“Stop saying our babies. They were yours. They were always yours. You took Natalie and you never let me have Teddy. You had to have both of them.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is! I gave you Natalie and you were supposed to give me Teddy. You were supposed to let him be mine. But you never let that happen!” She was so focused on her argument with Helen that she never heard Abe’s footsteps coming down the hall.
“What the hell are you screaming about? It’s a wedding, for Chrissake!” Abe filled up the doorway of the coatroom, blocking the light from the hallway. How much had he heard? How much had he understood? Rose’s legs began to buckle, and she thought she would be sick.
But it was Abe who hit the ground first. Rose felt the tremor from the fall before her eyes even registered it. Helen was on her knees next, shaking her husband’s massive shoulders, listening for his breath and yelling to the coat check girl, just returned from break, to call for an ambulance. Rose stumbled back to the reception, amid the chaos and the noise, back to Mort to tell him the news. “It’s your brother,” she told him. “I think he had a heart attack.”
Chapter 54
MORT
In the chaos that followed Abe’s heart attack, Mort struggled with what to do next. On the one hand, he was in the middle of his daughter’s wedding. On the other, his only brother was being rushed to the hospital. He knew with certainty that Mimi would have no further need of him that evening. He couldn’t say the same, however, for Abe. Mort made his apologies and said his goodbyes to the groom’s family and guests. Then he left the wedding and drove to the hospital. Rose stayed behind with Judith and Dinah.
The first time Mort had visited the hospital where they brought Abe was when Teddy was two years old and got hit with a baseball. Helen had ridden in the back of the car that day, holding Teddy on her lap. After Mort had dropped them off at the emergency room entrance, he had gone to find cheaper parking because the hospital lot had been so overpriced. When he pulled into the hospital this time, he saw that the rates were three times what they had been back then. This time, he pulled in and parked.
He was almost an hour behind the others in arriving, but he finally found them in the cardiac waiting room on the fourth floor. He was glad Natalie had stayed behind with Arlene and Johnny. The waiting room was grim, and no place for a young girl. Through the closed glass door, he could make out the faded wallpaper, peeling at the edges, and the shabby green tweed furniture that filled the space. Sol was drinking coffee from a paper cup while Sam and Joe paced back and forth under the murky lighting. Harry and his wife, Barbara, were on one of the sofas, talking quietly, and Helen sat with George, wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. Mort hesitated before he opened the door—he felt like he was intruding on their family gathering. But after Helen looked up and spotted him, turning back was no longer a possibility.
Helen motioned for him to come in and got up from the sofa to greet him. “You didn’t have to leave the wedding,” she told him. “I feel terrible that you left.”
“It was almost over anyway.” He shrugged. “I wanted to come.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” Helen said, and George patted him on the back. When the other young men came over to shake hands, Mort knew he had done the right thing by coming.
“What did the doctors say?”
“They wouldn’t say much, just told us to wait,” George answered.
“Then we’ll wait,” Mort said, and he took a seat in a chair next to Sol. The others resumed their hushed conversations.
Sol drained the last of his coffee and turned to Mort. “Nice wedding, by the way. Beautiful bride.”
“Thanks.”
After half an hour passed, a middle-aged man in a white coat opened the door to the lounge. They immediately rose from their seats. Helen clutched George’s arm. “How is he?” she called out, before the doctor could introduce himself.
“He’s stable and resting,” the doctor said. He held out his hand to Helen. “I’m Dr. Beineke. I’ve been treating your husband.” The boys all lined up to shake Dr. Beineke’s hand, but Mort stayed put next to Sol. He didn’t want to waste time prolonging the greetings. He just wanted to hear the report. “Your husband had a mild heart attack,” the doctor explained. “We have several more tests that need to be run, but as of now, we see no reason why he won’t make a full recovery. We’ll need to watch him closely over the next several days, and we’ll keep him here to monitor him.”
“Do you know what caused it?” Harry asked.
“Any number of factors; heredity, for one. I’d say excess weight is definitely on the list. When he’s ready to be discharged, we’re going to have to talk about modifications to his diet, as well as specific medications we’d like him to start.”
“We’ll do whatever you tell us to do,” Helen said. “Anything to make sure he gets better.”
“We can go over the details tomorrow. Right now, we’re just keeping him sedated for observation. We don’t want him moving around until we get some test results back.”
“Can we see him?” Mort asked.
Dr. Beineke nodded. “Yes, but there are quite a few of you here, so why don’t you go in one or two at a time.”
Mort waited in the lounge while the others took their turns. He was the last to go in, after Sam and Joe. The room smelled like Clorox and menthol cough drops. Under the dull blue hospital blankets, Abe looked small and pale. He had none of the vigor Mort usually associated with him, and for the first time in Mort’s life, he sensed his brother’s vulnerability. He sat down on a chair next to the bed.
Mort studied his brother’s face. Before this evening, Abe had filled up every room he’d ever entered with motion and sound. His voice, his appetite and his laughter had all dominated. Now that these were dormant and the space around Abe was still, Mort was able to conjure images he had not allowed himself to remember for decades.
He thought back on all the girls Abe had tried to fix him up with, all the parties and dinners Abe had invited him to, the way Abe had encouraged him to go back to school. One thing became clear: Abe had, in his own way, always tried to look out for him. Even setting up the Thursday-afternoon study sessions with Natalie after Teddy died. Sure, Mort knew Abe wanted to cushion the blow of losing Teddy for Natalie. But Abe also understood how much it would help Mort with his own personal loss. Not many men would have been as generous as Abe in the sharing of a child’s affection.
The next thing he knew, Helen was patting his shoulder, gently trying to rouse him. When he awoke, he saw that he was holding Abe’s hand. He placed it back at his brother’s side and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Guess I dozed off for a minute,” he told Helen, embarrassed. “I guess so,” she answered, looking worried but pleased. “Stay as long as you want.”
Chapter 55
JUDITH
Judith wasn’t surprised when no one could find her mother for the cake cutting. It was clear to her that Rose no longer worried about keeping up appearances. After all, she hadn’t even cared enough to walk her own daughter down the aisle. Judith didn’t believe her mother’s excuse about feeling dizzy before the ceremony for one minute. She had seen it all before.
Judith couldn’t decide if her sisters felt the same way she did, or if Mimi and Dinah were just oblivious to their mother’s behavior. As the oldest, she was the only one of them who remembered what Rose was like before, back when she still acted like their mother. Mimi and Dinah had no memories of that woman. I lost someone, Judith realized, someone my sisters never knew.
Mimi and Dinah didn’t remember that Rose and Helen used to be best friends either, but Judith did. She thought about it all the time: all the Thanksgivings they had together before her mother started making them go to Aunt Faye’s, all the school picnics where they sat together eating Aunt Helen’s sandwiches, all the times she’d come home from school to find Aunt Helen and her mother drinking coffee and chatting together at the kitchen table.
When Teddy was a baby, Judith had thought her mother was just tired from staying up with a crying infant. But when Rose had stopped caring about the house, the meals, and even whether the younger girls had matching socks in the morning, Judith had decided it was more than just exhaustion. She had picked up the slack as best as she could, but when Teddy’s first summer had passed and Rose still wasn’t herself, Judith understood that something in her mother had broken.
Rose had grown anxious and irritable. Her outbursts became the norm. It was obvious (at least to Judith) that Rose wanted nothing to do with Aunt Helen. Her aunt continued to invite them over for dinners and brunches, but Rose always had an excuse.
As she grew older, Judith had continued to wonder about the night of the blizzard. She had tried to reconstruct the evening so many times, but nothing ever became clearer in her mind. All she could remember was the snow, and blurry bits of the other details, so over time, she convinced herself that the night wasn’t so mysterious after all.
* * *
After the photographer finished the photos of the bride and groom with the cake, Judith headed to the ladies’ room next to the ballroom. The anteroom was set up as a lounge area, complete with upholstered seating and mirrors. Edward’s sister, Lillian, and several of her friends were already there, adjusting their dresses, checking stockings for runs and blotting freshly applied lipstick. Lillian’s dress didn’t need adjusting and her makeup was already perfect, but a few of her friends needed touch-ups. One of them, a chubby brunette in green taffeta, was sitting on a flowered chaise dribbling raindrop tears. “My father just told me that if Richard doesn’t propose soon,” she could barely get out the rest of the sentence, “he’s going to make me get a job!”
Lillian didn’t see what all the fuss was about. “Just make him propose,” she snapped, before turning her eyes toward Judith. “What about you? When are you getting married?” Judith wanted to disappear inside one of the stalls in the next room, but a line had already formed and she would have to wait her turn.
“I thought she was already married,” a pale willowy girl in lavender chimed in. She looked Judith up and down. “Isn’t the oldest supposed to get married first?”
“Yes, but Judith is single,” Lillian decreed. “Is there someone special I don’t know about, Judith?”
Judith tucked back a strand of her hair and met Lillian’s stare. “No one special, I’m afraid. How about you?”
The other girls froze, and no one spoke. The prolonged silence became uncomfortable, and it was clear to Judith that she had said the wrong thing.
“You’ve heard, then.” Lillian glared at her.
“No … sorry. Heard what?”
“Broken engagements happen all the time,” one of the girls said. “He wasn’t good enough for you anyway.”
“Not nearly good enough,” another echoed.
It was definitely time to leave. “I think I’ll head back,” Judith said, retreating. She wanted to return to the safety of the reception, but she really did need to find a bathroom first. She made her way over to the front desk and asked if there was another one near the lobby.
“Walk all the way down to the end of that corridor,” the desk clerk told her, pointing away from the ballroom. “There’s a ladies’ room at the very end on the left side. If you turn the corner to the coatroom, it means you passed it.” The clerk apologized. “It’s a little bit of a walk.”
“That’s all right,” Judith told him.
The second ladies’ room was much smaller than the first and strictly utilitarian. Luckily, it was empty. When Judith exited the stall, she was still jittery from her run-in with Lillian, so she took her time washing her hands and applied some clear gloss to her lips. Who had Lillian been engaged to anyway? If Mimi knew the details, Judith was sure she wouldn’t share them.
When Judith opened the door to walk back to the party, she heard shouting coming from around the corner. She recognized her mother’s voice.
“It isn’t easy having someone else tell you how to raise your own child, is it?”
“Stop it. I never told you how to raise Teddy.”
The other voice was Aunt Helen’s. Judith stayed inside the ladies’ room and left the door open just wide enough to hear them. She wanted to know what they were saying.
“She’s your daughter, not mine. That was the deal we made thirteen years ago.”
After that, the voices got very quiet and she could no longer make out what they were saying. Judith heard footsteps coming down the hallway, so she shut the bathroom door. When she poked her head out a few moments later, she saw the back of her uncle Abe turning the corner and walking toward the coatroom. She decided she’d better leave, before any of them thought she was spying, so she exited the bathroom and headed in the opposite direction, back to the party. Her heart was pounding.
What had her mother been yelling about? What kind of deal could Rose and Helen have made? If it had been thirteen years ago, it must have happened near the time when Teddy and Natalie were born. There was something else, there had to be … something she was missing.
Back at the reception, Judith took a piece of the wedding cake the waiters had set out on the dessert table and sat down to think. When Harry waved at her from across the room, she thought about him on that night so many years ago. He had been angry, she remembered, that their mothers had chosen her to stay with them, while he had been given the job of baby-sitting the younger children upstairs.
What was it he had said to her just a few hours earlier? No offense or anything, but Mimi fits in much better with Edward’s family than with yours. He was right, of course. She did. Mimi got along with Edward’s mother just like Natalie got along with Mort. But Mimi had rejected her real family. She had chosen another family that she wanted to be a part of, and just like that, the switch had been made.
She’s your daughter, not mine. That was the deal we made thirteen years ago.
Just like that. The switch …
Natalie and Mort. Oh God. Was it possible? Try to remember, think. Judith’s head was spinning as she tried, for the hundredth time perhaps, to reconstruct that evening. She had followed the cries of the newborns to the bedroom. Her mother had been in bed, holding both of the babies, while the midwife had finished up with Aunt Helen. Then her mother had given her one of the babies to hold and the midwife had left the room. And then, what happened then? She had asked which baby was which. Yes. She remembered that part. The women had looked at each other. Her mother and Aunt Helen had stared at each other for a long time. Too long. And then her mother had answered. She had said Judith was holding Natalie. Your cousin Natalie. She had said “cousin.” Judith had never once questioned it. Why would she? She felt the wedding cake rising up in her throat; she was going to be sick.
“Judith?” Harry was at her side, shaking her elbow. Did he know too? Had he guessed? She opened her eyes. “Judith, listen, my father … they think he had a heart attack. The ambulance is pulling up in front now. I’ll call you when we know something. I have to go.” He was already rushing out the door, running to the parking lot to meet the ambulance for his father. Instantly she was alert, her nausea forgotten, the more immediate crisis taking over. Had Abe had the same revelation, had he put together what she now thought she knew? As the chaos around her shifted, Judith could only wonder what her uncle may have heard or understood. It had taken her thirteen years to piece together what had happened. How long would it take everyone else?
Chapter 56
NATALIE
They wouldn’t let Natalie anywhere near her father after the heart attack, and she wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital with her mother. The groom’s parents told he
r it was “no place for a child,” and that it would be “too traumatic.” She wanted to tell them she already knew plenty about trauma, but she didn’t want to upset anyone further, so she did as she was told. Uncle Sol went with Helen and Natalie’s older brothers to the hospital, and Natalie was pawned off on Aunt Arlene and Johnny. Uncle Sol called a taxi to take the three of them back to his house. Arlene put her arm around her and tried to be comforting.
When her mother called late that night, she told Natalie her father was going to be fine.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I promise.”
She knew her mother would never lie to her about something like that, so she allowed herself to relax.
Natalie had no pajamas with her, so Arlene said she’d find something for her to wear. She led Natalie into a giant walk-in closet and poked through a wall of drawers. Natalie had never seen a closet like that before—as big as a whole room and carpeted from wall to wall with fuzzy peach chenille. Her aunt chose a long blue nightgown for her, but Natalie was afraid to put it on because she thought she might ruin the silk. “Don’t worry, sweetie,” Arlene told her, “I’ve got five more just like it.”
Johnny tried not to laugh when he saw her in it. She begged him for a T-shirt and a pair of old gym shorts instead. Arlene didn’t mind, so Natalie changed into Johnny’s oversized hand-me-downs.
Even though Johnny had stayed at her house a million times, Natalie had never stayed overnight at his. As a result, Natalie realized, he knew her parents a lot better than she knew Uncle Sol and Aunt Arlene.
The first thing Natalie noticed about Arlene was how much shorter she was when she took off her heels. The second was how much younger she looked when she took off all that makeup. There were plenty of mirrors in Johnny’s house, so she couldn’t understand how Arlene hadn’t figured that out yet.
Arlene had an elaborate and fascinating nighttime routine. There were at least ten different tubes of cream on the vanity in her bedroom, as well as an enormous box of chocolates. According to Johnny, she used every cream before she went to bed each night. “Do you have chocolate every night too?” Natalie asked, but Arlene just smiled and winked at her. “Sorry, hon, but I never share my beauty secrets with other women.”
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