by Raathi Chota
“Lana, what are yo—”
“I can’t sleep.”
“Oh well, you can sleep here,” I mumbled. She smiled as her blue eyes gazed into mine. Her hands went to her crop top, and I raised my hands. “Whoa, what are you doing?”
“Benny and I always cuddle like this.” She giggled, then took off her crop top, which left her in her bra. I gave a stiff nod as she laid on my chest. I awkwardly wrapped my arms around her torso and brought her up so that her head rested beside mine. I felt her breaths on my neck as I turned my head. She looked at me, then placed her hand on my cheek. I bit the inside of my cheek as her hand went behind my neck and her fingers raked through my hair. “You’ve wanted to kiss me all night, Blake Gunner,” she whispered as I stared at her lips. “What’s stopping you now?”
“Nothing,” I whispered, then pressed my lips against hers. While we kissed, she sat up and straddled me. I parted her lips because I craved for her, wanted her as my tongue slid across her lip. The kiss felt so different from our first one. The song echoed in the room, which made the atmosphere edgier as my hands trailed down her bare skin. I pulled her closer and placed my hand on her butt, then shifted so that I hovered over her. My hands went under her and made my way to her bra strap but immediately stopped because she wasn’t sober yet and she had a boyfriend. “Lana, wai—” I stopped, but her finger wrapped around my chain as she pulled me closer and kissed me again. Her other hand traveled down to my shirt, and she tugged on it. I pulled it off, then roughly kissed her neck. Her fingers knotted in my hair as I grunted. I left soft kisses right down to her stomach and stopped at her belly button. I looked at her to see her throw her head back as I dragged my bottom lip up to her neck again. Her arms locked around my neck as I kissed her. Her hot plump lips mixed with my thin ones. Lana’s one leg wrapped around me as she used her other to be on top again.
After a few minutes, we stopped, and our heavy breathing filled the room. Her head rested on my bare chest as she traced my tattoos. I had the other arm behind my neck as I went over the past events.
“Lana,” I said in a low and hoarse tone.
“Hmm,” she murmured, her fingertips against my skin, sending chills up my spine.
“Look, err…” I breathed out. “I had fun tonight, and I don’t think we’ll be having one like this in a long time so…we’ve had a rough past, done bad things, and even though we’ve known each other for, like, five months, you’re one of the few people I trust, care about, and just enjoy being around with. After tonight, we’re gonna have to face reality again.”
“The bad sides of us have been locked away and never spoken of, but it’s slowly coming back.”
“Yeah, and we can either let it define us or build us up,” I said and thought about the past few months. “After everything we’ve been through, you have captured my heart, and I thi—I think I’ve fallen in love with you, Lana Willson.” I looked down. Her fingers stopped as she turned and rested her chin on my chest. Her mouth curved into a smile as she stared at me with an unreadable look. “Don’t look at me with those mesmerizing blue eyes and smile. That Lana smile that can get away with anything. That smile which is so strong and hypnotizing that you think it’s real,” I said and felt my face warm. “Say something, please,” I grumbled. She crawled up, and I felt her lips brush against my ear. I stared at the ceiling as she placed her hand on my chest.
“Sometimes the heart knows stuff that the mind can never explain. Don’t think, Blake. Just let your heart do all the talking,” she whispered, then drifted off to sleep on my chest.
***
Lana
Tears streamed down my face as I ran in the rain. My makeup was smudged, and my pink dress clung to my body. I slowed down my pace, then ripped off my heels as I looked around. To hear the guys at Homecoming brought me to tears. I was angry, frustrated, and naïve. I couldn’t believe they did that to me. And to think Parker was the one who set the whole thing up. He’s a manipulative person who liked to stir up trouble. Now to stand and not know where I am because I ran off. The rain got worse as thunder echoed in my ears. I continued to run, but I didn’t know where I was going. I saw a few cars as well as tall buildings and ran onto the sidewalk. My breaths quickened as I felt goose bumps on my arms. I noticed their stares and only imagined what they thought. I turned a corner for shelter and noticed I stepped into an alley. I backed away, and my body hit against the wall. When I turned my head, I was met by a man who smirked. As he opened his mouth to speak, my eyes snapped open, and I was met by a turquoise ceiling.
I raised a brow and sat up from the comfy surface. The same dream I had for the past week and I still didn’t know what it meant. I looked over my shoulder to see Blake in another bed. It looked like he got up too because his hair was messy and his grey shirt was wrinkled. He looked at me, then squinted his eyes as he glanced around.
“I-I just had a dream,” he mumbled.
“Join the club.” I sighed and looked down to see that I was still in my party clo—wait, what happened to the party?
“Do you ever feel like something’s so real then you wake and realize it was just a fucking dream?” he asked as I looked around the room.
“Yeah…wait, what did you dream of?”
“What were you dreaming of?” He raised a brow. I shook my head as I pulled the unfamiliar duvet off and grabbed my jacket. I put it on, then stood up but immediately regretted it as I felt a pain in my head.
“Why do I smell like chemicals? Where am I?” I asked as I rubbed my temples.
“We’re in a motel room,” Blake mumbled as he stood up.
“What? Why?” I demanded as I walked away from him. There was a door a few feet away from me. I pushed it open. I didn’t know where I was and why I was with Blake. It must’ve been the back since it was an open area. I walked as I looked around. It must’ve been early morning since it was still dark, but in the distance, I noticed the purple sky.
“Whoa there, pumpkin, how many times do I have to save you?”
I instantly stopped and looked up to see Axel. I looked over his shoulder and understood why he stopped me. I would’ve fallen into an empty pool in which Keene skated.
“What the heck is going on?” I stepped back. Axel stared at me, then threw his head back and laughed. He spun around and pointed to Levi, who sat on the edge of the pool.
“She’s sober, guys!” he announced as I shook my head, then walked around the pool to Levi. As I walked, I felt little sores on my feet. I sat next to him, then looked around at the run-down motel.
“What happened? Where’s Benny?”
“Good morning to you too, princess. You’re finally sobered after being so drunk, then sober, and then drunk again,” Levi said. I glared at him, and he sighed. “We took you from the party, and we did a few things from the bucket list.”
“What things?” I asked. He cleared his throat, then took out the paper and handed it to me. I took it and scanned through the things I remembered that weren’t ticked. “No way I went to a paint party!”
“Yeah, Keene even swallowed an ecstasy pill.” Axel laughed as I looked at Keene.
“Oh my god. Are you okay?” I looked at Keene, who stood in the center of the pool with the skateboard.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he mumbled.
“We also went to a cage fight which Axel fought in, street racing, indoor pool, and—”
“Whoa, are you okay?” I cut off Levi as I looked at Axel. Holy crap, so many dangerous things happened in the last few hours.
“I’m perfectly good, pumpkin.”
“What else?” I put my palms flat on the ground as I swung my legs.
“Err…” he mumbled.
“Where are my shoes?” I looked down to my bare feet. “What happened to my heels? Don’t tell me I—”
“Here they are,” Blake said as he threw them from across the pool. My eyes widened as they came toward us. Levi raised his arms and caught them before they hit us.
&nb
sp; “Thanks.” I fake-smiled at Blake, who gave an awkward thumbs up, then walked back into the motel room. “What’s wrong with him?” I narrowed my eyes.
“I don’t know.” Axel shrugged.
“Well, we gotta go. Still got a few things we can do,” Levi said, then stood up. I remained still as I tried to remember everything that had happened because something didn’t feel right. We silently walked to the car, and I decided to sit in the front with Levi. I drank the bottle of water that Keene got for me when he checked out of the motel room.
“Okay, what do you remember last?” Keene asked from behind me.
“Err…the party obviously,” I said, then smiled. “Then kissing Benny at midnight.”
“Well, it’s kinda good that you don’t remember anything after midnight.” Axel snorted as I raised a brow.
“What? Can we go home?” I whined.
“No. I got, like, six hours with you…please, princess,” Levi cooed as he pouted at me.
“Fine.” I huffed. Axel leaned forward and rested his arm on the seat. He sent me a dirty look as I smiled at him.
“Y’know what else happened at your boyfriend’s party?” he asked. I squinted my eyes at him as he leaned in and whispered in my ear. “You gave Levi and my brother lap dances, pumpkin, and what a show it was.”
I gave Axel a blank look as he smirked. I laughed, and Levi turned to me as well as Blake from the rearview mirror.
“That’s a good one. I’d never give you two lap dances, especi—” I cut off when Axel shoved his phone in my face. I quickly scanned through it to see that he was on Instagram. It was Kelly’s profile, and her recent post scared me. Why would she post that? It was a collage; I gave a lap dance to Blake and Levi. The third picture frightened me because I kissed my boyfriend in the same room. The caption didn’t surprise me at all: Hoe of the year goes to the Sheriff’s daughter. My eyes widened as I scrolled through the comments, which made me frown. I tossed Axel’s phone back, and he caught it as I stared at the window. I hated it when I got drunk. I hated parties. Something bad always happened. I was a horrible girlfriend and, in general, an awful person.
“Are you okay?” Levi asked.
“No,” I grumbled.
“Hey, at least you made out with your boyfriend after that, so it’s a win-win situation,” Axel said.
“I hate myself,” I mumbled, then flicked through the mixtape that Uncle Griff made Levi and me when we were young. “Howlin for You” by The Black Keys came on, and I turned up the volume. The guys took it as a sign that I didn’t want to speak, so we sat in the car with the music as we drove to the next thing on the stupid bucket list.
***
“Where are we going?” I asked as we walked up a hill. We drove for half an hour, then Levi stopped, which seemed to be in the middle of nowhere. No one answered me, and I sighed. I was the last one to reach the top, and I saw Levi’s smirk. I followed his gaze and watched the cows as they ate grass. My eyes widened as I turned to Levi, who had a smirk molded onto his face. “Not happening.”
“If I’m not mistaken, it is on the bucket list, pumpkin,” Axel mumbled beside me.
“I wrote that when I was like eight.”
“But it’s still on there,” Levi said.
“Do you guys even know how to milk a fucking cow?” Blake asked as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“Nope,” Levi and I said in unison.
“Yes,” Keene said as we turned to him. “Don’t ask.”
“Lead the way, Keene Stoner,” Levi said.
“Dude, I still can’t believe your last name is Stoner.” Axel laughed as we followed Keene to the cows.
“Shut it, Gunner,” Keene grumbled as he grabbed the bucket that stood by the gate.
“Aren’t we gonna get into trouble?” I looked over my shoulder and saw the farmer’s house in the distance.
“Not if we hurry up,” Blake mumbled. We stood in front of the cow that leisurely ate grass. I didn’t like it one bit. Keene took the bucket and cautiously placed it underneath the udder. He squatted next to the cow, and I leaned in to see what he did. The cow smelled funny, or it was the shit a few feet away from us. Keene held his hand out, and Levi rummaged through the bag and took out Vaseline. He rubbed it all over his hands, then gave it back to Levi.
“Where’d you get that?” I whispered to Levi.
“You bought all of this stuff,” he murmured as we watched Keene wrap his hands around two teats.
“How? When?”
“It doesn’t matter. You even got this.” He pulled out a Playboy Deodorant spray.
“What the h—” I cut myself off as Levi sprayed himself. Blake watched us in amusement, which Levi noticed. He walked over to him and sprayed him too. It turned out the cow didn’t like it and mooed loudly. My eyes widened as the other cows raised their heads from the grass and joined.
“Shit. Run!” Axel yelled. Keene stood up as we followed Blake and Levi, who already ran the other direction. Keene and I ran through the cows, and one almost kicked us. We continued to run for the next few minutes, and my feet ached in the heels. I stopped to catch my breath and to remove the heels. That’s when I noticed that we were in a sunflower field. Most of the sunflowers died since the cold winter swept through, yet it kept me covered.
“Come on.” Blake popped out of nowhere and grabbed my arm. He pulled me through the field to an abandoned barn where everyone else was.
“Well, that didn’t go as planned,” Keene muttered.
“No shit,” Levi muttered as we walked into the barn.
“Hay!” Axel pointed to a stack of hay. Blake looked at his brother in disappointment, then shook his head.
“Sleeping in a stack of hay is on the list.” Keene shrugged as he pulled his jacket off and put it on the hay.
“Yeah, I’m pretty beat.” Axel yawned as he took off his flannel and used it as a pillow. The whole barn was filled with hay, so we spread out. I couldn’t sleep, though, because I had too much on my mind. That dream I had got worse. Also, Levi would leave. As much as he annoyed me, I didn’t want him to leave. I felt as if us two together didn’t get much time alone. He’d go back to college, and I’d probably see him summer break or at the end of the year.
“Princess, you awake?”
“Yeah,” I whispered, then heard footsteps.
“Follow me,” he whispered as I got up. As I walked out of the barn, I noticed Axel and Keene hugged each other. Blake had his back facing me as he curled up into a ball. I walked out of the barn to see Levi run into the field. I grabbed my phone and took a picture as I followed him. The deeper I walked, I seemed to lose him, so I decided to take more pictures.
“Levi, where are you?” I called out as I put my phone back in my pocket. As I walked through the dead flowers, I tried to find him. Out of nowhere, I was pulled down onto someone. I hovered over Levi, who grinned. “Idiot.” I laughed and rolled off him. We laid in the field with dead sunflowers hanging over us. I let out a sigh and turned to him. I stared at the bird tattoo on his neck, then at his eyes. “I’m gonna miss you,” I confessed as he turned to me. He had a sad look in his eyes but still held a smile.
“Me too, but we’ll see each other…soon.” He whispered the last part, then looked up at the sky. “I hope you had an amazing time.”
“Yeah, even though I can’t remember half of it.” I sighed, then felt his palm brush against my hand.
“Look, when you do remember,” he said as I looked at him, “just know that I-I love you, okay?”
He waited for me to say it in the same tone and same way. My eyes bored into his as the corner of my mouth turned up and responded, “Love you too.”
“You know after the pool, we got arrested. Well, Keene, Blake, and I, while you and Axel were out God knows where,” Levi began, and I felt his fingers entwine with mine. “It was actually the first time I enjoyed being in a prison cell. We just talked.” I laughed at the thought, then a sudden reminiscence entered my min
d when I sang “Miss Jackson” in Axel’s flannel. “Blake’s not a bad guy, you know.”
“Yeah, but what’s up with him?” I asked.
“I don’t know. When we’re hanging out, he sometimes spaces out for a while,” he mumbled. “He’s sorta short-tempered, but he’s caring.”
“Yep.”
“While you were drunk, he was by your side the whole time.”
“Oh.”
“Yep,” he added, then held my chain. “He gave you this.”
“Yep,” I said as he played with it.
“You do know that his is from Connecticut and yours is from Minnesota.”
“So?”
“You’ll understand, princess, soon.” He laughed. “Wanna go home?”
***
The drive home was an hour long, and Blake offered to drive. It felt short because most of us slept. We dropped Keene off, then turned to the Gunner household. It was weird because their goodbyes to Levi were rather short. Levi and I got home, and thankfully Dad wasn’t home yet from his night patrol. Our parents were still asleep, so we snuck into the house and to my bedroom. Levi showered while I helped him pack, typical that he left it for the last minute. While I put his shoes in the case, he walked out of the bathroom with a towel draped around his waist. I took out my clothes and was ready to enter the bathroom until I felt him pull me back.
“Hey, you might want to take that off now,” he said as he placed his hands on my hips. I followed his gaze and saw a bandage on the left side of my hip. He rubbed his hand on it, then slowly took it off to reveal a tattoo. My eyes widened as I walked to the mirror and turned my body to stare at it.