by B. N. Toler
Raising his arm, he deliberately gestured at something on the far side of the street. I followed the movement with my gaze, gasping at what he’d wanted me to see. Fifty feet away from us sat a motorcycle. It was the exact bike we’d crashed on the night he died even down to the color. My eyes widened as I looked up at him. “You can’t be serious,” I said, astonished.
“Don’t be scared, sis,” he encouraged. “I won’t,” he moved his head robotically, “kill you.”
“That was a terrible joke,” I scolded him.
He looked at me like I was ridiculous as he grabbed me by the wrists, yanking me to my feet and pulling me with him toward the bike. “It was a little funny, and you know it.”
It really wasn’t, but I didn’t bother to argue.
“There’s nothing to be afraid of, Char,” he said as he swung his long leg over the bike and righted it so I could climb on. “What better place to really live than here in the afterlife?” A flash of anxiety hit me, causing me to pause. Since the accident, even seeing a motorcycle sent me into a panic attack. George had even sold his bike after we decided to be together, sacrificing his love for the ride for the sake of my mental well-being. Even if I wasn’t going to ride it, just worrying about him riding it would send me into fits.
“Come on, Char,” Axel urged again, patting the seat behind him. “It’s time to let that all go.”
I knew I was dead, and we wouldn’t wreck this time. I knew it, but I still had to swallow down the fear I felt. He was right, though; I needed to let the tragic memory of our accident go. All of that was in the past, and we were together again. Climbing on, I scooted close and wrapped my arms around him.
As we took off, something fell away—a weight I hadn’t registered in a long time. Maybe it was the talk about our father, purging the thoughts and feelings I’d been harboring, but hadn’t said to anyone. Maybe it was climbing on the back of the bike and letting go of the fear that had been shackled to me for so long. Maybe it was both. Something felt different. My brother was right. Peace could be found in letting go, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to let go of everything.
Ike
I was never one to buy into fairytale endings. Most guys aren’t romance junkies like women can be. But…I had to admit…I felt like maybe I was living in a fairytale. I had the woman I loved by my side, and it wasn’t always perfect, but the more we were together, either alone or with others, the lighter she became, and the moments of despair were happening less frequently. The grief never really goes away, but eventually we all find peace in the absolute—it’s one thing to have faith that you will see your loved ones again when it’s your time, but it’s something else entirely to know you will, beyond a shadow of a doubt, because you’re the one waiting from them to arrive.
We were walking along a cliff overlooking the ocean when Charlotte took my hand and laced our fingers together. It was warm out with a light breeze that caught locks of her hair and sent them floating. The view was spectacular. She’d certainly gotten the hang of creating her environment and rarely held back; though, she didn’t go all out on her wardrobe, preferring to stick with what she liked when she was alive. I had no complaints about that. I liked her in jean shorts and a flannel top, unbuttoned just enough to reveal the perfect amount of cleavage without being obscene.
“Ike.” Her voice had a tinge of reproach in it.
I jerked my gaze from her cleavage to meet her eyes. “Yes?” I asked innocently.
She grinned and shook her head. “Here we are,” she extended her arm out before us, “in front of this beautiful ocean view that could only exist here, and what are you looking at?” She gave me a pointed look. “My boobs.”
“Hey, that’s your vision of heaven,” I motioned to the ocean as I returned my gaze to her chest, “and this is mine.”
She laughed and rolled her eyes. “You always were a perv, Ike McDermott.”
“Only for you, baby girl.” She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped, her eyes moving from me to something behind me. “What is it?” When I turned to follow her line of sight, there was a little boy standing twenty feet away from us. It was the kid who had come up to her in the field with the yellow butterfly. He was a handsome little fellow with dark hair and eyes, and he watched us as we stared at him, but didn’t move an inch. Where in the heck had he come from? “That’s odd,” I said.
Charlotte looked around. “He’s by himself. Where are the other children? Or the guides?”
“Maybe he wandered off.”
Charlotte narrowed her gaze as she studied the little guy. Taking a few steps toward him, she called out, “Hey there, little man.” When she was halfway to him, he disappeared. She spun around to face me. “You think he’s okay. Maybe he’s lost, or scared?”
I shrugged. “They will find him. Don’t worry. It’s not unheard of for random souls to appear out of nowhere.”
“Really?”
“It happens.”
She shook her head. “This place is…confusing.”
“Aww, do not fret, little one,” I said in a deep narrator’s voice, “I will continue to show you the ways of this exotic place. I will be your tour guide and mentor.”
She lifted her eyebrows in question. “Is that so?”
“For a small, minuscule—really nothing at the end of the day—fee,” I added quickly.
Tilting her head, she narrowed her gaze at me, her mouth lifted in a half smile. “And what fee is that?”
“Well, Charlotte,” I began as I put my hands behind my back and paced toward her, my shoulders back to reflect a regal posture. “Money means nothing here, and I really have everything I need.”
“Then how shall I compensate you for your most coveted mentoring and guidance, good sir?” she asked, playing along.
I bobbed my head obnoxiously, “That is a very good question, my dear. Well, as we have history with each other, I’m going to cut you a deal.”
She arched a brow, waiting.
“I’ll provide these services at the low fee of…” I paused for effect before continuing, “it’s really nothing what I’m asking, if you think about the services provided…”
“Ike...” she warned.
“Let me stare at your boobs as much as I want.” I blurted.
She chortled as she smacked my arm. “You’re impossible.” She was so beautiful when she laughed.
I gripped her forearms gently, waiting for her laughter to subside before turning sincere, “This place you’ve created here is nothing short of amazing, but you, Charlotte. You are heaven to me.” She stared up at me, her chest rising as she ran her tongue along her lips. Cupping her face in my hands, I elaborated, “The tips of my fingers in your hair, your soft skin against the palms of my hands, the way you’re looking at me right now…heaven.”
“Ike,” she breathed dreamily, her eyes hooded with desire.
I brushed my lips against hers, every nerve in my body firing off, screaming for more. Raising my head from hers, I studied her face, searching for the answer to the question rolling through my mind. Should I stop? Taking my face in her hands, she pulled me to her again.
“Please, Ike,” she whispered against my mouth. “More.”
Groaning, I pressed my forehead to hers, sucking in a deep breath. I was torn. For so long I’d wanted her in every way a man can have the woman he loves, but circumstances hadn’t allowed for it—until now. Did I take what I wanted, or should I stop?
“Are you sure, Charlotte?” In the time since she’d arrived, we’d only kissed once. Our other physical contact had been limited to hugging and holding hands. Our situation had always been complicated, and I knew she loved me and wanted me as badly as I wanted her, but I needed to be sure she wouldn’t regret it. That it wasn’t too soon for her.
“I don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore,” she admitted, her voice cracking slightly. “I’d be lying if I told you a part of me doesn’t feel guilty because of George, but I also swore if I
ever had the chance to be with you, Ike McDermott, I would take it.” Her lip trembled. “Maybe it makes me a terrible person, but I don’t want to fight it anymore.”
She began unbuttoning her shirt, her dark gaze fixed on me. Lust ran through me as she slipped the shirt over her shoulders and let it fall. The setting sun behind her illuminated her figure and the breeze whispered through her hair. She was angelic. I was quiet as I let my eyes feast on every inch of her. A lock of her hair lay over her chest and I reached out, relishing the feel of it between my fingers before moving it aside. I lightly traced her collarbone with the tips of my fingers, realizing again how surreal it was to be touching this woman. Her hand found mine and she pressed my palm against her chest over her heart.
Heat thrummed through me at her gesture. We’d ridden the grief roller coaster so many times since she’d arrived, and now, finally, we were moving on to the next. One that offered only the thrills of what could be, and none of the pain of what had been. And I had waited a small portion of eternity to have her, for this moment. To discover everything there was to know about my Charlotte.
Fisting my hand in her hair, I gently guided her head back to provide me with ample access as I pressed my mouth to hers. She surrendered her weight against me, wrapping her arms around me and digging her fingers into my back as we explored each other’s mouths. Her lips were so soft I could barely stand it. She tasted like mint and smelled like clean linen that had been dried by the sun. My heart pounded in my chest as her mouth moved against mine, the tiny moans escaping her only adding to my already increasing desire for her. I felt the sun dip below the horizon as night fell and our surroundings changed, but I refused to stop kissing her to take note of where we ended up. Releasing her hair, I lifted her off the ground, supporting her weight as she wrapped her legs around my waist.
“Please,” she begged between kisses, her desire matching my own.
Blindly, I moved toward the bed I hadn’t seen, but knew would be there. I climbed on, one knee at a time, before laying her down gently. Balancing on my forearms, I pulled away from her, needing to finally see her under me like this, to confirm it was better than I’d imagined. And oh, how it was. Her dark hair was fanned out around her head, and her gray eyes glimmered as she stared up at me. My dog tags fell free and rested perfectly atop the swells of her breasts. When her hand found them, she pressed them to her and my heart nearly burst.
“Here, there, forever,” I whispered to her.
“Here, there, forever,” she whispered as she took my face in her hands, pulling me to her, and together…we found a little bit of our heaven.
Ike
I stared at her as she slept, her mouth curved up in a whisper of a smile. I told myself she’d been smiling anyway, and the pillar of modesty and humbleness that I was, I told myself I had put that smile there. The crisp white sheet was bunched around her, one of her smooth lean legs poking out. I wanted to trace my finger along the contour of muscle running down her thigh, but stopped myself, not wanting to wake her. Sitting up, I stretched before slipping on my t-shirt and boxers. We were still near the cliff Charlotte had created, the night sky glimmering with stars reflecting off the choppy water below. The magnitude of the moment filled my heart with a joy I’d never thought possible, and I found myself offering up the most honest and humble prayer of thanks I had to give.
Thank you, God. Thank you for finally giving me my peace.
Gratefulness consumed me. I felt like I’d waited so long for this. I liked to believe I was a good man. In life, thanks a great deal to my father and his example, I did my best to put others before myself. This frame of mind was one of the main reasons I joined the Army. I wanted to give, and when serving my country took my life, I wasn’t resentful. I felt I had died honorably and in a way that, though painful for my loved ones, would make them proud. My life was not taken or wasted. It was given. I couldn’t deny leaving Charlotte to cross over tested me in ways I’d never experienced before, but I stood strong and fought against it. I persevered against the evil thoughts and feelings that threatened to corrode my character and my soul. And now…I believed I was being rewarded.
Eventually, I raised my head, surprised at how much effort it took. When I finally caught sight of the starry sky, it seemed to crack like a pane of glass. I instinctively blinked in an effort to clear my vision but that served on to make it worse.
“Shit,” I muttered over my limp tongue. It was happening again—something was taking me down. Clumsily, I spun around and tried to make my way back to the bed before I passed out, but with each unsteady step, my body began to shut down and my legs grew weaker until they collapsed beneath me. Blackness pulled at me as I fell to my knees. Just before everything went black, I toppled over, hitting the ground hard.
I was floating in darkness, my limbs weighed down with fatigue. I was helpless to fight against whatever force was pulling me. It was happening just as it had the first time. Finally, I felt the ground beneath me, the cold surface sending a shiver across my body as it made contact with my bare skin. I was aware enough to be grateful I’d had the presence of mind to at least put my boxers and t-shirt back on.
Beep. Beep. Beep. What in the hell is that?
My sight slowly started to return, and I began making out my surroundings. A white drop-ceiling was the first thing to come into focus, which wasn’t very telling at all. Still unable to lift my head, I let it roll to the side and found a pair of black Chucks.
“Easy, love. Don’t rush to move,” a thick female British accent said. Panic slid over me as my body tensed in response to being spoken to, on top of being dragged against my will to parts unknown. My gaze shifted toward the source, and I could just make out a female silhouette, but none of the woman’s features. I was mostly blind, and I certainly didn’t like that someone was standing over me while I was physically incapacitated. What was this? Who was she?
“Don’t panic, Ike. I’m a friend of the family. My name is Marlena DuBois.”
“Do I know you?” I asked, blinking rapidly, hoping it would help me see clearer.
She moved closer and knelt in front of me, allowing me to make out her face better. Her green eyes were familiar…it was the woman I’d seen standing in the corner of the house where Charlotte had found Click. “You do not, no. But I know a great deal about you.”
With a heavy hand, I rubbed my head, clenching my eyes closed, wondering if I was just imagining all of this. A bad dream maybe? It had to be. Wasn’t I just tangled up with Charlotte moments before?
“Where are we?”
She sucked a breath in through her teeth, then said evasively, “Now, there’s a loaded question.”
“Am I dreaming?”
“No, Ike, I summoned you. I brought you here from the other side.”
“So you’re alive?”
She nodded, “That I am.”
If I wasn’t on the other side and this woman wasn’t dead, that only meant one thing. I was in limbo again. My stomach knotted. No. I couldn’t be in limbo again. That was a hell I never wanted to return to. “Why?” I grunted as I used all of my strength to push myself into a seated position. “Why did you summon me?”
The corners of her mouth lifted in a sympathetic smile. “I’ll explain everything, but first you need to let go of the panic. I won’t hurt you; you’re safe, I promise. The sooner you calm down, the more at ease you will feel.”
“How am I supposed to feel at ease when you’ve brought me back to limbo? I have no idea who you are, or where I am.”
She chuckled softly, “Now that’s not exactly true, Ike, is it? I’ve just told you my name, and that I’m a family friend, so I’m not a complete stranger.” She looked around the room briefly then said, “As for where you are…well, at the moment, you’re on the floor of a hospital room.” She unwrapped a green sucker and popped it in her mouth, then stood and stepped out of my line of sight, offering no further explanation.
I scanned the room in search o
f some clarity, but the more I saw, the more confused I became. I was leaning against the foot of the bed, and over my shoulder, positioned near the head, I could see some obvious medical equipment, one of which seemed to be the source of the incessant beeping. From my position on the floor, it was impossible to see who was in the bed, so I shifted to my knees and gripped the bed railing, pulling myself up. I wasn’t ready to stand without help, but at least I was moving. That was progress. Once marginally upright, I scanned the form lying in the bed, noticing the pallid color of the delicate hand that lay motionless at the patient’s side. When my gaze reached the face of the patient, I jerked reflexively away from the bed, barely managing to keep from losing my precarious balance.
That’s not possible…
“How…” I trailed off as my brain fought to decipher what I was seeing. Who I was seeing. “Charlotte?” I croaked. My mouth was dry. I was so damn thirsty. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt thirsty. Cautiously rounding the bed, I reached for her hand, but mine went through hers. My heart lurched in my chest.
I couldn’t touch her.
That meant I was dead and she…was not.
My gut twisted.
“She’s alive.” I said, more to myself than Marlena.
“Yes,” Marlena confirmed.
I frowned, staring at Charlotte, pale-faced and weak. This didn’t look like her at all. Charlotte was vibrant and full of color, but here, lying in a hospital bed, she looked lost in gray. I looked back at Marlena for an explanation, but she just peered at me through her dark lashes and thick black bangs.
“I don’t understand,” I managed, my throat burning as I swallowed.
“Charlotte is with you, yes? On the other side?” I nodded, and she went on, “As you know, Charlotte is unique. She’s not like everyone else.”
“Yes.”
“Her ability may allow her to be more…” she motioned her hand around as if searching for her next words “…open to other things.”