by Karen King
This was getting too complicated. Saffy felt like she was being suffocated. One minute she was having a light-hearted romance and the next minute she was the cause of a custody battle and a little girl wanted her to provide a baby sister for her.
‘I have to go home. I’m back at work soon and need to get back to my flat. But when I come down again to see Hannah and the twins I’ll come and see you and Daddy too,’ she replied.
‘When? Next week?’ Chloe asked.
‘It might be a while…’
Logan butted in. ‘Saffy lives a long way away, poppet.’
‘I need to go now. I have to pack ready to go home early in the morning, and me and Hannah have lots to discuss.’ Saffy bent down and kissed Chloe on the cheek. ‘Bye, Chloe.’
Chloe wrapped her arms around Saffy’s neck. ‘Bye. I’ll miss you.’
‘Go and play with your toys while I see Saffy out, then it’ll be time for bed,’ Logan told her. As soon as Chloe went out of the room he turned to Saffy. ‘You’re leaving very quickly, I thought you were spending a couple of hours with us. It’s like you can’t wait to get away.’
‘Sorry… I… er…’ She struggled to find the words to explain how trapped she suddenly felt.
‘Have you changed your mind about us keeping in touch?’ he asked, his eyes on her face.
She bit her lip and lowered her gaze. Best to just say the truth. ‘No, but I think I should step back a bit and let you sort out this custody thing with Jade. You’ve got enough on your plate without me adding to it.’
She saw the disappointment in his eyes. ‘Look, I’m not after a substitute mother for Chloe so that I can win a custody battle with Jade, or someone to provide a sister for her if that’s what you’re thinking. She’s just a little child, she doesn’t understand what she’s saying.’
‘I know that.’ She swallowed. ‘But we’ve only known each other a few days, spent one night together. Things are moving a bit fast…’
‘And you like your life uncomplicated. That’s fine. I should have known that,’ Logan said sadly. ‘I’ll let you out.’ He walked past her, into the hall and opened the front door. ‘Goodbye, Saffy, it’s been nice knowing you.’
That goodbye sounded pretty final. She wasn’t sure that was what she wanted. ‘Look, I’ll be down to see Hannah again and…’
‘Oh, don’t worry about that promise you made to Chloe about coming to see her. We won’t hold you to it.’
* * *
‘You’re back quick! I thought you’d be over there for a couple of hours yet,’ Hannah said as Saffy walked in.
‘Change of plan,’ Saffy replied stiffly. It was ridiculous but she felt like she was about to burst into tears. For God’s sake, you’ve only known Logan a few days, she told herself.
But what a few days it had been.
Lee cast a look at Saffy’s face then got up out of the armchair he was sitting in. ‘I’ve got things to do so I’ll leave you two to talk.’
‘Thanks, hun.’ Hannah blew him a kiss. She reached out and touched Saffy’s arm. ‘Let’s go into the kitchen.’
Right, spill,’ she said when she’d made them each a cup of coffee.
Saffy filled her in with the latest events. ‘I should never have got involved with Logan,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean to. He’s good company, and Chloe’s a nice kid. We hung out together a bit, had a good time. That was all I wanted. Then I was going back to my life and work.’ She sighed. ‘Now look what’s happened.’
‘Do you like Logan? I mean really like him?’ Hannah screwed her eyes into tiny slits as she scrutinised Saffy’s face, just like she used to do when Saffy was a rebellious teenager.
‘Yes, I do…’
‘If he hadn’t got Jade being awkward and Chloe wanting you to get married and supply her with a baby sister, would you like him even more?’
‘I guess so,’ Saffy admitted. ‘But he does have those two things, so I reckon we should finish it now. I don’t want to be getting any fonder of him or Chloe, because no matter how we feel about each other I’ll never marry him and I’ll never be able to give Chloe a baby sister – or brother.’ Tears pricked her eyes and she instinctively lowered her head so that Hannah wouldn’t see them.
Too late. She felt Hannah’s hand on top of hers, gently squeezing it. ‘Saffy, you know that it isn’t one hundred per cent certain that you can’t have children.’
‘The consultant made it clear that it would be nothing short of a miracle if I did.’ Saffy fought back the tears and lifted her head to look at her sister. ‘What’s the point of me getting close to anyone? There’s no future in it.’
‘I wondered when this would surface. You buried it down so deep, refused to even talk about it, that I knew one day it would come to a head.’ She leaned closer. ‘Is this why you’ve buried yourself in your work? Never had a long relationship since Joe?’ She paused. ‘Joe was controlling and selfish, Saffy. Not every man is like him, most aren’t. And even though he’s opinionated, I know Logan isn’t like that. He’s kind and thoughtful. And a future doesn’t always need to include children.’
Saffy bit her lip. ‘I know. And to be honest, I wouldn’t have wanted a baby with Joe. Actually, I don’t even know if I want children. I’ve never met anyone I wanted to get serious with, and I’m happy with my career so it’s not really bothered me.’
‘Until now?’ Hannah asked gently.
‘It’s this Christmas. Seeing the bond between all the parents and their kids on Christmas Day, it reminded me of how much Mum loved us and struggled for us. And meeting Logan – he adores Chloe and she adores him. Then worrying about the twins while you were away. It all brought up feelings I didn’t know I had. Made me think about having a family of my own, but I can’t and never will. And that’s fine. I’m okay with that.’ She brushed the stupid tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘But I’m not going to ruin someone else’s life because of it.’
‘Not everyone wants children, Saffy. And if someone really loves you then they won’t mind, you will be enough for them.’
‘What if you and Lee couldn’t have had children? Would you both be happy?’
Hannah sat back in her chair. ‘I don’t know. Once you have children it’s hard to imagine not having them – but there are other options, sis.’
Saffy pulled herself together. What was the matter with her, getting all upset like this? She’d only known Logan a few days. She’d been quite happy with her life before and probably once she got back home she’d be happy with it again.
‘Take no notice of me. I think I’ve got caught up in all the Christmas “mush”. Besides, Logan’s made it quite clear he doesn’t want us to see each other again so let’s leave it at that.’ She forced a bright smile on her face. ‘Never mind me. Tell me about your holiday. Are the twins okay now? No side effects at all?’
They chatted for a while, then Hannah yawned. ‘Sorry, I’m so tired. The journey was exhausting. I think I’m going to turn in, if you don’t mind?’
‘Good idea. I’m whacked myself. And I’m afraid I have to leave early in the morning.’
‘I know. It’s a shame we haven’t had more time together but it’s been lovely to see you and catch up.’ Hannah pushed her chair back and stood up. ‘You won’t let all this with Logan stop you from coming down and seeing us, will you?’ she asked. ‘I’d love to see more of you and for the twins to get to know you. You’re their only aunt.’
She’d forgotten that Lee was an only child. ‘I’ll definitely come down more often,’ she promised.
But how would she feel if she bumped into Logan while she was visiting Hannah?
She’d be fine, she told herself. Once she got back home, back to her flat, friends and work, she would forget all about him. Like she told Hannah, she’d got carried away with all Christmas ‘mush’. A sort of winter holiday romance.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
‘It’s a brill party, isn’t it? And you look fantastic, by the
way,’ Meg said, joining Saffy at the drinks table Robbie and Duncan had set up.
‘Thanks.’ After the last few days of wearing mainly jumpers, jeans, Hannah’s duffle coat and wellies, Saffy was glad of an opportunity to dress up – especially in the gorgeous black Hollywood evening gown that she’d chosen from the costumes Duncan had hired. Robbie and Duncan’s engagement party was the perfect antidote to her post-Cornwall blues. She was feeling better already.
‘I’m glad Robbie and Duncan made it up, they’re so good together.’ Meg poured herself a glass of orange juice. ‘I bet they had a ball at your Christmas party too.’
‘They were in their element. You know how they love a party. They announced their engagement as well, which helped break the ice. Between us, we totally nailed the party, thank goodness.’ She stared as Meg took a sip of the juice. ‘Aren’t you drinking?’
Meg’s hand flew instinctively towards her tummy. Then she leaned forward and said in a whisper, ‘I wasn’t going to say anything, but I have to tell someone. I’m pregnant. I did the test this morning. But please, please keep it to yourself? We’re not telling anyone yet, not until we’re sure everything is okay.’
Saffy was momentarily stunned. ‘You’re having a baby?’
‘Yes,’ Meg said, with a tiny smile. ‘Isn’t it wonderful? It means we’ll be bringing the wedding forward because I don’t want to be showing, and it’ll be more of a low-key affair but we’re both so happy. You should have seen Stefan’s face when I told him, he actually had tears in his eyes.’
Meg looked happy too; her cheeks were glowing, her eyes sparkling. Saffy smiled. ‘Congratulations. I’m really pleased for you both.’
‘What are you two gossiping about?’ Stefan asked, walking over to join them, a half pint of beer in his hand. He took one look at Meg’s face and grinned. ‘You’ve told her, haven’t you?’
Meg nodded. ‘I had to tell someone. You don’t mind, do you?’
‘Nah, I’m busting to tell everyone myself. I want to announce it to the world.’ Stefan put his arm tenderly around Meg’s shoulder and kissed her on the cheek. ‘I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad.’
‘You’re going to be a dad?’ Robbie repeated from behind them. ‘Oh my goodness, that’s fantastic.’ He raised his glass. ‘Hey, everyone, Meg and Stefan are having a baby.’
Within seconds Meg and Stefan were surrounded by a crowd congratulating them, shaking their hands, slapping them on the back. Saffy smiled as she watched Meg and Stefan brimming with happiness amongst all the congratulations. She was so happy for them and refused to dwell on the fact that she would never feel that happiness herself.
‘How did things go with sexy single dad once we left?’ Robbie asked, when they finally found time to catch up.
‘Disastrous.’ Saffy filled him in.
‘Shame. He’s quite a hunk and I could see you were both well into each other,’ Robbie sympathised. ‘Is it definitely dead in the water?’
‘Dead and buried,’ she told him. ‘Now fill me in on what’s been happening. Have you made any wedding plans yet?’
‘Not had a chance, hun, with all the party preparations, but it’s next on the agenda and will definitely be this year. It will be spectacular, naturally, and we want you to be chief bridesmaid. Please say you will.’ He put his hands together in mock-prayer and adopted a beseeching look on his face.
Saffy grinned. ‘You bet I will!’ She couldn’t wait. She knew that Duncan would make sure he and Robbie had the wedding of the year. It was one event she definitely didn’t want to miss.
‘I knew we could count on you!’ Clowning around, Robbie kissed her hand. ‘We’ll provide the gorgeous dress and all the finery so you’ll get to be a glamourous princess for the day.’
‘Sounds good to me.’ Duncan would probably take charge of the wedding décor, and Robbie the wedding outfits; he had impeccable taste so the dress was bound to be amazing.
It was a fantastic evening. Just what she needed. How stupid was she, pining over someone she hardly knew? Not to mention getting so upset that she couldn’t have children when she had such fabulous friends, a job she enjoyed and a fantastic life, Saffy thought as she rode home, very merry, in a taxi later that night. And Ajay had messaged her earlier to say he was very impressed with the spreadsheet she’d done for the product meeting, and he’d liked the profiles she’d submitted for the two creatives she’d met down in Cornwall. She really felt like she had good chance of getting that promotion. She didn’t need Logan in her life; it was perfect as it was.
* * *
Just as he’d done every night since Thursday, when Saffy had burst into his life, Logan stared out of his bedroom window at the one opposite, the room Saffy had slept in when she was there. Only now she’d gone home to her single life. A life without him.
He pulled the curtains closed and turned away from the window. He had to stop thinking about Saffy – they’d had a holiday romance, that was all. They’d enjoyed each other’s company for a few days, spent an unforgettable night together and now it was over. He had other, more important, things to deal with.
He sat back down on the bed and swiped the screen to his text messages so he could read Jade’s latest message again. He read it slowly, assessing every word.
I’m sorry we argued last night, Logan. I really don’t want to argue with you, or – believe it or not – hurt you. This isn’t personal. I know I did wrong to leave you to bring up Chloe alone, I should have seen her more and I want to put that right now. All I’m asking is to see her regularly, to take her out, for my family to get to know her. I won’t back down on this, Logan. Chloe is my daughter. I want to be a mother to her. I’d like it if we could meet up and talk about how we can arrange this. If you feel you can’t do that then the legal route is my only option.
It was all very formal and very Jade.
For half an hour after receiving the text Logan had stood by Chloe’s bed, watching her sleep, as he often did, trying to imagine not having her in his life every day, sharing her with Jade. There were times, he had to admit, when he’d have been glad of a night off, for the chance to do things you couldn’t do with a young child around, and if Jade had wanted to have an arrangement like that when she’d first walked out he would have readily agreed. But she hadn’t. She had hardly seen Chloe over the last five years. She had no bloody right to walk back into their lives, expecting to play mummy again and dictating the terms.
Then he remembered Saffy’s words. That he might not think Jade had a right to a second chance at being a mother but Chloe had a right to a second chance to have her mother in her life and to get to know her other family – a whole new family of aunts, uncles and cousins that she had never met. And she’d been so happy to go and stay with her nanny and grandad and other family at Christmas.
Saffy was right. He knew she was. He had to forget about his own feelings and do what was best for Chloe. And whilst that definitely wasn’t giving her up or giving in to Jade’s every demand, it did mean he had to be prepared to meet her halfway. He had to be prepared to share his little daughter. Their little daughter.
He hit the reply button and started typing:
I’m prepared to give you a chance to play a bigger part in Chloe’s life, but please don’t let her down. She’s old enough to know now and be hurt if you walk away again. I’ll meet up with you once she’s back at school and we’ll discuss it. But remember, Chloe’s home is with me and that’s the way it’s going to stay.
He read the text over again then pressed ‘send’.
Chapter Thirty
One month later
‘Can I see you in my office for a few minutes, please, Saffy?’ Ajay asked as he walked past her desk with a pile of folders.
Saffy crossed her fingers behind her back as she followed her boss into his office. This was the day he was appointing the new business development manager, and she was feeling pretty hopeful that Ajay would choose her. She’d been working really hard
, staying late at the office to finish work, and had developed marketing plans that had increased sales for three of their partners.
‘Sit down please, Saffy.’ He nodded at the chair on the other side of the desk. She pulled it out and perched on the edge of it.
Ajay picked up his pen and twiddled it around in his hands. ‘Now, Saffy, I know you really wanted the position of business development manager, and I have considered it very carefully.’ He paused. ‘But…’
He was giving it to someone else! Saffy immediately forgot all about her resolve not to show her disappointment and blurted out, ‘But I’ve worked so hard, increased sales and written proposals for new creatives to join us!’
Ajay nodded. ‘I know you have, which is why I think you’re better suited to another position that has just come up.’
Another position? What did he mean?
Ajay tapped his left hand with his pen. ‘The thing is, we’re planning on expanding. At the moment we’re centred in the Midlands, and yes, you and the other reps travel around the country for meetings, but we need another office, a permanent base.’
Expanding? Where was he thinking of sending her?
‘We finally decided on Exeter,’ Ajay continued. ‘We do a lot of business in the West Country and Exeter is in a good position to reach most of Cornwall and Devon but also to travel up country too.’ He leaned back in his chair. ‘So we need a product development manager to build up a team of creative partners in that area, and seeing as you’ve already suggested two, and have connections down there, I think you’ll be ideal for the position. What do you say?’
That took her by surprise. She wasn’t sure what to say. It was a brilliant career opportunity – but it would mean relocating, a lot more responsibility, more work. The hard work and responsibility didn’t bother her but relocating did. She had a great group of friends and loved her flat.