by Lily Silver
Out here on the west coast people didn’t stay married for thirty years, like the farmers and factory laborers from her native Wisconsin. Stars married and divorced and married again without batting an eye, moving from one grand passion to another like a country dance.
Jessie couldn’t image such a thing. She was a product of her upbringing in the Midwest. Hadn’t Dad stayed with Mom through hell, high water and mental illness? They were still married. Everyone else in the vicinity had fled Mom’s craziness, cut off all ties with her, even her own sister. And yet, Dad stayed. Until death do us part; that was his motto, his creed. He was in it for the long haul.
Jessie wanted that kind of love, that kind of dedication. Maybe she was too conventional, too old fashioned. But, when she uttered those sacred vows, she intended it would be forever. Not for the cameras, not for a publicity stunt. Not on a whim.
Perhaps Kyra was right, she was looking for something that no longer existed; happily ever after. Did it belong in the last century? Perhaps she should just live for the moment, as Jack was always telling her.
Jack. Her brother would tell her to stop making excuses and follow her heart, Jessie mused as she tied her tennis shoes so she could take Duncan for his daily walk along the beach. Yet, Jack’s heart wouldn’t be the one that shattered into a thousand pieces when Lex decided he’d found another soul mate and cast her aside just as quickly.
This was too easy. Way too easy, her gut told her. It was just too simple and too fast.
Surely if we were meant to be together there would be some struggle, some opposition, some overwhelming obstacle to be overcome, just like in the good romances?
She scrubbed the top of her head with her palm as if to clear the questions bouncing about inside it, took one last look at her appearance in the mirror, and steeled herself to meet the man downstairs.
She loved being with Lex. It felt so right when they were together. She spent most of her time away from him thinking about him and wishing the clock would move so they could be together again. Could it be as he said, they were fated to be together?
Or was she just mistaking an adolescent crush for true love?
Lex is a legend. He’s like Elvis. Why does he want to marry me?
A short while later, Lex and Jessie walked the dogs along the beachfront of the elite Malibu colony. Jessie was a bundle of nerves while Lex exuded an aura of serenity, as if all was right in the universe as he walked beside her and held her hand. His loose hair was blown back by the wind. His eyes were hidden behind dark shades.
“Lex.” Jessie began, shouting over the wind and the noise of the surf. “We have to discuss this rationally.”
He smiled at her. A brash, sexy smile that made her insides melt. God, did he have to be so good looking? Waves crashed beyond them. The wind taunted her ponytail, wending the loose ends of it about her face as it tickled her nose.
Freeing her hand from his, Jessie gathered her hair as she held Duncan’s leash in the other hand. “Getting married, so soon. This is crazy.” She turned to the sexy man now sprawled out on a rock, his long black legs propped up as he stroked Jack’s pug nestled there between them.
Crazy, you are the one who’s crazy, Jessie. Passing up a chance at what most girls just dream about?
“Why?” He asked, studying her with patience.
“I just met you.”
Leaning toward her, Lex removed the dark glasses, caressing her with eyes so blue they took her breath away, and her thoughts. “Okay.” He smiled, patting the rock beside him. “Sit down, relax, Jess.”
“Okay?” Jessie repeated, expecting impassioned pleas from this complex Adonis. With an exasperated huff, she sat down next to him, her arms crossed about her as Duncan panted beside her, his hot breath blending with the scent of the wet sand and decomposing seaweed.
“Why are you offended by my offer?” Lex intoned, reaching down to scratch Duncan’s bearded chin.
“I’m not offended. It’s not that.” Jessie turned to him once more, brushing a stray lock from her eyes. “Look, this is really just too sudden for me. I need more time.”
“Is three weeks long enough?”
“Three weeks.” Jessie turned, facing him completely as she struggled to keep her hair in place. “Are you--”
“Ape-shit crazy? Not that I’m aware of.” He sat up and reached for her hand. “From that first night at Beau Rivage, I knew, Jessie. There was never any doubt for me. No wavering. I never thought, ‘Gee, should I ask her or shouldn’t I?’ I just knew you were the one I’d been waiting for all these years.”
Jessie shook her head, unable to comprehend his surety.
“Listen, there is an ancient legend that says in the beginning all of us were both male and female. The halves were severed and ever since, each one of us feels that emptiness. Each one of us is searching for that missing part, the other half of our soul that completes us. I believe you and I belong together. We complete one another. Why does that scare you?”
“Who was your soul mate last week?” Jessie teased, trying to lighten the mood.
“You are the first and the last.” His tanned hand lifted her chin to meet his eyes, making Jessie’s resolve melt beneath that magnetic, sensual gaze. “We were discussing your misgivings. What is it that frightens you about this?”
She gave a slight shrug. His fingertip caressed her chin and circled her lips.
“How do I know all of this isn’t a front?” Jessie frowned slightly, trying to think of the right words to convey her concerns. “Aren’t you divorced? Wasn’t there some model you were married to a few years ago?"
“No, we never married, much as I wanted to. I lived with Crystal James for ten years. She’s a fashion model.” He explained, studying her response. “I don’t know if you are aware of the trial. My manager and my publicist tried to keep it hush-hush.”
“Trial?” A sinking feeling grew in the pit of her stomach.
Lex let go of her chin. His right arm kept her at his side as he looked past them, out at the sea. “I loved her. It took me ten years to realize she didn’t love me in the same way. She was using me to get exposure in the media and to further her own career. She said marriage would spoil our relationship. I always felt it would solidify a relationship, makes us truly committed to one another. She didn’t feel that way. She saw marriage as some kind of male bondage gig, an old fashioned convention to keep women under subjugation.”
He looked at Jessie again, pain seeping into his blue eyes. “Is that what all women think today?”
“Kyra and I always believed guys were the ones who found marriage out-dated. Even my brother quotes that old line of ‘why buy the cow when the milk is free.’”
“To make sure no one else is getting all your milk?” Lex grinned.
Jessie gave a loud hiss as she slapped him on the thigh. “Shame on you.”
“Well, you asked.” He teased, and then continued. “Crystal had an affair with this attorney in New York. She called me in Stockholm when I was touring to tell me she’d been seeing the guy behind my back for six months and was leaving me for him. That wasn’t the worst part.” He grew silent, fingering the pug’s collar with his free hand.
“What was the worst part?”
“She tried to sue me for half of my fortune. She believed that because we were together in the early years, that she had a hand in helping me become famous, and I owed her. ” He ground out the words with disgust. “And her lover, the lawyer, convinced her she was entitled to half my earnings as Lex. That hurt worse than her leaving me for another man--the fact that she’d actually sue me for monetary gain after I’d asked her to marry me many times over the years and she always refused. If she had married me, like I wanted, she would have been an equal partner all along.”
That was why he’d left her, ran away to New York. Lex assumed that she was carrying on covertly with Steve behind his back, just as Crystal betrayed him. “Why didn’t you tell me this last night? You were so angry
you frightened me. Now, today, you’re asking me to marry you. I can’t help but feel dizzy in the spin.”
He turned to face her again. “Forgive me. I’m sorry.” His eyes, so expressive, couldn't hide the shame. He breathed, “I didn’t think. I reacted. You must think--”
“I don’t know what to think.” Jessie responded. She took a breath, trying to control the rising anger. “You ditched me and now, you’re acting like everything is okay, like nothing happened. It’s not okay.”
“I love you, Jessica.”
“So why the big hurry? Is there a deadline on that love?”
“I don’t want to lose you.”
Jessie shook her head. “Yeah, right. That’s why you dumped me first.”
“Jess.” He closed his eyes, shaking his head slowly as he used Jack’s familiar address on her. “I thought we covered that. What more can I say?”
“I’ll think about it.” Jessie promised. “Just give me time. It’s not like I’m surrounded by suitors.” His look of disbelief challenged her words. “Really, since Kevin there hasn’t been anyone in my life in the past two years. Of course, Jack’s Mafia act might have something to do with that.”
“I can’t believe you aren’t being romanced by every guy in this town.”
“Maybe they know something you don’t.” She grinned at him.
The ebony brow rose doubtfully.
“You’re hearing it first from me, okay. Try not to tell Ruby Star.” She teased.
Lex nodded, looking away as guilt washed over his features.
“I don’t put out right away, that’s why I don’t get asked out more than once. I know it’s old fashioned. But sometimes I feel like I’m still stuck in high school, because the men I’ve dated here only want one thing, just like back in high school. I’ve been intimate with one guy in my life, that’s it. One I’d very much like to forget, if you know what I mean. Still think I’m the girl for you?” She chided, giving him a severe look.
“How old were you?” His interest grew and her hopes of dissuading him faded. He wasn't going to be so easily put off.
“Sixteen. I had a big crush on Jim and he said all the right things, you know, like you guys have a way of doing when you want something.”
Lex took her hand. He started kneading it, stroking, caressing, as if he could sense the ache in her heart.
She looked at him for a moment and quickly looked away from those penetrating baby blues. “I was a virgin, believing the guy loved me and then I hear him bragging to his friend the next morning--” Her voice caught in her throat. She thought she could tell him, but it wasn’t so easy to tell another guy how she’d been tricked.
“We’ve all done those kinds of things to at least one girl back in the day. Jess, I’m thirty-two. I’m not feeling the pressure of raging hormones, looking to get laid by anybody so I can put another mark on my belt. Most guys grow out of that phase.”
“Not as many as you think. It’s worse here than back in Wisconsin.”
“And so, you were telling me what happened the next morning.” Lex picked up the story where she’d left off.
“The next morning, Jim got up to answer the door. His friend came in. While I was in the bathroom, he told the guy he’d got me last night, you know, bragging, cuz I was a virgin, the pompous ass. So, the friend starts in about how he’s all concerned about Jim, isn’t he pushing it a bit, after all, I’m the fifth girl he’s banged that week. I was so humiliated, devastated to learn I’d given up a very special part of myself to a guy I’d idolized since seventh grade. I’m standing there naked in that bathroom, wondering how I’m going to walk out and face the pair of jackasses after overhearing that.”
“What about Kevin? Jack said something about Steve breaking his arm?”
Jessie turned to Lex, taken aback that he knew about the stunt man. He wasn’t going to give up. She had to give him that. “Jack told you about him?” Kevin wasn’t a teenage boy with overactive hormones. It was a sordid tale, one she didn’t want to repeat.
“He hurt you.”
Jessie closed her eyes and let her forehead rest against her upraised knees. “He didn’t get the chance. Are you psychic or something?”
“Or something.” Lex returned. “You were going to tell me about Kevin.”
“Was I?” Jessie sat up. “Okay, here it is; he took me out a couple of times but I never knew he was into bondage. He didn’t tell me that up front. He talked me into coming over to his house one night after dinner and the next thing I know, he’s lured me into his basement for a drink at his ‘bar’--or his dungeon pub as he liked to call it.” She sucked in her breath and swallowed the bitterness in her throat.
“He forced himself on you.” Lex concluded, his voice raising an octave.
“It didn’t get that far.” Jessie squeezed the words out of her tight throat with difficulty as she kept her gaze fixed on the far horizon. “I managed to keep my head, made an excuse about needing to use the bathroom. I locked the door and called the guys from my cell. I told them the address and what was going down and they came right over while I waited behind the bathroom door.”
Jessie sat up straight and gazed out at the sea, unable to meet his eyes. “When the guys arrived they didn’t knock. For all they knew I was being raped. They broke in and found Kevin dressed in this weird bondage getup, mask and all. Jack and Steve took care of Kevin while Darrell coaxed me out of the bathroom.”
“Did you report it?” He asked with agitation.
“No. He kept screaming that no one would believe me if I went to the cops, that I came there willingly, knowing full well what was going to happen. I didn’t know, but at that point I was just grateful I managed to escape the nut job.”
She shoved her fists into her sweatshirt pocket. Maybe now he’d rethink his misconception that they were soul mates. She had a lot of emotional baggage, she knew. It was why she didn’t get involved with men.
“Jessie.” He whispered. “You didn’t believe him? He was a predator. A man in that lifestyle doesn’t lure innocent young women into his basement and then pounce on them. He tells them up front what he’s looking for, giving them a chance to decline.”
“I didn’t report it because I felt stupid for getting involved with him in the first place, like I somehow should have known he was into BDSM. Now you know why Jack and the guys are so overly protective. Dumb, gullible Jessie. There, happy?”
She pulled the hood of her red sweatshirt up about her head as she struggled to remain aloof about the whole affair. Still, just talking about the incident, even after two years, had her blood pumping and her heart hammering with fury.
Lex sat forward, the better to peer past her token shield of a Bucky Badger hoodie. “You were very lucky, sweetheart.”
“It was two years ago. Kyra’s been doing her best trying to fix me up with blind dates, but I feel awkward and uncomfortable with most of the guys she throws my way. I feel like I’m supposed to live up to some stage image that’s not real.”
“I get that.” He sighed, “I’m right there with you.”
Jessie had to do something to shake off the melancholy that had settled over her. She dealt with the Kevin incident, mostly by not thinking about it because when she did she got really angry or really sad. She shifted slightly, preparing to slide off the rock and make it back to the safety of the beach house so she didn’t have to look into Lex’s baby blues.
“Don’t go.” His hand circled her wrist. “Please. We need to settle this.”
“No, don’t tell me you still think you want to marry me.”
His fingers caressed her cheek as he gazed longingly down at her. “There was never any doubt.”
“Well, there’s plenty of doubt here.” Jessie returned. “I don’t have any psychic link or voices in my head telling me ‘he’s the one’.”
“I understand.” He said with that annoyingly patronizing patience. “I understand, Jessie. But I’m not going anywhere.”
&nbs
p; “So what’s the deal?” Kyra asked later that evening as the five band members sat comfortably in the living room of their shared beach house.
“You sounded upset on the phone, Jess.” Jack breathed, releasing a stream of smoke into the room. He sat close to Jessie, straddling the plush ottoman between the matching love seats. “Trouble in paradise?”
“I have something important to share with you guys. I need your help, but first . . .” She looked to Steve. He gave her a blank expression as if he hadn’t the slightest idea of what she was hinting at, despite the well-rehearsed speech Jessie helped him prepare for coming out to the rest of the band. He shrugged, and then shook his head at her. He wasn’t ready.
“Sit down, Jess.” Darrell patted the sofa between Kyra and himself, concern this time, not lust, imploring her from across the room. “You look wigged out over something.”
She grimaced, clasped her moist palms together and sank down on the sofa next to Steve, opposite Darrell and Kyra. “Lex asked me to marry him this morning.”
“Soooo . . . what’s the problem?” Jack scoffed.
“Jessie. That’s wonderful.” Kyra rose from the sofa and moved across the expanse and started hugging her.
“I haven’t said yes.” Jessie informed them as Kyra pulled away from her and returned to her seat opposite them. “I can’t marry him--it wouldn’t work.”
“Why?” The group asked as one, each one regarding her with surprise.
“You love him, don’t you?” Jack asked. “You said so, the other day.”
“That was before he left her.” Steve said.
“What?” Darrell interjected. “Nobody tells me anything. When did this happen?”
“You’re kidding.” Jack blustered, turning to Kyra, “She’s kidding, isn’t she?”
It was Kyra who remained unperturbed. “She’s not kidding.” She said, looking down at her own engagement ring and twisting it on her finger. “They had a little misunderstanding. They broke up.” She looked repentantly at Jessie.