Warren Lane

by Andrew Diamond

  “Then you have to make that happen. Make the life you want. You’re not that woman under the sheet at the side of the road. Her life is over. Yours isn’t. The sun is still shining, and the sky is still blue, and every day from this day forward is a gift that was given to you that she didn’t get. So make yourself worthy of it.

  “There are people who will be important to you five or ten years from now who you haven’t even met yet. Some of them haven’t even been born yet. You don’t know, Susan. So please don’t give up. You just have to go forward and trust.”

  Ready’s words quieted her and she sat still as he wiped the tears from her face with the bottom of his shirt. He took her hand and led her into the bathroom where the mirrors were coated with steam.

  “I feel a little woozy,” Susan said. “I’m so run down.”

  “You’re tense, too. Do you know that? A bath will help you relax.”

  Susan stared blankly at the floor as Ready quietly undressed her.

  After a minute, she said, “Warren? Why didn’t you answer my calls?”

  “My phone was off.”

  “Then how did you know to look for me?”

  “I had a dream about you,” he said as he removed her bra. “You were falling. Just falling into bottomless darkness.”

  She stood before him naked, feeling neither arousal nor shame, for grief had stripped her of all her pride. “I was, Warren. I was.”

  She thought about his words and accepted that he was right. There was no knowing. She closed her eyes and said to herself: I give up. I give up. I don’t know where I’m going, and I don’t know what my life will be. Whatever happens, happens, and I’ll make the best of it.

  With this quiet surrender, her anxiety and dread began to melt away. When she opened her eyes again and looked at Ready, she saw in his face the empathy of a fellow sufferer. Why had she met him? Where had all her suffering led her but to this moment? The aching in her heart gave way to a flood of gratitude as she received from him the simple kindness her former pride would not have permitted her to accept. Ready helped her into the water, and she received her baptism.

  “I’ll be in the other room,” Ready said. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  She lowered her head in gratitude and let go of everything. And this time, when she cried, the hurt flowed out, and she at last found some release.

  * * *

  Forty minutes later, she left the bathroom in a white terry robe. The steam of the bath had restored the color to her cheeks. The tension and fear had left her body, and she moved with serenity and grace.

  Ready lay on the bed watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles with the sound turned down low. “You look so much better,” he said with relief.

  Susan lay down beside him and put her head on his chest. The moisture from her wet, dark hair soaked through his shirt.

  “Warren, thank you for being here,” she said. “Thank you for what you said.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

  She looked at the TV, where John Candy and Steve Martin were driving down the wrong side of the highway. The driver of another car was shouting at them, trying to warn them they were going the wrong way.

  “He says we’re going the wrong way,” said Steve Martin’s character.

  “Oh, he’s drunk,” said John Candy. “How would he know where we’re going?”

  “Do you want me to turn this off?” Ready asked.

  “No,” she said. “It’s nice to see something light for a change. The past few days have been so dark and heavy.”

  She took four long breaths and was asleep. Ready followed soon after.

  * * *

  Ready awoke an hour before sunset and searched the kitchen for something to drink, but found no alcohol anywhere. His phone showed a single text from Ella: “Where did you go?? Will’s here. Stay away.” Ready ate some toast with butter, then went outside and sat in a wicker chair and watched the birds.

  He thought about going to get some beer, but when he turned and looked in the window, he saw that Susan was sitting up and looking around. When she saw him, she relaxed and put her head back on the pillow.

  Better not leave her, he thought.

  He sat for another half hour listening to the breeze and watching little lizards scurry along the ground. How do people just sit around like this without a drink? he wondered.

  He returned to the bedroom just as the sun disappeared into the Pacific. Susan’s robe was on the floor beside the bed and she lay on her side with the sheet pulled up to her shoulder. Ready climbed in beside her and turned on his side to face her. He pushed her hair away from her cheek, and then traced the line of her neck and shoulder and ran his fingers down the length of her arm. When he looked up, she was watching him.

  “How long have you been awake?” he asked.

  “Since you came in.”

  Ready pushed the sheet down to her waist and ran his hand slowly along her side. Susan turned onto her back, pushed the sheet down to her thighs and stretched. Her full, soft body was something new to him, and deeply welcoming. He had never been with a woman older than himself. He kissed her breasts, drew his fingers slowly across her belly, and stroked the insides of her thighs.

  She watched him calmly as he explored her body. She knew his hand found blemishes on her skin and softness in flesh that had once been firm. In the past, she would have moved away instinctively from a man’s touch as it approached her imperfections. Or she would have guided his hand to some other area that had passed her own strict inspection during the daily inventory of her body.

  But now, she accepted from him the approval and admiration she denied herself, as she began to understand what he had said to her on the day of their hike: all joy begins with yes.

  After they made love, she fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

  Chapter 33

  Susan and Ready awoke early the next morning, well rested from their long hours in bed. Neither made a move to get up.

  “Warren, do you remember before the hike, when you said, All joy begins with yes? Did you make that up?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe. I had a revelation on the boat one night.”

  Susan turned to face him, propping herself on one elbow.

  Ready continued: “Have you ever taken acid?”

  “No.”

  “When you trip, there’s a peak where you might be hallucinating, and then there’s this long period of coming down that can last for several hours. You don’t really hallucinate then, but you see patterns, and your thoughts are kind of weird.

  “Anyway, I was coming down from a trip a few weeks ago, and I was restless. The sky was clear and the moon was bright, and the breeze was light, so I took the boat out. I went out against the wind, tacking. You know, zigzagging. Then I turned around and opened the sails and was on a run back toward shore. When you’re on a run, going with the wind, it’s very quiet. Even though you’re moving, the air feels almost still around you. I looked behind me, and I saw the smooth silver trail the boat had cut through the sea. Then I looked in front of me, and I saw the same trail open out ahead of me. It was like I was seeing the road I was about to travel.

  “I took the sails in, and the path in front of me disappeared. I let them out again, the boat picked up speed, and the path came back. And I had this revelation. Open your sails to the wind, and your path will open up before you. In life that means saying yes. There’s always some force pushing you toward destiny. You just have to be open and accept it and not try to control it.”

  “I’m starting to understand that now,” Susan said.

  “I’ve been trying to live my life that way for the past few weeks. Saying yes to things I would normally avoid. It’s been interesting.”

  “What kinds of things have you said yes to?”

/>   “Well, like...to you.” Ready was thinking of the morning in the coffee shop, when Susan mistook him for Warren Lane and he agreed to help her. But Susan interpreted it differently. In her mind, he had said yes to being her lover, if only for a night.

  “Warren,” she said.

  “Hmm?”

  “Will you take me back to the hotel? I want to change my clothes.”

  “Sure.”

  “Are you hungry?” Susan asked.

  “A little.”

  “I’ll make you some breakfast.”

  She kissed him and got up from the bed.

  “You just going to walk around naked?” Ready asked.

  She looked over her shoulder at him with a little smile as she walked into the kitchen. On this particular morning, she felt beautiful and free in a way she hadn’t ever before. They took their time over breakfast, and an hour and a half later, they drove to the hotel.

  Chapter 34

  As Ready and Susan were on their way to the hotel, Will stood alone in the kitchen of the house in Goleta, looking gloomy. He had arrived in a good mood the night before, but was unhappy and irritable by the time he went to bed. For the first time in his relationship with Ella, he could not perform. Ella did nothing to encourage him. When he started snoring, she went downstairs and slept on the couch.

  The news article that had soured his mood just before bed was still weighing on his mind when his phone rang.

  “Will?” It was the manager of his LA warehouse. “We just got a visit from an immigration officer. They have Yun in custody.”

  “What?” Will exclaimed. His throat and chest tightened.

  “They want to go through our employee records. He’s illegal. They’re looking for more.”

  “We don’t have any other illegals,” Will said.

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because I know,” Will said.

  “Wait, did you know Yun was illegal?”

  Ignoring the question, Will asked, “Did you talk to Yun?”

  “No. But he was looking very anxious yesterday. He told one of the other employees that a man came to his apartment the night before and threatened him.”

  “Fuck!” Will exclaimed.

  “Any idea what that’s about?”

  “I think I might know who he’s talking about. Listen,” said Will, “don’t give anything to immigration. The lawyers will handle this. We have to get Yun out of there. I’ll call you back.”

  Ella entered the kitchen just as Will hung up.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked. “You look sick. You look like you did that day at the pool in Miami.”

  Will just shook his head and said, “Fuck.”

  “Are you OK?” Ella asked.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” he said, letting out a long breath. “Will you put on some coffee?”

  “Sure.”

  Fifteen minutes later, while drinking coffee and eating a slice of toast, Ella sat staring at Will’s phone, which lay facedown on the counter. Her boredom and curiosity got the better of her, and she didn’t notice that the shower had stopped. When she picked up the phone and entered his passcode, the screen displayed the name of the person who had just called. She touched the back arrow at the bottom of the phone, and the browser opened to show the LA Times article that had ruined Will’s mood the night before.

  The headline said: Bogus Meds Traced To LA, Two Arrested in Chicago. The story began:

  Federal investigators announced today the arrest of two men in Chicago on charges of distributing counterfeit cancer drugs. A source close to the investigation says the drugs arrived in Chicago on a train from Los Angeles.

  Experts are trying to determine whether the vials contained any of the drugs’ active ingredients. One source noted that the rail container was not refrigerated, and that heat would have damaged even legitimate doses of the medicine.

  Ella looked up to find Will standing in front of her, his face hard with anger.

  “Oops!” she said.

  Will grabbed her by the throat and pinned her against the wall. “Are you spying on me?” he demanded. “Are you giving information to that private eye?”

  Ella shook her head with the little bit of movement she could manage against his grip. He tightened his fingers around her throat, and her eyes began to water and bulge.

  “Do not fuck with me,” Will threatened. “Don’t fuck with me, or my phone, or any of my stuff. Do not get into my business. Do you understand?”

  She nodded.

  He let her go and walked across the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. As he took a sip, an apple hit the cup, splashing hot coffee over his face and shirt. The next apple hit him in the head.

  “Don’t you ever come near me again, you monster! I hate you!” Another apple hit his head. “I hate you!” Ella screamed hoarsely.

  Will charged her, but with her agility and speed, she easily avoided him. She ran from the house, and shouted “Monster!” one last time as she fled the yard.

  Chapter 35

  Will returned to the kitchen and dumped the coffee into the sink. He filled the mug with Scotch and ice, and then sat on the living room couch and stared out the window toward Josie’s house. What had brought him to the point of attacking a woman half his size?

  He thought back to the night in Shanghai almost two years earlier when the man named Lee, the one among the dinner guests whose English was nearly fluent, had asked him so many questions about his business. It wasn’t until the day after the dinner that he realized Lee had been interviewing him.

  “What are the red flags that will automatically cause a container to be inspected? How much do the X-rays reveal? What do the agents look for when acting on their own judgment? Do you know the agents personally? If they know you and you’ve been doing business through the same port for years, are your containers less likely to be inspected?”

  He wasn’t surprised when a messenger invited him to drop by Lee’s office. The office was in the back of a small warehouse. In the front was a clean, state-of-the-art chemical lab. The two men and one woman who worked in the lab greeted him as if they had been expecting him.

  Lee offered Will fifty thousand dollars up front for “including some items” in his next shipment to Long Beach. He would receive another two hundred thousand when the items were delivered to a warehouse in Los Angeles. It had been two months since Will’s accountant had lectured him about his extravagance. The lecture did nothing to change Will’s spending, but he remembered the words each time he travelled, and they annoyed him. Will asked only how much the items weighed, how much space they occupied, and what they might look like when X-rayed.

  Lee took him to the front of the lab and showed him a small paper box, about an inch and a half high, printed in English. He withdrew from the box a glass vial with a metal ring around the top.

  “A few hundred of these,” Lee said. “Not much room. Not much weight. The metal rings might look funny on X-ray. You decide how to pack them. That is your expertise.”

  The first shipment went well, providing Will an instant quarter million dollars of tax-free cash. In the second shipment, he had packed the vials into two giant urns. The urns’ position in the center of the container and their lead glaze would help obscure their contents from X-rays, if the container happened to be stopped.

  But Will had anticipated the wrong risk. Rough seas, hot weather and poor packing caused some of the vials in one urn to break. Yun called him from the loading dock to tell him what happened. While the container broiled in the sun, the leaked medicine had begun to putrefy. There was a noticeable odor.

  The urn was supposed to go to the museum, and Will insisted it be rinsed before being delivered. Bleach would remove the smell. He told Yun to wait until he arrived. While tipping the urn to empty the rinse water, he and Yun let
it drop and shatter. In a panic, they packed the pieces back into the crate. Yun, terrified of his sweating angry boss, was grateful for not being fired.

  That was Will’s first warning to get out of the business, but a friendly talk with Lee put him back in good spirits. Why not earn an extra $250,000 for shipments he was making anyway? Why not make it $300,000?

  The second warning came when he was in Miami and his container got stuck in customs. Sitting alone on the couch of his hotel room after his visit to the hospital, he managed to calm himself from the day’s shock and think through the situation rationally. He composed in his mind the words he’d say to Lee to end their little arrangement. But then Ella returned unexpectedly and distracted him from his thoughts. He paid her hotel bill and on the flight home, as he considered again the value of ready cash, he reformulated his conversation with Lee. He would ask for more money, citing the increased risk.

  Ten days later, during an unscheduled meeting in Lee’s office in Shanghai, Lee balked at Will’s request. He wasn’t authorized to pay what Will was asking.

  “Authorized by whom?” Will asked.

  “By Hu. Hu is in charge.”

  “Let me talk to him,” Will said.

  Lee shook his head. “You don’t want to talk to him. You know what Hu means in Chinese? It means tiger. He is a good businessman, and he is fair if you serve him well, but your request will make him angry. You are getting $300,000, and you should be grateful.”

  Will sat quietly for several minutes before Lee finally asked, with a look of worry, “You have doubts?”

  “I don’t think I want to be in this business anymore,” Will said slowly.

  “I won’t tell Hu that,” Lee said.

  “No, you tell him. Go ahead and tell him. I’m done.”

  Will stood to leave, but Lee stepped in front of him. “I’ll tell Hu nothing. Listen, you go along while you’re still on good terms. Or he’ll take over, and you’ll have no say in the matter.”

  “Tell him I’m done,” said Will. He shoved Lee out of the way and left.