by Lauren Wood
“I can’t believe that Doug.”
“Well I’m sorry that I had to come up here with that sort of news, but I couldn’t get ahold of you. Did you change your number?”
“No, but service is a joke up here and I just started turning it off. There is no signal but from a few places I have found.”
“Well now you see why I had to come.”
“Yeah, no, thanks. I just don’t know what to say.”
It was all a mystery to me and I was getting frustrated with being out in the cold and having no information. I wanted her to tell me what was going on, but she wasn’t thinking about me at the moment. She was thinking about something else and when she asked him when he was leaving, all of the worry that I had was at the forefront of my mind. All this time I had been so worried about what would happen if she left and now she was.
“Can I talk to you for a minute Merle?”
“Oh Charlie, I am so sorry. I forgot for a moment that you were here with me.”
That wasn’t a good sign. I don’t know what it meant, but I knew that it wasn’t a good sign that she had forgotten that I existed. How could that be good? Why the hell was Merle so much different than the other women I had met in my life, that were dying to be with me and made everything so easy? Women from the lower 48 were just different and she had me feeling some sort of way.
“What’s going on? You’re leaving?”
I hated the sound in my voice. It was too close to desperation as far as I was concerned and I didn’t like the way she made me feel. I felt like I was messing everything up and I didn’t know how to change it. One minute she was here and changing everything and now she was just going to leave? That didn’t seem fair at all to me and I didn’t know how I was supposed to change it.
“Yeah, I have to Charlie. I didn’t see this coming and I don’t know what to say. I won’t be able to dive for you anymore.”
Now I was panicking because she was talking like she was never coming back. Where did she have to go that was going to take her away from me so suddenly?
I wasn’t even thinking about the business and the fact that I had let my two guys go and they were already snapped up by another. I had screwed myself and I at least wanted to know why this was happening.
“Where are you going?”
“I have to go back home.”
The guy was walking back from paying for his bill at the till and I was finally told who he was.
“This is my brother Dougie. Dougie this is Charlie. He is the man I’ve been diving for the last couple of weeks.”
Had it been only a couple of weeks? It felt like longer.
I stuck my hand out and shook his when he did the same. I was happy that it wasn’t an ex-boyfriend, but it didn’t seem to matter who it was because either way she was leaving and it was because of the blonde-haired man in front of me. To me, that was all that mattered and the more I thought about it, the harder I squeezed on his hand before he pulled it away and gave me a dirty look.
“I don’t understand, you aren’t coming back?”
“No, not for a while. My parents got in a wreck and they are going to need me for a while.”
There was nothing I could say to that and all I could do was help her pack and offer my place for her brother to stay the night. They were leaving in the morning and I didn’t even get another taste before she left. With Merle gone, a piece of me was gone with her and I didn’t know if I was going to get it back or not.
Nothing was the same with her leaving. I knew that it wasn’t going to be the same again and every day it got worse and I missed her even more.
Chapter 27
Merle
A few months went by and I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was so tired from taking care of mom and dad, but they were getting better and more independent by the day. I was hoping that I would be able to resume my life soon and get back to what I was supposed to be doing. I was supposed to be in school, but I didn’t have the tuition and I wasn’t sure how I was going to manage it anyways.
Life was so different and it was strange to be back home and living there. Leo had come to see me a couple of times, trying to rekindle whatever we had before I left for Alaska, but I didn’t want him. I knew now that what we had together was never as good as it would have been. What I’d had with Charlie was just starting and it was new and exciting, but there was a part of me that knew it would have kept on that way if I would have stayed.
But there was no point being upset about it now because what’s done is done and I can’t go back. My parents were there for me when I was little, so it seemed only right to be there for them. Now that my time here at home was coming to an end, I couldn’t help but think about Charlie again after I had pushed him out of my mind for so long.
What changed everything though was when I was going through my stuff that was scattered haphazardly around my old room. I had calendars and a journal that I kept up with. I had been writing in journals since I was a kid, but it had been a while since I had. I hadn’t since I had been back home because there wasn’t time for anything much anymore.
The last journal entry I had done while I was on a flight back home with Doug. It had made my face a little red to write it then, but the point of a journal was to remember. I wanted to remember every moment with Charlie so I had written it while it was still fresh in my mind. I don’t know if that was a good deal or not because as I was reading it now, it occurred to me that I was most likely never going to feel that way again. I wasn’t stupid, I know that feelings like this didn’t happen to everyone, certainly not me. It was a fluke, a one-time thing, moment in space that was perfect and I had no reason to think that it was ever going to repeat itself.
I shouldn’t have read it. All it did was making me miss him even more than I had before. It was hard for me to think about Charlie without having the feeling of regret and wondering how it could have been different. I wanted it to be different, but there was a part of me that knew that there was no going back. The season was over and it would be next year before I was able to get up there to Nome and I still wasn’t sure if I was going to or not.
I heard my name being called and I got up. My nostalgia tour was doing me no good. All it was doing was making me really tired and wishing that things would be different. They weren’t going to change though, not really. I could hope all I wanted and try to change them in my mind, but at the end of the day, what happened was done and I was most likely never going to see Charlie again.
Going downstairs, I grabbed the pitcher with the water in it and headed into my parent’s room. They were tired from physical therapy but they were doing so much better that I was quick to help them afterwards.
***
A few days later I was back in my bedroom and something called me back to that journal and the last entry that I had made. I don’t know why I started to read it. Maybe it was because I was a glutton for punishment or maybe I just wanted to turn myself on. I am not really sure, but what I was sure of was the fact that I was missing him again.
I closed the book because it wasn’t doing me any good to be reading it and sighed to myself. Sometimes it felt like such a long time ago and I had to wonder if I had made it all up in my head. Maybe it wasn’t as good as I remembered. I don’t really know. All I have left is a quickly scrawled out journal entry of what happened and memories that were quickly fading away. I was afraid that one day soon I wouldn’t remember any of it and I would be lost once again.
I tried to convince myself that it was better to just forget about him, but I was deep down scared that I actually would.
There was a knock at the door as I was coming down the stairs and I moved to answer the door. I didn’t think anyone was supposed to be coming, but I was shocked to see that it was a person I didn’t think I was ever going to see again.
“Charlie, what are you doing here?”
Chapter 28
Charlie
My heart sank a
little bit in my chest and I wasn’t sure what to say now. Of all the ways I had played it out in my head, that wasn’t the response I was hoping she would give me. I thought that she would wrap her arms around me and tell me how much she missed me. I had hoped that she would miss me as much as I missed her. I felt like I was dying without her every night when I laid down. That’s why I was here, but how was I supposed to put that into words that didn’t make me sound like an idiot?
“I’m here for you.”
It was all that came out.
“Here for me? I haven’t seen you in months. What do you mean that you are here for me?”
She wasn’t going to make this easy and she wasn’t jumping into my arms.
“I missed you and wanted to see you.”
“You could have called.”
Yeah I could have. I think I was thinking I should have when it came down to it now. The way she was acting, she had a point. I have a feeling that it would have been easier if I didn’t get rejected face to face.
“Yeah, I could have. I wanted it to be a surprise. It went better in my head. I thought you would be happy to see me.”
“I am.”
“Then come here.”
She moved towards me a little slower than I would have liked. She wasn’t that far away, a mere few feet, but it felt so far away and when I got her into my arms, a sense of peace that I hadn’t felt since she was in my arms last time came over me.
“Fuck I have missed you Merle. I mean, damn you are a sight for sore eyes.”
“I didn’t think I would see you again. I was just thinking about you a little while ago.”
That was all I needed to hear and a part of me was sure that it was going to take a long time to make her see the truth. I couldn’t wait any longer and I kissed her right there in front of her door. It wasn’t at all the right way, but I couldn’t wait any longer to have her lips on mine. I missed that touch more than the soft curves that were pulled against me.
Her tongue was responsive and swirled with mine, making me hard as hell. Pinning her against the door, she made a sound of need and my hands started to move down her hips and I grabbed a part of her ass and squeezed. “Where can we go?”
The question pulled her from the moment and it was like she was remembering something.
“Nowhere around here.”
“Why not?”
It was then that someone from behind her called her name and I remembered why she was there to begin with. I had gotten ahead of myself and I felt like such an idiot because of it.
“No sorry, my mind was elsewhere.”
Her eyes moved to the hard knot in my pants.
“I can see that.”
I growled under my breath and that only made her giggle a little more. I had a feeling that it wasn’t going to be too much to coax her out with me. I’m sure that it wouldn’t be too complicated to find somewhere to take advantage of the need in her eyes.
“Let me check on her and I will be back in a minute. Come in. You can wait down here or upstairs; first door on the left is my room.”
I stepped inside of the older two story house and I smelled potpourri that reminded me of my own parent’s place. It was strong and hit me in the face. Merle stayed for a minute and then went off into one of the rooms down the hallway and I was left to stand there by the door.
Confused and filled with different emotions, I wanted to get her back in my arms and figure something out. I hadn’t really come with a plan for when I got here. I had thought about it a lot and fantasized about it, but now that I was here I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to come of this. I knew the basic idea was that I wanted her back in my arms and life, but there was no real thought on how it was all going to work out. She was here and I was in Alaska. How does that work?
I didn’t have long to dwell. She was back quickly and she had a smile on her face.
“I was hoping that you would be in my bedroom.”
My body perked up and it was like I knew that I was going to get what I wanted and what I needed, finally.
“Yeah?”
She nodded her head and started up the stairs. There was a look before she turned around and I wasn’t going to have to be told twice. I was throbbing for her and there was a look of mischief in her eyes that I had seen before. I liked that look, a lot.
Watching her ass on the way up did not help my constitution. She was delicate and I knew that, but if I watched it much more, I was only going to be thinking of smashing her. It was an instinct that was hard to deny and each twist of her hips pulled me in deeper.
She pulled me into a room off to the side when we got up the stairs and started to pull her clothes off. “Can you be quiet?”
“I’m not the one that was screaming last time.”
Her face turned a lovely shade of pink as I advanced on her. I didn’t come all of this way to watch. I wanted to participate and have the option to pull it all off myself.
Chapter 29
Merle
It was surreal to have him in front of me and to have his eyes on me like they were now. I still couldn’t believe that he was here for of me and when his hands moved onto my body, there was nothing that I could do but melt where I was. God, it had been so long since I had any kind of an intimate moment and it wasn’t that I wasn’t able to find someone, I could, but no one was going to compare to Charlie, so I hadn’t even tried.
Now he was here and his hands were on me, his lips were on mine and he was pulling my clothes off until I was standing naked in front of him. I didn’t know what to say when he pulled back and stripped the rest of his clothes off as well. It was hard to just stand there and watch him, but soon my eyes were riveted to the hardness that swung in between his thighs. It was something that was hard to miss and I just couldn’t. I knew that there was going to be some soreness because of how big he was and how turned on his was, but I didn’t care. It was going to be a good reminder of how it felt to have him inside of me. It really was the best feeling.
Charlie pushed me down onto the bed and my body bounced a little bit on the mattress. He covered my body quickly and it wasn’t long before his lips were back to kissing me and his hips were pressing his thickness against my core. I was dying for him to move inside of me and I lifted up my legs so that he could slide in.
Still Charlie rubbed against my slit and hole, not pushing in like I wanted him to. I whimpered and whined from the lack of getting what I wanted and he just kind of chuckled. “I forgot how impatient you are.”
“Then give me what I want.”
He surged forward and my eyes shut as my head went back. Yeah, that was exactly what I wanted. He always knew my body better than I knew myself and it was hard for me to deal with all of the emotions that ran through me. I don’t know why, but it felt impossible to hold it all in and I started to call out. He was right. It was going to be me that was going to find it hard to hold it all in.
His lips covered mine as his hips moved in me deeper and harder than before. He wasn’t going to take his time. Charlie finished it me off quickly and I was left holding onto his neck as tightly as I could. I knew that if I let go, I was going to spin out of control. I was never able to keep it together with him and in this instance I didn’t want to even try.
***
The afterglow was almost as good as the main event. I was panting and trying to catch my breath. Charlie was next to me, pulling me against his hard, hairy chest and I heard the contentment in his breathing.
“Damn I have missed you Merle.”
“Me or that?”
I said it lightly, but he got this serious look on his face and made me look at him. The smile died on my lips and the laugh in my throat because it didn’t feel like the time to be joking around. I knew that there was something important that he was thinking about, but I didn’t know what. I couldn’t think about the way I felt right now, in this moment. I didn’t have the energy for much more than that.
“I missed you, our co
nversations that we had long before we got together like this.”
I nodded my head like he was just joking. “Well we didn’t just have a conversation Charlie.”
He grinned, “No, I guess we didn’t. I want to have one now.”
“About what?”
“About us. How long are you going to be staying here?”
“Another couple of weeks, something like that.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
It was a question that I had been asking myself that a lot lately and I don’t think that I was any closer to an answer than I was before. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I just knew that Charlie was ruining the moment. I didn’t want to think when I was feeling so damn good.
“I don’t know yet.”
“Come back to Alaska with me?”
The idea caught me off guard and I wasn’t sure why he would say such a thing. We don’t even know each other that well and though we had amazing sex, I mean amazing, was it really enough?
“I’m supposed to be going to back to school once my parents are better. That should be soon. I don’t think I am going to be here much longer.
“They have schools in Alaska.”
“No, I can’t just give up on all of that, even for you Charlie.”
He didn’t like my answer and kissed me like he was going to kiss me into submission. I would be wrong to say that he didn’t have a chance, especially the way that he kissed me. It was hard to deny how good it felt and it gave me the wonder inside that it could all just work out like he says it is supposed to. I didn’t want to believe it, but the longer I was with him; the more I thought that maybe it was.
“Come back to Alaska with me or I am going to stay here with you. One way or another, we are going to be together. I am not leaving you again.”