Realizing a smile had formed on my lips, I quickly erased it, brushing off the thought of my best friend, who wasn’t really my best friend right now.
I Don’t Care face, I Don’t Care face.
Mae sat next to Sebastian up front in the passenger seat. I could hear snippets of their conversation, which was apparently hysterically funny since Mae kept giggling. Sebastian was dressed in a pirate costume—triangular black hat, eye patch, and hook hand. And he’d added his THE FUTURE IS FEMALE T-shirt underneath.
“What are you?” I’d asked when he’d come to get us.
“A feminist pirate!” he declared proudly. That he and I weren’t going to this as dates made me sure there was something wrong with the world.
During the ride, Zeke and I made small talk for a little in the backseat, but after a while our conversation fizzled. I let my head rest on the window and kept it there for the rest of the forty-five-minute drive.
Finally we arrived at the edge of thickly settled woods, where there were signs for a campground. Sebastian pulled the car into a dirt parking lot, cramming it next to all the other cars. He reminded us that he was committed to being the designated driver, so everyone could drink as much as they wanted—within reason of course. (Sebastian believed in personal responsibility.) I didn’t really like drinking, but maybe it would help me get through the night. Or God forbid enjoy myself.
Exiting the car, the cool night air hit my skin. I instantly regretted my decision not to wear a jacket because I had wanted to show off my sexy dress. At least I’d have something going for me tonight. Plus, Mae hadn’t worn a jacket, so I didn’t want to look like I couldn’t handle the cold. But I was absolutely freezing.
“Through here,” Sebastian called, waving us toward a pathway at the tree line. Mae followed, and Zeke let me walk in front of him.
As we wove through the foliage, brilliant flashes flickered in the distance between the pine needles. When we finally reached a clearing, a large bonfire raged.
The party was in full swing. I recognized a lot of the same people who’d been at Chelsea Whiff’s party last month, plus a bunch of other people I didn’t know. There were vampires and Pokémon, short-skirted superheroes and devilish angels, all sipping from red plastic cups pumped from a keg of what I was sure was less-than-mediocre beer, even though I couldn’t really tell the difference.
“Beverages?” Zeke offered.
Mae shrugged and I nodded. As Sebastian and Zeke headed off to get drinks, Mae and I stood alone for a moment. We hadn’t talked in light of the costume-copying situation.
And it was hard seeing her actually on a date with Sebastian. While I’d forgiven her and accepted it theoretically, seeing it in person and being around them was like an ice pick through my heart. I wished I could disappear.
I reached for my phone—maybe taking pictures would make me feel better.
“This is fun.” Mae broke the silence before I could get my cell out of my purse.
“Mmm-hmm” was all I could respond.
She glanced around the clearing. “Zeke is nice,” she said encouragingly.
I didn’t reply. I guess she was trying to make me feel better about my consolation-prize date, although it could have also been to make herself not feel as bad about stealing Sebastian.
Luckily the awkwardness was broken by a “nurse.”
“Mae!” Larissa called. She, Jessie, and Christine had arrived in the clearing like a pack of Halloween Edition Barbies. Larissa was in a short white outfit complete with stethoscope, Jessie was adorned as the devil, and Christine had opted to be a baby, her diaper showing off her long, athletic legs. Larissa eyed our costumes.
“Love it,” she cooed to Mae. “You guys are twins?”
“No, Mae copied me,” I clarified a little too loudly. I was trying to be funny but my voice betrayed an edge. No one laughed.
“I didn’t copy you,” Mae countered. “I’m New Carrie. Jules is the old one,” she explained.
Larissa reached her fingers for Mae’s long blond wig.
“Ohmygod, gorge,” she gushed. “You need to wear this, like, every day.”
“Aw, but I love your shiny black hair!” Jessie piped in. “It’s so straight! I’m jelly.”
“Isn’t it more fun being a blonde?” Christine added, pulling at her natural fair-haired waves.
“Haha totally,” Mae replied, flipping her wig hair off her shoulder.
“Shit,” Larissa interrupted. “Travis is in such a bad mood. He’s already on, like, his fifth beer apparently.”
All the girls followed Larissa’s gaze across the clearing to see Travis, wearing white shorts, a white short-sleeve shirt, and a sweat headband, complete with tennis racket—Richie Tenenbaum from The Royal Tenenbaums. It made sense, since he was captain of the tennis team in the spring.
“He thought I was flirting with Scott Vargas after the game last night because he scored so many points. And I totally wasn’t, although I kind of was, but whatever. He’s been texting me all day but I didn’t write back. I should go talk to him.”
Larissa adjusted her cleavage in the tight white vest and moved off. Christine reapplied her lip gloss.
“Mae,” Jessie purred, “did you bring any more of that Xanax? I can, like, give you cash again.”
“Oh yeah, sure!” Mae agreed, reaching into her white clutch, which my mom must have bought her too.
I hadn’t realized that Mae was on meds, but it made sense that she’d be taking something to help calm her post-traumatic stress.
Mae handed Jessie and Christine each a pill from her orange prescription bottle.
“You’re a lifesaver,” Jessie oozed, popping the pill and washing it down with her drink.
“Hello, ladies,” Zeke greeted as he and Sebastian arrived back with drinks for Mae and me. He saw that Christine and Jessie were drinkless. “Would you like us to get you libations?” he offered.
“We’re good,” Jessie replied, eyeing his nerdy costume. “We’re going to get shots,” she informed him, pulling Christine away. “Mae, come find us.”
It was blatantly clear that these girls were only interested in being friends with Mae and not me.
Sebastian raised his cup of ginger ale. “Cheers!” he said, tapping beverages. I took a quick sip, which reminded my tongue that I hated the taste of beer even more than the taste of coffee. Sebastian clearly had no memory that I wasn’t a beer fan.
Mae turned to Sebastian. “I watched the YouTube video you sent, of the Chihuahua riding a Newfoundland. It was so adorable!”
“Cute, right? I know how much you love dogs.”
Sebastian turned to me, in an obvious effort to be inclusive. “Have you seen it, Mathis?”
“I have not,” I returned coldly. The crisp air frosted. I took a long sip of my beer—fuck it. I stared at the bonfire. A dead tree fueled the center of the fire, orange and blue flames dancing upward from it. I had the unadvisable desire to step into it.
“Do you want something else?” Sebastian had noticed that Mae hadn’t touched her drink.
Mae shrugged. “I don’t really like beer.”
I took an even bigger sip of mine. It was either an effort to prove how much cooler I was than Mae, or to get myself drunk. Or both.
“Let’s find you something else to drink,” Sebastian declared, chivalrously holding out his arm. I wondered if they’d kissed.
“So,” Zeke vamped now that he and I were alone. “What’s your favorite scary movie?”
“I’ll give you a hint,” I said, taking another long sip of beer. I pointed to my dress and blood-soaked hair.
“Oh,” he laughed. “Duh. Sorry. It’s a good movie.”
He sipped his drink. I could tell he was embarrassed. I didn’t mean to be rude to him—he hadn’t done anything wrong.
“What about you?” I offered, to make up for it.
“Hmm, I think it would have to be Scream.”
“That’s a fun one.”
&
nbsp; A high-pitched giggle hit my ears. I turned to see Mae laughing at something Sebastian had said over by the drinks. Gross.
I glugged down the rest of my beer. Desperate to fill the silence, Zeke offered, “You want me to get you another?”
I looked at my empty cup and considered. Why not? Live a little, Julia.
“Sure.” I handed him the cup.
“Be right back.” He took it obediently and headed off to the keg.
I stood for a moment, watching the crowd around me. Even though I was surrounded by all these people, even with a date, even with my new quote unquote best friend, I still felt so alone.
A blinding flash of light caught my eye, as the goose bumps on my arm disappeared. I turned to see:
The bonfire had doubled in size. Flames shot up yards into the air. How had that happened so quickly?
Branches snapped in the woods nearby. A tree had caught on fire. Ghost and movie character party guests were frantically looking around, trying to figure out what was happening. The whole clearing was catching fire, the dry branches perfect fuel.
The smell of burning leaves filled my nostrils. I tried to cover my nose and mouth with my dress, but the thin white fabric didn’t do much good. I couldn’t stop hacking. I had to get away from this smoke.
I turned from the fire and headed into the woods, bumping up against other kids as we ran from the fire as fast as possible. I didn’t see Mae or Sebastian or Zeke.
Pulling a clump of hair across my face to block the smoke, I stumbled through the trees. I was hardly looking where I was going; I was just putting one foot in front of the other as fast as possible.
BRUUUUUUUUHT! BRUUUUUUUUHT!
A siren wailed in the distance. Fire trucks. Thank goodness they were coming to put out the fire—their response time was impressive. The heat behind me and the crackling trees made it sound like the fire was quickly raging out of control.
I could hear firefighters behind me working to put out the blaze. There were other kids near me running away from the fire too, all scattering in different directions. As the dark woods grew thicker, the crowd thinned. My eye caught something to my left. Was that Mae?
Suddenly my face felt the cool dirt. I must have stumbled over a branch on the forest floor. The fall knocked the wind out of me, my breath pausing for a heart-stopping beat.
And then the coughing returned with a vengeance. My throat gripped for air, like I had no control over my lungs. I would give anything for a glass of water. Even beer. I lay on the ground, trying to catch my breath. I’m not sure for how long.
Suddenly, a warmth embraced my shoulders. Before I realized what was happening, I was lifted up off the ground and into someone’s strong arms.
Slung over a brawny shoulder, my body started bobbing up and down.
It dawned on me that I was being carried through the woods, away from the fire. Black branches began racing past my peripheral vision as my head thumped against a man’s back.
I could no longer see other kids around me. I shifted my body upward, straining to see where we were going. As I moved, the carrier adjusted his grip so that he was now carrying me in front of him, like a baby.
Starchy material rubbed against my cheek. A uniform. I was being rescued by a fireman! I glanced at his chest and caught a glimpse of the division name of his fire department.
TISDALE.
What were they doing here? I didn’t know exactly where we were, but I knew that Tisdale wasn’t the name of the town these campgrounds were in.
I looked down at my dress: white. Blood in my light-colored hair.
I was dressed exactly like Mae.
Holy shit: this guy was from the cult. And he was trying to kidnap me, thinking I was Mae!
I couldn’t breathe. I had to get away. But how? His grip was like iron, holding me immobile.
By now we were far from the fire, and I couldn’t hear or see any other people from the party. The trees had begun to thin, and I could make out a road in the distance, where a fire truck was parked.
Oh no no no no. Everyone who has seen a horror movie knows that you cannot get into a vehicle with your kidnapper. It equals certain death.
Panic sent my brain spinning. Did they set this fire to steal Mae back in the commotion? What would they do when they figured out they’d gotten me instead of her?
I couldn’t wait to find out. I struggled to free myself from the man’s thick arms, but the more I struggled, the tighter his grip became.
“Let me go!” I screamed, pressing against him with all my might.
Arriving at the fire truck, he whipped me around to the front of the vehicle and shoved me into the passenger side of the cab.
“Ow!” I yelped as my head smashed against the steering wheel on the driver’s side. He reached and pushed me farther in. The sleeve of his shirt lifted, and I saw on his bicep—
A pentagram tattoo.
He forced my legs in so he could shut the door and trap me, but I flailed my feet, kicking him off me.
“No! I’m not her!” I yelled.
I aimed my leg at the bridge of his nose. Isaac had once told me that was a vulnerable spot on the human body. But it didn’t work. He heaved the door against my leg, sealing the compartment shut.
I was trapped inside. I had to get out.
As quickly as I could, I crawled across the seat to the driver’s side, reaching toward the door. Through the windshield, I glimpsed him walking around the front of the truck. It was risky, but something crossed my mind.
Waiting until he had arrived at the driver’s door—
WHAM!
I flung the door against him, whacking him in the chest. The impact surprised more than injured him, but this was my chance.
I scrambled out of the truck and raced away, not daring to look back. I knew I had a few seconds’ head start on him and sprinted through the trees. My heart was beating so fast I felt faint.
But I made myself run faster.
Faster.
Fleeing for my life.
I raced through the foliage, aiming for whatever sound and light I could make out. Finally, I saw the clearing where the bonfire had been, and stumbled back, barely able to breathe.
As I heaved air, I looked around. Everyone was huddled around the now-extinguished bonfire, and there were firefighters on the scene—the real, local firemen. No one in a Tisdale uniform. They must have left, unable to get what they had come for.
Mae/me.
“Jules!” Mae spotted me and hurried over. “We lost track of you. Are you okay?”
“No!” I hurled back, furious. A few heads turned. “I am not okay!”
Mae tried to calm me. “It’s cool. The fire’s out now, and Sebastian’s ready to take us home,” she soothed.
I pulled Mae aside, out of earshot of the other shivering partygoers. “What the hell?” I whisper-screamed.
Mae stared at me, green eyes wide. “What?”
“Your creepy cult came to get you but thought I was you and tried to kidnap me!”
Mae’s face paled. “No” was all she could manage.
“All because you copied my stupid costume!” I accused her. My whole body was pumping with rage, or pain, or both.
“You’re ruining my life!” I shouted, unable to keep my voice down.
“Jules, I’m so sorry,” she whispered, clutching her arms to herself. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m telling my parents, and they’ll send you to a foster home, or back to Tisdale, or wherever—I don’t care! I just want you out of my fucking life!”
Mae’s hand grabbed my arm. “Please don’t tell your parents! If I get sent back, they’ll punish me!”
“Good! You deserve it!” I spat. I couldn’t care less what they did to her at that point. I wanted her gone.
“Please, Jules,” she pleaded. “I need to stay with you and your family to be safe. Don’t you understand that now?”
I turned toward the black embers of the fire, trying to
ignore what she was asking me to do.
“Don’t you understand, Jules?” She put her hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at her.
“Please, Jules. You’re my friend! I need your help. You can’t tell your parents, I need to stay safe!”
Her green eyes begged forgiveness.
“You have to save me, Jules!”
PART THREE
[I]t was written I should be loyal to the
nightmare of my choice.
—Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness
CHAPTER 39
RINGGGGG!
We weren’t allowed cell phones at the table, but someone had neglected to turn hers off.
Mae looked down at the caller ID, then up to my mom, hopefully.
We weren’t supposed to “engage with technology” during meals, and Mae knew that, but Mom just nodded as she ate her salmon, while Danielle talked her ear off about the “scene work” she was doing in rehearsals.
Mae smiled and answered her phone, stepping away from the table.
I kept quiet. I had been doing that a lot the last week since Halloween. The attempted kidnapping in the woods still freaked me out. At night when I was falling asleep, I kept feeling like I was bobbing up and down, a tight grip clutching my body. I’d even started locking the door to Dani’s and my room at night. Dani had complained about the locked door this morning and I tried to tell her that the cult might be after Mae, but she looked at me like I was an insane person and rolled her eyes.
I didn’t know what to do. I knew I couldn’t condemn Mae back to the cult, but I couldn’t not say anything about what happened. It was too dangerous.
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