Do I want this? Am I ready for this? I’m honestly not sure of the answers, but I know if I don’t try, I’ll regret it.
In response to his question, I reposition myself so I’m sitting in his lap, his strong hands on either side of my thighs. My body grinds against him, his erection becoming very apparent. I bite my lip trying to hide a smile, loving that I turn him on so much.
As he kisses me again, his fingers work my shirt up over my stomach, his warm skin electric against my own. He lifts the shirt over my head, disposing of it on the floor. Next he reaches behind me and unclips my bra—faster than I could do myself. I narrow my eyes, wondering how many times he’s done this before.
He chuckles as if he can read my mind, and brings my face down for another kiss. The moment those lips press against mine, all my concerns disappear. It’s just me and him—there’s nobody else to think about.
Gently, he rolls the straps of my bra down over my arms, tossing it onto the floor with my shirt. He admires my form, naked from the waist up, his fingers gently trailing over the soft skin of my stomach.
I’ve never felt so exposed, yet strangely I love it. I love the way he looks at me, like nobody else in the world could satisfy his desire. When his hands cup my breasts and he slowly massages them, I groan, an unfamiliar buzz pooling in the pit of my stomach.
“Stand up,” he whispers.
I do so and he sits forward, slowly unbuttoning my jeans, not taking his eyes off mine. I feel the unmistakable sensation of my jeans rolling over my thighs and I shiver with anticipation and nerves about what I know is coming next. “You’re fucking beautiful.”
He stands up and pulls my body against him, his hands firmly clutching my ass. I squeal as my feet leave the safety of the ground, and it takes me a moment to realize that I’m in his arms.
He marches down the hallway with purpose as I wrap my arms around his neck. We move into his bedroom, where he gently lays me down on his bed.
“You’re lucky it was laundry day,” he smirks, stroking the hair away from my eyes. “And that I could be bothered changing the sheets.”
I laugh, his joke calming my nerves as my fingers work their way under the confines of his T-shirt, my hands running over his warm, sculpted chest.
With one hand, he lifts it over his head and tosses it through the air. He positions himself between my legs and props himself up on his arm so he can shrug his way out of his sweatpants.
I whimper softy as his hardness presses against my thigh. My body aches for him, but my mind is a mess of conflicting thoughts that I’m struggling to turn off. His lips meet mine again, his smell intoxicating. My heart craves him but my head is screaming no. Pushing him away, I sit up, my body shaking.
I’m a mess. I’m a fucking mess.
“What is it? Are you okay?” he asks, wrapping his arms around me. I shrug him off, even his touch too much for me at the moment.
“I can’t do this,” I say, my voice cracking. “I’m sorry, but I can’t…”
“Shh, it’s okay,” he whispers. I jump up and start searching for my clothes. All I know is I have to get out of here. Tears stream down my face as I search frantically for my shirt.
“Kiara, look at me.” He stands in front of me now, his hands around my arms, pulling me upright. My face rises and our eyes meet. The pain feels so raw, and the understanding in his eyes makes me feel worse. “Don’t go. We don’t have to do anything, but I don’t want you leaving like this.”
“How can I stay?” I whimper. I shiver, my knees buckling under me. He lifts me into his arms and carries me over to the bed, covering me with the sheets. I don’t fight it. I’m too tired to fight. Climbing in next to me, his body presses against mine, his arms wrapped protectively around my naked waist. Slowly, the panic begins to pass. The room is silent, apart from the sound of my heavy breathing. Max kisses the back of my neck, not saying a word.
We lay there, entangled in each others arms all night. We don’t speak, because we don’t need to. Nothing needs to be said.
Knowing he’s here for me is all I need.
Chapter Twenty
Max
It’s been over a week since we almost had sex, and while I’ve seen her plenty of times outside of work since then, things aren’t as relaxed as they used to be. I chuckle to myself as I sit down at my desk with a coffee. When have things ever been truly relaxed between us?
It’s Thursday evening, and while I should’ve been home an hour ago, I’m determined to get the rest of this shit done, which will allow me to a weekend without worrying about work. We’re getting close to the end of the school year, which means reports, teacher evaluation meetings, and preparation for the next school year.
On top of all that, I’m racking my mind trying to think of a way to show Kiara how much she means to me. I need her to know I’m willing to wait for as long as it takes for her to be comfortable moving on. The thought of not being with her at all…it just isn’t an option.
A plan hatches in my head. I call Grant to see if he can help.
“Yo,” he says, answering my call. “What’s up?”
“I need a favor. I want to surprise Kiara with a weekend away. Would you guys be able to look after Tilly this weekend?”
“Sure, no problem. Good work, man. A romantic getaway will serve you well.” He chuckles. “I guess that means things are going well?”
“They’re not going bad.” I grin. “I don’t want to jinx anything, but I really like her. I’m hoping to show her that by doing something nice to take her mind off things, you know?”
“Yeah. She’s a good girl. I hate that all this is happening to her,” Grant agrees. “She deserves to have some good happen in her life.”
We chat for a few more minutes, and arrange to catch up the following weekend for a drink. Hanging up, I’m excited to start planning our weekend away. Work can wait. I pull out my laptop and load up Google. I have the perfect place in mind.
Set in the hills, the retreat I have in mind offers secluded cabins advertised as perfect for a romantic getaway. The description of the wraparound balcony and huge sunken hot-tub in the living room seal the deal for me. I book us for two nights. In the back of my mind, I’m worried that she’s going to say no. If that turns out to be the case, I guess Grant and I will be sharing a hot-tub.
***
Somehow, I manage to get through the next day without giving the game away. She leaves work on Friday, hinting that maybe she’ll see me over the weekend at some point. I take that as a good sign. Not telling her is proving to be harder than I thought. My plan is to turn up at her house tonight after work and whisk her away, but I’ve always sucked at keeping surprises a secret.
As early as I can drag myself away from my office, I go home and pack. I throw a few things in a bag and quickly have a shower before setting off to pick up Kiara. As I pull up in her driveway, panic is beginning to set in. We’ve been getting closer, but spending a weekend together is a pretty big deal. With all the stress she’s been under, I’m beginning to think putting her on the spot like this wasn’t my smartest idea.
Too late now.
I walk up the path, almost tripping over a pair of pink roller skates and a pink bike, complete with training wheels. My heart is thumping so fast when I knock on the door. She’s going to say no. I can just feel it. I’m the master of bad timing.
She opens the door, her eyes lighting up when she realizes it’s me.
“Hey.” She smiles. “I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon.” She glances around. “Tilly is still up, but I guess you can come in.”
Fuck. I didn’t even think about how my turning up out of nowhere would affect Tilly. I should’ve arranged for Ellie to pick her up beforehand. The last thing I want her to feel is pressured to call us something when she’s not ready. How do you explain to a five-year-old that we’re just seeing where things go?
“Are you sure?” I hesitate.
She takes my hand and drags me inside. “
She’s got to get used to you eventually, right?” Her head tilts to the side and a smile slowly builds on her lips.
Her words spur me on. I lean in and give her a quick kiss on the lips. Her grin widens.
We walk inside. I’m crazy nervous about coming out about our relationship to Tilly and how she’ll react. As I walk into the living room, it quickly becomes apparent that I needn’t have worried. She sits cross-legged at the coffee table, surrounded by crayons and a coloring book.
“Hi, Mr. Walker,” she says, looking up from her work.
And that’s it. No explaining why I’m there on a Friday evening, no trying to simplify our relationship into a five-year-old’s language—she just accepts it. I can almost feel the weight lifting off my shoulders.
Kiara crouches down in front of Tilly and asks what she’s drawing.
“It’s a princess,” Tilly explains proudly.
I sit down and listen to them chat for a few minutes until Kiara gets up and joins me.
“That went better than I thought it would,” she whispers. Her eyes are bright and happy, and I can tell that Tilly’s reaction to us was a big concern for her. Her phone pings and she picks it up, reading the message with a confused expression on her face.
“What is it?” I ask.
“Ellie just texted me asking what time I’m dropping Tilly off,” she laughs.
I choke back a chuckle. “About that…I asked Grant and Ellie if they’d look after Tilly for the weekend so I can take you away.”
“Now?” Kiara asks, her eyes wide. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” I say with a grin. “Pack warm and we’ll get going.”
Kiara gets to her feet, looking frazzled. She shakes her head and disappears down the hallway, leaving Tilly and I alone in the living room.
I sit forward and study Tilly’s drawing. “You should add a dragon,” I say decisively.
“A dragon?” she whispers, her eyes wide. “Can you draw me a dragon, Mr. Walker?”
“’Course I can,” I brag, joining her on the floor. I stretch my legs out under the coffee table and reach for a crayon. God, it’s been years since I’ve used a crayon. It kind of makes me miss teaching.
Tilly and I continue coloring as we wait for Kiara to get ready. A few minutes later, she resurfaces carrying two small bags, her face flushed.
“I had no idea what to pack,” she giggles. “Especially since you won’t tell me where we’re going.”
“You’ll find out soon enough,” I grin, getting to my feet.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kiara
Opening my eyes, I groan as I ease my neck back into a more natural position while Max chuckles next to me. It takes a moment for me to remember where I am, the tall trees and running green hills we’re driving through sparking my memory.
“You slept most of the way,” he comments, a wry smile on his face.
“Sorry,” I say gingerly. “I guess I needed it. Where exactly are we going?”
“It’s not much further,” he promises, making it clear that I’m not going to be finding out until we get there.
I sink back into my seat and gaze out the window. Wherever we’re going, I know it’s going to be beautiful. Max slips his hand inside mine and I jump. I turn to face him, my heart racing. I process what I’m feeling and realize I like feeling him so close to me. I smile, suddenly feeling shy, as I curl my fingers around his.
I still cringe when I think about the other night. I go over and over it in my mind, wishing I could erase the whole memory—or at least go back and relive it. I haven’t had a panic attack that severe in years, and to have it at that moment of all moments…I shudder.
Regardless, I’m so glad I ended up spending the night. Being wrapped in his embrace, with no judgment or expectations, was exactly what I’d needed. My feelings are becoming less and less confused as it becomes apparent what I want.
I know what I want; the question is, am I strong enough to go after it?
We pull up outside a mud brick cabin with a beautiful wraparound balcony. The property sits on the edge of a cliff overlooking a stunning waterfall. I eagerly let myself out of the car and race up the stairs and onto the balcony to take in the view while Max gets our bags. The pang of guilt I feel leaving him to carry everything quickly dissipates when I see the bubbling hot tub in the corner of the deck.
“This place is amazing,” I gasp to Max, who has joined me through the internal sliding door.
“Wait until you see inside,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. “I wanted to take you somewhere special, and when I heard about this view I knew I couldn’t beat it.”
“This is amazing,” I repeat, my mind incapable of thinking anything else.
He takes my hand and leads me inside. I follow him, reluctantly dragging myself away from the view.
He’s right. If it’s at all possible, the inside of our cabin is even more luxurious and breathtaking than the view. Open plan and spacious, the living room is arranged around a huge open fire, and the kitchen boasts all the newest appliances—not that I plan on doing much cooking over the next couple of days.
I move through to the bedroom—the only bedroom—my jaw dropping open at the sight of the sprawling king-sized bed. Floor-to-ceiling windows look out over the balcony and into the stunning forest.
“You like it?” Max asks, creeping up behind me.
Turning around, I manage to nod. I don’t even want to think about how much this place must’ve cost him.
“It only has one room, but I’m more than happy to sleep on the sofa—”
“Max,” I interrupt, a smile playing on my lips. “It’s fine.”
“Only if you’re sure,” he says, his eyes studying mine.
“I’m sure,” I giggle, my fingers entwining in his. “And thank you. This is exactly what I need.”
***
We spend the rest of the afternoon exploring the retreat and making the most of our secluded location. After my second dip in the spa, Max hands me a towel, a grin on his face.
“What?” I say shyly, wrapping the towel around my naked body.
“You’re beautiful, that’s all,” he replies, bringing my face close to his. We kiss, and by accident or not, my towel falls to the floor. He leads me inside and over to the fireplace. “You’ll catch a cold,” he murmurs, wrapping a fresh towel around me. I laugh, because it’s still quite warm out. “And if we keep this up, we’ll be late for dinner.”
“Dinner?” I repeat. Who cares about food? Eating is the last thing on my mind right now.
“Go get ready,” he urges, pushing me in the direction of the bedroom.
I groan, but oblige, digging through my bag until I find the only dress I packed. It’s a simple black strapless dress that I pair with a charcoal jacket and some heels. I check my reflection in the mirror.
After I put on some make up and tie back my hair, I stroll back out to the living area, where Max is waiting for me. He’s dressed in dark pants and a deep purple shirt.
“Wow,” he mumbles. “You look incredible.” My face heats and I drop my gaze, feeling giddy inside. “Are you ready?” he asks. I nod, and begin walking toward the door. He chuckles. “Wrong way.”
“Huh?” I turn around, confused. And that’s when I see it. Out on our private deck is a table surrounded by lights, perfectly set for two. “It’s beautiful,” I breathe. “Did you do all this?” I was only gone from the room for half an hour at the most.
“I’d love to take credit, but no. It was management. We have a private chef cooking for us too,” he adds.
“I’m in shock that you went to all this trouble,” I whisper, my eyes welling. He takes my hand and guides me into his arms.
“I’d go to all the trouble in the world for you, Kiara.”
We sit down, taking in the sounds of the birds and wildlife surrounding us. A waiter comes out with a bottle of wine, pouring it into our two glasses.
“Shall we make a
toast?” I suggest. Max shrugs and raises his glass. “To spending a wonderful weekend together and leaving our problems behind.” We clink our glasses.
“To us,” Max agrees. “And to springing this on you last minute, leaving you no time to prepare.”
The funny thing is, if Max had told me about this trip a week ago I would’ve talked myself out of going. Having no time to prepare meant I also had no time to feel guilty. I’m determined to make the most of this. I don’t expect it to fix all that’s wrong with me, but maybe it will makes things clearer.
After a wonderful dinner, which included the most decadent chocolate fondant I’ve ever had, we relax in front of the fire in each others arms. We have music playing in the background as we get to know each other on a more intimate level. The three glasses of wine I’ve had have made me tipsy and relaxed. My nerves are non-existent as things begin to heat up.
“We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” he murmurs, kissing my neck. “I’m more than happy just lying here with you.”
“I want this,” I mumble. I roll over so he’s on top of me. We kiss, our tongues entwined. Maybe it’s the wine talking, but I feel ready. I’m tired of feeling bad about how I feel.
His fingers slip under my dress and run up my thighs, riding my dress up to around my waist. I breathe in as he loops his fingers around the edges of my thong, tugging it down over my bare legs.
Desire races through me as his fingers explore my body. He lifts the dress over my stomach and over my head, exposing my breasts. I’m not wearing a bra, which leaves me lying there, completely naked.
I gasp as his hands move over me, so turned on by his touch. He kisses me again, his lips tender and soft against mine as his fingers circle my nipples and massage my breasts.
“I need you,” I whisper, parting my legs. I wrap them around his waist, rocking my body against his. “You have no idea how much I need you inside of me.”
He grunts, shrugging out of his pants, grabbing a condom out of the pocket before they fall to the floor. He’s hard already. Slowly, I curl my fingers around his length and run my hands up and down. He groans, a look of ecstasy on his face. I guide him to my entrance and roll on the condom he hands me.
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