by T. Rudacille
***
James was off with his friends from security, and Brynna was talking to her friends Rachel and Emma and a few other women as Penny and the other kids ran in circles around the monstrous bonfire that had been erected in the village square. The smell of cooking meat wafted over me delightfully, making me hungrier as the time wore on. Nick and I were strolling hand-in-hand, talking excitedly with Alice and Quinn, who were as thrilled as we were to be in that beautiful place, surrounded by our huge multicultural family and our new, very generous Pangaean friends.
As we walked, I found myself looking all around for Caspar, whom I had not seen since our first meeting. Discreetly, I had asked a Pangaean woman in town if she knew where I could find him, and she said at the end of the first street, in the queen’s house. For some reason, my heart had plummeted; I wondered if he was Janna’s much younger boyfriend, or something of the sort. Why that mattered when I was perfectly happy with Nick, I didn’t know. It was too weird to even think about for long. What did his relationship to the queen matter to me? And why was I so curious?
“We're lucky, you know.”
Nick’s voice cut me out of my thoughts, thankfully.
“Are we?” I asked, even though I knew we were, but I had just needed something to say.
“When the house went down, I thought that was the end for us.”
“I know.” I agreed, “I thought so, too.”
“I thought we were going to be wandering again like we did before. Can you imagine if we had to fight that way all over again? If every time we turned a corner, we faced a Shadow or a Reaper or a shark-snake-octopus-monster thing?”
“God, I don't even want to imagine it.” I groaned, “Ooh, wine!”
“One of my favorite things about Pangaea: No drinking age!” Quinn said as he picked up a glass.
“One of my favorite things about Pangaean evolution: Enhanced hearing!”
We all jumped, and I placed the glass of wine back down on the table before turning around to face Brynna and Penny, who were wearing identical expressions of displeasure.
“You're not old enough, Violet. Neither are you three.” Penny told Alice, Quinn, and Nick. “Brynna and James said that you have to be thirty-five to drink, and you all aren't that old.”
“They’re right.” Quinn replied, and he put the glass down.
“I do not care if you have a drink, but if I see you even glance at that tray of Peace Fruit tarts over there, I will drag you home by your ear.” Brynna told me, and something in her tone told me that she was very tired once again, and therefore in no mood to celebrate. “That goes for all of you!”
“That's a Peace Fruit tart?” Alice asked incredulously, “They should have that labeled!”
“Are you okay?” I asked Brynna softly when she ran her fingers through her hair.
“I am fine. I am just tired and still in a minimal amount of pain. I certainly do not feel like drinking this wine, which I am sure is utterly delightful, considering by whom it was made. These Pangaean people are masters of the culinary arts in both food and drinks, alike.”
“You know, it might make you feel a little better to drink some wine.” I told her gently, “Alcohol releases endorphins, but I'm sure you already knew that.”
“I did.” She replied testily.
“There's Tommy and Kayla!” Penny exclaimed, “Can I go, Brynn?! Please, can I?!”
“Stay in my sight. Yes?” Brynna said, and Penny nodded, beaming from ear to ear. Before she ran off, though, she stood on her tiptoes and angled her head up so Brynna would kiss her forehead. Even after seeing them together for so many years, I couldn't help but smile still. Their relationship was truly one of a kind.
“Tell James I said bye! Bye, Vi!” She hugged me around the middle and ran off before I could even respond.
When I looked back at Brynna, she was taking a long gulp from one of the wine glasses.
“Whoa!” I grasped her wrist and pulled the cup away from her lips. “Slow down! Are you really in that much pain? If you are, then we need to go find Dr. Terry.”
“No.” Brynna replied, “I mean, yes, I am in pain, but that is not my main concern. More importantly, my main concern is not your main concern. Now, go have fun with Nick, Alice, and Quinn. Go dance around the fire. Be merry young people without a care in the world.”
“No, because you're upset about something, and I want to know what it is!” I lowered my voice when a group of Pangaeans and Eartheans passed us, reveling loudly together. They moved to an open spot around the fire where they began to dance jubilantly, their arms and legs snaking around each other in surprisingly graceful seduction, given their severe intoxication. When another group passed, I saw that it was also mixed with both Adam's people and our people. They all greeted Brynna, congratulated her on her new position, and said that they had all the faith in the world in her. We both smiled at that, and she thanked them, but once they were out of sight, she leaned against the table of wine and ran her fingers through her hair again.
“Do not glower at me, please. I have had enough animosity for one evening.” She murmured, so quietly that I barely heard her over the festive music and the shouts of the joyous party-goers.
“Brynn, come on. Let's just go for a walk. We don't have to talk about it. Let's just walk. Guys, can you keep an eye on Penny?!”
“Duh!” Alice shouted to me, but she, Nick, and Quinn all indicated Brynna, and Quinn mouthed:
“Is she okay?”
I nodded quickly and put my arm around Brynna's back to lead her away.
Once we were a few yards from the party, it was quieter, and she seemed to have calmed slightly. Her hands still pulled nervously at the strings of her hoodie, and every couple of seconds, she brought them up to run over her hair, but she wasn't as jittery as she had been.
“What happened, Brynn?”
“You said that we did not have to talk about it.” She shot at me, almost accusingly, like I had kept some terrible secret from her that she had heard from someone else.
“Whoa! Chill out! I just want to know what's going on. You're not yourself right now. Did you take something? Did you...”
“Did I take something?!” She exclaimed furiously, and in the darkness, I could still see her eyes turn light red. “Of course I did not take anything! I am... My heart is beating very rapidly, and I am having some trouble breathing. I know that this is some sort of panic episode. However, from what I have read, they do not last this long. So, this might be some terrible affliction. I might be suffering something horrendous. I very well might be succumbing to some deadly illness. Any second now, I could...” She breathed heavily for a second, “I could...” She moaned softly for a second, and my own heart began to race. “Oh, God or Gods, I don't know what's happening.” Her fingers were compulsively running through her hair again. “This is just a panic attack. This is just a panic attack. Saying that helps, does it not?!”
A panic attack had not taken hold of me since the first time Adam had arrived at the campsite. One of the things that Pangaea had gifted me with was a new way of coping with my anxiety; I couldn't quite discern what my method was exactly, but whatever it was, it was working wondrously. Perhaps it was the willful uses of adrenaline that were necessary to our survival. Perhaps my anxiety had become a weapon.
Whatever the case, the only good thing about ever having suffered from debilitating, useless anxiety was knowing how to remedy it in another.
“Alright. Listen to me. Just sit down.”
“There is nowhere to sit.” She told me, and her breathing hitched in the back of her throat. She grasped her chest, her body beginning to tremble even more severely. I grasped her arms first, but when her eyes began to dart erratically around, I grasped her face, thinking that at any moment, she would faint.
“You're alright. Brynna, you're fine. You're right; you're just having a panic attack. And we're going to sit on the ground, dummy.”
I managed to maneuver he
r down so she was sitting, and immediately, she put her head between her knees. For a moment, I thought I heard a whimper escape her, followed immediately by a choking sound that I knew had been an attempt to stifle that soft cry.
“Just breathe. Don't hold your breath. You're alright.” I was on my knees beside her, running my hands down the back of her soft hair. “I'm right here, Brynn.”
I was careful not to move too close to her, as she would then feel smothered, or too far away, as she would then feel like I was deserting her when she needed me.
“I do not have these! I do not let myself have these! I have power over myself...” The air she was so forcefully inhaling stuck firmly in her throat again, and she struggled for a minute to draw in a steady, slow, gentle breath.
“Just don't say anything, okay? Just relax, and try to breath normally. You're going to be alright. It will pass in a few minutes. It's just wonky brain chemicals. Do you remember how you used to say that to me? It's just wonky brain chemicals, and once they stabilize, you'll be fine. Do you remember how you used to tell me that whenever I had a panic attack, Brynn?”
She actually laughed for just a second and nodded.
“It's true, but I am having a hard time believing that right now. God, Violet, this might serious. Something is wrong, I promise you...”
“Nothing is wrong. Everyone is safe. Penny is safe. Eli is safe. James is safe, too.”
“Oh, James...” She murmured, and I was stunned to hear the undeniable heartbreak in her voice. “I have completely ruined that, as I knew I would. I knew I would drive him away, Violet. And now he's turned into something else. And now Penny...” She shook her head back and forth rapidly, and cleared her throat multiple times, but when she tried to take a breath, she could only gasp. A groan escaped her, and when she looked up, I saw that she was biting into her lip so hard that she was bleeding.
“I will not do this on his behalf! I am stronger than this. This is below me. I am done. I'm done.” She threw herself onto her feet, but the movement was too abrupt and harsh. Her legs buckled after a moment, and I jumped up in a flash to catch her before she fell.
“I think Adam might have dislocated something. Perhaps he caused some brain damage, some sort of spinal trauma that is affecting my brain. Perhaps that is why I am behaving this way. I do not feel things like this.” She was talking to herself more than she was talking to me. “And that would explain why I saw... That would explain it... Carrying Adam hurt me worse than I thought...”
“No. You're just having an episode. That's all. You're allowed this, Brynna. This is normal. You're allowed to be angry at James, or sad, or...”
I stopped myself from saying “whatever it is that this is.”
“I can't make him understand it because I don't understand it. It's wrong. I have to let it go. And the other thing is completely ludicrous. It's not possible.”
“What?” I prodded her gently, “What isn't possible?”
“No. I can't tell you that. Violet, I just have to go home, okay? I need you to help me get back home, and then I need you to go get Maura... Penny! I need you to go get Penny!”
Now I was worried. Something did seem to be wrong with her. When I turned her to me so I could embrace her, I felt how quickly her heart was pounding against her chest. When I pulled away so I could look at her, I found that her skin was so white that it almost glowed in the light of the full moon.
“I never react like this. I wouldn't react like this, if I were alright.” She told me, and she shook her head rapidly and violently back and forth, as though trying to shake some troublesome thought out of her head. “And Maura's gone, and I know that. I saw her die. I was with her when she died. I was right beside her. My head was on her chest. I felt and heard her heart stop beating. I felt and heard her stop breathing, and I know... I know that he's not him. He's not.”
“Brynn...” I grasped her face firmly in both hands and stared into her eyes. When she looked back at me, there was no recognition. All I saw there in her eyes was the same fear that I heard in her voice.
“And my mom...” She sounded almost as though she were in pain when she mentioned her. “She was sick. My whole life, she was sick, and then she was actually sick. My mom…” She whispered, and tears poured from her eyes, “I was so terrible to her. My mom didn't mean it. He was cruel to her, too. And she tried to help me. I think she loved me sometimes after that. After Lucien... and he was floating there... and I didn't know what to do... I screamed and screamed, and when they came running, she screamed at me, and it hurt my ears... Said it was my fault. And he hit me. And it hurt so much worse than I... And he said he'd kill me if it would bring Lucien back, and I was afraid.”
“Listen to me. Brynna, listen to me.” She was falling back down onto her knees even though I was holding her. In a way, it was as though her body was trying to slink its way down onto the ground so she could lie there, unmoving until the attack passed.
“Brynna, did you eat the Peace Fruit?”
I knew that she hadn't. The reaction she was having certainly could not be classified as peaceful. If she had only just taken it that evening, she would still be feeling the euphoric effects. Just as a precaution, I pulled my sleeve up and felt the skin of her forehead. Immediately, I leaned down to press my cheek to her forehead. Still, it was so cold that I wanted to jerk my hand away. My second reflex was to pull her sweatshirt off so I could see if that cold was throughout her body, and that was when my heart lurched downwards so abruptly that one of my hands flew up to grasp the place where it had only just been. The other covered my mouth in shock.
“Brynn...” I managed to mutter, “Brynna... what happened to you? Oh, my God, what happened to you?!”
Down her back were four long, deep scratches, and oozing from them was a black substance that was both frothy and grainy. Intermixed with those cuts and that substance was her own blood. Across her shoulders were several rows of four pinpoints, which had also cut deeply.
“Don't move. Stay right here, Brynna! I'll be right back!”
Even the speed that we could achieve now that we were super-human was not fast enough. I pushed my body to its absolute limits, ignoring the throbbing pain in my chest from my heart that was protesting the speed. Even as my breaths began to rattle in my throat the way that Brynna's had been, I kept running until I had bombarded back into the party, where the drunken party-goers were still reveling wildly. Around the fire, everyone was gyrating and grinding together in what looked like a massive, standing orgy. Alice, Quinn, and Nick were nowhere to be found, but I did find James. He was sitting with his security friends, dozing in and out of consciousness as the guys around him kept drinking. From the looks of it, he had already out-drank them by at least five huge goblets of wine.
“James!” I shook his arm.
“Hey, baby...” A particularly disgusting man whom James knew from security detail cooed at me, “Daddy's sleepin,' so why don't you come over here and sit next to me?”
“Shut up!” I screamed viciously, turning around to look at him just so he could see that my eyes were red. “James! James, wake up!”
He grunted loudly and sat up, looking all around him until his eyes finally found me.
“Tell her I already fucked someone else, and she can go fuck herself. Or him. I don’t care anymore.” He told me, before leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes again. “Fucked someone else, and she wasn't like Bry-na, but good 'nuff...” His eyes opened again, “Don't... tell her I said that. Ruins it…”
“James, she's hurt! She's bleeding, and she's muttering, and something's not right! James, please help her! Get up!” I tried to pull him onto his feet, but I wasn't strong enough. “James, please get up! Please, she needs you! I need you.”
He opened his eyes again and reached out to grasp my arm.
“Not mad at you, okay? And I'm not mad at Penny. I'll still be in your lifes. But not hers. Not hers. Not so I can watch her want him.”
“James, please!” I was sobbing now, and pulling on his hand in a display that was almost too pathetic to be acceptable. In fact, it was. I was like a small child, begging her parent to respond to her and barely understanding why he was not. My heart split in desperate, hopeless confusion, even though I understood that he was drunk. But still, that little, innocent, crying child in me asked why he wasn't leaping to help me, why he was saying such cruel things about Brynna, and why he wasn't taking my pleas seriously.
“Baby, come on. Come on, baby. Don't cry!” The man who had spoken to me earlier had stood up and was sauntering towards me. “Come sit on my lap, sweetheart, and tell me about it.”
“No! Stay away from me!” I screamed, and I tripped over another man's foot and splayed out onto the ground. When all of them except for James (who had passed out again) laughed, I realized that he had tripped me on purpose. And when I looked up to see who had done it, I realized that it was Rene, one of James’s very best friends. My brows furrowed in confusion, but he wasn’t looking down at me. I was just about to scream at him for doing it, when the first man started to approach me again.
“Let's have a drink, baby. Come here.”
The man dropped his massive weight beside me, and it almost felt like the ground had shuddered. My immediate reflex was to start kicking my feet in order to get away from him, but he had been expecting that. With a sloppy reach forward, he grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him, and I was crying for James to wake up, crying for Brynna, screaming at Rene to help me, because he was the only other person I knew there, screaming at the people dancing to the music that was drowning out my screams, screaming for Nick, who was nowhere in sight and who would not have been able to stop him anyway…
“James!” I wailed, “James, wake up! Rene! Rene, stop him!”
But he just smiled. I couldn’t understand it. We had known him since we had moved into the house. We had been neighbors. He had become James’s very best friend. He always sat with us at dinner, hung out with us on Free Days, and once, he had even helped James fix my dresser when two of the legs fell off. When we came to the city, he had been the first person to say he was going to gather people who would protest Maura’s imprisonment, and when I had been crying, he had comforted me. In the woods, he had stuck close by me, sometimes walking me along when Eli needed a few minutes to himself to deal with his own grief.
I was on my stomach, and the man was behind me, running his meaty hands down the back of my hair, and even more sickeningly, down my back. His friends were whooping and banging the table in unison, rattling the glasses and spilling the wine, and Rene was cheering right along with the other guys and egging my attacker on.
With a painful rip backwards, the man pulled my hair, and my body came up with it reluctantly. In one hand, he grasped a cup of wine, and with the other, he rooted his finger into my mouth so he could pry it open. Instantly, I chomped down on his finger, and he howled in pain but still managed to pour the entire glass (and it was a large one) of wine into my mouth. Sputtering and choking, I spit it all back out, crying out again for James, as my arms swung backwards to hit him, and my body threw itself forward to break free of his iron grasp.
“You gonna bite me, bitch?! That fucking hurt!” He slammed my face down into the hard, cracked earth and then pulled me back towards him.
“JAMES!” I shrieked, desperate now. He wouldn't be able to hear me over the sound of his friends banging the table and chanting the man's name. Yes, they were chanting his name, like he was a star athlete getting ready to make the final, most crucial kick in a play-off game, not a repulsive drunken rapist attacking a seventeen-year-old girl who was crying and begging for him to stop.
“James, wake up! James, please!”
But I knew that it was useless. My eyes squeezed shut, and I breathed heavily, praying that it would be over quickly, praying that he wouldn't kill me to cover it up, remembering what Donovan had done to those women when he was high on the Peace Fruit, remembering how close Penny had come to being one of his victims… These men were only drunk, but still, they were acting no less like animals than those who had taken the Peace Fruit. I thought of what I would say if he did decide to kill me, and I knew that I would beg. In an attempt to horrify me further, my mind asked if Brynna had begged. She had been so young. She hadn't understood... But then, I didn't understand.
“Oh, my God... oh, my God...” I cried, and my tired body gave up, realizing with disgust, shame, and terror that there was nothing I could do to stop him.
I had heard that it was terribly painful. This man would not stop when I cried out in pain. He wouldn't comfort me or tell me that we could stop if it really hurt...
“James...” I cried again, though in my voice, I heard my own resignation more than I was allowing myself to feel it. “Please wake up.”
“Get ready, baby. Gonna be like nothin'...”
His words cut off, and his grip on me released. When I looked up, I saw only a blur of darkness; dark hair, black clothes, and then, a flash of pale white skin. When Caspar bit into his neck, it was not his killing move. No, that came when he ripped the man’s head clean from his body. A spray of blood sputtered from the man’s neck at first but then streamed upwards and outwards in a violent eruption. My arms flew up to cover my face, at first to shield myself from the blood but then to avoid having my head trampled on by the man's friends, who were running in different directions, stumbling over themselves and screaming their terror to the world with slurred words and guttural, child-like wails.
Caspar grabbed hold of Rene and slammed him down onto the table. After looking up, I saw that the glasses had all broken, and his back was being ground into them.
“You tell the rest of them to lock their doors, and pray to the one God that I do not decide to break them down.” Caspar snarled, and I became aware of the smell of urine, which I saw had stained the front of Rene’s pants.
“Look at the big man now.” Caspar spat at him in nothing short of the most spiteful, condescending, venomous rage.
He let Rene up and then knelt down beside me.
“Come on, Violet.” He said gently, “Up you get. You are alright.”
My arms flew around him. Once my face was burrowed against his neck, I began to cry even harder than before. He did not flinch or try to pull away, despite the fact that he barely knew me and should not have been the one having to comfort me. Instead, he held onto me tightly, even cradling the back of my head like I was a small child.
“My sister...” I gasped out, “My sister...”
“Yes. Your friends took her home when things began to take a drastic turn here. Come on. We should return you to them, as they are all worried, I am sure.”
“No! My other sister... Brynna!”
I pulled away to look at him and saw that his eyes had now flashed with an undeniable tremor of fear.
“Where is she?”
“In the field. Something is wrong with her. She’s got these scratches…”
“Where?”
“Down her back.”
“Is she acting erratically? Crying, and then growing very angry, and then…”
“No, she’s just crying. But…”
Caspar grabbed a Pangaean man who was only slightly intoxicated.
“Find my mother, and tell her to go to my father and tell him that Brynna has been infected. It is early yet. There is still some hope.”
“Yes, Prince Caspar.”
Before I could look at him in complete and utter confusion, we were running. Back through the trees, on the path, him making sure that I stayed in the middle, away from the edges where the ash border was. When we broke into the clearing, I saw that Brynna was moving; every couple of seconds, she would attempt to stand up, only to fall right back to the ground. Once she was down, she would either crawl or roll onto her back, her body jerking, convulsing, or just trembling.
“I don't want you to. I don't want you to. No, because it hurts me! Why do you do it when
it hurts me?!” She cried, and I watched her arms cover her chest and drape over her hip region. “I won't tell. Just don't do it again. I won't tell.”
“Brynna...” Caspar got down beside her and scooped her up into a sitting position. “Brynna, darling...”
“Maura?” Brynna asked, looking off towards the trees. After a second, she reached out in the direction she was looking, “Maura, I thought... Worst dream... World ended... and you went to the planet, too, and a man thought you knew things, so he hurt you... He took you away from me... Maura!”
Tears were pouring down her face; so many had fallen from her eyes that the front of her shirt was saturated.
“Alright, sweetheart.” Caspar was addressing me now, “The path is too narrow for me to carry her, so you will have to help me walk her along, do you understand? We need to get her to Adam.” I nodded, and focused all of my strength into my upper body. If she had been able to carry Adam for miles, I would be able to carry her. After we had gotten her onto her feet, we began to drag her back towards the woods. My eyes caught sight of movement in the darkness, and as we reentered the forest, I saw hundreds of those tree creatures, some male, some female, some children, standing there, watching us with their terrifyingly deep eyes, lusting for us, standing perfectly still and awaiting our foolish reentry into the woods.
“Caspar!” I exclaimed.
“It's alright, darling. Just stay on the path. Don't cross over the ash. We have to stay in a straight line because the path is narrow.”
“Okay.”
We made our way up the path without incident. Knowing that those creatures were all around us sent chills down my spine and forced me to turn my head back and forth between the two sides of the path to see how many of them were there. Caspar was dragging Brynna, who was leaned against his back, and I was merely walking, looking all around us, terrified that one of them would appear suddenly or worse, reach over and grab one of us.
But we made it through, and after clearing the woods, Caspar lifted her into his arms. She was crying still but also hyperventilating now, and I looked up at him desperately, hoping that he would be able to tell me what I could do to help her.
“Just let her go. There is nothing you can do.”
We hurried along, pushing through the party, jogging up the silent streets until we reached the one that the infirmary was on. Janna was standing with Adam, who was leaning on a cane, at the top of the stairs. When he saw us coming, he threw the can aside and started to shamble down the stairs to get to us.
“Darling, you cannot...” Janna started to say, but he had taken Brynna abruptly from Caspar and carried her up the stairs before she could even finish her warning.
The warmth of the infirmary almost calmed the terrible panic that I was experiencing. A heaviness came over my eyelids that I could not explain. Perhaps I knew that because she was there with Janna and Adam, she would be alright. Still, I could not leave her until I knew for sure. Once again, I was forced to imagine what our lives would be like without her, only to discover that there was nothing to imagine; we would be unable to carry on if something happened to Brynna. She was the glue that held us together, that always kept us moving, that always had the solutions when the rest of us saw nothing but hopeless emptiness. Penny would never recover. She had taken Maura's death hard enough, but she was young and had already lost her for a long period when Maura had chosen to stay with my father. If Brynna were to die, Penny would not understand the permanence at first, but eventually, the grief would hit her, and within a short period of time, it would consume her.
I realized that I was sobbing only when Caspar rushed over to embrace me.
“She is here with him.” He assured me softly, “She has his love in such abundance, Violet. More than anyone ever has. He will see her through this, I promise you. Come, let us go somewhere else. You should not be here to witness this.”
“No.” I shook my head rapidly back and forth, like my words had not made my aversion to that idea known well enough. “I can't! I have to stay with her! I need to stay right here!'
“Come on now, my love.” Adam was whispering to Brynna as he gently turned her over onto her back. “Violet, this is going to escalate very quickly. This is going to be very difficult to witness. I suggest that you take my son’s advice and leave here.”
“I won't.” I told them, and when they all looked at me, I could see that they thought me stubborn and foolish, but I didn't care. I was going to stay by Brynna's side until whatever episode they were referring to passed.
“Alright.” Adam replied, “Janna, please fetch me Dr. Miletus. She is the best, Violet. The absolute best. She is the one who treated me. Caspar, go find James.”
Janna had left instantly. But Caspar looked at me, kissed my forehead, and then zoomed off out of the infirmary. After that, I was left alone in the room with the man whom Brynna had warned me never to speak to. Awkwardly, I walked over and sat beside the bed, listening to him speaking soothingly to her in his language. His hands rubbed her arms and shoulders, and every once in a while, he leaned down to kiss her cheek. Her cries calmed, her breathing steadied out, her hands came up to first rest on his upper-arms and then to rest on his face. He kissed her palms, and her eyelids drooped; she appeared to be falling asleep. I watched her eyes close, her hands lower, and her head drop sideways slowly until it was rested on the pillow.
“There you are.” He whispered encouragingly, “Good, my love.”
Even though her eyes were closed, her hand came up again; she was searching for him. He grasped that hand, leaned closer to her, and wrapped both of his arms around her small body.
“Adam...” She whispered.
“I am right here. I am not going to leave you. I will be here beside you until this is over.” He looked up at me, “Violet, when did you last see James?”
My lip trembled, and my body started shaking as that horrifying memory came back to me suddenly. I had been able to forget it during my panicked quest to get Brynna to the hospital safely. Honestly, the worst part of it hadn't been what had almost happened to me but the fact that James had not woken up to stop it. I felt so abandoned by him, even though I knew he had been drunk. A hollow emptiness filled me up when I thought about it, but it didn't numb me; in fact, it hurt worse than actual pain.
“He got drunk.” My voice broke, and tears slid out of my eyes without pause. “They had a fight, I think. He got drunk, and now he's passed out down there.”
His eyes flashed with what can only be described as obviously dangerous fury, but he grasped control of it immediately, for my sake. His hand reached out to grasp mine, and I flinched at first, but then calmed down substantially. I knew that he was going to help Brynna. I knew that he was going to take care of us both, actually.
“No matter.” He told me, and I knew that he was lying; it mattered greatly to him that James was not beside my sister, where he should have been. “We will take care of her together, darling. You and me. Alright?”
I nodded and wiped at my eyes.
“Adam, is she going to be okay?”
“Yes. I will not let her die, Violet. I will give my own life, if it means that she will live. What I need you to understand is that this is the calm preceding the storm, as they say. When the doctor arrives, we will have to remove this venom from her. It will take a very long time, and during that process, she will be almost unrecognizable to you. These are going to be the most painful hours of both her life and yours. I believe that you should wait at your home. Stay with Penny, and keep her calm and reassured.”
“I can't, Adam. I have to stay here with her.”
He nodded and squeezed my hand a little tighter.
“I know. I knew you would say that. I only wanted to warn you now.”
My heart was beating so fast, I was sure it would find itself unable to keep up with the quickened pace, and it would stop all together. When the doctors came in, I tried to stop my tears, but they continued to fall as I anticipat
ed what Adam had said. And the moment they ripped her shirt up the back, it started.
She screamed. I had heard people scream loudly before, as I had witnessed several people in their final moments of life, being ripped apart by the Old Spirits or shot at by the Bachums. But Brynna's scream was shriller, louder, and worse, more desperate than any of those. Her body lurched into a violent series of movements that I knew were attempts to get away, but Adam's grip on her was strong. Of the many words coming out of her mouth at that deafening volume, only a handful were discernible. I managed to make out, “stop,” “no,” “Maura,” and “please.”
I only realized that I was helping Adam hold her down when my hands came off of her to cover my ears. In that quick space of time, she managed to throw her body upwards, nearly slamming into one of the Pangaean doctors' heads as she did it.
“Rexprimus, you must hold her down.” He told Adam hurriedly, and Adam forced her back down on her stomach.
If we thought that she couldn't scream any louder, she quickly proved us wrong. If you have ever been standing directly beside an alarm when it goes off, and that deafening wailing begins, you know that your eardrums almost cease to function because the vibrations are too intense. A mild deafness comes over you. It is almost like one of our defenses against the danger that caused the alarm to begin shrieking in the first place fails, because the sound that was meant to alert us is too painful to hear, so we shut off our hearing. Brynna's second scream had a similar effect on me, but this time, I didn't let go of her to cover my ears. Even when she flailed, and writhed, and thrust her body upwards against mine and Adam's hands, neither of us released her. Even when she pleaded, which was the worst, we didn't let go.
“I need the glass bottle.” The doctor told Janna, who had been pushing Brynna's hair out of her eyes. She let go of her and grabbed it.
“Brynn, you're alright. You're alright.” I said loudly over her screams when I saw that there were tears streaming down her face.
The doctor smacked the top of the bottle against his open palm until a wad of lotion the size of an egg had formed. Just before he smeared it onto her wounds, I saw in the light for the first time the extent of her injuries.
They were so deep that I was surprised her spinal cord hadn't been severed. The cuts themselves were the darkest shades of red, purple, and black. Her veins were inflamed, streaming from each cut and glowing red through her pale white skin, which was still almost frigid in temperature. The poison was working its way through her system, killing her slowly. I knew that it was poison because that's what Adam had called it. But I still didn't know what had done it. I couldn't imagine a creature that could inflict such terrible injuries. Where had she gone that she had encountered it? I couldn't begin to guess.
“Alright, either keep her like this, or let her turn on her side.”
“She fell, and her ribs are broken.” Adam told us as he delicately turned her onto her side. Her screams had lessened slightly, but she was still crying out and trying to fight. With a little more ease, he was able to hold her down, and I was able to release her for a moment to wipe at my own tearing eyes. Surprisingly, I was not hysterical, despite seeing my sister in such a terrifying state. But the sight of her that way did pain me, and I was crying, however slightly.
“I don't want to. I don't like it. I don't want to.”
Her screams had stopped, and she was only crying now. Worse than her tears was the pleading tone of her voice; she was begging someone, and I knew who, not to hurt her.
“I don't want to. Please, don't. It hurts. And you said not again. You promised! You said not again!”
“Brynna...” I whispered, and now I moved her hair out of her face. My thumbs gently wiped her tears away after I had rested my hands on her cheeks. “He's not here. You're safe. He's gone, and he can never hurt you again.”
“You shouldn't be here.” She cried, growing hysterical now. “He'll hurt you, too! He said if I ran away, it would be you! You have to leave, Violet! Violet, please! Just run before he comes back!” Her eyes moved behind me, and her terrible screams began again. “No! Leave her alone! Don't touch her! Please! I'll do what you say! I'll do what you say! Just don't hurt her!”
“Brynn... It's alright.” I cried, and now I was sobbing outwardly. “You're fine. It's just us here. I promise. It's alright.”
Her willingness to sacrifice herself for me had never been more evident than it was in the face of what to me, was merely a phantom representation of a man who had caused her such unthinkable pain, but to her, was as real as I was, kneeling in front of her right where she could see. The fact that she was begging on my behalf, and even going so far as to tell him that she would allow him to do his worst to her if it meant he’d spare me, made my tears fall so quickly that my vision blurred, and my sobs fell from me so forcefully that I could barely breathe.
Her hand jerked out towards me, and I flinched, thinking that she was going to hit me. But she reached right past me, and I realized that once again, she was seeing something.
“God, I'm so sorry... Luc, I'm sorry...”
There was nothing I could say. Even if she was in her right state of mind, she would be utterly inconsolable. Both of her hands were reaching out to the space beside me, like she wanted to hold him, or like she wanted him to crawl into her arms. My brows furrowed when she brought her arms back to her; she kept them in a circle, almost like she was holding something. Her tears intensified, but she was whispering that she loved him so much. When I looked up at Adam, and he saw that I was confused, he explained softly.
“It is real to her. He is right there with her.”
“I need to dry him off. He's still so cold. It's okay, baby. It's okay, Luc. I'm right here. I'm not going to let it happen again.” She managed to gasp out through her sobs. “It's okay. I'm watching. I'm going to watch. Luc, it's okay.”
But when she closed her arms, as though she were tightening them around him, they collapsed in on themselves suddenly, and she was left sobbing again.
“Lucien!” She wailed, and she tried to stand up again. “I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry.” Her body tensed like she had received a blow. “I'm sorry!” Her voice rose to a harsh, terrified shriek. “I'm sorry! Daddy, I'm sorry!”
“You're okay.” I told her again, and I was wiping her tears and keeping my forehead pressed to hers. “No one is here. No one is hurting you, Brynna. It's just us here.”
“It was my fault! It was my fault!”
“It wasn't. It wasn't, Brynna.”
“Darling, you're alright.” Janna told her gently. “It is alright.”
“You!”
Her tone changed drastically, and her tears stopped. That fiery red came over her blue eyes, and she sat up, looking at Janna and snarling, baring her fangs.
“You didn't stop him!” She screamed, and now, I couldn't help it; I had to cover my ears. Beside us on the bedside table, the glass bottle of the lotion the doctor had used shattered, and pieces of it flew outwards. “You were afraid?! You were afraid of him?! I was afraid of him! I was terrified of him! I hate you! I hate you for what you let him do! You covered your ears! You covered your ears, you bitch! You BITCH!”
Adam forced her back down when she lunged out at Janna. He held her on her side again, and told her softly that it was Janna, not Maura, in the room with her.
“He won't be mad at you.” She was crying again. “He'll know you want to help me. He and Mom won't be mad at you. But you can stop him! He told me I can't tell! But you can! Maura, please!”
For a long time, she only cried, and then she made a sound like she was in pain again, which caused all three of us to jump up and look at her.
“Maura, please don't die. I need you.” Her sobs intensified, “But I need you stay with me!”
Her voice dropped, falling from words to a growling sound.
“Why didn't you stop him?! Uncover your ears! Take your hands off your ears! Maura!”
And so it continued. For
hours, she screamed at Michael, both in terror and rage, begging him not to hurt her and admonishing him venomously for being a coward, less than a man, less than a human. Then, she would change instantly and berate herself for not fighting hard enough, for not running away, for being too afraid to tell Mom and Dad.
At one point, when she had gravitated from that deafening, violent rage, back to that great sadness, she mentioned loving something, all of something, and asked someone if they wanted to come back in. After a second, she had smiled. Then she screamed many things after that and cried about many others, and I was so puzzled as to who she could have been speaking to that I couldn't even focus on the things she was saying after that.
The doctors left to give us privacy, saying that they would return when the cream on her back had dried. By then, they explained, the venom would have been pulled to surface, and it would be ready to be sucked out.
“Sucked out?” I asked, looking horrified. I would do it if I absolutely had to, but the thought of it turned my stomach.
“I will do it, Violet.” Adam told me before I could dwell on how disgusting it was for too long. “She saved my life, and now I will save hers.”
As if sent specifically to make that action impossible, James came bursting through the door. Brynna had begun to calm; her shrieks of accusatory rage were less forceful, her sobs were no longer choking her, and her fear had almost died away completely once Adam had begun whispering to her in his language again. But the sound of the door being burst through, and the deafening bang it made against the door-stop in the wall, sent her shooting up into a sitting position with a deafening scream that not only startled me but rattled me, too.
During the moments when she was so afraid, she had begun to try to run. Once, she had insisted that “they” were after Penny and that she had to get to her. When Adam refused to let her up, she swung at him, attempting to hit him anywhere she could until the nightmare of Penny being hurt had passed. Now, she was doing the same, except this time, Adam had been unprepared, and she actually was able to dodge his grip on her and get off of the bed.
“What happened?!” James demanded.
“Get her!” Adam bellowed, when Brynna tried to run past him, “Do not touch her back!”
James stopped Brynna from running and pulled her back to the bed as gently as she could. Twice, she sunk her teeth down into his shoulder, as her front was pressed to his, and he was walking her along so that she was walking backwards. As her hands pushed his chest with all that was left of her draining strength, her head turned so she could bite into his throat. Janna reached up and pulled her away before she could get the chance. Together, she and James laid her back down on her side.
“What happened?” James asked again, as Brynna moaned softly, crying again. “Baby...” He touched her face and wiped her tears away. “Is someone going to answer my question?!”
“Maxwell, if you had been fulfilling your duty to her, you would know that already.” Adam said to him in a voice that was trembling dangerously, “Moreover, this would not have happened. She was pushed into the woods, did you know that? I will venture to guess that you do.”
“You think I did it?! You think I would do something like that?!”
“You've done it before.” Adam snarled at him, “Do you not remember when I had to save her from you?!”
“You son of a bitch, don't you fucking tell me...” James reached out and grabbed hold of Adam's shirt, and Adam grabbed his wrist and twisted, which did not cause James as much pain as it would have if Adam was well.
“She told me! She told me that she was pushed, and that someone ran away, leaving her to face the trebestia on her own! As soon as she comes to her senses, I will know that it was you, and even if she begs me to spare you, as she always does, I will end you!”
“You can try!” James snapped at him, “Just fucking try! You're crippled, you stupid son of a bitch! I'll wipe the floor with you!”
“Yes, that thought must comfort you greatly, but it is a lie! But please, believe it. Take confidence in it. I will have your greatest fear when I am ripping your head from your body, and you will live. For seconds after that, you will live! And you will know what I have done!”
“Stop!”
It was not me who had screamed, and it was not Janna, but together, we looked at her in utter shock. Something cognizant had come over Brynna, despite the fact that she was still crying, muttering to herself softly, shaking terribly, and struggling to turn over so she could look at them.
“Hey.” James let go of Adam and sunk down onto his knees so he could get at eye-level with Brynna. “Hey, baby. I'm sorry it took me so long.”
“Where is Adam?” She asked softly, tremulously. James looked up at Adam, who somehow managed to suppress any trace of the smirk I knew he had to have been fighting.
“He's here, baby.” James was able to suppress any anger he felt at her for asking that question. “Violet is here, too. And Janna.”
“And you.” Her hand came out to grasp his face. “I thought they got you, too. Because you came after me.” A hiccupping sob escaped her, and her tears started to fall again. “You told me to run, and I didn't want to, but you made me. And I had to leave you... And they got you... I looked back... James...”
When she sat up and reached out to him, he pulled her the rest of the way so she wouldn't strain herself. Then, his arms enveloped her, and he burrowed his face into her neck as she did the same to him.
“It's okay. Baby, you're okay now.”
“Are you really here?” She asked him through her tears.
“I am. I'm right here, baby. That was just a bad dream. It was just another nightmare, sweetheart.”
“That house...” She murmured, “That house is bad.”
“I know. But you're home. You're safe with us again.”
“This won't stop. Every time I think I'm back, it comes over me again. Adam's voice keeps it away.” She turned herself over with great difficulty at first, but James maneuvered her gently so she could face him. With a trembling hand, she reached out to Adam, who knelt beside her bed and took her hand. “You kept it away... The darkness.”
“Of course I did. Your pain was too much for me to bear.”
Brynna nodded, and tears fell from her eyes again.
“I hate it when you two fight.” She whispered, “You don't have to like each other. But I love you,” She said to James, “and I am so fond of you.” She said to Adam, “I adore you, because you proved how good you are. I am so thankful that you and I were able to overcome my animosity towards you.”
Adam smiled and kissed her hand.
“I am, also. All it took was being viciously attacked by a group of Old Spirits, and Shadows, and a dark giant, followed by you having to carry me for miles.”
“What happened? What happened with the Old Spirits?” James asked, his eyes only on Brynna. I had a feeling that he was only addressing her.
“Yes, but I...” Almost compulsively, she began to shake her head back and forth. “James, don't go into the house again. James, please stay here with me. I think they are gone. They're gone, I think. James, don't go!”
“Baby, I'm here.” He was telling her hurriedly as she started to pull backwards, out of his grasp.
“Lay her down. Not on her back.” Adam told him, almost gently.
“Honey, I'm right here. We're both here; we're not out there. That house wasn't real, baby.” Adam was helping him lay her back down because she was beginning to writhe and convulse slightly again.
“There has to be something to stop this!” James told Adam, with more frenzied panic in his voice than I ever expected him to show. “How long has this been happening?”
“Six hours.” Adam answered grimly. When his intense green eyes (Caspar’s eyes) met James's, I understood that the bluntness of his tone when he answered was the result of his desire for James to know the toll his drunkenness had taken, and that he, meaning Adam, had had to take care of his gi
rlfriend while he was passed out. Though I was furious with James, certainly, I felt badly for him; there was no way he ever could have known after they had had their fight that she would wind up stomping off into the woods, or being pushed, which Adam had suggested actually happened.
“Just tell me what I can do.” James told him softly, “Just tell me there is something that I can do for her. If there's something out in the woods, over the ash circle that I can get, just tell me what it is, and I'll go.”
“Yes. You are very skilled at running, James, but not very skilled at staying by her side.” Adam told him with a snide smile, “I have gotten her this far without incident.”
“I have to go get Penny. I need to go get Penny! They're taking her! It's dark, and she's scared of the dark! They're taking her away from me! And it's dark, and I can't see them! Where did they take her?! PENNY!” She screamed, and the tears began to fall from her eyes again. A moan of desperate, primal terror escaped her, and then, her chest lurched upwards; her head was tilted back at first, but then, it snapped up so that she was looking straight ahead. As if that sudden, unnatural movement wasn't disturbing enough, her eyes started to roll around in their sockets, and her cries intensified to a high-pitched scream. Her tears flowed freely like two parallel rivers just fed by heavy rainwater; I didn't know how she had any fluid left in her body after how much she had cried.
“Maura! Maura! Get Penny from them!” She screamed, “Maura, don't go in there! I want Penny back! Penny! Penny!”
Her arms grasped the bed in front of her and pulled. Her legs twisted backwards abruptly so that she could maneuver herself onto her knees. All the while, James and Adam argued, barely aware that the person they were arguing over was getting ready to make a run for it with the last of her strength and completely against her own will.
“They're calling me.” She whispered so softly that I had to kneel down to hear her. “Mom, and Maura, and Lucien, and Penny... They're calling me to come get her. They don't want her to die, too. My Penny...” Her voice dropped even lower, “I'll go if she can come back.”
“You think when she wakes up, and hears what has transpired over this time...” Adam began.
“She just woke up, and she understands! She knows we had a fight, and that I was pissed! We fight every other day, and we always make up, and you need to get used to that. You need to come to grips with the fact that you are never going to have her. I have her; she wants me. That is never going to change! You think you two went through shit?! Let me tell you something: she and I have been through far worse, and that's why we're still together. Because we overcame more than you can ever imagine, considering you've sat up there in that city that's now burned to nothing, on a throne, doing nothing! You get in one fight, and she had to fight your way out of it, didn't she, because you were too injured?!”
“You speak of your woman in such possessive terms, Maxwell. I cannot begin to imagine what she would say if she heard you speak that way. And if I want her, I will have her!”
“Guys...” I muttered.
“That's what you think?! I should rip your fucking heart out for saying that! You make one move towards her, and I will! You're not going to say to my face that you're going to take her away from her family and from me against her will! You're not going to say that you're going to give her no choice! I will rip you apart! You will not steal her away from me!”
“Oh, you mindless bastard...” Adam actually laughed, “How pathetic you are, that you do not see. I would not have to steal her!”
“I'll go in the house with you, and she can leave.” Brynna whispered, and she nodded at someone with those tears streaming from her eyes. “Yes. I'll stay.”
“Guys!”
But it was too late. Her head twitched up so she was looking straight ahead at the door, and her eyes rolled back down so she could see. Her breathing hitched in her throat, and because my power involved controlling feelings and sensing them all around me, I knew exactly what she felt: that violent, uncontrollable rage, louder and more damaging than a holy storm; that dense, draining sadness that was so hollow and yet so full of pain and grief; and that fear, so paralyzing and so reactionary, terrifying her beyond anything we can fathom and driving her to both stay put, where she could wallow in it, and run towards it, to fight and kick and cry and scream, hoping that it could be beaten and her life could be saved.
“She hated you! She told me that! She hated you for what you've done, and sooner or later, she is going to see you for what you are, and you're going to be nothing to her all over again!”
“I'm going to be nothing to her? Let me make something very clear to you, that perhaps has escaped your attention. Perhaps you just do not want to imagine this, but you will now: You think I somehow convinced her to let me touch her in the woods, but it is not so, James Maxwell. She told me to touch her, and then she took my hand, and she slid it down b—”
“GUYS!”
But my shout sent her flying forward. Over the time that she had been sobbing and fighting to get up, a small pocket of strength had thrived still within her. It was with that inhuman strength that she was able to summon the energy to run forward at that pace only we could achieve.
James had lunged over the bed at Adam, but when she ran out of the door, they immediately forgot their argument and took off after her, but they were not as quick as I was. Over the circle, I could see those woodland creatures lurking, watching and waiting; I could almost feel their blind, desperate desire for her to run over the circle. It dawned on me as I ran behind her that they had marked her with their venom; after they had scratched and bitten her, they didn't think that she would make it over the circle in time, and perhaps they could not eat their prey while that poor creature was sane and able to fight. I couldn't discern the exact reason, but they had known that even if she made it across, the madness that their venom had inflicted on her—those three terrible, powerful emotions—would drive her back over the border—right back towards them.
But they had not factored me into their plan. Because she was so quick, I could only stay just behind her but never quite reach her completely. Every time I reached out to grab a hold of her arm, she jerked away, screaming that they were going to kill Penny. But she was getting closer and closer to the circle, and I had to stop her. The second she stepped over, that would be it. They would drag her into the darkness before they ripped and tore into me, marking me the same way. I didn't care about the last part; I just had to stop her, so I did it the only way I knew how.
I slid up the dirt path on my knees until I was level with her, and then jerked sideways in the same moment so my feet tripped hers out from under her. She crashed onto the ground, sliding forward slightly and smacking her face against the dirt path. For a moment, she moaned in pain and laid there, slightly disoriented. But then, a scream escaped her, and she was attempting to get back onto her feet so she could continue running. But I was too quick for her; I lunged forward and dropped my knees onto the backs of her thighs and my hands onto the backs of hers, pinning her to the ground hard.
“No! No!” She wailed, and James and Adam had finally caught up to us. I got off of her, still holding her arms behind her back as James attempted to turn her over. Her feet were flailing around; she was like a spider that had been flipped over onto its back, but in this case, it was her stomach that was pressed into the ground.
“Don't hurt her. Be careful with her.” I ordered James when he turned her over abruptly. He hadn't meant to hurt her, but she was fighting so violently that he had no choice but to use force.
“Brynna,” He said, only somewhat firmly. I could see that he was rattled. “Brynna, that's enough. Come on. I need to get you back inside, baby. You need to stop.”
“NO!” She shrieked at him, and her eyes turned over red, “I want Penny! I need to get Penny! Don't touch me!” She brought her hand back, gritting her teeth in hot, animal rage, and tried to claw him hard across the face.
“Brynna, that
's enough!” Adam raised his voice, and even I jumped. “I am sorry.” He told me hurriedly. She stopped fighting, and immediately began to sob hysterically.
“But I have to get her! Why are you yelling at me?! I didn't want to do it.”
“Darling, I am sorry...” He started to say as James lifted her into his arms. Her weight dropped completely but he didn't stumble, nor did his arms falter. Not only was she thin, so turning into dead weight didn't affect him, but he was remarkably stronger than the rest of us, so he was able to carry her with ease.
“Don't.” I told Adam gently. “She listened. She's going to be upset right now and think that you're trying to hurt her or that you're being mean, but when she wakes up, she'll thank you.” I slid his arm over my shoulder, noticing for the first time that his wound had reopened and blood had spilled out onto his shirt.
“I do not like having your sister's fear, Violet. Or her resentment. Or her pity. Or her anger. I much prefer the look in her eyes that she had when she was speaking to me moments ago. I have never seen such a look. It nearly brought me to my knees.”
If Nick said something like that to me, I would fall over myself in a ridiculous but delightful swoon. I looked up at Adam, befuddled by the fact that I had never noticed how very attractive he was. Obviously, my sister and I had different tastes in men, but I could say one thing: Just because she liked them old doesn't mean that she didn't like them attractive... Adam and James were attractive in two very different ways, but still, I could see why she was so enamored with both of them, though her entrancement with the former was new and unwelcome, I knew. Despite my love for James, which was present and powerful even though I was angry at him, a part of me was rooting for Adam. A part of me cared deeply for him, for reasons that I couldn't fathom at that time.
“I do not like him. You do not know of the hatred that I have for him.” He continued, “He is selfish, and would sacrifice her life in order to save his own without hesitation. Yes, he has aided her in fights for their lives, but if the real choice was there, he would save himself. And then I would kill him. If harm befalls your sister at his hands, or because of his despicable cowardice, I will kill him.”
“I would want you to if that happened, Adam. I wouldn't stop you.” I found myself whispering, and I couldn't believe, and yet I could, that those words had come out of my mouth. Immediately, I tried to rectify them. “But I disagree with you. He loves her, and he has put her above himself many times. He adores her; they're just having issues.”
“Perhaps he does. I know that she loves and adores him. He is undeserving of her love and trust. As am I. As are most men. She is far too brilliant, and far too beautiful in body, mind, and soul to be with him, especially, and with me, especially. But I have a feeling I would not approve of any man.”
“You would have her be alone forever because you're jealous?” I asked, and my newly developed high opinion of him took a very slight dive.
“Of course not. That is why I do not kill him now. I would rather be envious than for her to be in terrible danger, which she would be, if she were mine. I will take this terrible...” He grunted in pain when I helped him onto the steps, “…envy over her being harmed.”
I don't know why, but I had a sudden urge to say something. It was random and strange, but it was something that I felt had to be said.
“You're a good man, Adam. You've proven that. And she feels differently towards you now. Whatever you two experienced out there, it has changed her entire opinion of you.”
“I know that it has. And if you knew what we had experienced, you would understand why.”
I looked up at him and said:
“I already do understand.”
And though it was slight, he smiled.