On the Road Again
----------- Fi ------------
One week after Sean’s message of hope Fi was starting to feel like herself again. She’d eaten everything that Asher had put in front of her and her weight had nearly recovered, as had her milk. Though her mind still fretted over what was to come, she’d finally gotten some decent sleep. She’d even been able to put some miles in on the treadmill, albeit only a few.
Still, what felt best of all was that she finally felt something rather than the “nothing” that had overtaken her. She was grateful that Luke’s cries now broke her heart into pieces and that his coos glued it back together again. And she was grateful that the sight and sound and smell of her husband gave her the giddy rush of butterflies again. Kiara was alive, and now, finally, so was she.
But despite her joy at feeling alive, she also felt the roar of her oldest companion, rage, as it boiled within her. How dare Lawson do this to the world and to her? Whatever his issues, she didn’t care. He’d taken Kiara from her and marched her in terror through the frozen winter. Just the thought of it made her sick. He made a mistake, she thought. A big mistake. And now she was focused on only one thing: making him pay.
As they made preparations to meet at Jean and Luc’s, Fi sewed furiously. She was converting her pack so that it could cradle Luke in a fleecy upper compartment while still allowing the necessary storage below.
Squeak walked in carrying Luke and Fi grinned. Her son was sound asleep on Squeak’s shoulder, sunk into the little mushball that he always became when he sailed away to dreamland. She couldn’t seem to get over how incredibly soft he was, not just his skin, but his whole body. Squeak approached and Fi reached for him. He’d be hungry soon. The ache in her breasts had grown familiar by now.
She set aside her work and held him, bowing to kiss his head. She breathed in, smelling his fresh baby scent. He was delicious...delectable…delightful…there weren’t enough tantalizing words to describe him. She was certain that she’d had post-partum depression or something following his birth, because now it was impossible to imagine feeling hollow with him in her arms. The “nothing” was officially gone.
“Squeak,” she began, and then stopped. “You know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.”
Squeak frowned, confused. “About what?”
“Your name. I’ve been thinking that I’d prefer to call you Reginald. If you don’t mind, that is.” Squeak’s frown deepened, but Fi saw him blush as well. She suppressed a smile. He was so shy, even the tiniest attention from her made him cringe.
“Ok, I guess so.” He fidgeted, his face unsure.
“I’m not making fun of you, Reginald,” she said, testing out the name. It felt right. “I just feel like you’re not a kid, you’re a man. Everything you’ve done for me, and for us, it just…it feels better to call you the most respectful thing that I can.”
“Thanks, I guess. But I think…”
“Yes?”
“I think I’d like to be called Reggie, actually. It was my grandfather’s name and he was really cool. He was a tinkerer, like me.”
“Yes! Reggie. That’s perfect. I’ll call you Reggie from now on, ok?”
“I think Reggie’s perfect for you too,” Asher said, having appeared in the doorway. “Fi’s right. You deserve a man’s name.” He strode into the room and clapped the beet-red Reggie on the back. “I’d say that surviving here by yourself in the dark with no contact for weeks officially makes you a man.”
Luke began making grunting noises as he awoke, waving his balled fists.
“What is it?” Fi cooed, cuddling him. “What is it, my little piggy? You hungry?” She pulled a pillow onto her lap. “Well, I’m going to feed this little man, so you two boys…”
Asher interrupted. “…We’ll scoot, we know.” He cupped Luke’s head gently for a moment and leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. “We should be ready to roll tomorrow.”
By the next morning, Reggie and Asher had resealed and camouflaged all of Eden’s entrances. The plan was that Reggie would stay and do his best to “guard” Eden and work the radio, if needed. Since they were trying to keep the Truthers unaware that they’d discovered the ransacked colony, Sean’s plan was to have the Nets act as if they were concerned to have lost Eden’s signal, but too frightened to check it out in the wintertime. In other words, Reggie was just going to listen.
It would no doubt be a lonely and frightening task. But he volunteered for the job. “Someone needs to watch over the seed stores and make sure they aren’t damaged,” he said. “And someone needs to start repairing the fields.”
Normally the idea of a self-proclaimed “tinkerer” like Reggie plowing fields would have made Fi laugh, but he was dead serious.
“Here, Fi, I have something for you. I don’t want to forget.” He pulled a small Ziploc bag of seeds from his pocket.
“What’s this?”
“A reminder. So that we remember what’s really at stake.” His face was grim as he handed over the little bag. “That guy didn’t just take our families, Fi, he took humanity’s future.”
“We’re going to fix this somehow, Reggie, I promise you. We’re going to get them back.”
“And when you do, Eden and I will be waiting.”
He turned and they watched as he disappeared into a dark tunnel.
“Wow,” Asher said, squeezing her hand. “I never would have imagined that reassurances from Squeak would give me confidence, Fi.”
“They wouldn’t have. But he’s not Squeak anymore, Ash. He’s a grown man, and he has a job to do. And so do we.” She turned and headed back to her personal pod, with Asher trailing. There was only one more thing to do before they left…
##############################################
“Cut it.” Fi’s voice was flat. She held out her long braid and a pair of scissors.
“Fi, what are you talking about?” Asher was astonished.
“I need to cut it. Luke’s going to be traveling in the pack. I can’t have my braid smacking into him while I run.”
Asher took the scissors and grabbed her braid. She felt him finger the curls at the end. “But you haven’t…”
“…I know,” she interrupted. She didn’t want to dwell on it. “I know I haven’t cut it since Papa, but it’s time. And like I said, it will get in the way with Luke in the carrier.”
Asher nodded gravely. She closed her eyes as the scissors bit into her thick auburn hair. With the final snips she felt a weight lift as her hair fell away. Asher clutched the braid in his hand and she took it from him before turning to the mirror. She marveled at the lightness of her new cut, swiveling her head.
The girl in the mirror’s head swiveled as well, the light shining off her short copper curls. Her face was drawn, but the chin-length ringlets softened it somehow. It emphasized her large hazel eyes. Her fingers reached upward and then fluttered away. She looked so…young.
“Asher, can I have a minute?”
He slipped from the room without a word. Fi reached up again and touched her hair tentatively. It hadn’t been this short since before the Famine. She hadn’t been willing to cut it. Papa. Her fingers closed around the braid in her other hand. When the hair in her hand had grown, he’d seen it. He’d ruffled it and called her his “curly girl.”
She turned and knelt beside the bed, laying the braid out with care. She clasped her hands together and bowed her head. As long as it had been since she’d cut her hair, it had been even longer since she’d said her prayers. But with the road ahead, it felt like it was time.
“Our Father, who art in heaven…”
She slid into the meditation of the prayer, her hands resting on the auburn rope that had been her safety blanket for so long. Once she’d given God his due, she moved into counting her blessings: thanking Him for Luke’s safe arrival (a sentiment long overdue, she realized), for Asher’s unwavering love, and for the news that the colonists were still alive…that Kiara wa
s still alive. At the thought of her sister, the tears hovering at the edge of her lashes spilled over.
“God, if you can, please…I need you to send my Papa.” The tears came harder and she rested her head on her hands, unsure what miracle she expected. “Tell him I’m sorry. I promise if he just helps me find her, helps me get her back, I swear I’ll never leave her again. I just…” She choked. It was too hard to put into words.
She was weak, she knew. Her body was beaten and her psyche was worse. She still wasn’t a hundred percent sure that she didn’t hear her father’s voice, whispering in the corners. She had an extra, extremely fragile mouth to feed, and life to guard. And Kiara was far, so very far. What on Earth was she going to do?
A hand touched her shoulder and she whirled. On instinct, her fists flew up to protect her face. Her eyes darted and found… Nothing. What? Was she losing it again? Her heart fluttered as she sank back onto her heels and closed her eyes. After a moment, she felt it again. Suppressing a gasp, she stayed very still and focused on the feeling.
It wasn’t like a distinct touch this time. It was more of a shift, like the draft from a window…a warmth like breath on her neck…and arms, definitely arms, encircling her. As the tears fell, she stayed still in that embrace, afraid to breathe for fear of breaking it.
It’s going to be ok, Fi.
The thought came to her, but it wasn’t spoken.
It’s going to be ok. I’m here.
The warmth filled her and she nodded, her eyes still shut tight. “Thank you, God. Thank you so much. You found him.”
An hour later she and Asher left their home behind, asleep beneath the snow. Walking in silence, she felt a new sense of purpose and calm. She didn’t try to explain it away in her mind. Her logical, scientific self could cry foul all it wanted. That side of her would say that she was overwrought, desperately stressed by the loss of her sister and her home. It would say that she was emerging from clinical depression and that her desire manifested as a hallucination. But she knew the truth. Her prayers were heard.
Muster
------------ Fi --------------
The trip to Jean and Luc’s was two weeks of hiking in frigid weather, waking to the cover of overnight flurries and lowering skies. Two weeks, Fi thought, and with each step only one thing echoed in her mind. I’m coming.
She thought it with each crunching footfall. I’m coming for you. Whether she meant Kiara or Carter seemed to shift in her mind as she washed between waves of relief and rage. I’m coming. It was a drumbeat, forcing her forward.
Even with her resolve, it was tough going. It didn’t help that she had to stop every three hours to feed Luke, a task that could sometimes take hours all by itself. At least Luke’s carrier was proving to work out. He slid into his personal compartment and was instantly swaddled by the fleecy fabric she’d sewn inside. She could even cover him with a small flap so not an inch of him was exposed. He seemed to find the motion of her body soothing and he rarely cried once his belly was full. She was grateful for that at least.
Asher was quiet, neither of them feeling up to their usual teasing and small talk to fill the time. Conversations centered on needs: Luke’s, hers, Asher’s. Nothing more. There would be no rest. There would be no laughter. Not until Kiara was back in her arms…and not until she watched the light go out in Carter Lawson’s eyes.
Every day she pictured it, the way she would feel as she centered her .22 against his brow and watched the panic set in. Even though she knew it was sick, it was the most delightful daydream she could conjure these days. Finally, she understood how Sara felt…what it was like to look forward to killing someone the way you’d look forward a moment of glee, of unbridled joy. With every footfall in his direction, she thought it.
I’m coming for you, mother------.
They crested a small hill and saw the gravel road that led to Jean and Luc’s in the distance, their battered shed coated in fresh snow. As they started down the hill, Fi stopped. It seemed like there was something moving all around the shed. She squinted and pushed her sunglasses up so she could get a better view. Correction. It seemed like there were a lot of somethings moving around. Luke gurgled and she reached back reflexively to stroke the carrier. “Asher, what is that?”
He shaded his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s either animals or…people. But if it’s people, it’s more than just Jean and Luc’s Family.”
“Maybe it’s just the whole Net for his station,” she said. “Theirs is pretty big.” Despite the effort at optimism, she remained unconvinced by her own argument. The figures milling about seemed to be much more numerous than a single settlement. As they watched, two figures strode up the road away from the others, and Fi felt a wave of relief. One carried a beige staff and behind the other swished a long, dark ponytail. “Sean and Sara!”
Asher smiled. “Yes, it’s definitely them. I wonder what’s going on?”
Reassured, they headed down the hill. They were only a quarter mile away when they reached the road and they could see that there were a lot of people on Jean’s property. As they drew closer, Fi’s amazement grew. It had to be close to a hundred people standing in the road and watching their approach.
“Fi!” Sean dropped his staff and broke into a run.
When he reached them, he threw his arms around her. Fi hugged him back, the tears welling in her eyes. Her arms tightened around her best friend as she tried to explain with her body what her mind could not — the depth of her relief and gratitude. A tear slid down her cheek as she pulled away and met his eyes. He nodded. She knew he didn’t expect her to say anything.
“I’m so glad that you’re ok,” he said quietly, his eyes shining.
“We both are.” Sara came forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
Fi wiped her eyes and smiled. “Yes, I’m ok, but we still have work to do.”
“That’s what I’ve been dying to tell you, Fi, but I couldn’t risk it over the radio. This time it’s not just us with work to do.” Sean waved at the people gathered in the road behind him, their faces expectant.
Now that they were closer, Fi recognized some of them. She saw the leader of the family that had started the WPGH station.
“Greg,” she murmured, giving the tall, older man a confused little wave. He raised his hand in greeting, but his face remained serious. That was when she noticed that he wore a cloth headband with the symbol of Eden’s beloved apple tree, Eve, on it. Around him, she saw members of his family, including two women and teens that she knew. All wore either a headband or armband with the symbol of Eve.
What on Earth? What was going on? She swung her head to the other side. There was Marcy from the WWPL station and her family, all wearing the symbol of Eve. “Marcy?” she said, confused.
“Fi.” They bowed their heads.
“Fi.”
She heard it from the other side and swung her head back to find the source. The crowd parted as she met it.
“Fi.”
The murmurs came from all sides now. Mixed with her name were reverent whispers of “Asher” and “The Seeders.”
And for every face that she knew, there were ten that she didn’t. All wore the symbol of Eve. She turned to Sean and Sara, whom she now saw wore armbands bearing Eve’s image as well. “What’s happening, Sean?” Her head was whirling.
“They came for us, Fi,” he said, his voice growing thick. “They’re here to help.”
Another figure melted from within the crowd. He was dressed like a soldier, yet he too wore the symbol of Eve on his arm. As he approached, Fi saw that he was startlingly handsome.
“You!” The word burst from her mouth before she could stop it. The soldier saluted her and smiled. His perfect teeth gleamed behind full lips and a sexy, grizzled chin. His dark eyes and thick hair screamed “movie star.” Even without having stared down the barrel of his assault rifle, there was no mistaking him. It was the soldier who’d let her Family escape. “What? How? I mean�
��what?”
“I’m very honored to finally meet you, Fi Grey.” He offered his hand.
“You know this guy, Fi?” Asher was wary.
She turned to him, her eyes still wide. “Yes, Ash. And so do you, because you wrote my story. This is the soldier who saved our lives.”
“Not really,” the soldier protested. “I just let you go.”
“Are you serious?” Asher’s mouth dropped open. “This is the guy?”
“Yes,” Fi exhaled with a smile. “As crazy as that sounds. I’m sure we’ll have time later to find out how the heck we all ended up here.” She turned to the soldier and took his hand. “I’m sorry, soldier. I haven’t asked your name.”
His smile widened. “Julius.”
“As in Caesar?”
“As in Pappas.”
Of course, she thought. He’s a Greek God. That explains why he looks like an action figure.
Julius reached out to shake Asher’s hand. “Happy to meet you, Asher Grey,” he said warmly.
“Uh, yes. Nice to meet you, Julius.” Asher looked even more shocked than Fi, and Sean and Sara burst out laughing.
“Believe me,” Sean said. “We know how you feel. When Julius first showed up here at Jean and Luc’s with the others, I thought I was hallucinating. It took at least five full minutes for me to speak again so I could explain myself to Sara.”
“Nothing like meeting a ghost, huh?” Julius said. He gestured to Fi. “I was just as surprised when I saw your wedding video. There was no mistaking your face, and I felt so relieved to know that you’d lived. But,” he paused and met the eyes of the crowd gathered around them, “we have other things to deal with besides catching up.” He gave a quick whistle. “Children, assemble!”
A river of children came wriggling out of the crowd. They ran haphazardly, weaving through one another until they’d formed a series of lines. On cue, they all marched forward like a band on parade. None of them could be older than twelve, Fi thought, and yet they marched with precision and wore the Eve armband. She bit her lip, stifling her laughter at the little platoon.
Emergence (Eden's Root Trilogy Book 3) Page 10