This book is about what it means to be truly alive. It’s about operating outside the system and beating it. It’s about surviving catastrophe. It’s about hanging on to some of the things you once valued as a kid and how, along with that, just having fun can lead to – and in fact is –success. You just have to take a few steps back from life occasionally to see things the way they ought to be.
Bernard Sumner, June 2014
Appendix One:
Ian Curtis and Bernard Sumner hypnosis recording
Around the time of Ian’s epilepsy diagnosis, I’d been reading a book on hypnotic regression. It described how regression therapy could be used to pull out something trapped in a past life that caused problems in this life, and I thought I’d give it go: it would make a good party trick, if nothing else. As kids in Alfred Street, we’d messed about with hypnotism, and there seemed to be something in it, so, intrigued by the possibilities, I tried it on a couple of people. Sure enough, they’d begin to talk about what appeared to be a past life.
I first tried it on Ian when we were bored one day at the rehearsals. He came out with some stuff that sounded very interesting but, afterwards, he had absolutely no recollection of what he’d talked about.
When he stayed at my house a couple of weeks before he died, we’d stay up late, talking about everything under the sun. One night I said, ‘Shall we try the hypnotic regression again, only we’ll record it this time so you can hear it back afterwards?’ Straightaway, he was up for it, so I put him under again (he was really easy to put under) and recorded what he said. I’d never tried it more than once with the same person before and the startling thing was that Ian said exactly the same things he’d said at the rehearsal room.
The full transcript of the tape, which I still have to this day, has never been published before.
This is what he said.
[Tape begins]
Ian … just down the road from where I were.
Bernard What’s your friend called?
Ian Tony.
Bernard What does he look like?
Ian [exhales] He’s got like … light coloured hair.
Bernard What are you doing there?
Ian Sat … sat down, on the kerb. Got lollipop sticks, or something sticks, digging, like, cracks in the … in the pavement, like. Not grass, some kind of like … moss, green moss over the top of it. Digging it out, between the pavement.
Bernard Are there any cars in the street?
Ian Just way down the road.
Bernard Do you know what colour they are?
Ian Dark blue.
Bernard What are the houses like?
Ian All the same.
Bernard Have they got gardens?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard How old are you?
Ian Five.
Bernard Do you know what the date is?
Ian Fifteenth of July.
Bernard Just relax … You’re very secure … deep sleep. Very deep sleep. Hear my voice. [inaudible] … don’t care. You need to go to a time when you were three years old. Any time, when you were three years old. Tell me what you see.
Ian My auntie. In the garden. My granddad’s here.
Bernard What’s your auntie’s name?
Ian Nell.
Bernard And what you doing there?
Ian Playing. Sat in the garden. They’ve got a dog.
Bernard What does the dog look like?
Ian It’s very … very hairy, all over its eyes. Looks the same from the back as it does from the front.
Bernard Is your auntie in the garden there with you?
Ian Yeah. And my uncle. My dad. My mum.
Bernard What, have you gone to visit?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard Do you like your auntie?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard Can you see yourself?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard What do you look like?
Ian Small, and fat. Round. Round face. Not fat, chubby. Plump, my mum says.
Bernard Your mum said you’re plump?
Ian That’s what they al … y’know … not … not really, I suppose. It’s what they said.
Bernard OK. Just sleep again. Still remaining at the age of three … you understand? Now just sleep. Don’t pay any attention to any noises whatsoever. Just wait. Just sleep. Just relax, and wait. You’re totally secure. I want you to go back to when you were two, and any time during which you were two, any memory that you can remember.
Ian Sat on the rug at home …
Bernard At your mum and dad’s home?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard Can you describe the room?
Ian Yes. A fire, coal fire, a strange metal thing, I think maybe for lighting it. I don’t think it works, it could come off. Then there’s two chairs and a settee. Television. Carpet’s red and beige. Rug’s red.
Bernard What colour wallpaper?
Ian S’like a pattern, goldy. There’s a table, a sideboard under the window, there’s two windows facing each other. Bernardrown tiles round the edge of the carpet.
Bernard Now, do you know what the date is? Can you tell me what date it is?
Ian Er … no.
Bernard How old are you?
Ian Two.
Bernard Two years old. I want you to go back even further, to when you were one. When you were one year old. Anything when you were one year old.
Ian Just … ceiling.
Bernard Ceiling?
Ian In my mum and dad’s bedroom.
Bernard Are your mum and dad there?
Ian No. My nanna.
Bernard Your nanna?
Ian Mm, just looking at me.
Bernard Are you lying down?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard In bed?
Ian Yeah, I think so.
Bernard Can you see any pattern on the ceiling?
Ian [murmur, inaudible]
Bernard Can you see the wall?
Ian No … something in the way.
Bernard What, between you and the wall?
Ian Mm.
Bernard Describe what it is in the way.
Ian I don’t know, it’s white … can’t reach it.
Bernard Can you describe yourself?
Ian Mmm … just can’t … can’t see … tired.
Bernard Drowsy.
Ian Mmm.
Bernard Just relax and listen to my voice. Go deeper into the sleep. Go deeper into the sleep but listen to my voice. Now I want you to go further back in time to before you were born. Before you were born. Tell me the first image you see.
Ian Trees.
Bernard Trees.
Ian Lots of trees.
Bernard Just relax. No harm can come to you. Whatever you see, whatever happens, no harm can come to you, I promise you. I just want you to be totally relaxed and tell me everything you see.
Ian Trees are all around.
Bernard It’s a forest?
Ian I think so.
Bernard Do you know the place?
Ian No.
Bernard Are there any people there?
Ian No, it’s just me.
Bernard Do you know why you’re there?
Ian Mmm …
Bernard Think carefully. Plenty of time.
Ian I feel tired, in my legs, as if I’ve been walking … for quite a while. I don’t think I’ve always been … been here.
Bernard So you’ve walked from another place.
Ian Yeah.
Bernard Do you remember where you’ve walked from?
Ian Er … a house. [pause] I think I’m lost.
Bernard You’re lost? OK, just relax. Go further back, to another time, further back to another set of memories. Don’t worry, no harm can come to you, just relax. Go back to a further set of memories and tell me what you see.
Ian [pause] … sat … oh. Sat … just sat down.
Bernard Where are you sat down?
Ian Just … at home.
Bernard Where is home?
What can you see?
Ian Just reading.
Bernard What are you reading?
Ian A book about … erm … it’s about laws.
Bernard A book about laws?
Ian Mmm.
Bernard What language is the book wrote in?
Ian English.
Bernard Do you know how old you are?
Ian Twenty-eight.
Bernard Twenty-eight? Say that again.
Ian Twenty-eight.
Bernard Why are you reading the book about laws?
Ian I’ve been reading it … for a couple of days … and going over bits and making notes … I’m keeping notes.
Bernard Why, is it part of your job, or something?
Ian Something I … I do at night.
Bernard Is it night-time now?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard Is there a light in your room?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard Describe it to me.
Ian The brightest, comes from the fire. I’m close to the fire. [inaudible]
Bernard Do you live on your own?
Ian No.
Bernard Who do you live with?
Ian I’m married.
Bernard What’s your wife’s name?
Ian [pause] [murmur]
Bernard What’s your name?
Ian John.
Bernard Sorry?
Ian John.
Bernard John. What’s your second name?
Ian [pause]
Bernard Are you living in England?
Ian … yeah.
Bernard What else can you see?
Ian I can … it’s very dark. I can see … what, from the window?
Bernard Yeah.
Ian The street below.
Bernard I want you to go to the next day. The daytime. And what do you see now?
Ian Er … lots of people around.
Bernard How are they dressed? Pick one person out and describe how he’s dressed.
Ian Shirt … or, or coat … trousers, shoes … hat.
Bernard What kind of a hat?
Ian Not very high.
Bernard Is there a name for that type of hat?
Ian I think there is but I … I’m not sure, I never wear … not sure …
Bernard How do people travel about in the town below?
Ian Coach.
Bernard Apart from walking.
Ian Coach.
Bernard Coach. How does the coach move?
Ian Wheels, it’s drawn along.
Bernard Drawn along? By what?
Ian Horse.
B Do you know what date it is?
Ian Date … it’s in April.
Bernard What year?
Ian April … April the fourth.
Bernard What year is it?
Ian 1835.
Bernard Say that aloud.
Ian 1835.
Bernard 1835. So, do you work?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard What is your profession, your job?
Ian I just work in an office.
Bernard What type of office? What is their business?
Ian Provide books for shops, schools … mainly shops.
Bernard Do you like reading?
Ian Yeah … yeah. I don’t like the job.
Bernard Why don’t you like the job?
Ian It doesn’t seem to be get … getting … it’s a very small business … just a whole family.
Bernard What’s the name of the firm?
Ian Heyman.
Bernard Heyman? What city are they based in?
Ian London.
Bernard Is that the city where you are now?
Ian No.
Bernard Is that the city where you work?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard You work in London. What street is the … is the office where you work?
Ian [whispers] Street …
Bernard What’s it called, the street?
Ian It’s no main street, it’s … it’s hard … it’s behind … a set of buildings. An open … like an open yard.
Bernard Is it near any major street?
Ian [murmurs]
Bernard What area of London is it in?
Ian Just outside the city.
Bernard Just outside the city.
Ian Westminster.
Bernard Have you always lived in London?
Ian No.
Bernard Where did you used to live?
Ian My parents lived … for a while … in Southampton.
Bernard Southampton. Did you like it there?
Ian No … ships … quayside …
Bernard What made you go to London?
Ian Decent work.
Bernard How old were you when you went to London?
Ian Nineteen.
Bernard How old were you when you got married?
Ian Twenty … twenty-two.
Bernard Right, I want you to go back in time. Further back into your memory. Further and further back. But relax, it’s all very easy. Plenty of time. Further back into your memory to a time before that. Relax and allow it to come to you. Further back into your memory. Further back through time, until you rest upon something. Now go deeper into a sleep. Go deeper into a sleep. Hear only my voice. Only my voice. And where are you?
Ian I’m in a room.
Bernard What’s the room like?
Ian Completely empty … door’s locked … the window’s high.
Bernard What is your name?
Ian Just …
Bernard What’s the name?
Ian Justin.
Bernard Say it louder.
Ian Justin.
Bernard Justin. What nationality are you?
Ian I was born … in England. But … when I was very small … my parents moved to the Netherlands.
Bernard How old are you?
Ian Forty—
Bernard [interrupts] Forty …
Ian … nine … or maybe forty-eight. Not too sure … forget …
Bernard Do you know what year it is?
Ian It’s … sixteen … forty … three … or two, the year before.
Bernard Say that louder.
Ian Sixteen forty thr— … two … maybe lost count.
Bernard So what are you doing in the room, why are you there?
Ian Waiting.
Bernard Who for?
Ian No one. Here for good … no way out.
Bernard Why have you been put there?
Ian I don’t … believe … I should. Crimes … wrongfully … done in the first place. The wars …
Bernard You mean … you’ve been wrongfully accused of committing a crime?
Ian [pause] … fought … for the wrong side.
Bernard You fought for the wrong side.
Ian Yeah.
Bernard You mean in a war?
Ian [murmurs – inaudible]
Bernard A battle?
Ian [murmurs – inudible]
Bernard What was the fight over?
Ian … all the same … fight for whoever … that’s … who …
Bernard You mean for money?
Ian No … for … whatever values … would seem to be right at the time.
Bernard Who were you fighting for last? What were the reasons?
Ian I can’t remember any more … it’s useless anyway.
Bernard Why?
Ian It won’t change …
Bernard So how old are you?
Ian Forty-eight, forty-nine.
Bernard How long have you been locked up for?
Ian At least four … maybe longer.
Bernard Right, we need to go deeper into the sleep. Relax. Just relax. We’ll go further and further. Ten years on. Ten years on in time. Just relax. Totally relax. Same person, ten years on in time, tell me what you see.
Ian Nothing.
Bernard You can’t see anything? Nothing at all?
Ian No.
Bernard Right. Go five years on in time, from when you was in the ro
om.
Ian C— can’t see anything.
Bernard OK, go back to the room. Can you see that? Go on one year in time. What do you see?
Ian Just the room.
Bernard What do you feel?
Ian I’d say … ill … cold …
Bernard Is it in England, the room?
Ian It’s not.
Bernard Where is it?
Ian In France.
Bernard Is it winter? Or summer?
Ian It’s winter. All … cold. Not summer.
Bernard Do you ever speak to anyone?
Ian No.
Bernard What about the people who bring you your meals?
Ian They just put them through … open the door … one … places it inside of the door … [inaudible]
Bernard What are they dressed in, the people who …?
Ian Don’t know, just … they wear normal clothes.
Bernard What do you mean, normal clothes?
Ian Trousers, boots …
Bernard What have you got on?
Ian Like … a jacket … it’s wearing very thin.
Bernard Are you a tall man, or a short man?
Ian I’d say tall.
Bernard What colour’s your hair?
Ian Dark, almost black … raven, very, very dark.
Bernard Go on a year in time. Year in time. Tell me what you see … Just relax and allow it to come to you.
Ian [faintly] Walls.
Bernard What do you see?
Ian Walls.
Bernard You’re still in the same place? Where are you now?
Ian I’m in a room … looks the same … there’s a different smell, it’s different.
Bernard How does it smell?
Ian I … I don’t know.
Bernard Are there other people there?
Ian Yeah.
Bernard Do you know why you’ve been moved?
Ian I think … I have a fever.
Bernard Is it a hospital, where you are? For the sick?
Ian There are other people here … fever.
Bernard What language are they speaking?
Ian In French.
Bernard Can you speak French?
Ian No. I … can hear it … and can understand almost …
Bernard What languages do you speak?
Ian English is the language I … I use.
Bernard How old are you now?
Ian Um … fifty … I dunno … fifty-one? Don’t … know any more.
Bernard So you’ve been kept prisoner in France. Do you know where in France? The district?
Ian I … Lyon.
Bernard Lyon?
Ian Mmm.
Bernard Is it for fighting against the French?
Ian [faintly] Yeah.
Chapter and Verse - New Order, Joy Division and Me Page 30