“You didn’t wake up when I said your name, so I came over and touched your shoulder. You calmed, but when I stopped touching you, you got agitated again. So I just laid down with you.”
Lips lifting slightly in a smile, he squeezed her hip, causing sparks to shoot over her skin. “That sounds about right. If I could get away with you touching me every minute of the day, I’d never let you stop.”
She smiled, leaning down to press a kiss onto one of his pecs, the hard muscle hot against her lips. “Do you remember what you were dreaming about?”
His eyes went distant for a moment as he thought, and then he started to shake his head. Stopping abruptly, he stiffened, and she felt concern well up inside her at the look in his eyes. It was a mixture of relief and horror, and she pulled herself up on an elbow as worry shot through her.
“Noah?”
He glanced over at her, the look slowly fading from his glowing green eyes. “I think it was a memory from my childhood.”
“You think it was a memory? You don’t know? And you looked horrified by something. That was from your childhood?”
He exhaled and started to sit up, and she twisted to turn the lamp on. When she was facing him again, she saw he’d moved over to give her more room and was leaning against the headboard. His chest was bare, and the covers had fallen to his waist. She was tempted to stare, but she forced her gaze to his.
“I was born into a lion pride. When I was around eight, we were attacked. The whole pride was killed. I was the only survivor. No one knows who or why. I don’t have any memories from before the attack, or even right after. I have different impressions, and I know things, like what my parent’s names were. But no solid memories.”
Her hand had covered her mouth as he spoke, and she slowly lowered it, her fingers trembling as her heart ached from his short story. “Oh, God, Noah. I’m so sorry.”
Shrugging, he looked down for a moment and then reached out, covering her hand with his and stopping the tremors. “Like I said, I don’t remember anything. I wish I had my memories, but I don’t remember anyone or anything, so I don’t feel like there’s anything specific to miss, you know? Luke’s parents were the alphas of another pride, and they took me in right after it happened. I don’t remember it, but I guess I was found in the middle of the carnage by someone passing by, and they took me to the Carlisle’s.”
“Luke… that’s Tarun’s husband, right?”
“Yeah. Other than Brandon, Luke’s my closest friend. I mean, the Enforcers are close. More like family, really. But I’ve known him since I was eight. It’s different.”
She watched him closely, sensing there was something else. He raised his hand, rubbing his chest, and she felt it even more strongly.
“There’s something else, though. What is it?”
His eyebrows rose as he looked at her. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop being surprised by how much you notice. Remember how I told you that our animals can kind of speak their thoughts to us? My lion doesn’t. One of the things I just know from that time is that he used to. He was completely normal. That all stopped after the pride was decimated. He’s always agitated, pacing in my chest.” He paused and squeezed her hand. “It’s better when you’re around. He’s not as frantic, but he still never quite settles down.
“Our animals react differently to trauma. Some go crazed and insane, and we end up hunting a lot of those. Mine didn’t do that, but whatever happened, whatever we saw, it clearly affected him. He went silent—he’s actually only spoken to me twice in the last ten years, and both times were recent. And he’s always so worked up. I can feel his emotions even though he doesn’t speak, and he’s missing something. Like a piece of himself. And I feel the same thing. As far back as eight, when my memories begin, I’ve felt it.”
She nodded to where he was still rubbing his chest. “Is that because of the missing piece?”
His hand stilled on his chest as he glanced down, and when he looked up, he was smiling wryly. “I never realize when I’m doing that. Yeah. There’s this ache there that never goes away, but sometimes it’s easier to deal with. Sometimes it gets bad. I was handling it decently until Brandon died. Since then, I’ve felt like I was spiraling. I’ve been trying to pull myself out of it, but I wasn’t able to stop it.”
Her fingers tightened around his, her heart aching for him and everything he’d been through. He’d lost so much, and then lost Brandon on top of it. When he spoke to her of being strong, he should have been speaking to himself. Their stories were very different, and yet the same, at the heart of it. They’d both lost everyone they had. Thank God for Luke and his family.
“I wish there was some way I could help you.”
“You have, Lil. Just being in the same room with you eases the ache, and my lion even calms some. And since I met you, I don’t feel like I’m spiraling anymore. I feel like I have control over it again. That means everything to me.”
Her nose stung with tears, and she quickly glanced down at their entwined hands, not wanting him to see. His words, and the meaning behind them, meant so much, and she felt her heart swelling with so many different emotions. Hurt for his past, gratefulness that she’d found him and, in the process, found them, compassion… love.
Sucking in a breath, she felt her eyes widen at the last thought. Love? Did she love him? Already?
It was too soon to love him. Wasn’t it? Her head felt like it was spinning again, her heart was racing, and her palms were growing damp. Hopefully Noah wouldn’t notice, because she didn’t think she could explain in that moment. How could she, when she didn’t even know herself?
She hadn’t experienced falling in love in so long, and she tried to remember what it felt like. How fast had it happened? She couldn’t remember, exactly. Brandon’s family moved into the house next door to hers when they were in middle school. They became friends, and then, somewhere along the way, they fell in love. By the time they graduated high school, they were everything to each other. He actually proposed the night they graduated.
It felt nothing like what she experienced over the last few days with Noah, but how could it? She and Brandon had been kids when they met. She and Noah were full grown. She was twenty-seven and he was thirty.
And she didn’t think it was fair to compare the two. They were completely different men. Each one amazing and unique in their own ways, but nothing alike. No, it wasn’t at all fair to compare them. Not to Brandon and not to Noah.
What if she was okay with all of this—Noah, what he was, how she felt and how fast it was going—because she’d been feeling so alone?
The thought was a paralyzing one, and she honestly thought she’d cry if that was the case. Because that would mean none of it was real. It was just a desperate attempt by a pathetically lonely woman to form a connection with someone.
But it was actually that thought that calmed her. Because when she contemplated it not being real and thought about leaving him, the pain in her chest made it hard to breathe. It wasn’t the pain of loneliness—she knew that one all too well, and it was different.
It was the pain of losing someone she couldn’t live her life without.
The thought of losing the friendship, the closeness. Losing the way he made her heart race and fire lick at her skin with just a look. The thought of never being able to touch him again, or see him smile, or feel him brush his fingers down her cheek the way he liked to do.
So many things that would devastate her to lose. But only with Noah. Because he was the only one who could do any of that, and the only person in the world who mattered to her.
She couldn’t live without him now, and it didn’t matter one single bit how fast it happened.
Her fingers tightened around his until her knuckles turned white. She was giving away that she was going through something, but she couldn’t bring herself to loosen her grip. Her revelation was enough to make her dizzy.
Because holy crap, she did love him.
Noah stare
d at Lily’s bent head, running his eyes over the curtain of blonde hair spilling over her shoulders. It was a medium shade, not light or dark but somewhere in between, shot through with lighter blonde strands.
It was beautiful, but then, everything about her was. Especially her heart.
God, I love her so fucking much.
He stilled as the thought whispered through his consciousness. Did he love her? He thought back to everything that happened since she showed up at the clubhouse and realized that yes, he did. With every fucking fiber of his being.
It had happened so fast that it left him reeling inside, struggling to catch up. It was like that for shifters—the instant desire and devotion for their mate. But even knowing that, it still left him feeling shell-shocked.
Their animal chose their mate for them, knowing instinctively who their best match was. But while the compulsion to make sure they were safe and happy was a given, loving them wasn’t.
Loving her felt like a blessing, one he wasn’t going to take for granted. Ever.
He’d do anything for her. He’d burn the fucking world for her and have zero regrets.
His heart swelled as he rubbed his thumb along her knuckles. Apparently, it wasn’t going to take him as long to accept it as he first thought.
But then, maybe it hadn’t happened as fast as he was thinking it had. Because looking back, he could see that there was a part of him that loved her way back when. He’d shut it out and refused to acknowledge it, but now that he was looking for it, he could see it so clearly.
He waited for the guilt he usually felt when he thought about that time to wash over him, but he barely felt it. It was there, but it wasn’t strong and overpowering like it was even a day ago.
Lily was right. He might have been attracted to her when Brandon was alive, he might have even fallen in love with her a little bit, but it wasn’t the betrayal he’d thought it was. Because he never once acted on it. He never even considered it.
He did his best to stay away from her, even when he was over for dinner or they all went out. He was apparently good at it, because when she first arrived at the clubhouse, she thought he didn’t like her.
And even when Brandon was gone, he kept it up, going so far as to disappear from her life. He still felt bad about that—even the occasional phone call could have helped her. But he also honestly didn’t think they’d be where they were now if he stuck around, so as bad as he felt for abandoning her, he couldn’t regret it, either.
Lily’s fingers tightened around his, and he glanced down, frowning when he noticed she was gripping his hand so tightly that her knuckles were white. He leaned down, trying to see her face, but her head was dipped too low, her hair falling forward to the point that it was almost obscuring her features.
Come to think of it, she’d been entirely too quiet. He’d been lost in his thoughts for a long time and he hadn’t noticed—getting into his head and blocking everything out was a bad habit he needed to break—but, while he’d been realizing he loved her, something was clearly going on with her.
“Lil? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
Clearing her throat, she nodded, lifting her head and shaking her hair back. She was trying to force a smile, but it didn’t reach her striking blue eyes. She looked shell-shocked.
“I’m fine,” she replied, a half lie clear in her voice. “So, you were saying your dream was a memory from your childhood? It seemed pretty bad, from your reaction. Do you want to talk about it?”
Searching her eyes, he debated calling her out on the half-truth, but in the end, he let it go. Thinking back on his dream—nightmare, memory, whatever it was—he hesitated, not sure he wanted to think about it anymore. But maybe talking it out would help. If nothing else, get it out in the open and off his chest.
“It was the night of the massacre,” he started. She sucked in a breath and he shook his head quickly. “I don’t remember seeing anyone die. I mean, I might have, but it wasn’t in the memory. I just remember looking out at the chaos in our little hidden town. I was hiding behind a tree, and I was whimpering chance over and over, but I was too scared to talk.
“I took off into the woods as some strangers wandered too close to my hiding spot. I was going somewhere specific, but I’m not sure where or why. And as I got farther away, I started saying chance louder and louder, until I was yelling it. I have no idea why. I got turned around and lost in the dark woods, and I was on my knees on the ground, crying, still repeating chance, when I woke up.”
Eyes sad, she rubbed his hand as her gaze dipped down, and it was then he realized he was rubbing his chest again. He dropped his hand, trying to hold back a grimace as his lion shredded his chest, the cat’s agony slicing through Noah.
“That made the missing piece of you worse, didn’t it?” she asked softly.
He didn’t know how the hell she managed to put things together so quickly. Rubbing his chest where the ache was physically hurting him was probably a dead giveaway, but she’d quickly pieced together so many other things. Things not many others would be able to connect.
“Yeah. The feeling and the ache have been almost overwhelming since I woke up. And my lion’s going nuts inside me. I don’t know how to calm him down.”
Pursing her lips, she untangled their fingers and got to her knees, moving until she was settled in his lap, straddling him. He sucked in a breath, closing his eyes at the feel of her pressed against him, and the way his blood went straight from simmer to boil in .5 seconds.
She kissed him gently on the lips and then sat back, her ass against his knees. Leaning in, she pressed her lips to his chest. “Shhh, lion. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
And damned if his cat didn’t start settling down almost immediately. He was still pacing, but he was calmer, and he wasn’t slicing Noah’s chest to ribbons. The lion purred, the sound vibrating through Noah, and Lily stilled, giving a startled laugh.
“That’s my boy,” she whispered, kissing his chest again. “I’ve got you. I’ve got both of you.”
And with those words, Noah fell a little more in love with her. He was completely head over heels for the woman straddling him, stroking his pecs softly with the pads of her fingertips, calming his lion and working the man into a burning inferno.
He’d gladly walk through the fires of hell for her, and he’d do it over and over for eternity. Anything and everything for her.
For Lily. His mate. His love.
His everything.
Chapter Ten
Lily was trying to concentrate on soothing Noah’s lion, but the fast growing hardness underneath her was distracting her. She might be calming the cat, but she was exciting the man.
And she loved it.
His chest was still vibrating with a soft purr, and she kissed his pec one last time before straightening. Their eyes met and he tightened his hands around her waist, his green gaze bright with heat.
Easing her body closer, she cupped his face and leaned down, pressing her lips to his. Her body instantly started buzzing, and he flexed his fingers, his purr turning into a low growl, and she knew he felt it, too.
The immediate, overwhelming desire. The bone melting heat between them. Her skin felt like it was stretching tight as sensations streaked through her, her blood boiling, and she knew he was feeling it as strongly as she was.
Angling her head, she deepened the kiss, his beard rasping deliciously against her face. Like the last time they kissed, it felt like they were trying to devour each other, and she eased her hips to fit more snugly against his, gasping when she felt the thick, hard length of him underneath her.
He groaned, thrusting his tongue in her mouth, and the kiss turned frantic with need. Fire raced over her skin and her core clenched deliciously as she started undulating her hips, needing more pressure against her center.
One of his hands eased under her tank top and he slid it upward, the slightly rough texture of his palm causing a shiver to wrack her body. He nipped her bottom lip a
nd slid his mouth to her ear lobe, his hot breath making the shiver intensify. His lips started to ease down her neck, and she gasped, her fingers digging into his broad shoulders, her head falling back as her hips picked up speed.
He licked and nipped his way down her throat and she gasped again, her lips pulling into a smile as his beard tickled her throat. His hips thrust up, meeting hers, and she moaned as his dick rubbed more firmly against her core.
Pausing where her neck met her shoulder, he tightened his arms around her, slowing her hips. “Do you want to slow down?”
Panting, she shook her head adamantly. “Why the hell would I want to do that?”
He huffed a laugh, his hot breath sending goosebumps dancing over her skin. “I don’t want to go faster than you’re ready for.”
Pulling away, she waited until his eyes met hers before she spoke. “I’m more than ready for this, Noah. Don’t stop.”
He searched her eyes, his green gaze glowing brightly. “You’re sure?”
“One hundred percent.”
His grin was tinged with relief, and then his eyes glinted with mischief. “Good.”
Before she could say anything else, he swung her to the side and down to the bed, and a split second later she was on her back. She giggled breathlessly as he followed, hovering over her as he pressed a kiss to her lips, sucking her bottom lip into his mouth and biting down gently as he pulled.
“Now, where were we?”
Feeling dazed as his mouth went back to the juncture of her neck, she let her head fall back and her legs open a little more, gasping as his hips pressed into her. His hand eased up her form fitting tank top, and she held her breath as he got closer to his destination. Finally, after what felt like forever, his big hand cupped her breast, skin to skin, and she moaned.
The rough quality of his skin felt amazing, and as his palm rasped against her nipple, her eyes rolled back into her head. He slid his mouth across her collarbone, and she arched her back, loving the way his beard felt. He rolled his hips into hers, and white-hot heat flooded her body as she raised hers to meet him.
Thief (Blood & Bone Enforcers MC Book 2) Page 11