"And no kissing...."
"Afraid?"
"Of course not. I'm a big girl."
He turned around slowly. "Fine. Then meet me in town, tonight at six," he said as though he knew she would consent.
"Now wait just a minute!" she stormed up to him, pulling on his arm and making him face her. "You will pick me up at this house and you will take me into town."
"Alright, I'll pick you up. I guess I owe you that much," he murmured, then he left and she pondered whether she made the right decision.
* * *
This was a big mistake, she fretted as she skimmed through her new meager wardrobe for something appropriate to wear. She was playing with fire. But she had set ground rules, and he'd abide.
Savannah slipped into a cool blue cotton sheath dress. She examined herself and combed her hair till it behaved.
Aunt Lucy came to her door and openly admired her taste in clothes. "That's stunning on you, dear. Simple and classic."
"I'm not at all sure I'm doing the right thing, Aunt Lucy."
Her Aunt frowned for a second. "Why in heavens name not? Ben Hogg is a wonderful young man, and it is time he found a nice young lady. Heaven knows his first marriage was a complete disaster."
"His first...marriage?" Savannah swallowed and stared at her Aunt, trying to digest this news with dignity. "Ben was married?"
"You didn't know….?"
"No, I had no idea."
"Was, is right. For all of about two months. If you call that a marriage. She was a little air-head, with nothing permanent on her mind. Poor Ben, he had been smitten good. The girl was a local, but she was sick and tired of being here. Ben didn't know it. Never suspected she had married him to get away from her family. It was a very sad time for him. He changed after that. But he hasn't actually dated in years. Oh, he has an occasional dinner with that little gal with the kid, but that isn't going anywhere. She's looking for a father figure, and Ben has no intention of getting that involved. I don't think Ben is aware of how he seems to take women for granted. It doesn't matter though, I think I heard she got married anyway."
"So...his wife left him?" Perhaps that's how she scared Ben away, she had run from a wedding. His wife had run from him. Yes, it all made sense now.
"Yes, he was a mess for such a time. He had loved her dearly. But I think she might have ruined him, until now at least. Maybe he's finally coming out of his shell."
"Oh, Aunt Lucy, you've got the wrong idea here. Ben and I are just...well...friends. He did me a favor, now I'm returning it." Savannah explained as she finished her hair. "You see most of the town seems to feel sorry for him, and constantly ask him about the lady he had been seeing that got married."
"Anyone with a mind at all could see he wasn't interested in her. She hoped, for the daughter's sake, but Ben wasn't silly enough to jump into that."
"Why not jump into it?"
"Because he doesn't love her. She's just not right for him. She's too tame, too settled. He needs someone who will turn his world upside down. Someone with gumption."
"Nevertheless, this is just a favor." Savannah assured her.
"Maybe, and maybe not. I saw something in his eyes I haven't seen in a long time." Aunt Lucy smiled.
Yeah lust! Ben wanted her alright, in his bed, but marriage wasn't in his plans and he had been honest about that. Well, she had been honest too; she wanted marriage and everything that went with it.
"Honestly, Aunt Lucy, you are such a romantic. Ben and I understand each other, quite well. And there is no future with him, not that I would want one with him, but he's made it ultimately clear he isn't interested in marriage. My advantage is that I know that. Besides, I just came from a messed up relationship, I'm not about to jump back on the band wagon. I've learned my lesson. I want marriage, children, the whole nine yards, and I won't settle for anything less."
"You stick to your guns, honey. Give him hell...." Aunt Lucy chuckled and went into the kitchen to fix a cup of tea.
So what was she doing agreeing to go out with a man who blatantly announced he wouldn't marry? Had she lost her mind? She was just as attracted to him. How could she be sure that in a weak moment, he couldn't have his way with her?
She'd simply have dinner with him tonight and stop all the town gossips, then she and Ben could part friends and each go their way. But even as she thought it, the idea of not seeing Ben ever again made her sad, as though she were losing something. She had to stop thinking along those lines.
At six o'clock, Ben arrived for their date. Savannah tried to quell the eagerness to see him again, but she knew she failed when she walked into her Aunt's living room and saw a freshly scrubbed, dressed to the nine's man waiting on her.
Although he wore a pair of new boots, he also wore dress pants and his white shirt was covered by a sports coat. He looked different, sexier, and she knew she was in trouble again. Resisting Ben would have to become a habit if she stayed with her Aunt very long.
Ben handed her a small bouquet of flowers. She smiled and went to put them in water. When she returned she told her Aunt she wouldn't be late, and they left together, Ben's hand holding hers.
Ben's frown told her he was uncomfortable with this and she wanted to make him relax a little. Being uptight all night wouldn't make a nice evening.
"So where are we going?" she asked staring out the window of his pickup.
"There's a steak house in town where almost everyone goes on Saturday night, I thought we'd go there," he said checking his rear view mirror as he pulled onto the highway.
"We won't need reservations?" she asked curiously.
"No," he slanted her a quick glance. "This isn't Dallas, you know."
"Great, I'm starved," she tried to keep the conversation light, impersonal.
"Yeah, me too."
After a long silence she glanced at him, not ready for the reaction it gave her. Ben was so handsome, so unaware of his good looks. In fact he was quite a humble man when she thought of it. Always worrying about other people, never giving himself a second thought. She itched to tell him, but she bit her tongue. Keep it light, and impersonal.
But how did one go about concentrating on impersonal when they kept noticing things, kept feeling things they shouldn't?
"If your uncomfortable doing this, why bother?" she asked finally unable to control her words any longer.
He glanced over at her, and grabbed her hand, "Come over here," he directed her to his side of the seat.
She hesitated. It was one thing to go out with him, but how could she possibly keep things impersonal if they were so close.
"Hey, we are supposed to be interested in each other. We're on a date, aren't we?"
His smile turned to a frown again.
"Okay," she huffed, scooting beside him, and coming in instant contact with his leg. Heat radiated through her, she glanced down at his leg as though he'd bitten her. "I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this kind of thing."
"What kind of thing," he bit back.
"This kind of dating," she replied, wishing she wasn't so close she could smell the light fragrance of his aftershave.
"Me either." he admitted.
She looked at him and they both smiled.
Until he put his arm along the back edge of the seat, wrapping her in a warm cocoon.
She tensed, and it all came out wrong again, "So, why didn't you tell me you'd been married before?"
His glance slid over her hotly. "Who told you?"
"My aunt. Was it supposed to be a big secret?"
"Not at all. I just don't go around talking about it, that's all." He added.
"It's okay; I shouldn't have brought it up."
"No you shouldn't have. We're trying to have a nice night. And talking about my ex won't get the job done."
The job done? Was this a job to him? Was dating her that unbearable?
"I was just curious. Why you hadn't said anything. I mean, you know everything about me."
He shook
his head, "Not true, Savannah. I know nothing much at all about you. Only that you ran from a wedding, with good reason. That you are a little rich girl, that doesn't belong here in Junction. That's what I know."
"You don't think I belong here?"
"Of course you don't. Oh, I'm sure it's all very entertaining for you, but you'll tire of the peace and quiet and want to get back to shopping and having teas, I'm sure."
"I've never had a tea."
"Really, well, then you need to talk to your aunt. She has them all the time."
Savannah searched his face, and felt the heat go up a notch, as she memorized every plane of it. She wanted to move back to the door, where it was safe, but short of looking like a real coward, she didn't budge.
"Are you putting me in my place?"
He pulled to the side of the road and turned to face her. His eyes took her in, made love to her and his voice was like velvet when he finally found the words. "Savannah," he pulled the back of her head toward him, "I don't want to put you in your place, honey. I want to take you to my bed, and make love to you. That's how hungry I am for you. I want you for breakfast, lunch and supper and breakfast again. Now have I put you in your place?"
"But...Ben.." she started to protest.
Then his lips came down on hers, satiating the hunger between them. He devoured her gently like a lion that has his supper before him and is in no hurry to enjoy it. His hands went to cup her breasts and he groaned when she responded against him.
He pulled his lips from hers with a force, "I've wanted you from the beginning Savannah. Nothing has changed that," he whispered near her ear. "But that's all it is...wanting, you understand. I don't want to mislead you."
She gasped and sighed at the same time as her head fell against his arm. "It's not enough to want someone Ben...." she said as her eyes opened to the fire within him.
"Yeah," he responded, and started the truck up again.
The rest of the trip was made in total silence.
At the restaurant Ben guided her to the table. Everyone in the restaurant seemed to notice them. He barely looked at her, and she at him.
Still there was a tension between them that even a stranger would recognize. If he had wanted to create a scene between them, it couldn't have been staged better. Had he done all this to confuse her and set her up for this night? This wasn't the way it was suppose to go. They were simply having dinner together, why couldn't they keep it impersonal. She wanted to get to know this man.
Several of his friends came over to their table, introduced themselves and smiled at their misery.
"Well Ben, looks like everyone was all wrong about you. Seems as though you've been busier than we all knew." Margaret Howard was saying as she stared at Savannah.
"It's about time you found a lady. And isn't she a pretty one."
"You can say that again," Bill Howard was saying.
Savannah reddened.
"Bringing her to the July celebration, Ben?" Margaret asked.
"Sure," Ben responded, his smile in place and his hand reaching for hers.
Holding hands had never been a big deal to Savannah, but touching Ben in any way was disturbing. Why did he have to be so different? Why couldn't she accept things like she had with Chad?
Or had she merely taken Chad's gentleness for granted?
Her hands were sweating, and her heartbeat still hadn't returned to normal after his amorous kisses. She couldn't put them away.
He wanted her! That realization scared her. Because the truth was, she wanted him too. But she knew better now. She knew what she wanted now and knowing it was painful. Wanting to be one with him was not enough. It never would be.
She'd made a mistake going with Chad so long and having no idea what she had gotten herself into. But with Ben it was different. She knew he didn't want marriage, family or anything she wanted. He only wanted her body, and that just wasn't enough.
She tried to eat, but it was hard, eating and swallowing the lump in her throat. How had this happened to her? How could she sit here so calmly acting the part out and feeling it at the same time. She had somehow, fallen in love with Ben Hogg and there was absolutely no hope of getting out of this unhurt.
After dinner, she was sure he would take her right home, but he didn't. Instead she found herself sitting next to him at a drive in theater. "I thought all the drive-in theaters were torn down, some time ago."
"They were in the big cities, but the small towns still keep them going." He informed her as he stretched himself and pushed his hat back on his head.
"I thought we were going home," she said tightly.
"Well, I figured this might be the last time we were together, so I thought we should make the most of it. This should keep everyone from talking now."
She nodded, "Alright. So what kind of July celebration do you have?"
"Just a rodeo, beauty pageant, fair grounds kind of thing. Real small town stuff. You will probably be home by that time."
When she was silent, he glanced over at her, pulling her closer.
"Put your head on my shoulder, make it look good. Don't worry, I won't touch you again." he assured her.
Obviously he could turn things on and off better than she could. She wanted him to touch her, kiss her, and take away this misery inside of her.
Instead he talked about the weather, his job, her photographs, everything except the two of them and what had transpired earlier, and all at such a close distance, she'd only have to reach a couple of inches to taste his lips again.
Strangely though, the tension finally began to subside and she began to relax. He went for popcorn, and they shared it, talking about anything and everything, except their feelings. She learned about his dad who had been a lawman all his life, and his sister who was going to college this fall. She learned about his mother who taught him about beauty and respect.
"Were...you very in love with her?" she blurted out half way through the movie.
"What?" he whispered, his face nearly touching hers as he looked into her eyes.
"I said, were you very in love with her?"
"Who?" his face mirrored the question.
"You're ex-wife."
For a moment she thought he wasn't going to answer, but slowly he seemed to unwind.
"I thought I was. But then after a while, you realize it's your ego hurting, not your heart." He admitted freely, his eyes going over her as he spoke. "And how about you, were you madly in love with this...Chad, was it?"
"Yes...no, I mean, Chad and I grew up together, lived close and went out regularly for years. Our families just took it for granted we'd marry. He was a lot of fun...but not very intense, if you know what I mean."
"Then why were you going to marry him?"
Savannah rose up, straightened up and didn't look at Ben. She couldn't. She could see where he might have gotten the idea she was just like his ex-wife, an air-head.
"Being with Chad was comfortable. I liked that feeling. And I guess over time I took it for granted we would be married. I'll admit it was not a very physical relationship, but I was content with that till we married."
Ben straightened too, his muscles tensing against his shirt, "You're in love with being married."
Savannah thought about that a moment and agreed, "I guess I was."
"And you can still want marriage after what you've been through with this Chad?" he questioned as though he couldn't quite believe her.
"Well, yes. I guess it's different for men. It must be. But you see, my sisters are married, have families. They are both very happy. We have family get-togethers, and with the kids, there is a lot of us. It's what I've always wanted."
"Didn't you go to college?"
"As a matter of fact I did. But I'm not very career minded. I mean I can play the harp like an angel, I know instinctively a lot about photography and what people want to see. I even became a real estate agent, it was easy, I'd lived there all my life, knew most of the properties by heart. But my h
eart wasn't in making a career. Especially when my father arranged it all. I envied my sisters."
He turned to look at her with an incredulous smirk on his face, "You mean, rather than make lots of money, you'd rather be sitting at home, waiting for the husband to get home, mending your kid’s clothes and cooking and cleaning all day? You can't mean that. You obviously haven't been raised like that. Why would you want it?"
The very idea of him mocking her made her anger flare, "Does there have to be a reason? What's so wrong with that? I admit I never did dishes. We had maids all my life. But that doesn't make me unprepared for being a good wife and mother. Why, Aunt Lucy has taught me so much, and I enjoy it too."
"What's so wrong with that? Your parents put you through college no doubt? And before you came here you hadn't even washed a dish before."
"Yes, they put me through college, and I went to work afterwards, as a real estate agent. I paid every cent they spent on me back. I knew how easy I had it. I wasn't trying to break them. And I knew that college was just a benefit of being a Kingsley."
"And you are wasting it, as though it doesn't matter. Boy that takes the cake."
Her frown aimed at him, she narrowed in on him, "A woman can take advantage of her education and have a family. I planned to do photography assignments during my marriage too. But basically, being a housewife suits me."
He shook his head, "It figures."
"What does?"
"You get a college education handed to you on a silver platter, and you think so little of it, you aren't interested in using it. It's such a waste, and when I think about all the other women who would love to go...and can't...."
"That's not my fault. I can't be blamed for what other women's lives turn into."
He became silent.
"Was your ex-wife a college graduate?"
"No," he thundered. "But she wanted to be. She wanted to marry some man who would put her through college and make a rich woman out of her."
"If you are so for college, why didn't you?"
"Because I'm a selfish bastard that wanted her to stay at home and take care of me, have my kids. That's why. Now, are you satisfied?"
Savannah shut her mouth. There it was! Staring her in the face. Ben was still in love with his ex-wife, and the knowledge hurt more than she could say. The silly thing was, she would gladly stay home and take care of him and have his kids. It seemed so useless.
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