“No, I’m not going to tell you that. I knew it was wrong. I should have stopped. But damn it, I couldn’t. I tried. I stopped the first time she kissed me and told me she loved me. I stopped the second time she came to me, she was naked and tried to seduce me. My resistance snapped on the third time.” Sean’s hands were visibly shaking as it held onto the beer.
“She came to you?” Terrance said with doubt in his voice.
“Damn it, Dad. I know I’m a bastard, but I’m not lying about that. I tried. God knows I tried to turn her away, but I lo—.” Sean hoped he had stopped himself in time. Hoped his father hadn’t caught what he was about to say. “I guess I’m just a man who has no control over his libido. Because that last night she came to me to say goodbye I lost all sense of right and wrong. I couldn’t let her leave. I—just forget it. It doesn’t matter. Look, I know I’m not the person you thought you raised. I know I will burn in hell for taking something so sweet and innocent. Believe me when I tell you that any disappointment you have in me is nothing compared to the disgust I feel for myself.”
He loves her. He was about to say it and he had stopped himself. Terrance had to force his lips to remain still. It suddenly all made sense. He was in love with her and that, the most overwhelming emotion that any man could ever feel, eventually took over. That also explained why he had fought so hard to stay away from her these past months, knowing if he saw her it would kill him.
“Explain the tears,” Terrance said matter-of-factly.
Sean looked at his dad and wondered what he wasn’t saying.
“I realized what I had done. I realized that I had broken every rule you taught me about respecting a woman. I did the only thing I could do. I had to push her away.” Sean took another pull on his beer. “It wasn’t easy, though. She’s tenacious. I had to—well let’s just say I had to use words that I didn’t mean.”
Terrance nodded.
“So you hurt her with your words in an attempt to drive her away?”
Sean nodded and fought to keep the tears from forming in his eyes. He hated that more than anything. He never cried, but ever since that morning there were times when the pain of wanting her was so severe and the ache so bad that he found tears escaping from his eyes.
Terrance watched his son, watched the emotions cloud over his face. If he had doubted before, he now knew. Sean was very much in love with Izzy and it was killing him.
“Have you talked to her?”
Sean shook his head.
“Not once. Not since that morning.”
“I see. You know her birthday is next week, right?”
Hell yeah he knew it. He already picked out her present too. He was going to leave it at the house. Knowing there was no way that he could stand giving it to her himself.
“Yeah.”
“Sean, I–I’m sorry.”
Sean cocked a brow.
“What are you sorry for?”
Terrance shrugged. “It appears I may have misjudged the situation.” He finished his beer and got up from the table. He took his keys out of his pocket and headed for the front door.
Sean got up and followed his dad to see him out.
“Dad, you didn’t misjudge anything. I know what I did was wrong. I also know that you’re disappointed in me, and I’m sorry.”
Terrance hugged his son and then turned to open the door. He stopped and turned back to look his son in the eye.
“Sean, the boy I raised would only do what you did if he had no other choice. Sometimes—” Terrance shrugged. “Well sometimes life can play cruel jokes on us. Love, however… well, that is a special gift. And when you find it, no matter how it comes your way, you should grab onto it with both hands. I learned that from the short time I had with your mother. There are no guarantees in life.”
“What are you saying, Dad?”
“Only you can answer that Sean. You were a good kid and now you are a good man. Remember that when you punish yourself for your crimes.” He left, saying nothing more.
Sean locked the door behind his father and wondered if he had really understood him. Was he saying what Sean thought he was saying?
* * * *
Isabelle walked out of class beaming with the news that she had aced the final. It had been her hardest class that year and she was glad to finally be done with it. Suffice it to say that the biology course titled “Humans and Other Animals” kept her up many nights memorizing anatomy that she knew she would never be able to use in a normal conversation, let alone in everyday life. She had just descended the stairs of Clemmings Hall when she heard her name being called. Turning she saw her lab partner, Justin.
“Hi. Geez, you flew out of there so fast I didn’t think I was going to be able to catch up with you,” Justin said breathlessly.
“Sorry. I was so psyched about my A that I zoned out the rest of the world. How’d you do?” she asked him.
He shrugged.
“I got an A.”
She rolled her eyes.
“What a surprise. The star student got an A. As if there was ever any doubt. I should thank you. You seem to have a knack for this sort of thing. If you hadn’t of helped me study all those times, I probably wouldn’t have even passed.”
Go ahead and ask her already.
“Well, that kind of leads me to why I was trying to catch up with you.”
“Oh? What’s up? Wait, do you have time to walk with me? I’m going to be late for my last class if I don’t hurry.”
“Oh sure.” He stepped into a brisk walk with her at his side. It wasn’t like him to be so nervous around girls, but something about her had always made him feel like a sixteen-year-old on his first date.
“Listen I was wondering. I mean I know it’s your birthday tomorrow. And—.”
“How’d you know that?” She looked up at him and continued the walk.
“Your roommate told me.”
“You talked to my roommate about me. I didn’t realize you two knew each other.”
Geez, she was walking fast. If his nerves weren’t making him breathless, the walk sure would. “Well, I went to see you a few nights ago and you were at the library. She just sort of mentioned it.” Mentioned it. More like conspired to help him get a date with her. She was really very sweet as she gave him pointers and told him things that girls would normally only tell other girls.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize you had stopped by. Did you need anything important?”
Yes. Gosh, I can’t do this if I’m practically jogging. He grabbed her arm.
“Can we stop for just a minute?”
Isabelle looked at her watch and nodded.
“That’s about all I’ve got.”
“Okay, here goes. I went to your dorm to ask you out to dinner. And now, what with our class over and all, I figured I better ask while I still had the chance.” He didn’t care for the stunned look on her face. “Come on, Isabelle. Are you really going to tell me that you had no idea that I liked you? I’ve been pining away after you all semester. Why do you think that girl with the glasses traded lab partners after the second day of class?” He saw the realization hitting her. “I asked her to. I told her I was crazy about you. She said she thought it was romantic so she agreed.” He shrugged.
Isabelle stared at Justin. He was definitely good-looking and so nice. She always had a good time when she was with him. And when he made her laugh it always took away the pain of missing Sean. Maybe she should go. If he really liked her maybe it would be good for her. It wasn’t like she ever did any dating in high school. She had always been too busy dreaming of Sean.
“Well? Is it a yes, or should I run away with my tail between my legs?” Sean smiled.
Isabelle watched him grin and realized that he was actually very attractive, more so than she had ever realized.
“Sure, I’d love to. When?”
Really? You actually said yes?
“I was thinking tomorrow night. For your birthday. I thought maybe the li
ttle Chinese restaurant in town.” He already knew from Darcy, her roommate, that Chinese food was her favorite.
“I love Chinese food! Okay, listen, can you call me later to set things up? I’ve really got to get going. If I manage to squeak an A out of this class I’ll have straight A’s. It’s a minor accomplishment but one I’ve been striving for.” She ran off and then turned back. “Bye, talk to you soon.”
He watched her leave and all but fell to his knees. She had actually said yes. The prettiest girl in the freshman class, the one who dated no one and went to no parties was going to go out on a date with him. Could life get any better? He didn’t think so.
* * * *
Sean had just left his captain’s office and was headed to the locker rooms. Jake was standing there changing. Sean strode over to his locker and unlocked it. He pulled his bag out and started to remove his toiletries with the intention of taking a shower before he changed. He could feel Jake’s eyes boring a hole through him.
“What already? Why do you keep staring at me?” Sean snapped.
Jake’s mouth quirked up at the corners.
“Nothing. I was just wondering if you were going to tell me why you need tomorrow off.”
“I told you, it’s personal.”
“Ah, personal. Personal like its Izzy’s birthday today.”
Sean snapped his head back to glare at Jake.
“Get off me, all right?”
“Look, I don’t know what your problem is. You obviously have feelings for her. Even months later, you haven’t even seen her and you’re still all torn up inside. Why don’t you just admit you’re already a lost cause? I know you’re going to see her and that’s why you needed me to cover your shift tomorrow,” Jake pointed out smugly.
“I said thanks, what more do you want?” Sean asked as he finished undressing.
“I want you to get your head out of your ass. If you want her then do something about it before some college guy puts the moves on her. Because it’s starting to affect every aspect of your life. I’m the only one in this precinct that can even stand to be around you for more than five minutes anymore. And even I’m seriously starting to question that.” Jake swung his duffle bag over his shoulder and headed toward the door.
“Jake!” Sean yelled to him.
Jake turned around, waiting.
“Thanks, man.”
Jake nodded and left.
* * * *
“I’m so stuffed. That sesame chicken was heavenly. Thanks so much for taking me,” Isabelle said.
Justin smiled at her, wondering if she knew just how much fun he had just being with her.
“I’m glad. Maybe we could do it again?” Please say yes.
She sighed as they walked up the sidewalk to her dorm. Turning to face Justin she looked at him for a moment while thinking.
“You know, I think I would like that very much.”
I am now officially the luckiest man alive.
“Great. I know you’re kind of tired tonight, so, I’ll call you later and we can figure it out.” They resumed their walk and Justin brushed his hand against hers. When he sensed no resistance from her, he took a chance. He placed his palm against hers and held her hand. Finding such warmth in the feeling, he was glad that she hadn’t pulled away. They walked the next few yards in silence until they reached the stairs to her dorm.
* * * *
There she was. He had been waiting for hours for her to return. He couldn’t wait to see her, to hold her and tell her how sorry he was. Wait. Who was that guy she was with? Why was he holding her hand? Sean tightened his grip on the small jewelry box he held in his hand as he stood still to listen to what they were talking about.
“Well, thank you again, Justin. It was really a lot of fun. I’m definitely going to have to go for a run in the morning though. I ate way too many crab and cheese wontons,” she laughed.
“Want some company? For the run, I mean,” he added, hoping she didn’t think he was trying to invite himself to her room.
“Sure. I’m probably going to go early though, about seven. I’ve got to work at the boutique tomorrow.”
“Seven it is, then. I’ll wait for you out here.” Was he going to be able to wait until tomorrow morning to see her again?
“Perfect. Well, thanks again.”
“Isabelle, I hope your birthday was fun. I know it sucks when you don’t have your family around.” He tucked a loose strand of her blonde hair behind one ear.
She shrugged.
“They’re going to come up tomorrow and take me to dinner. They were actually going to come up today, but I told them I had plans.”
“You put off your family dinner for me?” There was disbelief in his voice.
“Yeah, I—I was really looking forward to tonight.” She was actually looking forward to discovering whether or not she could sit through a date without spending the entire night comparing him to Sean. She surprised herself by not thinking about Sean at all, just enjoying Justin’s company.
“I don’t know what to say. I—” Justin raised his hands to frame her face and slowly leaned his head down to hers. “I want to kiss you, Isabelle. And I plan to do it. So if you want to stop me you have about five seconds.”
She said nothing as they stared into each other’s eyes. Wondering what it would be like, she closed her eyes.
Justin recognized the invitation and closed his mouth over hers. His kiss was gentle and undemanding. It wasn’t filled with passion because he didn’t want to scare her. After a minute he drew away from her.
A smile formed her lips.
“That was nice.” And it was. It didn’t contain a rush of fervor or frenzy, but it was nice just the same.
He smiled at her.
“Is there anyone back home, Isabelle? Any boyfriend that I’ll have to duel with for your affections.”
She giggled at his comment.
“No. There’s no one.”
Sean felt the final blow as the dagger pierced his heart. She said there was no one. He had watched as she told this Justin character that she had been looking forward to their date. He had watched in horror as they kissed and he had listened as she told him there was no one at home waiting for her. It wasn’t true. He was at home waiting for her and he loved her.
Regretfully he had to admit to himself that it was true after all. He had pushed her away. Nine long months ago he had fallen in love with her and then he pushed her away. And now that he finally realized that he couldn’t live without her, it was too late. Just as she had told him that morning after they made love. If he didn’t stop her, if he let her go, then his chance to have her would be lost forever.
He stayed in the shadows of the tree that sheltered him from any light and watched as they said their goodbyes. His grip on the thin velvet jewelry box increased. He couldn’t give her this now. It would be too awkward, too painful. He could stay and fight for her. Do everything in his power to make her want him again. But he feared her words were as true as his love for her. He had waited too long.
He watched her enter her dorm and saw the door close behind her. He watched as his whole life walked through that door and away from him. Sean knew as sure as the sun would shine tomorrow that he would never love again the way he loved his Izzy.
Chapter Eight
December 2009
“Don’t be so nervous, Justin. Everything is going to be fine.” Isabelle told him as they drove around the corner and her house came into sight.
“How can I not be nervous? I’m meeting your family for the first time. What if they don’t like me?” He had been nervous about meeting them since Isabelle had first asked him to spend Christmas with them two weeks ago.
“They will be just as crazy about you as I am. So stop it already. There it is. Just pull in the drive way.”
He did as she asked and pulled behind a black SUV. He whistled at the shiny man’s toy. “That’s nice. Whose is that?”
She shook her head.
&
nbsp; “I don’t know. It has temporary plates. Maybe my mom or Terrance got a new vehicle.”
They barely were able to step out of the car before the front door opened and Isabelle was attacked by her mother’s giant bear hug. When her mother had successfully squeezed all of the air out of her lungs, she released her.
“Look at you. I’ve missed you so much.” Turning her head she looked at Justin. “And you must be Justin. I’ve heard so many things about you.”
“All good, I hope,” he smiled.
“Of course. She said you are an absolute gentleman.” Connie put her arms around him and gave him the same crushing hug. “Come on now, Terrance is dying to meet you.”
They went inside and hung their coats on the hall tree. Justin commented on the lovely home and was his usual charming self. One of the things Isabelle enjoyed about his company was his pleasant demeanor.
“Come on, they’re in the living room,” Connie said as she pulled both Justin and Isabelle’s hands.
They’re in the living room. Who’s here? Her silent question was quickly answered when she walked in and saw Sean. Their eyes met for a moment and she saw a glint in his eye that she wasn’t sure she liked. They had managed to avoid each other for over a year. She hadn’t come home for Thanksgiving; she had gone out of state to meet Justin’s family. But now, seeing Sean, she had to fight all the old feelings that were washing over her. Not seeing him, not being near him had made it easier.
“Hello, Izzy.” Sean’s voice was deep and quiet. It was almost as if he was caressing her senses with his simple greeting.
“Hi Sean. It’s–it’s good to see you again. It’s been a while,” she said hesitantly, suddenly not sure how to act around him.
Terrance watched their reactions. He had heard from his son what happened when Sean had gone to see Isabelle on her birthday last spring. He had seen the pain in his son’s eyes when he said he was too late. Personally, Terrance had thought Sean should have gone to her. But it was not his way to interfere. If it was meant to be, it would happen.
Morgan, Nicole - Love Knows No Boundaries (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 8