As I tossed my bra to the floor, I wiped the drool from my lips.
Now standing naked, he inched his way beside me on the bed. Shane knew by now all I had to do was see him without a shirt, listen to him speak, or watch him get undressed and I was as wet as I would ever become.
“Babe?” he whispered.
I turned my head to face him. As our eyes met, he began to kiss me. As he kissed me his hands touched the sides of my face lightly. He touched my face almost every time we kissed, and it drove me insane with emotion. It was the one thing which always pushed me over the edge.
His soft lips against mine, I moaned as he kissed me. One of his hands left my face and began to massage my breasts. He began to roll my nipple between his index finger and thumb. An electrical charge felt as if it were traveling from my nipple to my aching pussy.
Foreplay with Shane Dekker wasn’t foreplay at all, it was torture.
Lying on his side beside me on the bed, he moved his mouth from my lips to the edge of my neck. As he drug his teeth down the side of my neck, I felt goose bumps rise from my calf to my shoulder. His lips began to kiss my collar bone and work their way back up my neck to my jaw.
My entire body felt as if it were on fire.
As he kissed my jaw and worked his way down to my chin, his hands found my breasts. I closed my eyes and focused on his mouth. My breasts cupped in each of his hands, he started squeezing them as he kissed my chin and neck. He opened his mouth wide and began kissing the front of my neck. I arched my back and tilted my head back, exposing my neck for his pleasure.
As he licked and kissed my neck, he began to moan.
No, don’t do that.
Don’t moan.
I opened my eyes.
The muscles on the backs of his arms flexed as he squeezed my breasts. His perfectly flat stomach was against my hips and mid-section as he kissed the side of my face and chin. I watched his chest muscles as he kissed up and down my neck.
I reached down and fumbled for his cock. As I gripped it in my hand, he began to groan.
“Oh God, Kace,” he moaned as he raised his mouth from my chin.
“Lay down,” I said, “Lay on your back.”
I pushed against his shoulder, forcing him to roll to his back. As he did, I kissed my way along his body toward his waist.
“Don’t move. Let me do this for you, please,” I begged.
I kissed his neck and worked my way to his chest. Knowing I could not last for very long, I bit each of his nipples and moved to the center of his torso. I rubbed my hands along his washboard abs as I kissed along his stomach. Holding my hands on his stomach, I moved my mouth to his hard cock.
“Hold my hair so it doesn’t get in my mouth,” I said.
Silently, he reached for my hair and held it behind my head. I opened my mouth and began to lick the tip of his cock. As I licked and kissed the tip, I moved my hand from his stomach and grabbed his cock in my hand.
I pulled my mouth away from the tip and watched as I began to stroke his cock. Being able to do things like this was very pleasurable to me. I had never been in a position where I was allowed or able to enjoy myself sexually. Shane’s fear of causing me harm or emotional damage prevented him from being aggressive with me sexually, and I was able to show him through my actions what I preferred and enjoyed.
It was a learning experience for both of us each time we had sex.
“I like your cock in my hand,” I said as I stroked it.
I sat up on the bed and began to stroke it faster. I leaned over and slid my mouth down the shaft as far as I could a few times, making the entire length wet. I pulled my mouth from the tip and began stroking it again.
“But,” I said as I raised myself from the bed and stepped over his thighs.
I like it in here better.
I lowered myself onto his hard cock as I spread my pussy open with my fingers. As the tip penetrated me, I had a light orgasm. I sighed and lowered myself slowly down until I had his entire cock inside of me. Once down as far as I could go, I wiggled my ass against his upper thighs.
“See? All gone,” I said as I proudly pointed to my pussy.
I leaned forward and placed my hands on each side of his chest and took a deep breath. I raised myself up the shaft of his cock until my pussy was at the rim of the tip. I bit my lip and lowered myself down the shaft until it was buried inside of me.
I exhaled.
“Did you see that?” I asked.
He nodded eagerly.
“You do realize this doesn’t hurt me, right?”
I rose up again, almost to the tip.
“See that,” I said as I pointed to his glistening cock.
He nodded, “Yeah, fuck yeah I do.”
I dropped myself down the length of his stiff cock and gasped as it bottomed out.
I pointed to my soaking wet pussy, “Gone. See that? Gone.”
I worked my way up slowly. As I did, he propped himself onto his elbows and leaned forward to watch.
“Your cock is huge. I fucking love it. Pay attention, because I’m going to fuck you, Shane. I’m going to see how I like this. I’ll let you know,” I smiled.
I began working my hips as quickly and ferociously as I could. My pussy was beyond soaked. His cock worked in and out of my wet pussy as quickly as I could fuck it. My only limitation was what little friction there was, and there wasn’t much, because the wetness from my pussy was running down his cock onto his hips. With my hands on his chest I began to moan and scream.
“You….”
“Don’t….Oh fucking God.”
“Make me nervous,” I breathed.
“Because I fucking,” I bucked my hips up and down, swallowing his cock inside of me with each stroke.
“Not nervous…Because I…Love you,” I said.
“Holy shit, I’m gonna cum,” I continued rocking my hips slowly, taking all of him inside me.
Almost as if he were in a trance, He stared at my pussy, watching each stroke as my ass and pussy rose up from his lap.
“I love your….okay….I’m gonna cum now,” I gasped.
I closed my eyes as they rolled back in my head. I felt myself begin to climax as I focused on the feeling of his thick cock inside of me. My entire body shook as I came all over Shane’s cock. I held my body still and pressed on his chest, sitting on him with my eyes closed.
His hands reached up and touched my hips. As soon as his fingers touched me, I jumped.
“Are you okay, babe?” he asked.
“Yeah, don’t touch me,” I said, before I really knew what I was saying.
“Don’t touch you? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” he asked quietly.
I raised my hands from his chest and waved my arms in front of him.
“Shhhh. Don’t talk to me. Don’t touch me,” I laughed.
I was in some post-climax bliss. My entire body was tingling, and when he touched me it sent a tingly shock throughout my body. It was just too much for me to take. I needed more practice. Fucking Shane was so much different. So much more enjoyable. Right now, I needed to recover and come back to earth.
Silence.
I wanted the feeling, forever. The right here. The right now. I wanted to bask in it for a lifetime. The feeling was what my books were written about. Everyone wants this and no one actually gets it. I was heaven.
This is life with Shane Dekkar.
“Babe you’re shaking,” he said as his hand touched my thigh.
“Don’t talk,” I said as I opened my eyes.
He looked up at me, his face filled with worry.
“I need a minute,” I said.
His eyes widened.
I closed my eyes, “It’s good, babe. The good kind of don’t talk to me. The good kind of don’t touch me. The, oh my God, I want this feeling to last forever type of feeling. That’s what I’ve got going on.”
I paused and took a slow, deep breath.
“It’s okay, I’m fine now. You can ta
lk,” I said as I slid back on his thighs toward his knees.
“What happened?” he asked.
I shrugged my shoulders and looked at him in amazement.
“You happened, Shane. You happened,” I responded, still in a daze.
Slowly, he smiled.
“You knew you were going to do this to me, didn’t you?” I asked.
He tapped me once on the thigh.
“Fucker,” I smiled.
“Kace, I didn’t ask for this. I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend. I wasn’t trying to find a partner, a wife, a whatever. All I know is this – you entered my life, and when you did, things changed. Things inside of me changed. The feelings you cause me to feel, they’re different. They’re not like other feelings I have ever had. Now that I have felt this, I know what everyone talks about. I know what it’s like to feel as if you need someone to just survive. It scares me. You scare me,” he said as he sat up in the bed.
“I scare you? Seriously?” I slid off of his legs and lay down beside him, my head resting on my hand.
“The good kind,” he chuckled, now sitting straight up in the bed.
“I don’t need. I never have. I have always been fine being alone. I’ve always known it’s how I’d live my life, I suppose - alone and happy. Now that I’ve met you - now that we have this - I can’t deny it’s meant to be. Kace, I’m scared to death to try and live without you,” he said.
I looked into his eyes and felt full of emotion. I felt full of pride. Full of love. I was about to cry, and I don’t like to cry.
“You’ll never be without me, Shane. Never,” I said as I rubbed his arm with my free hand.
“Never?” he asked.
“Never,” I responded.
He made a fist and held it over his chest.
I made a fist and tapped it against his clenched hand.
“You’re stuck now,” he said.
“How so?” I asked.
“We just shook on it,” he said.
And the way Shane’s mind works…
We just became one.
SHANE. Kace had become the most important thing in my life. In many respects, Kace had become my life. For me to admit Kace’s importance was simple and second nature. Two years ago, I suspect it would have been impossible for me to admit. Now, however, I didn’t hesitate. Now that I had had Kace in my life, to imagine not having her made me feel extremely uneasy.
I wasn’t simply attracted to Kace. I felt as if I needed her. Merely having her accompany me in life provided me with a feeling of completion. Similar, I suppose, to concluding a long journey.
Kace made me stop. Stop wanting. Stop wondering. Stop looking. Stop thinking. Stop running.
And begin.
Living, breathing, and being.
I didn’t feel an attraction to her because she’d been in an abusive relationship. I didn’t feel as if I had rescued her either. I truly believed I opened her eyes and provided her with ideas of what her options were. I loved Kace because she was genuine. I loved Kace because she was a beautiful person.
I loved Kace because she was Kace.
“A list, huh?” I chuckled as I pulled a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
“I’m serious. I brought it home with me. I put a lot of thought into it,” she paused and waited at the end of the kitchen countertop.
“I wasn’t laughing at your list, babe. I was laughing because you’re so fucking adorable. You’re different than any other girl I’ve ever known. At least after leaving Buster, you aren’t afraid to say what you think. I like it. I like you,” I said as I walked her direction.
“Well, you want to go over it?” she asked as she pulled a folded sheet of yellow paper from her purse.
“Absolutely, let’s go in the living room,” I said as I walked past her.
She kicked her heels off onto the kitchen floor and ran past me as I walked to the couch. She bounced into the chair on the opposite side of the couch and unfolded the sheet of paper.
“You don’t want to sit together?” I asked as I sat down on the couch, patting the cushion beside me with my hand.
“Nope. I want to sit here and watch you while we talk,” she bounced excitedly in the cushion as she spoke.
“Okay, let’s get to it,” I responded as I took a sip of water from the bottle.
“Okay, here’s what I would want to be in a perfect relationship with you. I want to know if these things are okay with you, not okay, or something we could discuss. Some are really important, and some not as much. I decided we need to get this out of the way,” she flipped her hair over her shoulders and stretched the wrinkles from the paper.
“What if I take exception to something?” I asked, more jokingly than serious.
“Well, depending on what it is, we’ll address it at the time, but be honest,” she nodded her head sharply as she finished the sentence.
“Okay.”
“Promise?” she turned her head slightly and smiled.
“Totally,” I responded.
“Okay, here we go,” she paused.
“I like to cook. You and Ripp like to eat out. I want to cook at least five meals a week at home, and I want you to eat them. You don’t have to like them, but no throwing food at me, screaming at me about what I cook, and no telling me I’m stupid for cooking something you don’t like. I know you want to eat healthy food, and I will take it into consideration. I like healthy too. Yes or no,” she looked up from the paper.
“Is that how we’re going to do this? Yes or no?” I asked as I placed the water on the end table beside the couch.
She tapped her hand once on the arm of the couch.
I shook my head and smiled.
This woman makes me fucking happy.
“Yes,” I said.
“Okay. Next one. I want to wash my own car. I don’t want you washing it. You can drive it or whatever, because we’re a couple. But I want to wash it,” she looked up and into my eyes as she finished reading.
“Yes,” I grinned.
She smiled and looked down at the paper, “Okay, next. I want to get a Goodreads account, Facebook, and maybe some other things on the internet. I think this will help me become more social. Oh, and I want more friends - more than Liv from the coffee shop. I want real friends,” as she looked up from the paper her face began to look worried.
“Yes,” I responded sharply.
She bounced in her chair and pulled excitedly on each side of the wrinkled paper to straighten the wrinkles.
“Okay. Next. I’m almost done,” she paused.
“I know I don’t have to say this, but I need to. It’s important,” she looked up from the paper and waited.
“Okay?” I responded.
Without looking down at the paper, she continued, “If you ever lay a hand on me. Slap me, hit me, grab me, push me, anything. I’m gone. I’ll leave you and never come back.”
She looked as if she was going to start crying.
“Kace, I’ll never lay a hand on you. Ever. I promise,” I responded.
I realized it was a huge step for her to even mention this. It was her way of taking a stance against what had already happened to her. She wiped her face as one single tear ran down her cheek with the back of her hand and sniffed.
“Okay. I just had to say it,” she said softly.
She looked down at the paper. “Last thing,” she folded the paper and stood up.
I stood up.
“No, you sit. I’ll be right back,” she said as she took off in a dead run for the kitchen.
I turned and looked over my shoulder as she reached into her purse and pulled out her Kindle. She ran back to the chair and plopped down, bouncing in her seat as she turned on the device.
“Let me finish,” she said as she stared at the screen of the Kindle.
“Kace you need to start first,” I responded.
“I know. I’m just saying, this is a long one,” she said as she flipped her finger across the screen of the
Kindle.
“Okay,” I responded as I picked up my bottle of water from the end table.
“You’re not going to hurt me emotionally from sex. You’re too cautious, too careful, and you never even talk during sex. I’m not as fragile as you think. I’ve spent ten years getting fucked over, and not getting fucked. I want you to fuck me sometimes. And sometimes we can make love. But I never want you to worry about fucking me and harming me emotionally. This is what I want,” she looked up from the screen of her Kindle as she finished talking.
“Oh. Wow, okay. Well, what do you mean, specifically? Regarding fucking?” I asked, shocked this was her last question.
She jumped up from her seat and squeaked as she did. She handed me her Kindle and ran quickly back to her seat.
“Look at the screen. See the number at the bottom? 24%? Start there and read about five pages,” she said as she bounced up and down in her seat.
I looked down at the Kindle and began reading.
“Just flip your finger across the screen to turn the page,” she said.
I nodded as I read.
I finished the five pages.
Wow.
“Is that it?” I asked as I looked up from the Kindle.
“Nope,” she said excitedly.
Instantly, she jumped up, ran toward me and snatched the Kindle from my grasp. Almost frantically, she pushed and flipped her finger across the screen. She smiled and handed it back to me.
“Those two and a half pages. From the top of where it is,” she smiled and pranced back to her perch.
As she sat down, she pressed the wrinkles from her skirt. I read the two and a half pages, placed the Kindle down beside me, and took a slow drink of water from my bottle.
“Yes,” I said.
She emitted a loud squeal and jumped from her seat, her arms outstretched.
“Sit down, Kace,” I said sternly as I stood up.
She frowned and sat down in her seat. She looked up at me with a puzzled look as I slowly approached her.
“Give me your hand,” I said as I held my hand out toward her lap.
S is for SEX Page 59