honest with Trina that night we wouldn’t have drank. We wouldn’t have gotten into the car. That drunk driver wouldn’t have hit us, and our driver wouldn’t have died. I killed him.” She bolted to her feet. “I killed him!” Her hands turned to fists as she punched the air toward the ground. “Me. I was freaking selfish!”
His brain tried to keep up with what she said, but it still wasn’t working on all cylinders; nothing made sense. He got to his feet and grasped her arms. “No you weren’t. You helped your best friend through a tough time by having a few drinks. There’s nothing selfish about hanging out with your friend and talking through her problems. Thanks to you, she saw reason. Her and Matt are together today because of what you did for them, not to them.”
She jerked her arms out of his hands and gave him her backside. “You’re wrong!”
Damn, thickheaded woman. “What about me? You called and asked me to get the car. I said I would later. If I had come, then neither of you would have been a passenger.”
“It’s not the same.”
He lifted his chin. “How is it not?”
Time stood still as he watched her twist ever so slightly. Moisture covered her reddened face. The corners of her mouth turned downward even further, her pupils darkened to a deeper hue, and her skin paled. The sense the world would crash around him blazed through him like a wild horse stampede. He couldn’t feel, couldn’t move, just blinked as the next second felt like minutes.
“You didn’t kill our baby boy.”
****
The sun lowered in the sky, the bright stream cast over Bradley’s features and prevented Cadence from reading his face. With every passing second, his posture grew more rigid, tossing her insides into a fit of angry bees. Cadence hugged her waist tighter and waited, waited for his wrath. Waited for him to yell, “I hate you. Get out!” The same words Dad had used on Mom when she aborted her baby sister without telling him.
The barn door creaked open and Matt appeared, followed by Trina and another man she didn’t want to see. Not now, while she and Bradley were in the middle of telling scars.
“Hey Bradley,” Matt said, oblivious to the smothering tension. “This is Jace. He’ll help break Cadence.”
“Thor,” Trina clarified, closing the door.
Her friend’s husband chuckled, but Cadence focused on Bradley, watching his gaze go from Jace to her. Lord, what must have gone through his mind. His hardening features sucked the light from his face and made her physically ache.
Autumn and Travis bee-bopped inside the barn, almost dancing. Terrific, just one happy family while her insides died. “We’re engaged!” Travis’ new fiancé’s light gray eyes beamed.
Hopper squealed and jumped sideways, acting just as excited as his owner.
Fan-fucking-tastic!
Trina hugged Autumn while Matt fist bumped his brother. “Congratulations,” Cadence managed to say in somewhat of a cheerful voice, trying not to draw awareness to the tension running between her and Bradley. But attention was what she got. Four sets of eyes stared at her while Bradley eyed the barn door as if he planned to escape.
“What’s wrong?” Autumn surprised her by being the first one to reach out.
Ever since Bradley arrived, she and Trina hadn’t been on good ground. Who was she kidding? Before he came, her and her best childhood friend didn’t chat much, not as they used to. Trina moved toward her brother, the silent support the siblings gave for one another. She knew, since she used to stand right beside them when they had faced off with their parents. She was on her own. No one to confide in—not about this—and as nice as Autumn was, Cadence wouldn’t pull anyone else into this difficult situation.
“I’ll wait outside,” Jace said, pointing to the doors.
“Yeah, you do that,” Bradley barked and received a glare from Matt. The cowboy nodded his head with a hat tip, not offended by his remark, and left.
All eyes turned ba
ck to her. The inspection gave her a cold, familiar, empty sensation. The mirror reflected the same disgusted look each time she checked her makeup or clothes. But this time, the scrutiny stole her air, brought her self-esteem down to a whole new level. “I’ll leave…its best,” she said more to herself then to the group.
“No!” Autumn rushed forward and touched her arm, stopping her before she fled. “Don’t go.”
“Good advice from a runner,” Travis said, winking at his fiancé.
“We’ll leave.” Autumn hugged her, shocking her again. “You two talk.”
“I agree. They need privacy.” Trina grabbed Autumn’s hand and tugged her to the door. “Let’s talk engagement party over coffee.”
Travis scooped up Hopper and Matt followed.
“I stole her thunder,” Cadence whispered. “I’m just one fuckup after another waiting to happen.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant?” Bradley clipped. “For you to feel like you killed our child by the choices you made then you knew…for what…a day? Days? A week? Yet,” his voice grew rough, “you didn’t think I had a right to know?”
“I found out two days before I returned home from vacation. I didn’t know what to do.” Her excuses seemed lame, and the anger radiating off the body that gave her so much comfort minutes ago, scorched her. On wobbly legs, she shifted to one of the stalls and leaned against its wall. “I planned to talk to Trina.”
“My sister gets priority over the father?” She hadn’t thought the pain in his tone could get worse. It did.
Heart pounding out of control, she sucked in a breath and held a hand to her chest as the ache pierced her heart, adding to the self-inflicted scars. “No.” She rested her head back, squeezed her eyes, and released a breath. I’ll get through this. I can do this. It’s off my chest now. He knows, and soon the whole happy family will. A few more minutes, and I’ll escape. Go to the nearest bar, drown my sorrows, and find some man to have some meaningless sex, and forget I exist.
“Look at me!” He growled, his presence surrounding her. The pain in his eyes would last her a lifetime. She would just keep her eyes shut and wait him out. Soon, he’d get tired of her foolishness, her deceit, and take off. “Open your eyes, Cadence.”
“You’ve grown balls. Big ones,” she said, going back to their previous conversation in hopes to rid the tension and bide her time from his anger until she left…for good.
“They’re not up for discussion. Now, open them!”
She did, and looked straight into his greenish-blues with strands of his sun-tipped hair dangerously close to falling into them. Her fingers itched to move the wavy locks out of his way. His eyes, while firm, held compassion and remorse. “It’s gonna take me some time to digest what you’ve told me.”
“I—”
He put a finger to her lips. “Let me finish.” When she nodded, he slid a hand over his face. “You’ve had two years to get used to all of this. I have to digest the excitement that I would have felt for becoming a father, and then deal with the grief of losing a child.”
“You didn’t lose your child.”
“The hell I didn’t!” He hissed out a breath. “Please don’t say anything. I’m not in the mood or of the mind to argue.” He braced a hand on a support beam beside her and leaned close. “Listen to me. I lost a baby just like you did. You carried him—” He inched back, his face darkening like a storm cloud. “Wait, you said the baby was a boy. There’s no way to know the gender that early.” His eyes closed and his jaw clenched. “The baby couldn’t have been mine. There’s no way to know you’re pregnant in less than a month. Why fuck with me like this?” His fist hitting the boarded wall she leaned against echoed his anger.
“Tell that to the doctor in Cancun then,” she sobbed. “Then explain to the doctor at the hospital who spouted out the news I lost my baby in front of my parents. Can you imagine hearing the news with them?”
“Clarify how you knew the sex.” When some of the tension lessened in his tight expression and shoulders, it gave her hope that he might understand.
“Instinct,” she said, lifting a shoulder. “In my heart, I believe our baby was a boy.”
Eyes that had filled with disgust now brightened, yet the specs of blue didn’t shine from his irises. The greenish-blue that resided in his eyes when content made him unique, irresistible. What Bradley meant to her tumbled through her mind. He was her best friend’s brother, her pal, but there was more, so much more. And now, with what she’d done, how was she to put stock in her feelings and believe she deserved him?
“Jesus Christ, give me strength.” He pulled her into his arms, his chest vibrated against hers. “Why did you shut me out?”
The ache in his voice and his touch shot truth serum to her veins. The urge to tell him not only her reasons but to confess what stayed in her heart remained. That’d be too much, and she suppressed the impulse. “Because I couldn’t face you. I never wanted to see the pain on your face.”
Bradley’s arms tightened, her arms voluntarily closed around his back, and she clutched his shirt. For a long time they stayed that way, both crying. After a good while, he gripped her shoulders and stepped back. His wet eyes tore at her insides. The longer he watched her, the more she realized she confided too late. They cried for the loss of their baby and the loss of not having each other in their lives, but the tears didn’t heal the scars she inflicted on him.
****
Bradley came from the old school way of looking at life: things happened for a reason. Though that thought didn’t work for him now. He either went the old school route or let it give him an ulcer. Nothing he did would change what the past threw in his face anyway. Tackling the present, Cadence and her manipulation, was a different story.
“The one thing, amongst others, I cherished was your honesty and your candor.” He shifted his focus between her green eyes that used to possess such depth that he’d lose himself in them. Now, he saw only their color. “Right or wrong, I feel betrayed. You alienated me.” Made him a villain. Sent him packing, and crashed his dreams of their future together.
This close to her, processing her actions was impossible. He didn’t hate her, or even despise her. He just didn’t know how to deal with his jumbled emotions. While his thoughts went on a chaotic backwoods trail race, his body went on alert that Cadence had been in his arms, soft and loving.
He put space between them and leaned against the hay bale. “We’ve known each other since I gave you my dessert in grade school. Hell, I ate your vegetables so the teacher didn’t fume. Yet, you shoved me away.” Their behavior as children should have nothing to do with their adult lives, but it did. He was always there for her, giving and doing whatever she needed.
“I know.” Her whispered tone pinched his insides. There would be nothing better than to pull her into his lap and hold her as he did last night. Right now, he needed to go brain-dead for a few hours. Maybe then he would be able to get his thoughts together and put everything into perspective.
“Bradley, I—”
“Leave it, Cadence. I can’t wrap my mind around what has happened, much less understand what else you might say.” Because he was a glutton for punishment, he cupped her cheek and brushed a kiss over her lips. “Forgive yourself.” With that, he snatched a jacket off a hook near the door, exited the back of the barn, and welcomed the chilly morning air against his face. Unfortunately, it did nothing to cool off his overheated skin.
Since Trina moved out to Montana, she and Matt had added on more buildings and animals. The latest construction was a barn for horses along with the round pen. The scent of hay and horses hung in the air as he strolled into the barn.
“I have a surprise for you.” Trina came up behind him and didn’t inquire about Cadence. An act he was thankful for.
“I need some good news.”
“Last stall on the right.” Knowing instantly what she’d done, his heart filled with appreciation and love for his sister’s tho
ughtfulness. At the end of the line of stalls, a pink nose followed by a white patch and black head appeared. Cimmerian resembled Thor so much it was scary. “I’ve missed you, buddy.” Bradley stroked his nose as the horse shook his head as if in agreement. “How’d you get him, Tri? Dad would have never let him go if he knew you did it for me.”
She kissed the Marwari he received as a gift for his sixteenth birthday, leaned back against the adjacent stall, and rested her hands on her protruding belly. “Easy. I told them if they wanted to see their grandchild then they’d give me our horses.”
Lady, Trina’s thoroughbred, took that moment to stick her head out the stall and nudge her shoulder.
“You blackmailed him.”
“I did.” Grinning, she stroked Lady’s head and kissed her. “It wasn’t until Cadence got Thor that it even occurred to me to get our horses. They arrived last night while you were out.”
“I’m still surprised Dad agreed for you to have Cimmerian, considering he disinherited me.”
“I’ll be working on that one next. They want to visit once the baby is born.”
“Sis, I don’t want you to worry. I’ll figure out a way to coexist with them, though I don’t want their money.”
“Me either. It’s the principal.” The manner in which his parents, especially his mother, had tried to navigate Trina’s life was worse than the belittling they did to him. “Them controlling us,” she continued, “trying to make us succumb to their every wish. Bull hockey.”
“Bull hockey?” He laughed. “Trying not to swear for the baby’s sake?”
“Yes,” she ground out. “Sometimes it’s hard.”
“I appreciate what you’ve done, and are trying to do, with Mom and Dad—”
“Oh stop! You’d do the same for me. Remember, we have each other’s back, especially with those two.”
They did, always had, which brought up a sensitive subject. He didn’t want their sibling loyalty to become between her and Cadence. “Speaking of which—”