“Wait,” he called as he jogged over. “Let me get that. You should have asked me to help before you came out here.”
She smiled as she shrugged at him, the blue shades in her eyes looking even more drastic than usual as the setting sun highlighted them. “I didn’t want to bother you. It’s not all that heavy, anyway.”
“I went into the bar to make you take a break while I cooked dinner, but it looks like I didn’t need to force you.”
Shutting the trunk lid, she walked with him back to the door and held it open for him. “I wanted to get that out of the car. Besides, my eyes were starting to cross, and I could feel a tension headache building. I thought a small break was called for.”
“In that case, I’m glad you weren’t going to push yourself more,” he said as he set the box down on the counter. “I was going to make dinner. Any requests?”
She laughed. “Maybe not chicken, in case Skylar shows up.”
Chuckling, he nodded. “Yeah, that might be best. Anything else sound good?”
“I’m not picky. Just don’t forget that you switched out the salt and sugar.”
Leaning in, he kissed her softly. “Yeah, that’s a surprise for Liam. I don’t want it backfiring on us. Keep on taking a break. Don’t work again until after dinner, okay?”
“I promise I’ll try not to.”
His eyes narrowed on her, but he figured that was as good as it was going to get. Nodding, he turned and made his way back into the kitchen. He was just about to open the fridge when he felt his phone vibrate. Pulling it out of his pocket, he frowned when he saw a number he didn’t recognize.
“This is Noah.”
A pause came over the line and then a deep male voice spoke. “Noah. This is J—Chance.”
His heart stopped beating and then started up again with a vengeance, threatening to break free of his ribcage. “My brother Chance?”
The other man hesitated and then cleared his throat. “Yeah. Your twin.”
“How—where—how did you get my number?” he asked, feeling dazed as he made his way over to a stool and sank down on it.
“I’ve had it for a long time.”
He frowned. “So I was right. You did remember me, then.”
“You say that like you didn’t remember me,” Chance replied, his voice careful.
“Not until last night. I had no memories before age eight.” He frowned, shaking his head. “But you clearly remembered. And you had to have looked me up, if you have my number. But you didn’t try to find me or get ahold of me at all. Why?”
A sigh came over the line. “I couldn’t. I shouldn’t have even called now. But two searches for my name came from your location today, and I had to call. To let you know you need to stop. I’m close to finally ending this, and I don’t want them finding out about you.”
Frown deepening as confusion washed over him, he hesitated for a moment as his mind raced. “Ending what? What’s going on?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“You seem to know things about me, like my phone number and where I live, so let me ask you this. Do you know what I do for a living, Chance?” he asked, straightening on his stool.
“You’re an Enforcer, and an ex-Marine. Yes, I know. I’m proud of you, brother. You’ve done amazing things with your life.”
“Seems you know all about me, but I know nothing about you.” Closing his eyes when his words came out bitter, he shook his head, frustrated that he let his emotions show so clearly. “If you know what I do, then you know whatever you’re mixed up in, I can help.”
“I appreciate that, Noah,” Chance replied, his voice quiet. “Maybe more than you know. But you can’t help with this. Look, I have to go. Just stop looking for me. Please. And never, ever call this number. If you do, I’ll have to change it. I promise, when this is all over, I’ll call you again.”
Before Noah could reply, the line went dead. Pulling the phone away from his ear, he resisted the urge to chuck it at the wall. The fuck had that been about? His twin brother had known about him the whole time—not only remembered him, but knew where he was and how to get ahold of him—but hadn’t once attempted to call him?
Not only that, but told Noah to stop looking for him.
All those years Noah spent feeling that ache in his chest, the longing for whatever the missing piece was that he had. All those years, his lion pined for their brother, always pacing and agitated, so worked up over not having Chance close.
All those years, Noah felt like he was a heartbeat away from losing his mind, not realizing that what he was missing was his twin brother—and then that twin calls him and tells him to stop looking for him. There was obviously a reason for it that he didn’t want to tell him, but Noah still felt like his brother just told him he wanted nothing to do with him—and never had, since he’d been able to get ahold of him at any time.
It doesn’t make sense, his lion said, pacing furiously. Something is going on we don’t know about.
Clearly, he retorted sarcastically. But I still think that’s a fucked up way to say hello after twenty-two years of silence.
Don’t give up on him. He’ll come around. He’ll call again.
Noah exhaled heavily. No, he wouldn’t give up on Chance. That wasn’t in his nature. And from his twin’s words, there was something he was trying to finish before he let Noah into his life. It wasn’t like he was actually telling him to get lost, even though it felt like it. So, he’d abide by his brother’s wishes for now, but he wasn’t going to let him just disappear all over again.
“Noah? What’s wrong?”
Glancing up at Lily’s words, he tried to force a smile as she walked toward him, but judging by her frown, it didn’t work. Blowing out a breath as she stopped in front of him, he reached out and wrapped his arms around her waist, tugging her to stand between his legs and hugging her tightly.
“Chance just called me. He knew about me, Lily. He remembered. He had my phone number and he knows where I live. He knows I was a Marine and that I’m an Enforcer. But he never once tried to reach out to me.”
She pulled back, her eyes searching his. “He called you?”
“Yeah. Said he somehow knew I was looking for him and asked me to stop. Said he was almost at the end of something and he didn’t want to lead someone to me, but that’s all I could get out of him. Told me to stop looking and to not call him on that number. He said he’d call me when he could, and then he hung up.”
Eyes widening as she stiffened, she sank her teeth into her lower lip while her blue eyes filled with guilt. “I’m so sorry, Noah. That was me. I looked for him. I know you said not to yet, but I knew it was important to you, and—”
Reaching up, he put a finger against her lips, halting her rapid speech. He took her hand as he shook his head at her. “I already knew. I saw the tab on your laptop and got curious. But you weren’t the only one who looked for him today, Lily.”
“You tried, too?”
Smiling, a small, wry quirk of his lips, he shrugged. “That’s what I was doing the whole time I was in Blake’s office. I’m not a hacker like you, though. I didn’t know what I was doing at all.”
She sighed as she squeezed his hand. “It’s not like I had any luck with it, either. It’s like he doesn’t exist.”
“I have the feeling he’s mixed up in something he shouldn’t be mixed up in. I offered to help, but he said no. I’m going to do as he asked, but I won’t let this go forever. I’ll track him down if I have to, if too much time passes and he still doesn’t call.”
“I’m sorry you’re left with more questions than answers. And I’ll help you track him down if he waits too long. He might have said not to call that number, but you didn’t mention him saying not to trace it.”
He raised his eyebrows as a slow smile turned his lips up. “You’re one hell of a woman, did you know that?”
“I’m glad you think so,” she replied, leaning in to kiss him. “If you’re not ready to cook r
ight now, I’m okay with waiting. I’m not hungry yet, and I thought maybe you’d like to see the box. It might be the perfect distraction, because I can see worry over Chance still lurking in your eyes.”
“The box? Oh, the one I carried in. Yeah, that’s fine, as long as you’re sure you’re not hungry yet. I don’t mind cooking.”
Reaching down, she grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the stool. “Nope. We’re doing this now. I already took it up to the bedroom, so let’s go.”
He let her lead him, curious over what she had that could distract him from something as big as speaking to his twin for the first time in over twenty years. “You should have let me carry it up for you.”
“I’m not helpless,” she replied as they walked into his room. “Besides, I told you it wasn’t that heavy. There it is. Go have a look.”
He kissed her again before sitting on the bed and pulling the box to him. Opening the lid, his breath caught as his hands stilled. There on the top was the signed baseball from the weekend trip he and Brandon took to see the Red Sox play.
Swallowing hard, he looked up and met her gorgeous blue eyes. “This is what you were telling me about at the hotel. The box of Brandon’s stuff you came to give me.”
She nodded, and he glanced back down, picking up the baseball with fingers that had the slightest tremor in them. He turned it around in his hand, remembering when Brandon caught the ball. He’d been so proud of that.
Fuck. So many emotions were hitting him all at once and he could barely breathe through them. He had to get control of himself before he looked through the rest of the contents of the box.
But he knew, even if the baseball was the only thing in there that Lily brought him, it would have been more than enough. The only gift she could give him that was better than that baseball was herself.
Chapter Seventeen
Lily anxiously bit her lower lip as she watched Noah. He’d been sitting there, still and silent as he held the baseball, for the longest time. And she couldn’t help but worry that giving him the box had been a bad idea.
Maybe she should have waited longer. Given it more time. It seemed like they’d made such huge strides, and she thought the time was right. He’d even said that he wouldn’t mind if she wore Brandon’s wedding ring around her neck, and she could tell he was being completely sincere. She felt no desire to keep wearing it now—as much as she still loved Brandon and would always miss him, that time in her life was over, and she was beginning a new chapter.
But the fact that Noah said he wouldn’t mind if she did—that meant the absolute world to her.
They had made huge strides, but still, maybe it was too soon. Maybe the guilt he was setting aside was still too fresh, and the contents of the box were going to dredge up old memories and feelings he might not be able to get past.
He’d come so far from the man overwhelmed with so much guilt—for being the one who lived, and for being a shifter who was able to live through the blast. And for being attracted to her. He’d been eaten up with it, and he’d come so far. She didn’t want to set him back.
She didn’t want to set them back.
Clearing his throat, he looked up at her, his glowing green eyes just a little bit shiny. “This is amazing, Lil. Thank you so much for this.”
Relief washed over her, because his words meant the box was a good thing, and she smiled shakily. “Of course.”
She blew out a breath, trying to release some of her nerves. Maybe it was going to be okay, although she wasn’t sure what the letter said. She hadn’t even been tempted to open it. She couldn’t imagine it being anything bad, but still, she wouldn’t breathe easier until he’d looked through everything.
Noah sat the baseball aside and she smiled as she looked at it. Brandon had such a good time the weekend he and Noah went to that game, and he’d been proud as hell of catching that ball. She’d heard him rub it into Noah’s face many times, teasing him about being too slow and missing out.
She’d found the letter with the baseball and knew he’d wanted Noah to have it. She was glad she’d finally gone through Brandon’s things. She’d donated a lot of it to charity, but she’d set some things aside to keep. The letter had been tucked under the baseball.
She hadn’t even known he’d left one for his best friend, although she should have guessed. After all, he gave her an obvious clue. He’d told her on the phone, right after he deployed, to check the baseball if something happened to him, but she’d forgotten all about it after she was notified of his death.
Finding that letter was what finally gave her the push to find Noah. She’d been thinking about looking for him more and more the past year, but it wasn’t until she saw it that she set her mind to tracking him down. That was part of why she said she felt like Brandon gave her the nudge to find Noah. If it wasn’t for the letter, she might have put it off indefinitely.
Noah pulled other things out of the box—pictures, tickets to ballgames and fights, other keepsakes—and he looked at each of them thoroughly before glancing up at her with a smile. “I had no idea Brandon kept all this.”
Smiling in remembrance, she shrugged her shoulders. “He was a packrat, especially when it came to stuff that had meaning to him.”
“I’m seeing that,” he replied quietly.
Reaching into the box, he pulled out the last thing left, and her breath caught as he stilled. He glanced at her as he held up the letter, his green gaze questioning, and she inhaled as she clenched her fingers together.
“I found it with the baseball a few months ago. That was when I started looking for you in earnest. I haven’t read it, so I don’t know what it says.”
He took a deep breath and opened the envelope, pulling out two sheets of paper. She watched his eyes move as he read, and then they widened and raced up to meet hers.
“What?” she asked, just barely stopping herself from inching forward so she could read over his shoulder.
Shaking his head, he went back to the letter, flipping it over to read the back. A few moments later, he turned it over and lowered the pages to his lap without looking at the second sheet, as long, never ending minutes ticked by in silence.
Well, it was probably more like one minute went by, but to her frayed nerves, it felt like much longer. He finally looked at her and held the letter out. She started to reach for it and then hesitated, meeting his eyes again.
“Are you sure?”
He nodded mutely, and she took a deep breath, reaching for the pages. She didn’t read it right away, just looked into Noah’s eyes, nervous about why he hadn’t spoken yet. He nodded to the letter and she blew out a breath, finally looking down.
Noah,
If you’re reading this, I didn’t make it home, and you did. I’m pretty sure you make it your mission to make sure I get back home safe every time we deploy—you’re always putting yourself in danger to make sure I don’t get hurt. And if I know you—and I do—you’re feeling guilty for living and for not keeping that stupid promise you made to yourself.
I appreciate the thought, but it’s war, man. Bloodshed and violence are everywhere, and we’ve deployed together enough that I know you know that. Nothing you could have done to change the outcome of whatever happened. I don’t have a crystal ball, so I can’t know that for sure. But I do know you, and I know you would have stopped it if you could have.
So, let me get this out of the way first—it wasn’t your fault.
I also wanted to tell your dumbass to stop feeling guilty about Lily. I know you’re attracted to her. I’ve known it from the beginning, and I also know you’ve got some bullshit about being a shitty friend running through your thick head.
That’s stupid, man. I never cared, because I know you well enough to know you won’t act on it. If you would have said something to me about it, I would have fucked with you about being the poor loser who didn’t get to go home to her. I almost said it anyway, a thousand times probably, but I didn’t know if it would make you f
eel worse, so I kept my mouth shut.
Now’s my chance to tell you to get the fuck over it. You did nothing wrong.
I also know she thinks you’re hot, too. She’s never said anything, but I can always tell when she thinks another man’s good looking.
Speaking of Lily… I worry about her. She loves so fiercely and I know she had to have taken my death hard. Side note, it’s really fucking weird to talk about my death as I sit here and write this, still very much alive. Anyway, it probably took her a long time to find this. I’m going to mention looking under the baseball to her, but if you haven’t figured this out yet—Lily’s brilliant, but when her emotions take over, she’s the most forgetful person you’ll ever meet.
Knowing her, she’s probably pushing you, and everyone else, away. Don’t let her, okay? Give her space if she needs it, but don’t let her give up on life. The only thing I want is for her to be happy and to live. I’m trusting you to make sure she gives herself the chance.
And, if something develops between you two… Don’t be a dumbass and fight it because of an idiotic, misplaced sense of guilt. If there were ever two people who deserve to be happy, it’s you two. I want her to move on, to find happiness and love again.
There’s no one I’d rather see her find it with than you. I know you, Noah. You’re a good man, and I know you’ll treat her well, and give her the life she deserves. I think, given enough time, she’ll be ready to let the past go, and if she’s ready, I think she’ll allow herself to find a life with you.
So, it’s not her I’m worried about. It’s you and your impossibly high sense of honor. It’s okay to love her, Noah. I want you to. So don’t let me hold you back. And don’t let her slip through your fingers.
Spend time with her again. Get to know her like you never really let yourself when I was alive. And don’t let my ghost stand between you.
Give her the life she deserves, man. I’m counting on you for that. I know I’m assuming a lot here, but, like I said, I see the way you two look at each other. It doesn’t bother me, because I know right now, she loves me, not you. And I know you would never act on your attraction to her. I trust you both. Now trust me when I say, if you two want to move on together—I’m more than okay with that.
Thief (Blood & Bone Enforcers MC Book 2) Page 20