by Lily Silver
Chapter Twenty Two
Time. She needed time.
Lex considered time his enemy in this game of hearts.
What if he were looking at it wrong? What if Time were his ally?
Patience, Lex. That’s what he’d been telling himself this past week. Be patient. Let her walk alongside you at her own pace. Stop forcing her to keep up with you.
His daily meditations revealed things about his behavior he didn’t want to see. In his zeal to rush into their reunion of souls he was backing Jessie into a corner by insisting they hurry through the process of courtship and marry. Yes, that was his big epiphany in the weeks they spent apart. The lesson was underscored in this past week while Jessie slowly edged her way back to him like a shy woodland creature he’d been trying to feed by hand. If he startled her she’d bolt.
It was a big hit to his ego, learning he was still just a selfish prick with a bruised ego under all that new age wisdom. That was why he’d pushed Jessie into a hurried marriage. To soothe his ego after spending ten years hoping the wrong woman would finally say yes and marry him. Now he had the right woman and he was chasing her away over past baggage with Crystal that shouldn’t be a factor in his relationship with Jessie.
Jessie needed time. Now that they were back together--in a tentative way--nothing official--he wasn’t going to go all caveman on her again and demand the relationship had to be his way or no way at all.
He cringed when he thought of their break up. It was his fault. He gave her an ultimatum instead of understanding. She backed away and he walked out on her.
Marry me, right now or it’s over.
Yeah, didn’t that speak volumes about love--patient, enduring, timeless love?
A month apart with time to reflect upon their shattered love life had given him plenty of time to reflect on why Jessie kept backing away from him. The more he pressured her to move forward the more she backed away from him.
She was back in his life, thanks to Darrell’s accidental assault, but she still needed him to drop gears and slow down. He wanted Jessie here in his home. He wanted her to move in with him. He wanted her here every night, all night. He wanted to go to sleep with her nestled in his arms, and wake up with her face next to his on the pillow.
Jessie was taking a week to relax and recover before jumping back in to the grueling schedule of the MTV Halloween special shoot. The doctor prescribed two weeks, but she was taking only one. It was only August, but the production schedule was tight for an October air time. Jessie came over to his place in the evenings. She laughed with him. They ate dinner together--mostly take out--and just hung out as they tried to piece together the shattered pieces of their relationship. They made love a couple of times, but come midnight, like Cinderella she always went home. Next door it may be, but it was still too far away. Lex wanted to hold Jessie close, tuck her beneath his arm and protect her against the coming storm.
The tower card. Jessie’s world was crumbling, like the tower tarot card. It might not be a literal interpretation, but when he looked at her goofy ass surrogate family, the band, he could see the tower exploding and people falling from the high precipice as inexplicable forces destroyed the structure. Kyra already abandoned them. Darrell was lashing out by trying to attack Jack in a jealous rage, all because Jack was more prominent as the lead singer. Jessie was caught in the cross-fire, collateral damage in their warring egos.
And then there was Jack. So clearly lost to the magic white powder, the guy was one dose away from a dangerous melt down or an overdose. When it happened the people closest to Jack would be hurt. Jessie would be hurt. Lex wanted to protect her. That was why he insisted that first night when she was released from the hospital that she move in with him. He wanted to pull her away from the ticking time bomb. Hell, he wanted to go all medieval on her, pick her up, throw her over his shoulder and carry her from the burning building. He knew he couldn’t do that. If he became too demanding, even if it were for her own good, he’d end up pushing her away again, perhaps forever this time.
He pressed stop on his iPod and the meditation music ended. Lex rose from his chair on the deck and stretched. He needed to get back to his computer. He had a different deadline to meet now, a book contract instead of a music one. And he had hope again after a month of misery. He had Jessie back in his life. This time, he wasn’t going to screw it up. This time, he wasn’t going to lose her.
* * *
By the end of the week Jessie was able to flex her arm enough to hold a guitar and do chord formations with reduced pain. She couldn’t flail about with her arm as she did onstage, however. It would take another few weeks for her muscle tissue to knit together before she could resume full range of motion in her arm, according to the doctor.
She was sitting in the lower level game room at the beach house with her guitar on her lap, strumming quietly, trying to work the muscles in her left arm a little more to keep from getting too stiff as her wound healed. A stab wound was damned painful. She’d never again discount a knife wound as being merely a ‘cut’ again. Deep puncture wounds were the result and having your muscle pierced by a sharp object, cutting nearly to the bone was an absolute bitch. She had to have the dressings changed every day at the clinic and have a nurse irrigate the wound to forestall any infection.
Steve drove her there each morning and sat with her like a good friend. Lex had offered to take her but Jessie declined his assistance. She didn’t want to seem too needy as soon as they were on again. Besides, Steve was just the right mix of concern and distance. He didn’t fuss over her like Jack or Lex would, and yet, he was there, stoic and concerned, all the same. He even cracked jokes about it, helping her laugh at the incident instead of being all alpha male caveman on her as the other two guys would do. She was taking torpedo strength antibiotics along with painkillers, so she preferred to hang by herself for most of the day. She stayed dressed in her silk pajama pants and camisole as she surfed the internet, practiced a few songs on her new Fender and just enjoyed the down time and the rare solitude. Lex called her each night at five when he was finished writing for the day and they hooked up for dinner. That was just enough for Jessie right now; a couple of hours with him at his place in the evening. No pressure, no media.
Jack, Steve and Lex were so angry with Darrell it was like walking a mine field as she struggled to forgive him and not incur the wrath of her dedicated testosterone posse. Just mentioning his name brought a flurry of curses and heated vows to sue him for damages--from any one of the three men. Darrell was really sorry. He sent Jessie flowers every day for the past week. And with those flowers came cards professing just how sorry he was. She felt bad for him. Darrell wasn’t a jerk, well, not much of one, anyway.
The news media got wind of the story but it was discredited by the record company with a counter story about Jessie protecting Jack from an assault from an overzealous fan. That was like adding kerosene to an already raging fire. Now all the celebrity news feeds were featuring the story of Jack and Jessie as victims of assault; the famous Rock twins protecting each other with their lives, thus spurring more news stories about the closeness of twins--ad nauseum--once more leaving the other three band members out of the spotlight. It must have burned Darrell to know that even his brash attempt to lash out against all the attention she and Jack were getting was covered up by the execs and spun to bring more attention to Jack and Jessie. It bothered Jessie, but there was nothing she could do about. Once news was loosed upon the media monsters it took on a life of its own, spouting new heads where the old one was cut off like a creature of Greek legend.
Lex stayed true to his promise. He didn’t push her. She wanted to test his word and her freedom to come and go as she wished. His earlier zeal struck a deep chord within her, one she hadn’t wanted to acknowledge before as it smacked of control, emotional control. She had enough of that with her crazy mother. His obsessive pursuit of her, while thrilling on the the one hand, was also a little scary. After a month apart
, Jessie realized her reluctance to give in to his demands of a quick marriage had been an instinctive act of self-preservation. His ‘marry me quickly or I’ll walk’ routine--which he did--smacked too much of the games her mom played when Jessie was a kid, games the woman was still playing to this day. Do what I want or I’ll kill myself--or I’ll run away and you’ll never find me. That was mom’s M.O., jerking hard on the chains to keep those about her in a perpetual state of fear that they might lose her love.
While Lex may not have been quite that dramatic, having him simply walk out on her because she wouldn’t give in to his demand to marry him ‘right now’ was too close to the nightmare of her childhood. This time, she’d take her own sweet time. She wasn’t about to marry a control freak or a drama queen--er King.
The nasty break up of Tom and Katie was all over the news and it was a glaring example of how letting an uber-famous celebrity male call the shots and take control in the relationship could turn a fairytale into a nightmare. Poor Katie had to literally run away from Tom and his entourage just to keep her sanity. And while Lex might not be a member of that particular organization, he was also famous, Rock Star Royalty and a little too accustomed to having it his way. Well, this was one chick that wasn’t jumping onto the Crazy Train, not even if Ozzy himself were the conductor.
* * *
Kyra made it back for the MTV shoot the following week. The stage set was a gothic castle, complete with chains on the walls, tall iron spires of candelabra everywhere, cobwebs and jack-o-lanterns--the typical Halloween atmosphere. Jessie was enthralled. It was like being on an old horror movie set. All that was missing was Bela Lugosi popping out at them from an empty casket. The band had been decked out in their gypsy costumes. Most of the dialogue lines were assigned to Jack and Jessie. It bothered Jessie immensely. She tried to talk to Max about it, but he simply waved her protests away saying the producers knew what they were doing. It seemed the die had been cast, they were no longer calling the shots. The record company was determined that Jack and Jessie were to be marketed as much as possible during this crest of popularity.
Their new CD was receiving rave reviews. Within two weeks of its release they had three hits on the billboard charts. Sorcerer’s Kiss was number one, a romantic ballad Jessie wrote before the breakup with Lex. It was a full four minute work, complete with whining guitar solos and an eerie, haunting keyboard riff composed by Steve to evoke the sensual and hypnotic power of the sorcerer. The song was being played in its entirety on the radio stations, a rare event as most songs that went over the usual two and one half to three minute slots were cut off to accommodate the station’s length requirements.
Jack’s mournful ballad, Fatal Beauty, inspired by his loss of Lilly earlier in the summer, was number four on the charts. Max was negotiating an offer for Jack’s song to be used as the soundtrack for an upcoming movie by the same name. It was a done deal, according to Max as the song was already a hit before the movie was released. All that remained was the setting up a time for a music video to augment the movie release.
The dark, ominous work Steve and Jessie had written while in the throes of despair, Soul Torture was number ten. They were one of the few bands in rock history to have three hits on the top ten charts simultaneously, all from the same album. The record company was pumping the publicity machine, negotiating appearances for Jack and Jessie on every talk show and pushing the video of Sorcerer’s Kiss on VH1 and MTV.
They were about to perform that song in the next sequence for the taped special. Jessie and Kyra were in make-up at the moment. Jessie sat in the makeup chair next to Kyra’s as the hairdresser teased her hair and continued to spray luminescent hair spray into the tangled mane to make it shine even more for the cameras. The make-up artist next to Jessie worked expertly on Kyra’s eyes to create the same mysterious, bewitching quality portrayed on the album cover. It was the first time Jessie and Kyra had been alone together, away from the group, since Kyra’s late return from her inconvenient and impromptu vacation. The tension between them was nearly unbearable. Neither spoke as the artists worked their magic. Jessie turned the pages of a magazine on her lap, uncertain as what she should or could say to her oldest friend--the friend who had betrayed her in another life. Too quickly, the makeup artists finished the transformation and left the women to prepare for the upcoming segment.
“I’m leaving for Vegas as soon as this is done.” Kyra remarked, a pout on her heavily painted ruby lips. “Mike and I have decided to get married there on Friday. I hope you and the guys will come. Mike’s counting on Lex being the best man.”
Jessie lifted a black lace encased hand to smooth the stiffened hair from her left eye. “Friday?” She repeated with exasperation. “That’s two days from now. How do you know we’ll even be finished with this shoot?”
“Don’t start.” Kyra snapped. “Some of us have a life beyond the recording studio.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“All you do is nag me about how I should be at this gig or that interview. You constantly bitch because I missed this jam session or that meeting. You need to ease up, stop acting like a drill sergeant leading the troops into battle. We have three albums cut. The money’s coming in. It’s time to have fun. Be spontaneous, Jessie, for once in your miserable life, drop the militant diva bit and fly to Las Vegas to be my maid of honor.”
“Why can’t it wait until the MTV shoot is finished?”
“I’m pregnant--”
“But a few days or a week won’t matter.”
“I’ve decided to drop out of the band. I’ve had enough of this crap. It’s time to move on to something else. Mike wants me to try modeling.”
Jessie dropped a high-heeled boot from the chair to spin it around, facing Kyra instead of the mirror. “Yeah? And just when were you planning on telling us?”
“I just did. You can talk to Max. He’s a pain in the butt. And tell him and the guys that I’m not taking any of their bullshit--”
“Kyra, you have a contract. You can’t just waltz off the set to get married and then hop a cruise ship to the Caribbean or God knows where else.”
“You and Jack are all that matters to the big boys. I’m tired of all of this.”
“Okay. Just quit. I hope Mike has a damned good contract lawyer in line, because the record company won’t just roll over for you. Kyra, what are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking about me, not you or the guys. I’m sure StarSign doesn’t want me prancing on stage when I’m eight months pregnant. You know how grueling tours are, how exhausting it is to be in a different city every night for months. I’m sick of it.”
Jessie stared at the garishly painted woman before her. Kyra left their band a long time ago. The guys knew it, Max knew it, and even the vice president of StarSign knew Kyra didn’t want to be in the game any longer. Jessie was the only one who didn’t want to see the truth. “You’re leaving because of a man?”
“Yes. What’s wrong with following your heart? You lost Lex because you are a coward. What do you have to look forward to in the next few months? What do you plan to do between interviews with Rolling Stone and wiping Jack’s crack sodden nose?”
It was a low blow. Never mind that Kyra didn’t know she and Lex were on again, in a very causal way. No one knew, aside from Jack and Steve. It was a shaky reconciliation at best, and they didn’t need any attention from the media right now. Still, Kyra’s accusation cut pretty deep. She had some balls, blaming Jessie for the difficulties between her and Lex. Kyra was supposed to be her friend.
Jessie stood up. “Some of us have worked pretty damned hard to get noticed. Now it’s paying off. We can’t just step down from the stage and go sip Pina Coladas on the beach. Staying on top is work and I, for one, plan to honor our contracts.”
“There you go again; it’s always about your plans, your dreams and your life.”
Jessie practiced the deep cleansing breathes Madame Aria taught her. She was seeing double
right now, hearing double. The distant past was colliding with the future.
Lucy was standing before her as she gazed into the mirror. Lucy waved her arms with exasperation as she ranted about how it was so selfish of Jessie/Julianna to leave her behind to pick up the pieces while she ran off with the handsome singer to Paris to become his wife. Julianna just wanted Lucy to be happy for her. Instead, Lucy was accusing Julianna of abandoning her. Lucy was also secretly fucking her future husband behind her back and laughing about it--all the while accusing Julianna of being the selfish one for making plans to leave, abandoning her in Normandy.
Jessie blinked. She clutched the counter before her with one hand and rubbed her eyes with the other. She turned from the mirror and gazed about the room. Okay, good, back in the present. What was the deal? In this life their roles were reversed? She was mad at Kyra for abandoning her? For running away from their responsibilities to be with the man she loved . . . what was going on here?
Was Karma playing a joke on her? If so, Jessie wasn’t laughing.
Kyra stood up. She wobbled a little in her high heels and clutched the counter like Jessie had to steady herself. Neither of them were used to six inch stiletto heels. “You’re worried all the time about us reaching the pinnacle of success. We’ve reached it. Ease up. We’re on MTV, starring in our own freakin’ Halloween special.” She gestured to their elaborate costumes. “What more do you want?”
Jessie didn’t answer. She wanted them all to stay together. In her mind, they were a family, the five of them. Her family. Her people. The harder she tried to hold on to that spiritual family, the quicker it was all slipping from her fingers.
“You are obsessed with control.” Kyra went on, seeming to believe it was time to unload whether Jessie wanted to hear her gripes or not. “With planning every detail of your life like a survivor of the freakin’ holocaust. Jessie, I care about you, but I can’t live like this anymore. I just can’t. Success is a hollow victory. It doesn’t mean a frickin’ thing if there is no one to go home to at the end of the day. And I’m sorry, but Jack and the guys are not who I want to go home to. Mike is everything I ever wanted. And guess what, I found him in an unguarded moment. It wasn’t planned. It was random. You need random and spontaneous. You don’t know how to live for the moment.”