by Raathi Chota
“This is weird,” I mumbled as he laid on his back and stared at the ceiling.
“Oh, come on. Remember that one summer when your parents and Levi’s parents invited me to that lake house? There were three rooms, and you took that one, so Levi and I had to sleep in the living room,” Keene started as I laid on my side. “It was hot as shit since the rooms only had air conditioning, so one night you let us stay with you.”
“Even though the three of us shared a bed, we didn’t sleep. It was so hot.” I sighed.
“And that time when we went on a road trip to California and hired a van. You fell asleep on me in the backseat,” he said as my cheeks reddened.
“To be fair, there were a lot of teenagers in that van, and you wanted to sit in the back with the youngest.”
“I was keeping you company since it was all of Levi’s friends.”
“What happened to all of them?” I asked because Levi had a lot of friends in Illinois, but I only saw Keene and Jaden as time went on.
“Moved on. Friends come and go, but Levi…he’s like a brother to me,” Keene mumbled. “You two are family to me, and I’m the older brother who has to look after you guys.”
I smiled because Keene had always been there for Levi. He didn’t have any family, and he saw Levi and me as his real ones because we’d known him for almost five years.
“Why did Axel text Levi?” I asked after a while.
“Because we knew that he was the only one who’d talk you into opening that door. He was the only one who’d calm you down,” Keene replied as if he waited for the question.
“Thank you,” I whispered as he turned his back to me, then turned the light off.
“Anytime. Now get some sleep,” he said. I turned so that our backs faced each other.
It had been twenty minutes, and I couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t Keene’s light snores or Aidan’s and Liam’s laughter downstairs, but the vivid images in my head from the night I killed Christo Aimar. I didn’t know what would happen next. I knew James had his eyes on me. He must’ve witnessed my breakdown earlier and had a good laugh.
The bed sunk in, and I felt Keene move behind me. I raised a brow as I heard him exhale loudly. I felt his breath on my neck, and as I turned to face him, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me so that my back was against his chest. He rested his chin on my head while I blinked.
“Sleep, Lana,” he croaked out as his arm tightened around me. “Stop worrying and just relax. Tomorrow’s another day.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lana
When I woke up, Keene was still by my side in the same position. All of us woke up late, and by the time Benny made us brunch, Mom was home. I barely spoke, yet no one asked, and I was glad. Everyone soon left when Mom said that we had to get Dad from the airport. It turned out he went to Idaho with Detective Kale because they found a dead body which was related to James, since it was one of his clients. Thankfully, it wasn’t Christo, because the guy that they saw was a short blond dude. When we came home, I studied, but that didn’t keep my friends from texting me to make sure I was okay. I replied to Ethan and told him to tell everyone I didn’t want to be disturbed.
It was Monday, and Mom let me take her car because she wasn’t going to work until late afternoon. I didn’t want to go to school, but I had to, so I cruised the whole way. I got out of the car a minute before the bell rang. I held my bag and the can of soda I took from the fridge this morning because I didn’t have time to make coffee. People rushed past me as I stared up at the miserable school building. I turned my gaze to see Benny, Nick, Melissa, Aidan, Miranda, and Tiffany look at me as they leaned against the wall. Apparently, they waited for me, but I stared at them until they got the message. I watched as they walked inside the building with everyone else. Once the front was empty, I drank the cold beverage then tossed it in the trashcan. My first period was Physics, and I was clearly not in the mood. I took my time to walk, and once I was inside, the hallways were empty. I walked to my locker and took out my things. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone approach me. I turned my head to see Britney strut toward me.
“Saturday night I went to Benny’s house, and he wasn’t there. I went to Nick’s house, and he wasn’t there either, so I went to your house and surprise, surprise, everyone was there. I mean no offense, but you give away more pussy than an animal shelter,” she said, and I turned to her with a fake pout.
“You’re just mad cause neither of them gives a crap about you,” I said, then shut my locker.
“I told Kelly, and now everyone knows what a whore you are,” Britney hissed as we walked down the hall.
“You guys are spreading rumors about me?” I gasped. “Well, at least you guys are spreading something other than your legs.”
“You’re such a bitch, Lana. Can’t you see Benny is tired of you? They all are,” she said as we turned the corner.
“I’m glad you think I care.” I laughed.
She scoffed, and I rolled my eyes, then walked into the classroom. I walked right past the teacher and noticed everyone’s eyes on me.
“Lana, Britney, you’re late,” Mr. Gorton stated as I sat down.
“Sorry, but Lana was trying to persuade me to smoke pot with her,” Britney said as my eyes widened. Everyone turned to me with surprised looks on their faces.
“Liar, I’d never do business with her!” I scoffed as Carter laughed and high-fived me.
“Lana, calm down. It’s Monday. Be kind to one another,” Mr. Gorton said, then sipped his coffee as he looked at Britney and me.
“You know what’s funny?” Britney asked. “Not you, Willson, so shut up.”
“Britany, your mouth is so big I think you’re talking in caps,” I said as Melissa laughed.
“Lana, where are you going?” Mr. Gorton asked as I walked past Britney.
“I’m not feeling well. I’m going to the nurse’s office,” I stated as I spun around to look at the class.
“Should I come with you?” Carter asked as I locked eyes with Benny.
“No. It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” I said. Mr. Gorton gave me a weird look. I sighed, then walked out of the classroom. I was sick, sick of Britney and school in general. At least spring break was soon. I walked out of the school and decided to go home since I didn’t feel right. I knew that my mother would be home, so I’d be honest with her and say I wasn’t up for it.
***
I decided to take a long hot shower to relieve all the stress. It relaxed me, but my shoulders ached for some reason. I walked out of my room with a towel wrapped around me. I noticed something floating in my room, and I raised a brow when I saw a heart-shaped balloon above my bed. A box was tied at the bottom to keep it stable, and I walked toward it.
“Hey.” I spun around to see Benny against my door in a denim jacket, gray tee, black jeans, and Timberlands.
“Benny, I told you…”
“No, Lana, I won’t stop until I know that we’re okay. Everyone’s asking about us,” he mumbled as he walked past me and toward the balloon. I watched as he removed the box from the balloon. The balloon floated up to the corner of the room. “It’s been hell without you. I can’t sleep because I’m just thinking about you all the time. I just want to know if you’ve had long restless nights because of me. I just want to know that you think about me and I’m not the only one suffering from this. I want to know that I meant something to you.”
“You do. When you said we should see other people and move on, I fucking lost it. I thought you were over me, so I tried to get over you,” I croaked out and noticed he played with the box. “I can’t believe I let myself drop so low. I can’t believe I let Blake use me like that—I can’t believe I did those things…”
“Lana, you’re no—”
“I smoked and…and took random pills that made me go fucking crazy! Benny, I put a gun to my head hoping that would make you all live in peace and stop creating problems. Ugh, what the fuck is wrong with
me?” I demanded, then turned around and tugged on my hair.
“Lana! You’re not the only one,” Benny said as he spun me back around. “When I saw Carter and Blake around you, I got so jealous, and Britney was right there, so I tried to use her to make you jealous, but she became clingy and annoying. So I told her to leave, which only made it worse because it made me realize how much I missed you and what a big fucking mistake I made.” He sighed. “I know that you’re supposed to love yourself before you can love others, but I can’t. I don’t love myself for the stuff I’ve done.” He opened the box. My eyes widened as I looked down to see a little ring with half a heart. “But I know that I love you,” he whispered, then took the ring out. He took my hand and slipped the ring onto my index finger.
“Y-you love me?” I stuttered and looked into his brown eyes.
“Never stopped loving you, Lana Willson,” he said, then took the necklace that he wore and pulled it out. That’s when I noticed the other half of the heart. I smiled as I raised my index finger so that the hearts became one. He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, and I noticed something on his wrist. He followed my gaze, then lowered his wrist. “I hate myself yet I love you so much that I just…” He trailed off as I ran my fingers over his scars. A tear managed to escape, yet I closed my eyes and kissed his wrist. “So, in a way, there’s something wrong with the both of us. Like you said, no one’s perfect.” He lightly chuckled, and I opened my eyes to see that his were glossy.
“You promised you wouldn’t cut anymore,” I whispered as he wrapped his arms around my torso.
“Yeah, and you promised you wouldn’t smoke anymore,” he said. I had nothing to say, so I rested my head against his chest. “We all have something that releases the pain.”
“Yeah,” I said, then pulled away and wiped my tears.
“So I’ll be downstairs while you, err…” He looked down, and I followed his gaze to see that I was in a towel. “Put some comfy clothes on.”
“Okay. Why aren’t you at school?” I asked as he walked toward the door.
“Oh, I just told them I wasn’t feeling well.” He winked, then walked out of the room. I laughed, then walked to my closet. I put on my underwear and decided on a loose sweater, pajama shorts, and gray knee-high socks. I tied my hair up in a bun, then walked downstairs. When I entered the living room, my eyes widened. The whole room was covered in blankets and pillows. Snacks were on the coffee table while Harry Potter played on the television. “Do you like it?” Benny awkwardly asked as he took off his shoes.
“Like it? I love it!” I squealed, then swung my arms around his neck.
“Yeah, I didn’t know what food to get so…I just got all kinds.”
“This is unbelievable. No one has ever gone through so much trouble as to buy these things for me, let alone do this for me!”
“Well, that’s just how I show my love. By spoiling you and making you smile.”
“You don’t have to always spoil me. We could literally have a zombie invasion and be short on supplies, but as long as we have each other, I think we’ll make it.”
“Okay, I ditched school not to talk about zombies, but to watch Harry Potter with my gir—we are together, right?” he asked as his facial expression changed.
“Yes, of course. We bring out the best in each other, and now I have reason to smile again.” I ran a hand through his hair. He leaned his head back and exhaled loudly.
“God, I missed that.”
“I’ll show you what I missed.” I laughed, then took his hand and pulled him toward the floor. We sat down, and Benny started the first movie. I took the popcorn, then leaned back so that I rested against his chest. He put his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek. I smiled as a nice chill went through my body at the familiar touch. God, I missed his touch so much. I missed him so much.
“You know…these past three weeks I realized that I was a bit selfish because I just wanted you all to myself, but now being in a relationship means trusting each other, being there for one another, but it also means giving each other space occasionally.” I turned to him. “And I’m not just saying that because Liam and Aidan want a guy’s night soon,” he added as I chuckled. “We should be able to hang out with other people but also make time for one another. That’s why…I’ll try to be nice—er around Blake.”
“And Levi if he comes this summer?” My eyes lit up because there wouldn’t be conflict anymore between the three.
“You know Levi and I will never get along. We hated each other since we were kids…but I’ll try if he does,” Benny said, and I smiled.
“I’ll talk to him…I just want peace, you know? I just want things to go back to normal around here.”
“When have things ever been normal, Lana Willson?”
“True,” I mumbled, then felt his hand on my thigh.
“I love it when you wear long socks. It such a tu—”
“Ssshh.” I cut him off and covered his mouth with popcorn. “Hagrid is coming,” I said, then stuffed my face with popcorn while I watched one of my favorite characters.
***
Blake
It was after school, and I was in the living room with some of the guys. Tamia was here too, but she mostly spoke to Axel while I drank my beer in silence. When Lana said she’d go to the nurse’s office, I knew she lied. No one would be up for school after facing something like that on Saturday. It scared the shit out of me, and when I saw the gun, my heart dropped. I was snapped out of my thoughts when Carter walked in. I rolled my eyes because he held books. He’s supposed to tutor me, yet I’m not in the mood and didn’t need one.
“Yo, Lana and Benny are back together,” he announced, and I scoffed because Benny left before lunch.
Tamia turned to me with a glint in her eye. I raised a brow and leaned forward and motioned her to speak. “She played you.”
“Nope. It was my idea. If I can’t be with her, I should try and get her out of my system.”
“Out of your system, meaning to be fuck buddies and shit?”
“We never fucked. Lana didn’t want to! I thought by just being with her I’d see her as just another girl.”
“Why did you do that? Why did you put yourself through so much pain knowing that you fell for her and that they’d get back together?” Carter asked as he leaned against the wall.
“Don’t you get it? She doesn’t like me that way, yet she goes for a guy who fucking hit her!” I exclaimed, then propped my feet onto the table. “But somehow, he manages to do the thing we all struggle to do nowadays, make Lana Willson smile. How does he make her happy? I don’t know!” I yelled. “What the fuck is wrong with her? What does she see in him? What has he done for her? What does he have or do that I don’t?”
“Don’t you get it?” Keene asked as he sat opposite me. “He cares about her a lot. He changed for her; he’s trying to make her into a better person! But what do you do?” Keene tilted his head. “You influence her to smoke! To sleep around, just like you fucking do!” Keene raised his voice. “Do you know what she sees in you? She sees a selfish prick who sleeps around, not giving a damn about anything. Who plays with people and just suddenly goes off as if nothing happened.”
“Don’t talk shit!” I scoffed.
“I’m not! Saturday at my apartment when I told you guys it’s over and you shrugged it off like she was just another bang, you should’ve seen her face. It was filled with disgust, naivety, and pain,” Keene yelled. “So, if you want to keep being friends with Lana, I suggest you man the fuck up and stop depending on your dick and cigarettes to fix your problems.”
“Oh, fuck off, Keene,” I said, then shook my head. Everyone remained quiet, and I watched as Ethan sat down next to me.
“No, fuck you,” he said, then walked off. I took another swig of alcohol and let it take me over. Even though I drowned in alcohol, I needed to get her out of my system. She’s right, I brought out the bad side of her, but I couldn’t help it. That side intrig
ued me.
“Dude, chill, that stuff’s burning your throat,” Ethan said as I chugged down my third bottle.
“This,” I laughed as I looked at the bottle, “doesn’t even come close to when Lana’s lips were on mine, and we’d kiss.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lana
I didn’t think that the diner would be open so early in the morning, but since it’s close to downtown, it’s convenient for people who worked. Mom dropped me off at the diner on Friday morning because she worked in the city and it was on her way. Blake and I hadn’t spoken much since the incident on Saturday night, but I had to sometime. Yet I was surprised when he called me and said we needed to talk. When I glanced up, the waiter placed a bubblegum milkshake in front of me. I thanked him, then drank and put my hands in front of me, admiring the ring Benny got for me. Wow, was all I could say. The heart was small, which made it perfect for his half that was on his chain.
“Hey, Lana.” I raised my head to see Ethan, Blake, and Keene. I smiled as Ethan sat next to me. As Blake and Keene sat opposite us, I looked outside to see that they came in Ethan’s Tesla. I heard Keene groan as he leaned against the window.
“What’s wrong with you?” I asked, then sipped my milkshake.
“Hangover.” He took a menu and covered his face. I gave Ethan and Blake a questioning look. They seemed completely fine as they assured me Keene was okay. “So…why did you want to meet so early in the morning? Couldn’t you tell me this at school?”
“I just wanted to—” Blake began, but Keene lowered the menu and gave him a skeptical look. “Needed to tell you as soon as possible.”
“Okay.” I shrugged.
“We need to stop,” Blake stated as he gazed at me. I raised a brow, and he sighed and took out his cigarette box. “We need to stop. I’ve totally broken the New Year’s Resolution, and I know you have too.”