by B. N. Toler
“My mother was British, my father is American. My mother ended her life after he took me away from her.”
“That’s awful, Marlena. I’m so sorry.”
“Try seeing the spirit of your mother, the one that had just tried to drown you, and not understanding what in the hell was happening. I knew she was dead before they’d even found her body.” Marlena shuffled sideways to let a couple with a baby stroller pass by her on the sidewalk. “That required a bit of therapy,” she joked.
“And your father…how were things with him?” I was a little thrown by how eager I was to know if he’d denied the possibility of Marlena’s gift like my father had?
The smile on her face was nostalgic, and I could tell her father was very dear to her before she confirmed it. “Oh…he was wonderful. Still is. He lives down the street from me.”
I looked away so she wouldn’t see the jealousy I felt.
“We lived in America for a while. The summer I turned thirteen was a bad year for me. I was so different—I had no friends. Kids are bloody awful. No one understood me, and that made them scared of me.” Marlena’s gaze lifted and I saw a familiar pain through the sheen in her eyes. If I could have touched her, I would have. I’d felt everything she was describing. How is a person supposed to feel special, or appreciate a unique ability or gift, when the world shuts you out and rejects you.
“I’d decided I was going to end my life. Tragic tale of like mother, like daughter.” She cut her eyes to me and suddenly the sidewalk, the street, and the people passing by disappeared, and I was standing in a gas station, confused and disoriented. “I think my father sensed something was off. I think he knew I was really struggling.” I jumped when I realized Marlena was beside me in the gas station.
“What is this?” I asked. “What’s happening?”
“That’s me, right there,” she pointed. I followed her finger to a young girl with long black hair, braided down her back. She wore a yellow sweater with ultra-bright sneakers. “My style has obviously changed quite a bit.”
I nodded in agreement. There was no denying that.
“That summer he took me to North Carolina. We drove down from Jersey and stopped at this gas station.” She glanced around, a soft smile on her lips as she craned her neck around the store while she spoke, “It was on the Virginia/North Carolina line,” she seemed to find what she was looking for and turned in that direction. “There was this big red line that went through the gas station, and if you stood with one foot on either side of it, you were in both states at the same time.”
We stopped beside the giant red line and watched young Marlena and her father. They were giggling as they hopped back and forth.
“We kept jumping side to side until he stopped me and knelt down, looking me in the eyes.”
“Put both of your feet on the line, Marlena.” her father said.
She followed his instructions, her expression unsure of what he was up to.
“Now look to your left.”
She did.
He pointed to the left side of the line. “Those people are on this side. Now look to your right.” Marlena obeyed, an embarrassed smirk on her face as she noticed some other kids her age watching them. Her father pointed to the right side of the line, “Those people are on the other side. Now look down,” he said.
Marlena looked down.
“Now look at me, Marlena.” She lifted her face and met his gaze. “You’re not either side. You’re what lies between.”
“I don’t want to be in between.”
Marlena seemed to freeze the memory before she explained, “I immediately clammed up because he was pointing out I was different and I hated that. I hated that God made me different, that He made me in a way that meant I would never fit in.” The memory resumed.
“Marlena...you are special.” A loving smile captured her father’s features as he stared at his young daughter. “Don’t you understand…out of all the people in the world, you are one of the few chosen to help.”
“How do I help?” she asked annoyed.
“Because every time you communicate with a soul for someone, you’re giving them peace. You’re showing them there is more to this life, that we all go on. That’s a beautiful thing, Marlena. You are a beautiful gift.”
Taking her by the shoulders with a firm grip, he gave her a little shake. His expression changed as he looked at her, fear laced in his features. “Don’t you ever doubt that. Not for one second. Even when it’s hard, and you’re lonely, never forget how special you are. Don’t ever give up.”
In a flash, we were back on the street in New York again, as if we hadn’t just been in some other place and time. I halted in shock. “How do you do that?” I asked, completely bewildered. “How did you make me see that?”
Marlena hadn’t stopped, and I hustled after her to catch up. As I reached her she shrugged, “When the mind is open to the possibility of something more, it is willing to see more.”
I didn’t really understand how having an open mind could make me relive her own memory, but I was in awe. It’d felt like I was really there, seeing it. Ike’s dream-like experience in the Hell House made more sense now. Shaking my head, I returned to the main topic, “Sometimes it feels like a curse.”
“Everything happens for a reason, Charlotte. I believe there are no accidents. God may allow bad things to happen, but He also sets us up for the good things.”
We were standing in front of the Hell House now, staring up at the eerie house. It wasn’t long ago I’d seen the faces of two little girls staring back from the dirt-stained windows. A familiar litany rolled through my head unbidden: Diana and Mary had crossed over. They were at peace. Why didn’t Click get to go too? Why would God let me help them, but not her?
Marlena climbed the steps to the porch, stopping in front of the door, her back to me. “Have you ever really thought about how you ended up here? How you randomly turned this way and that way and ended up here, in front of this house, where three little girls were waiting to be set free?”
I joined her on the porch. “No, I guess I hadn’t.” And, of course, now that it had been so blatantly pointed out, the odds that it had happened by pure chance were laughable. We’d been four tourists walking around an unfamiliar city, one of whom was former military with scary situational awareness—so how was it none of us realized we were going the wrong way?
“You were meant to find this place so you could help Mary and Diana.” She stepped into the house and turned to wait for me.
I appreciated her spin, but that still didn’t answer why I was able to help two girls and not Click. I braced myself for Agnus’s onslaught, and followed Marlena inside.
“Don’t fret, she can’t see you,” she explained as I glanced to the corner where Angus stood, leering at Marlena.
“Why is she not in your face?” I asked. “She never even let me enter without practically hissing venom at me.”
“I showed her where she’ll go if she crosses over,” Marlena answered plainly, eyeing Agnus. “She would rather stay here. This house is nothing compared to what awaits her.”
“Hell? You’ve seen it?”
Marlena looked at me, her stare direct and cold. “I showed her her own vision of hell. The place she fears most.”
As we climbed the staircase and made our way to Click’s room, I glanced back at Agnus. The high-and-mighty air she carried every other time I’d been here was gone, and now all that was left was a petrified creature left to suffer alone. I felt nothing for her. Remaining here in this house was more than she deserved. When Marlena and I reached Click’s room, neither of us were surprised to find her pacing, moving her fingers and repeating her favorite word.
“She hasn’t been forgotten, Char. She has a place in the afterlife.”
“Then tell me how? You’re the one who sees the future.” I was frustrated. She made it sound so simple.
Unfazed, Marlena pulled out her cell phone and tapped the screen, turni
ng it to show me the video of Beethoven I’d played for Click before saying, “Maybe she doesn’t know how to go…someone has to take her.” I met her gaze, a heavy understanding blanketing me as she continued, “You brought yourself here, Char. Not me, remember? You’re here so you can take her back with you to the other side.”
An image played out before me of myself. I was crying, holding my head in pain.
“Why would you let this happen?” I screamed to God—to no one. “Why won’t you do something! Help me help her!” I shouted as I started down the hallway to the stairs. “Please help,” I sobbed.
The image cleared and I stared at Marlena blankly, the pieces of what she was saying finally coming together.
As if sensing my hesitation Marlena turned to face me, stepping into my line of sight. “I’ve been here for three days, and the one thing I’ve heard every one of your family and friends say, over and over, is Why? Well, love. This is why.”
“So you think all of this happened,” I motioned at my head, “solely for me to save Click?”
“Ask and you shall receive,” Marlena said as she glanced back to her phone.
The gravity of what she was saying hit me in the chest. “You’re saying God gave me an aneurysm, and put me in a coma, all so I could help Click?”
“The girl can’t go on her own. Someone has to take her. You and I aren’t really meant to be on just one side, Charlotte. For everyone else, it’s black and white, but for you and me...the people like us...we exist in the gray. You were put here, in this exact moment, for her. You’re standing on the red line.”
“What lies between,” I murmured.
“Exactly. I tried to have Ike take her, but it didn’t work because his soul is one of the black and whites, and he’s fully on the other side. But your soul is one of the grays, and at the moment you aren’t alive or dead.”
It seemed farfetched and mystical, but I couldn’t deny that it made sense. The enormity of it all hit me. None of this was a coincidence…it had been destiny.
“What is going to happen, Marlena? How does this end?”
“It ends with peace,” she said shifting to stand beside me and faced Click, her thumb hovering over the play button. She took in a deep breath and glanced at me, “Are you ready?”
I nodded and Marlena tapped play. The dramatic melody filled the room, and instantly Click rushed to Marlena, attempting to grab the phone. As she did, I saw her aura shift into a brilliant halo around her.
“Now Charlotte,” Marlena said quietly. “Grab her and take her,”
I shook my head, my heartbeat whooshing in my ears. “I don’t even know how I came here to begin with.”
“Wrap your arms around her and imagine a place you think she will like. The rest will work itself out once you’re there. This is the only scary part.”
I swallowed hard. What if it didn’t work? What if Click freaked out on me for touching her? A million possible failed scenarios played in my head, but I knew Marlena was right. In the eager eyes of this precious little girl, I saw what Marlena had been trying to tell me. This was why I was here.
I didn’t give myself any more time to think about it, I just moved. I stepped behind Click and wrapped my arms around her, lifting her off the floor. She immediately began to shriek and kick her feet. “It’s okay sweet girl,” I whispered in her ear. “I’m taking you someplace safe.” I squeezed her tighter, closed my eyes, and pictured the one place I could think of on the other side that she would love.
Ike
We were on Grams’s back porch, sipping whiskey and watching Rudy harass the hens. Grams had put on her favorite record—Billie Holiday’s I’ll Be Seeing You. None of us had said much since Grams’s call for lots of whiskey, and a constant stream of prayers flowed through my mind as I begged and pleaded for Charlotte to come back. I needed to apologize for what I’d done, but more than that, if she was meant to go, I needed to kiss her one last time, and say goodbye. Her sudden departure made me realize her leaving wasn’t the worst-case scenario I’d thought it was; rather, it was her leaving without me having a chance to tell her I loved her. I know she knew I did, but I needed to say it. Axel opened the bottle and poured each of us another round. I managed a weak smile of thanks, but truthfully, the whiskey wasn’t helping to numb the pain even a little, but at least I wasn’t alone. We’d all lost Charlotte. Grams and Axel appeared to be just as lost as I was.
Grams lifted her drink and bowed her head slightly. “A toast to our Charlotte.”
Axel and I lifted ours and we all took a sip.
The three of us leaned back in our chairs and stared off into space, letting ourselves get lost in thought until the chickens started squawking loudly, drawing our attention. In the midst of the birds dispersing in various directions, kicking up dust, feathers flying everywhere, Charlotte appeared, wide-eyed and frantic. As soon as she caught sight of us, a gigantic grin lit up her face.
“Follow me!” Charlotte hollered over the cacophony, before vanishing again.
The three of us bolted upright, trading glances for confirmation that we had just seen Charlotte. I morphed first and found Charlotte in the field where we’d had our picnic. Axel and Grams appeared just after me.
A baby grand piano sat in the center of the field with a small girl seated on the bench, her focus intense as her hands moved across the keys. Relief flooded through me when I realized it was Click. Charlotte had somehow brought her to the other side.
Charlotte glanced back at us, emotion pooling in her eyes, a grin capturing her features. “She’s here.”
Pride filled my heart, and I thought my chest might explode. I was indescribably proud of this woman I loved; of what she had done. She’d brought Click home.
The three of us flocked to her, hugging her.
“We thought you were gone,” Axel said with relief. “Shit, that scared me.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easy,” Charlotte snarked with a teasing smile.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I found Marlena, and we went to help Click.” Her mouth lifted in a sad smile. “I brought her here,” she met my gaze, “I finished what I started.”
I took Charlotte’s hand and held it, as the four of us watched Click play the same song, over and over.
“Beethoven,” Charlotte murmured.
Axel nodded. “I was never a fan of classical...I wanted to play like Jerry Lee Lewis. He was boss. Maybe we can teach her some other songs.”
“You know how to play?” I asked, surprised for some reason.
“Pfft. I am a master piano player.”
“Mediocre at best,” Charlotte quipped.
Axel’s eyes went wide and he dropped his mouth open in mock offense, before quickly composing himself. “That’s just jealousy talking.”
Charlotte let out a laugh as if he were the most absurd person she’d ever met. “You’re right. I’m green with envy of your subpar piano playing abilities.”
“You were both good,” Grams intervened.
“I think we should try to get her to do something else,” Charlotte said.
“Like what?” Axel asked.
The piano disappeared as she walked toward Click. After a moment of confusion, Click began to wail. All she wanted was her music and she didn’t understand why it was gone.
“Maybe let her play longer,” Grams offered as we all cringed at the high-pitched shrieks.
“I just want to try something.” Charlotte closed her eyes and the meadow lit up with thousands of butterflies. Click had collapsed to the ground in full tantrum, so it took her a few moments to register the change. Her screaming halted, and she fell silent. A butterfly floated toward her and she drew back, but didn’t scream. She was equally scared and curious.
“It’s okay, sweet girl,” Charlotte assured her as she raised her hand, allowing one to perch on her finger. Click got to her feet and inspected it, moving around so she could see it at all angles. “Butt-er-fly,” Charlott
e said. “Can you say butt-er-fly?”
“Bud-a-fly,” Click attempted, earning a gigantic grin from Charlotte.
“Very good. You are a smart girl.” She moved her hand toward Click, offering for her to hold the delicate creature, but Click drew back.
Wanting to help, I went to them and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was covered in butterflies in every color I could imagine. I sat on the ground, legs criss-crossed, in front of Click. It took some time, but eventually she got closer and allowed one to rest on her own finger.
“Bud-a fly,” she said then squealed in delight. We all laughed. After that, her fear having evaporated, Click entertained herself by attempting to touch every butterfly she could.
I was still sitting on the ground when Charlotte plopped down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. Axel and Grams left us and we agreed to meet up later. Click was running around, occupied, so we had a few minutes to chat.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you as soon as I knew. I was going to, I swear. I just…wanted more time with you. That was stupid and selfish.”
“So…that was you…saying goodbye to me?” she asked.
I let out a long breath, unable to look at her. “I guess it was…just in case. I thought once you found out there was a chance you’d just…vanish.”
She laced her arm through mine and shimmied closer. “I understand why you didn’t tell me right away.”
“Do you forgive me?”
“Of course I do, Ike. I know it was about love. I know you didn’t do it to hurt me.” Inhaling deeply, she released her breath slowly.
“Are you okay?”
“I saw my body. At the hospital.”
I rested my cheek against her head. “That couldn’t have been easy for you. It wasn’t the least bit easy for me.”
“Surreal, to say the least. It was harder seeing everyone suffering. My parents, your parents, even Mr. Mercer was there.”
I knew how she felt. Watching all of my family members suffer as they mourned me had been hell.
“I saw George.”