“The things you say…” He kissed her again, more slowly than before.
Enjoying the languor, she moved her mouth in time to his, imparting all that she felt for this man and savoring the moment as if it might be her last.
When he pulled away a short while later, his eyes held a hint of gratitude and despair. “We should stop for now.” He let her go, leaving her cold and alone. “At least until you have made up your mind.”
“How so?”
He smiled then, like a boy about to cause mischief. “I want you, Jane. I want you so much I can barely see straight when I think of it, but I also refuse to form an attachment to a woman who will not be completely honest with me.”
She stepped back swiftly, as if he’d slapped her. “First of all, you know I won’t be your mistress.”
“Then be my wife instead, Jane.
Had he really just offered marriage? Stunned, she shook her head. “That isn’t possible, James, and even if it were, I don’t know you well enough to consider such a permanent bond.”
“So you will not be my mistress or my wife? Yet you permit me to kiss you as though you would happily be both?”
She could understand his anger and his confusion. His values were so very different from those she’d grown up with. “You do not love me, Camden, and even if you did, I am not the sort of woman a man like you could ever think of marrying.”
Raising one hand, he raked his fingers roughly through his hair. “So this passion we share, this undeniable hunger we have for each other, means nothing to you?”
“It cannot. I refuse to allow it.” Already she felt the sting of regret, the loss she knew was about to come.
His features hardened and his eyes grew distant. “You want to marry for love and will settle for nothing less.” A grim bit of laughter was wrenched from his throat. “In truth, I have no choice but to admire your resolve, for it is stronger than mine. Where you are concerned, I am weak, ready to face the world’s disapproval if only to have you in my bed every night for the rest of my life.”
Jane shook her head in disbelief. “No. That is not weakness, James, it is folly. You are an earl, your father’s heir. Responsibility and duty—”
“Hang responsibility and duty!”
“You cannot mean that.” Jane forced herself to move away from him, aware that her heart was slowly being torn in two. She’d said what she’d felt was necessary in order to dissuade him, in order for her to have no regret or indecision when time came for her to leave. But rather than cast her aside, he’d offered her marriage.
Impossible.
And yet she could not help but consider it now, except she feared his sudden decision to make a scandalous choice for his future was born from the wrong reasons. All things considered, she suspected it had everything to do with physical attraction and hormones and very little to do with any developing form of affection.
In light of what she’d left behind, her break from Geoffrey and the knowledge that he had cared more about restricting her to a box she did not fit into than he had about her, made her want to ensure she made the right choice for herself where James was concerned. Because in the end, wanting to wrap her arms around a man and kiss him senseless wasn’t enough. More was required if the relationship was to last—a point for her to keep in mind in the early nineteenth century where marriage was for life and divorce a thing of fiction.
And that was provided she stayed – provided she chose to give up the life she’d always known for a man she’d met just a few days ago. She almost laughed at the preposterousness of it.
Overwhelmed, she dropped into the nearest chair and placed her head in her hands. She had to try and think clearly on this. She had to—
“Will you share your concerns with me?”
His voice was close, and she realized he’d lowered himself to his haunches, his face now level with hers.
“My concerns…” She shook her head. How on earth could she ever explain when her world had been flipped upside down and her mind was an absolute mess?
“You are clearly distressed.” His hand settled lightly upon her knee. “Confide in me, Jane. Allow me to help.”
Lowering her hands, she met his anxious gaze. “I wish I could but I can’t. You would never believe what I tell you, and your ensuing distrust of me would be crippling.”
Tilting his head, he seemed to consider that for a moment before eventually saying, “And yet it is your distrust of me that keeps you from opening up. How do you suppose I feel about that?” When she failed to answer, he asked a different question. “Do you still have feelings for this fiancé of yours? The one you ran away from? Is that what prevents you from accepting my offer?”
“No. No, it is nothing like that.”
“What then? Your past or…” He swallowed, tightened his grip on her knee. “I would not judge you harshly if you were to tell me your innocence has been compromised.”
Steeling herself, Jane nodded. “That is part of it.”
He had the decency not to look the least bit horrified by this admission, which must have come as a blow. “What else is there?” he asked.
To tell him the truth was unwise. Jane knew this instinctively. It did not take a genius to discern what the consequence might be if she did so, and yet the insistence with which he looked at her compelled her to be honest at last. “Promise me that whatever your thoughts on what I’m about to tell you, you won’t throw me out. Promise me you’ll let me stay no matter what your opinion of me might be from this moment onward.”
“Calm yourself, Jane. I promise to do what I can to help you with whatever problem you are facing.” He brushed a lock of hair from her forehead with the gentlest stroke of his fingers. “It must be dire indeed to invoke such fear in your voice. Your entire body is trembling.”
She licked her lips and tried to ignore the pounding of her heart. “You know how you think I’m different from any other woman you’ve ever met?” When he nodded she said, “Well, that’s because I am.”
“In what sense?”
It took every effort to force the next few words from her mouth. “I’m not from here, James. Not just from England but from this time.”
Incomprehension marred his features. “What does that mean?”
“I’ll tell you, but you’ll have to keep an open mind.”
“I will do my best,” he promised.
“Know that I am just as stunned by what has happened to me as you will be to hear of it. Indeed, it defies all logic and comprehension, but the fact of the matter is that I was born on March 1, 1990, almost two hundred years from now.”
James blinked and a rapid half laugh escaped him. “You cannot be serious. You cannot honestly think I would believe such a thing might be possible? I mean…” He stood and stepped away from her. “All I wanted from you was honesty, and instead you come up with this fabrication, this utter nonsense?”
She stood as well. “Why do you think I kept it from you?” When he retreated another step, she advanced. “Because I knew this would be your reaction. But consider what you know. Think of the suddenness with which I arrived here, of the way I was dressed, the way I speak, and the things I know or…don’t know.”
His hesitance was obvious. “I feel as though you are trying to make a fool of me, Jane. What you are suggesting is utterly impossible.”
“Of course it is, yet here I am.” Emotion crept into her voice. “Do you think this is what I wanted? That I’m enjoying this?” Her eyes began to sting as desperation took hold. “It’s not as if I can simply board the next ship back to New York. Going home is not that easy for me.”
He studied her while she silently willed him to believe her.
Eventually he shook his head. “You must have hit your head or…suffered an attack of some sort. Perhaps I should send for my physician and have him take a look at you.”
Jane squeezed her eyes shut to stop the tears that threatened from falling. “No,” she murmured. “That won’t
be necessary. I’m quite all right.”
“I seriously doubt that. Especially not if you actually believe what you have just told me is true.”
Opening her eyes, she saw the sympathy etched upon his brow in the form of a frown. Her lips quivered ever so slightly. Telling him the truth had obviously been a mistake. He thought her delusional, which was probably what her opinion of him would have been if he’d arrived on the balcony of her New York apartment and told her he’d come from the nineteenth century.
His reaction right now was normal, but after what they’d just shared and the bond she’d felt forming between them, it made her feel more alone than she had before she’d confided her secret. It was as if a hole had opened inside her, swallowing up all hope and leaving her drained.
Drawing a fortifying breath, she decided to push aside her despair and focus on helping him instead. A change of subject was certainly welcome, so she said, “I came across Mr. Snypes on my way down here. He said the most curious thing.” She then described the strange encounter, adding that he’d behaved as though a recent rejection had pained him. “If your sister was the subject of his affection and she dismissed his advances then—”
“Snypes was with me the evening my sister was killed. He and I were discussing a potential business investment when we heard Tatiana scream.”
Jane tried to envision the events as they must have happened to the best of her ability. “How long had the two of you been talking before then?”
“For about ten minutes or so.”
“And what about the rain?”
His frown deepened. “What do you mean?”
She was following a train of thought that might not lead anywhere, but if she’d learned anything from all the detective shows she’d watched, it was the importance of facts. “Had it been raining for long or had the downpour just started at the time when you heard the scream?”
“I do not recall. I…I think it came on suddenly.”
Jane nodded. “So then, Mr. Snypes could still have committed the crime before the two of you sat down together to discuss your business investment.”
“No.” He shook his head. “As I said, he was with me when Tatiana screamed.”
“Except we have to consider the possibility that the scream you heard wasn’t Tatiana’s.” Jane watched as James’s eyes widened. “What if it was someone else’?”
A nearby clock ticked away the seconds while she waited for him to respond. Eventually he said, “I suppose that is possible. But then why would they not have come forward?”
“There are those who do not wish to get involved with something like this. Especially if they don’t feel as though they are able to help in any way.”
“But if it was a maid who screamed, perhaps upon seeing Tatiana on the terrace, then there could be a gap in the timeline there – a series of minutes between the murder and the scream – during which it would have been possible for Snypes to commit the crime. Even though I am loath to believe him capable of such a thing.”
“I understand. It is just that we have to consider all angles.” She held his gaze. “There’s also your butler, Hendricks, the grooms, your footmen, your valet, and then of course Rockwell.”
“I have known them all for years. My servants are loyal and Rockwell is my friend.”
“So is Harrington, yet you did not know the most important thing about him.”
James groaned and thrust a hand through his hair. “How am I to face him now? The thought of discussing eligible young ladies and marriage prospects with him from this point onward seems absurd.”
“I think the most important thing to remember is that he’s your friend and that it’s your duty to keep his secret.” She smiled a little. “Besides, he doesn’t know that you know this. Perhaps pretending you don’t will be the easiest way forward for both of you.”
“You might be right.” James took a deep breath and released it while shoving his hands into his trouser pockets. “Thank you for advising me. For helping me with all of this. I hope you can forgive my inability to believe what you have told me about yourself.”
She chuckled slightly. “I wouldn’t have believed it either if I were in your position. To me, however, it’s reality. It’s the reason why I’m wary of getting involved with you.”
Before he could say anything in response to that, his mother entered the room. Her expression was hard, her eyes assessing as she looked from one to the other.
“What is going on here?” she asked, her voice rattling what remained of Jane’s composure. When Lady Camden narrowed her gaze on her, she took an instinctive step back. “Is my son keeping you from your chores, Jane?”
“No, my lady.” Jane bobbed a curtsey that earned a frown from the dowager countess. “He merely—” The frown deepened, cutting her off. Flustered, she muttered a quick, “Excuse me,” then headed for the door and disappeared into the hallway beyond, leaving James to deal with the most unnerving woman Jane had ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Chapter 8
“You frightened her, Mama.”
His mother showed no hint of remorse. “I have asked Rockwell if he will invite his youngest sister to join us,” she said, ignoring his comment.
James stared. “Lady Elise? But she is no more than sixteen years of age!”
“All the more reason for you and her to become better acquainted with each other before she debuts next Season.”
“Mama.” The horror of what she suggested came crashing down over his head. “You cannot be serious.”
“She is a respectable match, and since you have thus far wasted all other opportunities to get yourself settled, I have taken it upon myself to get the job done for you.” She tipped her chin up. “An heir to the title must be secured and…with your sister’s passing, my chance of having grandchildren has been severely diminished.”
James blinked. “This is the first time I have ever heard you mention a desire for grandchildren. All you have ever done is push Tatiana and me at every potential partner there was.” His poor sister had probably grown so exasperated by it, she’d eventually chosen to settle for Harrington.
“You are my children. Ensuring your future was always of great importance to me.”
“Even at the cost of our happiness?” When she gave him a quizzical look, he said, “I will never consider Lady Elise, Mama.”
“Why?”
Because I want Jane.
His mother’s eyes widened as if she had heard him. Her upper lip curled with disgust. “You fancy the maid!” Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. “Then have her, you fool. Take her and get her out of your system before Lady Elise arrives here.”
“It is not so simple, Mama.” James did his best to keep his voice level, to prevent himself from lashing out in response to his mother’s crass suggestion. “Miss Edwards deserves better.” Even if her explanation regarding her presence at Summervale was completely absurd. He still cared for her, still longed for her, still hoped to find a way for her to be his.
His mother scoffed. “She deserves what is fitting for her station, which will never be more than a possible tryst with you.”
“Mama.” He ground the word out between his teeth. “Miss Edwards is a good natured woman.”
“So were the maids your father enjoyed during the course of our marriage.” The bitterness with which she spoke was palpable. “They were all so clever, so kind, so sweet, so deserving of his attention while I…I was the woman who got in the way, the one who always complained about having to share her husband.”
James’s heart thudded against his chest. He wasn’t prepared for such a confession or for the tears that spilled down his mother’s cheeks in the seconds that followed. Without thinking, he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her slender figure. “I never knew,” he murmured against the top of her head while she sobbed into his shoulder.
“You were just a boy, off chasing rabbits or digging trenches most of the
time.” She pulled back and he released her. “Besides, I believe your father did his best to keep you and your sister in the dark. Your opinion of him mattered, you see, far more than mine ever did.”
“I am sorry, Mama. It cannot have been easy for you to live like that.”
With a sigh, she sank down onto a chair. “I loved him, James. That was what made it so horribly awful, discovering he didn’t feel the same about me.”
“So then, if this has been your experience, why would you not want me to find the happiness you lacked? With Lady Elise I shall be miserable, of that I assure you.”
“Perhaps, but what other option is there? You know you cannot have Jane.”
“Only because tradition and social etiquette say so. But there is no law preventing me from marrying whomever I choose, even if the woman in question does happen to be a maid.”
His mother did not look convinced, but she didn’t seem nearly as hostile toward the idea as she had five minutes earlier. “I cannot support you in this.”
“You do not have to. If this is the course I choose, I will do so alone.”
“The scandal will be immense.”
He snorted and claimed the seat opposite hers. “Scandal is only something to fear if it threatens your happiness. Whether or not people judge me for turning my back on convention matters little to me as long as I have the right person by my side.”
A weak smile formed upon his mother’s lips. “I wish I had been as strong as you.”
“Your choices were always different because of your sex.”
“I suppose that is true.” She dabbed at the last remaining tears still clinging to her lashes. “Do you ever wonder if things might change?”
“I do not know.” His thoughts strayed to Jane as he spoke. He’d betrayed her trust in him when she’d finally chosen to do as he asked and confided the truth, or at least her version of it. But for him to believe her was difficult. It went against his every instinct, and yet, deep inside, he trusted her more than anyone else he’d ever known.
The Girl Who Stepped Into The Past Page 10