After Nanna died, I moved to Whitsborough Bay. Grandpa trained me as a master chocolatier and I now run my own chocolate shop. You’ve never been part of my life and you’ve barely been part of your parents’ lives so I don’t know how the news about Nanna will affect you, but I thought it was important that you were aware that she is now with Grandpa.
I’ve put the shop contact details at the top of this letter. If you do want to ask any questions about how she died, you know where I am.
Charlee
I printed it off, sealed it in an envelope and nipped out in my PJs to shove the letter in the post box nearest Coral Court before I could change my mind.
After that, any attempts to sleep were fruitless. I kept imagining what I would say if Stacey did turn up at the shop. Would she still be the selfish self-centred woman she came across as in her letters, or would the years have changed her? Would she show any remorse at walking out on me the day I was born? Did I look like her? I’d seen some similarities from our childhood photos in those Christmas albums I’d found in the attic, but had this continued into adulthood?
After two hours of imagining all sorts of scenarios, I decided that I might as well get up, get ready, and go to the shop to lose myself in my creative world, hopefully shoving all thoughts of Stacey out of my mind.
As I filled my first piping bag a little later, I realised that I might have made a huge mistake. Yes, Stacey had a right to know about Nanna dying. I had no idea whether she’d care but surely she’d want to know, but what had possessed me to pass on my contact details? Had I set myself up for weeks or even months of being on tenterhooks, wondering if every dark-haired female who walked into the shop was her? Why hadn’t I thought that one through? It wasn’t as though I wanted to build a relationship with her after all these years.
Or did I?
I didn’t like the idea that there was only me now. Had this made me reach out to the only person left who I could call family? The one person who’d spent the last thirty-one years making it clear that she had no interest in being part of our family and who certainly had no interest in making me part of hers. Oh God, what had I done?
25
‘Let me guess,’ Jodie said, turning the door sign round to ‘closed’ after a busy Friday a week later. ‘Matt? Ricky perhaps? Santa?’ Or is it your mum?’
‘What is?’
‘The person you keep hoping or expecting to walk through that door.’
I pressed the till button to print off the day’s sales report. ‘Hopefully not Ricky. I haven’t heard from him since last Thursday so I think he’s finally got the message and is out of my life for good. Sadly, hoping for Matt is as unrealistic as hoping for Santa.’
‘Which just leaves your mum.’
‘Stacey,’ I said. ‘She’s not my mum.’
‘Stacey, then.’ Jodie flicked the main shop lights off. ‘I hate to say this but, from what you’ve told me, it’s very likely she won’t get that letter because she’ll have moved on. And if by some miracle she has stayed put for longer than five minutes, she’s not the sort of woman who’ll turn up for an emotional mother and daughter reunion.’
‘I’m not expecting her to do that,’ I snapped.
‘Then what are you expecting?’
‘For her to care enough to want to know how her mum died.’
Jodie shook her head. ‘The last time she saw your grandparents was the day you were born. She didn’t go to your grandpa’s funeral so do you really think she’ll care about the details? And, if she does, do you think she’ll travel all the way from Dorset to ask you when she could just as easily email you?’
I ripped off the sales report and lifted the money tray out of the till with such ferocity that some of the change bounced onto the floor. ‘No. But there’s a tiny weeny part of me that wants to believe that she isn’t the cold-hearted uncaring individual that I have her pegged as based on her letters. Because, if she really is that horrible, what does that make me?’
Jodie helped me retrieve the coins. ‘It makes you Charlee Chambers, of course! It makes you an award-winning business owner, a much-loved granddaughter and the best friend a girl could ever dream of having.’ Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. ‘It makes you you, Charlee. You are not her. You share some genes but you do not share a personality with her. Or a heart.’ She swiped at a tear.
‘Are you crying?’
‘No!’
‘You are.’
‘I’m not. Well, maybe a bit. It just makes me so mad that you would even think that you could be like that woman. You don’t need her in your life. Look at you! You’ve sent her one letter and you’ve been off your game all week. Ashleigh’s noticed. Even Kieran asked me if you’re okay because you snapped at him.’
I dropped the coins into the tray, feeling mortified by my behaviour. I’d been like a bear with a sore head all week because I was angry with Stacey and angry with myself. Jodie, Ashleigh and Kieran had done nothing to deserve my wrath and I hated the thought of upsetting any of them.
‘I didn’t mean to snap at him.’ I leaned against the counter, my head in my hands.
‘I know you didn’t and it’s so unlike you,’ Jodie said gently. ‘And that worries me. Don’t do this to yourself. Please. We’ve got an amazing weekend coming up with our one-year anniversary and the Christmas lights switch-on. There’s so much to look forward to after that with Christmas approaching and you know it’s your favourite time of year.’
It was but I couldn’t seem to muster my usual excitement although that was mainly because Christmas had been ruined last year by Ricky’s floorshow going viral and the aftermath of that.
‘Come upstairs,’ Jodie said. ‘I’ll let you decorate my tree if you like.’
‘But you don’t like putting it up until a week before Christmas.’
‘And you would put it up in September if you had your own way so the first day of December is a reasonable compromise, don’t you think?’
‘Did you get some new decorations?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do they match?’
‘Yes. Would I dare get anything that didn’t when my landlady’s Chief of the Christmas Tree Theme Police?’
I smiled. ‘Okay. You know how to win me over.’
Ninety minutes later, listening to a soothing Michael Bublé Christmas album on repeat, the tree in Jodie’s flat was decorated in silver, blue and white baubles, stars, and a few felt animals. We sat down with a glass of wine and a takeaway pizza (not one from Dice Pizza!)
‘You look a lot happier now,’ Jodie said.
‘Bublé, Christmas, wine and pizza. It doesn’t get much better than this.’
‘You know what I mean. At the risk of breaking the good mood, what will you do if your mu… if Stacey gets in touch? Do you want a relationship with her?’
I took a sip of wine as I mulled it over. Downstairs earlier, I’d have snapped an immediate ‘no’ but now that I’d relaxed, it wasn’t that straightforward.
‘No. And yes.’
‘Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.’
I shook my head. ‘Sorry, Jodie. I know that doesn’t make much sense. It’s a no because I’ve read half of her letters and, to be honest, I don’t like her based on those. But it’s a yes because she’s the only family I’ve got and, as I said, I feel like something’s missing.’
Jodie stared at me for a moment, frowning. Then she smiled. ‘If she does reappear, I hope you find what you’re looking for. Whatever that is.’
‘So do I.’
Jodie stared at me again. She looked as though she was going to say something, but then she yawned. ‘Would it be rude if I kicked you out so I can get to bed?’
I stood up. ‘I need to head off anyway. Big day tomorrow. Thanks for letting me decorate your tree.’ I gave her a hug. ‘See you in the morning.’
As I left the flat, I felt relaxed and content, but by the time I returned to Coral Court, my shoulders felt tense again becaus
e I knew what I was going to do. I was going to read the rest of Stacey’s letters and I probably wasn’t going to like what I read, but I needed to get over it then hopefully I could forget about her and move on.
26
I nearly slept in the following morning, exhausted after being up until the early hours reading through the pink-ribboned bundle of correspondence from Stacey and working myself into a sobbing mess.
There was no sense of date order within the bundles but it seemed the contents of the second bundle were from much earlier. Several letters from before and shortly after I was born conveyed exactly how she felt about me. At some point, my eyes burning with tears and tiredness, I’d fallen asleep among the scattered items and failed to set my alarm. If it hadn’t been for Jodie ringing me shortly after 7.30 a.m., asking if she could borrow one of my tops for the evening’s pub crawl, goodness knows what time I’d have awoken.
Showering quickly and tying my damp hair into a loose ponytail, I grabbed my bag and dashed to work, cursing myself for letting Stacey get to me again. How was it that somebody I didn’t know and had never met could have such an effect on my emotions? Well, I wasn’t going to let her ruin my day. Although it was officially our one-year anniversary tomorrow, it made sense to run a full weekend of celebrations. We had various promotions planned and competitions running across each day. After work, we’d be joining the traders’ celebration of the lights switch-on followed by a pub crawl. It would be an amazing day and a fabulous night and I wasn’t going to give her a second thought. Hopefully.
Tears welled in my eyes as I approached Castle Street and clocked the large banner hanging up outside the shop, which Jodie had obviously sneakily ordered, flanked by two colourful balloon bundles:
CHARLEE’S CHOCOLATES IS ONE!
PLEASE COME IN AND HELP US CELEBRATE!
Unlocking the door, I hoped we had enough time to put up the posters and decorations I’d ordered for inside. I cursed Stacey again. If I’d been thinking straight, I’d have got the shop ready last night instead of needing to decorate Jodie’s tree to cheer me up.
‘Surprise!’
I jumped as the lights flicked on revealing Jodie, Ashleigh and Kieran, all grinning. I gazed round the shop feeling quite tearful. ‘You’ve decorated!’
Jodie handed me a champagne flute. ‘It’s Bucks Fizz,’ she said. ‘I thought it might be a bit early for the hard stuff. Happy anniversary!’
Taking care not to pour my drink down her back, I hugged her, then Ashleigh. I even managed a half-hug with Kieran. He was learning. ‘I can’t believe you’re all here so early and that you’ve put the decorations up for me. I was panicking that there wouldn’t be time. And thank you for the banner outside. It’s brilliant.’
‘I’ve got these too,’ Jodie said, pointing to a large badge pinned to her apron announcing our first anniversary. ‘I’ve pinned yours to your apron already.’
As Ashleigh and Kieran prepared some trays of samples, I went out the back with my coat and bag.
Jodie followed me. ‘How are you feeling this morning?’
I sighed. ‘I read the rest of her letters last night.’
‘Oh, Charlee. Why?’
I shrugged. ‘I’d already opened Pandora’s box.’
‘And?’
‘And I think even less of her than I did after the first batch, if that’s possible.’
‘Then forget about her and enjoy your day.’
I hung my coat up. ‘Don’t worry. I intend to.’
‘Intend to what? Forget about her or to enjoy your day?’
I smiled. ‘Both. Well, sort of. I want to tell you what was in the letters, but not today because, as you say, it’s a day to celebrate. And I promise I’m not planning to tell you because I want to dwell on her but because you’re my best friend and you know everything so I want you to know this too.’
Jodie gave me another hug. ‘Whenever you’re ready.’
Ashleigh and Kieran insisted on back-to-back Christmas music all day and, as they’d declared that Michael Bublé was for ‘wrinkly oldies’ this pretty much consisted of Now Christmas on a continuous loop. Thankfully the shop was busy so I didn’t notice the repetition too much although it seemed that, any time there was a lull, it was always the same track.
My apprentices manned the till for most of the day, one of them ringing through the orders while the other packed bags. Jodie and I restocked the shelves and chatted to new and regular customers. Every hour, I rang a hand bell to signal a new offer. It created a massive buzz of excitement in the shop. We’d set up a blackboard outside which Jodie updated with each new deal, helping entice new customers inside.
Humming along to Slade as I restocked a display of Christmas moulded figures, I felt myself relax for the first time since the interlude with Ricky got me all het up about missing something in my life. I had lots to be thankful for, including more friends and a better social life than I’d had at any other point in my life. I may have no family and no boyfriend, but I wasn’t lonely. Not anymore.
I still found myself watching the door anxiously, but I wasn’t trying to spot Stacey. Instead, I was watching out for Matt again. He’d texted to wish me a successful anniversary. He had hoped to bring his nieces down but Erin had been off sick from school for a couple of days so it depended on how she was feeling. If she was still poorly, he’d see me later for the pub crawl, providing World War III didn’t kick off in the meantime.
It seemed that the good patch with Libby following his granddad’s death was well and truly over. I’d picked up on a few niggles but nothing serious until now. Libby wanted Matt to go to her work’s Christmas party tonight. He’d refused because it clashed with the Christmas lights switch-on and pub crawl. Over the past year, his company’s services had been in demand on Castle Street and the traders all loved him. Reliable, friendly and with top quality work at a reasonable price, what wasn’t there to love? So he’d been given an exclusive invite for tonight. Libby, however, wasn’t impressed that he’d chosen us over her. Gina had managed to calm her down, reminding her that most of their colleagues weren’t taking partners, but Matt suspected he hadn’t heard the last of it because Libby didn’t let go of things easily.
Yet they were still together. I didn’t get it. A glimmer of hope was that they’d still made no plans for their wedding, but it was the faintest of faint glimmers on a dark day because building and furnishing their new home was their current priority and that was as big a commitment as getting married. Matt and I were obviously destined only to be friends and I was going to have to hope that I’d wake up one day and be over him. Was that a pig flying past my window?
By the time the shop closed for the day, Matt hadn’t appeared. Either Erin was too poorly or it had kicked off with Libby again, as he’d predicted.
The team and I had some time to kill before the lights switch-on so I decided to run a ‘Charlee’s Chocolates Challenge’; something I’d introduced earlier in the year for a bit of fun. This one was a pairs challenge that involved throwing chocolate elves into each other’s mouths with points awarded depending on throwing distance. I paired up with Kieran and Ashleigh was with Jodie but our two apprentices were ridiculously competitive, determined to win, pushing and shoving each other. Their expressions were so serious which Jodie and I found hilarious because we didn’t take any of the challenges seriously at all, especially when the prizes were damaged stock.
Somehow Kieran and I won. He was rewarded with a decapitated snowman and I was rewarded with a stitch for laughing so much.
We stepped out of the shop onto the cobbles and I took a moment to look up and gaze at the unlit lights strung between the buildings, recalling how magical they’d looked last Christmas. I couldn’t wait to see it again.
As we ambled along Castle Street towards the park, admiring the lit windows with their Christmassy brilliance, we were still giggling. Charlee’s Chocolates Challenges had worked brilliantly for building the team and tonight’s elf-t
hrowing contest had been exactly what I needed to soothe the emotional wound I’d opened by reading Stacey’s letters.
‘That must have been the world’s best joke,’ said a voice behind us.
I turned round, my heart racing. ‘Matt!’
He grinned and my heart melted further at the sight of those dimples. ‘I could hear you lot giggling as soon as I rounded the corner.’
‘We were doing a Charlee’s Chocolates Challenge,’ Kieran said. ‘It was hilarious. I won a headless snowman.’
‘Er… congratulations?’ Matt suggested.
‘It was awesome,’ Ashleigh added.
‘You know what’s awesome?’ Jodie asked. ‘That I’m twice your age but I can whip your butts in a running race. Race you to the tree.’ Without waiting for them, she set off sprinting down the street. With cries of ‘cheat’, Ashleigh and Kieran sprinted after her. I had to bite my lip to prevent me from smiling at Jodie’s blatant tactics to leave Matt and me alone.
‘You’ve managed to secure a get out of jail free card for the evening, then?’ I asked.
‘Literally. Going to that works do would have been like a prison sentence.’
‘No World War III, then?’
Matt grimaced. ‘Depends what your definition of war is.’
I tutted. ‘What did she do?’
‘Tried to talk me into being her taxi service for the evening which makes no sense because her company have already organised and paid for taxis.’ He sounded like a defeated man and my heart broke for him. Perhaps his happy ever after wasn’t with me but it didn’t seem he was heading for one with Libby.
‘When I reminded her that I’d been invited out, she gave me the look,’ he continued. ‘Then she packed her bag and stormed off to Gina’s, telling me not to expect her home tonight. Her parting shot was something like, “Why do you always put your friends ahead of me?”’
Christmas Wishes at the Chocolate Shop Page 18