Only One Chance

by Madison, Natasha

  “I think I fucked up, Dad,” I tell him, and he just looks at me, waiting. “I …” I start to say and rub my hands over my face. “I don’t even know where to start, to be honest.”

  “They say starting at the beginning is the best.” My mother walks in, carrying a tray with coffee on it.

  “I thought you might need something to drink,” she says and goes over to sit down next to my father.

  “You were right,” my father says, kissing her head and putting an arm around her shoulder. “Now out with it,” he says to me, and I tell them the story. From meeting her four years ago to chasing her. To the date with Grandma Nancy that had my mother laughing so hard she was crying to the ex-husband opening the door.

  “So you just let her leave?” my mother asks, wiping the corner of her eyes with a tissue. “You just let the love of your life leave without going after her?”

  “Idiot,” my father says. “What is wrong with you?”

  “She lied to me.” I try to tell them my side.

  “She was afraid to tell you the truth. She came here with her heart on her sleeve, and you let her leave,” my mother says, shaking her head. “And it’s been a month?” she shrieks. “A month.”

  I put my hands on the top of my head. “I know, Mom. I just don’t know what to tell her.”

  “I would start with I’ve been an idiot,” my father cuts in, and my mother nods.

  “And my parents raised me to be better than this,” my mother adds.

  I stand, frustrated because they are right, but then scared that when I finally do go to her, she’ll tell me that she doesn’t feel the same way. That it was a one-way street, and I was the only one who felt it. “What if,” I start to say, and my mother holds up her hands.

  “What if I didn’t say yes to your father all those years ago? What if you don’t tell her how you feel and regret it for the rest of your life? What if she’s the one?” my mother asks, and I don’t answer her because I can’t. “Son, you have one life to live. Don’t you want to live it with a love that’s so big it fills your soul?”

  She doesn’t say anything after that, and neither does my father. They just sit there and change the subject. The next day is crazy, getting on the ice with my family arriving, and then having a team meeting. I go through the motions and smile when I need to smile. The whole time, I’m thinking of Layla, and my heart feels tight in my chest. My house is full to the brim with my sisters and brothers and all their kids. It’s something I’ve always loved yet now feels void. New Year’s Eve comes, and my family opts out of the team party to stay home. They kiss me goodbye when I leave and tell me they will see me tomorrow.

  The whole team is staying at the hotel tonight. I walk into the hotel, and there is movement everywhere. People are everywhere, and when I check in, I try to make it out of the lobby before someone sees me.

  Three hours later, I’m slipping on a suit jacket and making my way downstairs. The ballroom is decorated in the team colors, and there are hats all around the room. The music is already pumping, and the kids are running around free. I spot a couple of people I know and say hello, then walk over to the bar where I order a water.

  “Hey.” I hear from beside me, and see that it’s Becca.

  “Hey, yourself,” I say, leaning in and kissing her cheek. “You look nice.”

  “Do I?” she says, looking down at her black dress. “It’s a big night.”

  “It’s a big week,” I say to her.

  “You ready for tomorrow?” she asks, and I nod my head.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be,” I tell her, and she smiles.

  “Perfect,” she says, grabbing a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. “Now if you will excuse me, I see Nico.” She smirks at me. “I love ruffling his feathers.”

  I shake my head. Becca is known to be cutthroat, and she doesn’t care whose balls she has to squeeze in order to get the best contract for her player. It’s why she’s got the best client list around.

  I watch her walk away and then see Manning coming my way. “You look like you’re in a great mood.” I laugh when he glares.

  He looks around to make sure we are alone. “She booked a room for our son to sleep in by himself.” He shakes his head. “The kid is seven.” He orders a water, and the two of us stand here watching the room get fuller as the minutes go by. “We should mingle,” he says, and I nod, pushing away from the bar and stopping when I see four of the rookies together.

  “Are you boys staying out of trouble?” I ask them, and they just smirk at me. I remember what it’s like to be them. They are thinking about the game tomorrow, but they are also thinking about banging most of the girls here. Looking around, I see so many girls all of a sudden when a blonde comes over our way.

  “Oh, shit.” I hear Patrick say, then he looks at me. “I’m so sorry.”

  I don’t have time to ask him what he means by that because the girl is right beside me. “Miller, this is my sister, Kimberly,” he says to me. “She is your biggest fan.”

  I smile at the girl in front of me, and her face lights up. “I am,” she says to me. “I mean, my brother is good and all, but he’s not the best.”

  “Kimberly,” Patrick says. “I’m right here.”

  I laugh now and hold out my hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Kimberly.”

  “I should get a picture,” Patrick says. “Do you mind?”

  “No, of course not,” I say, but I really do mind. Suddenly, I want to get out of here, but she puts her hand around my waist, and I don’t move. I pose for the picture, and then she turns to look at me after.

  “Thank you so much for the picture,” she says. “You are having a great year.”

  “It’s been great so far,” I say. “Now, let’s hope we can beat Nashville tomorrow.”

  “I have no doubt you will,” she says. “I’m sorry about my little brother,” she says, and I laugh.

  “He thought by telling you that you were my favorite, it would embarrass me.” She laughs now. “I bet him fifty dollars that I would ask you to dance.” I look at her. “I actually bet them all fifty bucks.” She points back at her brother and his four friends.

  I laugh now. “You did what?”

  She shrugs. “I wasn’t going to let them tease me without egging them on. I know this is totally awkward, and I’m sorry, but would you dance with me? Even if it’s for half a song.” I take a deep breath. “It’s two hundred dollars.”

  “Sure,” I say, walking to the dance floor. I put my hand around her waist and look over at the guys with their mouth hanging open. “You boys better pay the lady.” They all groan, and I chuckle.

  I feel eyes looking at me as I turn around on the dance floor and listen to Kimberly tell me about her work. My eyes fly up, and I see her just looking at me. My heart fills my whole chest as I take her in. My feet don’t move now as I stand mesmerized by her. She is more beautiful than she is in my dreams. She looks like she lost weight, and I wonder if she’s been sick. Her gold sparkly skirt hugs her hips. The white long-sleeve shirt is tucked into the skirt. She lifts her hand to say hello to me and smiles at me, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes.

  “Are you okay?” Kimberly’s voice makes me look down at her. Oh my God, I think to myself, she must think I’m here with her. I look up and see her walking to Candace as she smiles at her and hugs her. I see her going to Ralph and giving him a hug also, and I want to run over to her and take her in my arms. I want to ask her how she has been doing. I want to tell her that I have thought about her every single day. I want to tell her that it doesn’t fucking matter that she was married. I want to tell her all that, and I want all of that with her. “Um, Miller.” Kimberly laughs now uncomfortably. My eyes fly back to Kimberly. “Do you have to go?”

  “Um,” I say and then look back up when I hear Nico beside me.

  “Hey, Miller, can I borrow you for a minute?” he says, and I just smile at Kimberly.

  “Okay, but first, I have to d
o something,” I tell him, and he shakes his head.

  “I need you, Ralph, and Manning for a photo op,” Nico says, looking around and spotting Manning and Ralph, who nod at him when he motions with his hand. I look around the room and see her mingling and saying hello to everyone. Her purse is in one hand while she shakes with the other hand. Her hair is longer than I remember. She must feel me watching her because she turns back around, and for a split second, our eyes meet again. I wonder if she can see how much I miss her. I wonder if she knows that I spent all of Christmas Day thinking about her. I spent the past month building up the courage to go to her, hoping she didn’t slam the door in my face.

  “What do you need?” Manning says, and I turn my head, hoping that this goes fast so I can get to her. My hands itch to touch her if just for a second. My heart yearns to just be next to her.

  “We need to get a couple of shots of the four of us,” Nico says. “Let's go over there.” He points at the photo station setup.

  I don’t know how long I spend there posing for pictures. The girls have us changing places and then switching around, and I am about to snap when she finally says, “I think I got it.”

  Without listening to anything else, I just walk to the dance floor and look around the room for her. I turn in a circle as I look for her everywhere. I finally spot Candace walking back into the venue and run to her. “Where is Layla?” I ask. She looks down and looks back up again, and I can see the tears in her eyes.

  “She’s gone,” she says, and my stomach sinks. “I just walked her out.” Her voice is low. “She had a headache.” I nod at her, and I know she wants to say more, but she doesn’t.

  “Okay.” I turn around and make my way out of the room. Walking out of the building, I hope that maybe the universe will work in my favor for once, but it won’t be tonight.

  I walk back into the hotel and make my way up to my room. There are people everywhere, and thankfully no one stops me. Taking the card out of my pocket, I hold it up to the lock, and the door opens. I walk over and sit on the bed in the dark room. The only light coming inside is from the open curtains.

  I put my head back and get up, shrugging off my jacket when I hear the sound of people yelling and counting down. Then the sound of fireworks going off out of my window. I walk over and look outside. “Happy New Year, gorgeous,” I say to the sky.

  My phone pings in my pocket, and my heart speeds up thinking it could be her, but it’s just from my parents saying Happy New Year.

  I open my Instagram to post when I see her picture. She is right next to Grandma Nancy. Her eyes look wet from crying, and the tip of her nose is red. I wonder how old this picture is. I look down and see it was posted twenty-seven seconds ago. I also see that it’s from Grandma Nancy’s account. I started following her the day after our “date.” I also see there are more photos, and when I swipe right, I have to sit down. It’s another selfie, but this time, she is looking at the camera with her thumb under her eye, wiping a tear as she tries to smile. I notice it’s the same shirt she was wearing tonight. I can’t stop staring at the picture. I can’t stop thinking of how she looked tonight. My chest tightens even more when I see the caption.

  New Year… New Beginnings

  Chapter 35

  Layla

  I walk over to the outfit I wore last night. The outfit I picked out especially for the night. I was going to bite the bullet and go to him. I bend over, grabbing the dress and the top, and throw it in my walk-in closet in the corner.

  I picked out the outfit and did my hair. My stomach was in my throat as I made my way there. My hands shook when I walked into the ballroom. My eyes found him right away, and my heart broke when I saw him dancing with someone else. I lifted my hands when he looked at me and smiled. In the end, I want him to be happy, and if she makes him happy, then I have to accept it.

  I left within ten minutes. Candace saw my face and knew I needed to get out of there. She ushered me into a cab, and I went to Grandma’s house. She opened the door for me, her smile dropping off her face when I tried to block my sob with my hand. I toasted the New Year with her and made a decision that it was time for me to leave. When I got home, the emptiness screamed out, and I knew deep in my heart that I couldn’t stay there.

  Grabbing my jeans, I slide them on and huff out when I see they are a bit loose. I walk over to the bag in the corner and take out the Dallas jersey that the radio station gave me for today. My job is to interview the players' families and get the inside scoop on how they prepared for the day.

  I’m already dreading it. I grab my press badge and slip on my heeled boots.

  When I arrive, I park where they told me to park and look around to see if I see Candace or Ari anywhere. They scan my badge, and I put my phone in my back pocket, where my ID is with my credit card.

  “Hey,” I say when I get to the radio station booth that is set up there. They are on the air right now, and Tony waves at me and then says my name on air.

  “Okay, where do I go for this?” I ask the woman who is holding the clipboard, and she looks and finds my name.

  “You are going to go through that tunnel there.” She points at the white tunnel. “Families have been told and are already there.” I grab the mic from her. “Press record on here.” She shows me how it works, and I walk away, amazed at how they transformed the football field into a hockey rink. People are going crazy behind the scenes to make sure it’s perfect. I look up in the stands and seeing that fans have started to trickle in.

  I walk into the tunnel and spot Candace, who is with Ari. Ari claps her hands the second she sees me. She is dressed in a Dallas jersey with her dad’s name on the back, and Candace has two green bows in her hair. “Are you excited?” I say, grabbing Ari from her and kissing her. “You are the prettiest little girl,” I say to her, and she points at Candace, calling her mama.

  I pick the microphone to my mouth. “What did your dad do to get ready?” I ask her, and she just says dada. “Okay, Auntie Layla has to get her work done so she can enjoy the game.”

  “How are you feeling?” Candace asks, and I shrug.

  “Shitty,” I tell her the truth. “Okay, I see some family members.” I hand Ari back to her. “I’ll catch up with you later,” I say, turning around and seeing a family I’ve never seen before.

  “Hi, guys,” I say, smiling, “I’m with the radio station, and if you don’t mind, can I ask you some questions?” They are all wearing Dallas jerseys, but I can’t see the name on the back.

  “Sure,” the woman says.

  “How excited are you guys to be here?” I ask, and she smiles.

  “So excited. We never thought you could have ice outside in Dallas,” the woman says.

  “You and me both,” I say, laughing. “It’s Dallas.”

  “Right,” I say. “How different is this to when you brought them to their games when they were younger?”

  Her eyes light up. “He hated hockey,” she says.

  “I’m sorry, who is your son?” I ask her at the same time I see him walking toward us.

  “Hey, guys,” he says and then bends to kiss the woman on the cheek. “Mom, Dad,” he says and then looks at me. “Layla.” He says my name, and I just blink because the words are stuck in my throat. “Guys, this is Layla.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” the woman says, and I look at her and smile.

  “Thank you guys for answering my questions,” I say, trying to get away from him as fast as I can. “Good luck today,” I tell him, and my heart is beating so hard and so loud that I think I’m having a heart attack. This has to be it. I turn and walk out of the tunnel and enter a random tunnel. Putting my hands on my knees, I try to get my breathing back to normal. “I can’t do this,” I say to myself. I walk as fast as I can to the tent and hand her back the microphone. “Sorry, I’m not feeling well.” I turn toward my car, running most of the way. The faster I get away from them, the better I will feel.

  Only once I get home do I
breathe out a sigh of relief. I walk to the couch and turn the television on, seeing the players taking the ice. I lie down as the tears roll down my face. The camera goes from player to player, and I close my eyes when they stay on Miller. His face ready for the game.

  They drop the puck, and one minute in, Nashville makes a sloppy pass that gets intercepted by Miller, who takes it and scores one-handed. He throws up his leg and yells out. While Manning and Ralph skate to him and celebrate with him. He skates to the bench as he goes down the line.

  He is on fire for the whole game, and I will go on record saying that this is his best game ever. He finished it with three goals and two assists. They skate to the middle of the ice and hold up their sticks for the crowd. They skate off, and I watch them call Manning for the third star, Ralph for the second, and I smile as I look at the television, my heart aching in my chest, as Miller skates out to accept his first star. Turning off the television, I make my way back to my bed, lying down and staring at the white wall. The tears come freely now. “Tomorrow,” I say to myself. “You are not going to cry.”

  I hear a soft knock and turn toward the doorway, wondering whether that’s what it was when it sounds again. I slip out of bed and wrap a sweater around myself. Another knock comes at the door, and I turn on the light and unlock the door.

  I stand here now with my mouth hanging open. Miller is there with his hands holding my doorframe. He looks like he just stepped out of the shower. His suit fits him perfectly, and I see he’s not wearing the suit jacket.

  “Miller,” I whisper his name, and I wonder if I’m dreaming. “What are you doing here?” I ask him.

  “Did you love me?” he asks, and I look at him. “In the time we were together, did you love me?” I shake my head and see the defeated look in his eyes. “That’s all I needed to know,” he says, turning to walk away.

  “You asked me if I loved you,” I say, my voice louder, and I close the sweater, feeling the cold go through my body. He stands there in front of me. The man who owns my heart, the man who I will do anything for, the man who I let go so he can have his perfect life.