“They really pissed you off, didn’t they?”
Jason wasn’t expecting that and turned to look at Lydia. Remembering his newfound attitude, he turned back to the wall, but not before seeing that Lydia was not trying to touch him or comfort him. It seemed like every woman he met these days thought that all he needed was a little human contact, that a gentle touch would make all the pain go away. But Lydia was not even looking at him. She was staring at a wall instead, just like he had been.
He didn’t speak. He had no idea what to say. He suspected Lydia’s words were some kind of trap. He crossed his arms tighter around his body and tensed his shoulders. He was determined not to give her anything to work with.
“It would have pissed me off if they had treated me like that. I’ll tell you that for nothing.”
Jason shifted uncomfortably. He wanted to agree with her, but knew he shouldn’t. It’s a trick! Don’t listen to her; she’s trying to fool you.
“You must really hate those three right about now. I can’t say that I blame you. They must think they’re your parents or something.”
Jason continued to feel strange. He wanted to blurt out a demand for Lydia to stop using Jedi mind tricks on him.
“Jason, I have to tell you, I think it was very brave of you to volunteer to go out with the men. I think it shows great integrity to be willing to put yourself at risk for the benefit of others.”
Jason turned, his curiosity getting the better of him. Lydia glanced at him, and he turned back to face the wall again. She was just trying to butter him up. It ain’t going to happen, old lady. Not today!
Jason felt the springs in the bed move. He tensed, waiting for a hand to drop onto his shoulder or worse yet, on top of his head. That’s what adults did. They always tried to comfort you or encourage you, instead of treating you with any sort of respect.
When Jason heard Lydia in the bathroom instead, it threw him off. He turned around again, this time with his entire body. He switched positions on the bed so he was facing her direction and saw the gray-haired woman coming out of the bathroom about a minute later. She gave him a brief smile and remained standing across the room.
“Sorry. I had to use the ladies’, and I figured if I had asked you for permission, I might be waiting a while before you answered.” She winked at him. “My bladder’s too damn weak for that.”
She grabbed a chair away from the small dining table and dragged it closer to the bed. She set it down a few feet away and pointed at it.
“You mind?”
Jason realized he was shaking his head before he he’d given it any thought, and Lydia was already seated before he could think to say “no” … or anything else for that matter. Instead, he sat with his arms crossed, facing her. He let go of the breath he was holding and stared at Lydia.
“What do you want?”
This time, he did not mumble the query, but tried to put some force behind it. It still came out as a half-croak. His throat was dry, and he cleared it, embarrassed. He forced himself to keep eye contact with her. He was not going to let her get the best of him.
Lydia exposed her palms, holding them outward as she leaned back in her chair. “It’s okay, Jason. I’m not here to ride you or give you grief. I know you think I am, but I’m not.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds. Jason finally blinked and nodded slightly, but didn’t say a word. Lydia put her hands down and took the nod as an invitation to continue.
“I was just curious what your plans are now.”
“Huh?” He furrowed his brow at her and cocked his head to the side.
“Well, I’m guessing you don’t want to stay with them anymore.” She gestured with her hand, a casual flip as if dismissing George and the others with regal indifference. “So I was wondering if you had considered moving in with me and the children.”
Again, Lydia seemed to be reading Jason’s mind. She was at least doing a good job guessing what he was thinking. Just like Mom used to do was all he could think.
He shifted on the bed before answering her. “Nah. I was thinking I would ask Ray and Teddy if I could stay in their RV.”
Lydia nodded and tapped her chin. “Hmm, that might not be a bad idea. Except …”
“Except what?”
Jason leaned forward. He was forgetting his plans to play things cool. Lydia was treating him like an adult, just like Michael. No sign of wanting to reprimand him or tell him how to act. This was just a nice little chat between friends.
“Well, they just moved in with Ben, and he might not be willing to take on another person.”
She paused for a moment, still thinking. She leaned forward in an almost conspiratorial way. “You could ask Frank and Marcus if you could stay with them. I know they have plenty of room. You would be able to hang out with Michael’s two right-hand men and maybe even be put in charge of a few things.”
Jason’s body language told Lydia that she had struck a nerve. He looked uncomfortable as he leaned back against the wall. His arms were no longer crossed, but at his sides, where he picked nervously at the covers on the bed, bunching them up and twisting the material around before letting it go. He repeated the action as he tried to think of what to say. Lydia forced back a grin as she watched the twelve year old squirm. Sorry, kiddo, but this is for your own good.
“I don’t want to be an inconvenience. I would rather … I would just rather ask Teddy and Ray-”
“Oh I’m sure it wouldn’t be a problem for Frank or Marcus.” Lydia waved away the feeble protest. “Besides, Ben’s RV has three people in it now, along with all the stuff Ray and Teddy jammed in there.”
Now Lydia did grin, but she made sure it looked friendly.
“And Ben may appear to be a pretty even-tempered guy, but if you get on his bad side, he is definitely a bear to deal with.”
Jason thought about the huge man. The one who looked like he’d starred in one of those ESPN strongman competitions. Ben could probably throw a rope around one of the RVs and drag it behind him, just like the guys in the competitions did. Someone you definitely wanted to avoid when he was in a bad mood.
“Okay. But I really don’t want to ask Marcus and Frank either.”
“Why not?”
Jason shifted again. His hands were going mad on the covers, pulling and twisting, twisting and pulling. He had to force himself to stop when his hands got trapped in the material.
“I just … I don’t know. I guess I feel a little uncomfortable around them.”
“Ahh.” Lydia nodded and smiled. Jason was feeling more awkward with the conversation, but Lydia was being nice, so he was still not sure what to do.
“Well, I am pretty sure the teenagers would say no if you asked them. Frank, on the other hand, would probably welcome you aboard. But-” She held her hand up, stopping him from repeating his protests. “We wouldn’t want to put you with someone who made you feel … awkward.”
Jason felt the panicked desire to turn and face the wall again. It would look stupid if he did, and he knew it, so instead he fixed his eyes on Lydia’s legs. He could not look at her face. He jumped when she slapped those very same legs and stood up.
“So what are we going to do?”
He glanced up at her face but was unable to meet her eyes for more than a second or two. He didn’t have an answer for her.
“I mean, you can’t stay here, right? You can’t move in with Michael and Cindy either.”
It was something he had not considered. Even bringing it up seemed odd. Michael and Cindy were like a married couple. Jason knew they weren’t, and even with his growing affection for Michael, he was less than enthusiastic about Cindy. Like everyone else, he was puzzled as to why the two of them were together. She was gross and scary. There was no chance he was going to ask Michael if he could stay with them.
He still didn’t have an answer for Lydia, so he shrugged instead.
“You’re welcome to stay with us.” She said it quietly. She sat ba
ck down in her chair and looked across at him. He nodded, defeated.
Lydia clapped and smiled. “Well then it’s settled. I know you’ll like it. The boys will be glad to hear you’re joining us.” She rose up and moved toward the door. She wrapped her hand around the knob and was about to walk out when she looked back at him.
“Well? Aren’t you coming?”
“I don’t want to go out there right now.” Jason glared holes through his books, concentrating hard on them as he studiously avoided Lydia’s gaze.
She turned and moved back into the bedroom. Jason had not felt relaxed since she walked in, but now he was feeling vulnerable as well. There was no more paranoia about her trying to trick him. No more fear about anything she might say. It was just a desire to have her leave without him. He did not want to face anyone outside the RV right now, even though he knew that the men had already left on their expedition.
Lydia plopped down on the bed next to Jason. It was uncomfortable, but at least she still wasn’t trying to touch him. She gave him a little bit of space, but her face was right there in front of him, staring him down.
“So you’re afraid to go out there, huh?”
He looked at her with anger in his eyes.
“I am NOT afraid! I’m just angry at everyone, and I don’t want to see any of them.”
She leaned in, invading his personal space just a little. She moved her hand over his, locking her bony fingers around it before he could react. He was surprised at how strong she was and that he could not wriggle free. She was not only strong, but also smart enough to expect his resistance. She squeezed his hand firmly and yanked on it until he looked up at her. This was not the gentle touch he had feared earlier. This was worse.
“Don’t bullshit me, Jason. Please? I am too damn old to be fooled by a young boy like you. Got it?”
He wanted to yell that he was no boy, but it died on his tongue. As much as he wanted to rebel against the word, he knew it was true that he was still a boy. Looking at her wizened old face made it impossible to argue that he had become a man because of his experiences of the past six weeks, ever since the world had fallen apart. It wasn’t like he was talking to Megan, who was twenty-five or something. Lydia was old.
He stared at her, not sure what to say. When Lydia smiled again, he relaxed slightly, but she did not let go of his hand. Jason wanted to tell her to, but was afraid to complain and even more afraid of trying to break free again. It felt like he was in a vice grip, and he knew he would look stupid if he struggled and lost to this grandmotherly woman.
She tilted her head until she caught his eyes again. The look was gentle, and even though he wanted to look elsewhere, her eyes compelled him to stay glued on her.
“It’s okay to be afraid. All right?”
He kept his mouth shut, but shook his head in denial. It was not okay! He had to be brave. He was afraid to show his face outside of the RV. He was a big chicken.
She squeezed his hand again. “I’m telling you it is okay to be afraid. I’m not here to argue with you; I’m telling you how things are in the real world.”
Jason stared at Lydia, disbelief etched on his face. Her eyes had narrowed, and she looked annoyed with him. “Trust someone who has been around the block a few times, okay? Being afraid is your body and brain telling you something … something you might not be able to figure out otherwise.”
Jason shook his head again and somehow found the words to offer up a retort.
“But Michael told me I was brave. He told me I needed to keep being brave because I have it in me to be a great leader someday, and all leaders need to be brave and sure of themselves.”
Lydia smiled at Jason. She grabbed up his other hand and pressed them together beneath her own. Jason no longer resisted her touch.
“I am sure that you will be a good leader someday, Jason. I have no doubt about that. But bravery isn’t the only quality a good leader needs.”
Jason felt stupid for what he had said. Of course courage was not the only thing required to be a leader. He knew that. He regrouped his thoughts and tried again.
“I know. But if I can’t even be brave enough to go outside the RV again and not be embarrassed about what happened earlier, none of that other stuff will ever matter.”
Lydia laughed. It was a hearty, rich laugh filled with warmth and comfort.
“Oh Jason, my dear. You still have a lot to learn about being a leader and a lot to learn about what being brave really means.” She shook her head. “Don’t sweat it too much—you will have plenty of time to figure it all out, hopefully. Suffice it to say you are doing pretty well at such a young age.”
He looked at her and tried to return her smile, but it failed to form on his face.
“But it isn’t like I still have to graduate from high school or anything like that. There aren’t any more schools. There aren’t any more teachers to teach me anything. I need to learn for myself right now.”
Jason paused, and Lydia remained silent, waiting for more.
“That’s what makes me so mad about not being allowed to go out with the men. I need to be out there with them, learning how to be a man.” He stared at her. “I need to learn how to be brave.”
It felt good to say. It did not sound childish or stupid, and it certainly did not sound like he was pouting or whining. That was something he desperately wanted to avoid doing anymore. It was what he had done when he ran back to the RV instead of standing up for himself. He had run off to pout like a baby, and everyone probably had a good laugh when he did; in fact, he was certain they did. Everyone but Michael. He had probably been disappointed with Jason instead.
Lydia nodded, absorbing Jason’s words. He felt like he was redeeming himself in her eyes. He wanted to do the same with everyone else. Maybe even George. If only the man could see him as more than just a child.
“Jason, you are already very brave. It’s not something you can learn about. Bravery is doing what you have to in a tough situation, not acting foolishly so you can show everyone how tough you are. Bravery is putting others’ needs ahead of your own.” She leaned toward the boy. “Just like George did for you.”
If Lydia had dropped a brick on his head, it would not have stunned Jason any more. His jaw dropped, and he suddenly felt very warm. He attempted to bolt, but Lydia was prepared. She clamped down hard on Jason’s hands again, and as he tried to slide off the bed, she dug her nails into his skin until he yelped in surprise. Jason’s eyes widened, and he stared at Lydia in astonishment. Her expression hadn’t changed in the slightest.
“Jason, you have got to stop thinking only of yourself. Everything you’ve said so far tells me that you are an exceptionally smart boy who knows right from wrong and every one of the Ten Commandments. I bet your mother even taught you the Golden Rule. I would go one further: She not only taught it to you, she made you live like you believed in it.”
Jason’s mouth widened in surprise. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Lydia was in full gallop, and there was nothing a twelve-year-old boy was going to do to rein her in until she was good and ready to stop.
“Now I’m sure you would like to believe that just because Michael has taken a liking to you and was willing to let you go out with him on this mission he cooked up, that following him out there is something you had to do.”
Lydia bowed her head and closed her eyes for a second, her hands still firmly clasping Jason’s. “Michael is a good man. I truly believe that. But he is no more perfect or wise than any other person living inside these thin metal walls. We are all here by the grace of God and for no other reason that I can see. Nothing Michael did or could have done by himself would have been enough to allow us to find this place.
“Look, what I am trying to say is that while it is never a bad idea to make a new friend, you should never let that friend’s ideas or viewpoint overshadow your own or those of other people already in your life. People who care a great deal for you and want only what’s best for you.”
This was beginning to sound like the sermon Jason had been dreading when Lydia first walked in. It had taken her a while, but she had finally gotten around to it. The old lady was chastising him for acting the way he had with George, Jeff, and Megan. She was one sneaky old woman.
The sound of the slap echoed off the walls, and its force nearly knocked Jason over. He raised his hand to his face and moved back from the woman who had been, up until now, a gentle and caring old soul with a grip like iron.
Lydia had seen the look on Jason’s face. Before, Jason had been listening carefully, but once she had started in on the three adults in his life and how it was important for him to respect them, he had that glower of resentment she’d seen when she first came into the RV. So a little attention grabber was in order.
“Now you listen and listen good! There are three people out there who love you and who busted their asses to get you here safely. They have sacrificed and done everything they could to keep you out of harm’s way. Just because you’ve joined up with the rest of us doesn’t mean they’ve tossed away their responsibility for you. Don’t you think that for even one second!”
“I helped them too!” Jason retorted. “I took care of myself! They didn’t do it all …” Those words and more tumbled out, shouted and layered on top of each other. He screamed them and screamed some others. Before long, Jason was gasping for air. Lydia nodded at every enraged comment he made. That only served to increase his rage and kept him going for a couple more minutes. When he felt he had exhausted his supply of venom, he lapsed into a sullen silence. Lydia waited until Jason’s breathing was back to normal before she spoke.
“Did it feel good to get that off your chest?”
Jason’s eyes snapped up to look at Lydia. There was fire in them. “Did it feel good hitting me?”
Lydia’s expression changed. It was tinged with regret.
“No, not at all.”
They sat looking at one another for a while.
“Jason, I didn’t slap you to punish you. I slapped you to wake you up,” Lydia said after the silence had stretched on long enough.
The Dark Trilogy Page 26