by T. Rudacille
***
That night, we all fell asleep on the couches in the house of Olivier. I was dozing, hanging about in between sleep and awake, listening to the crackling of the fire, when I heard Brynna say, “Your mind is heavy. Would you like to take a proverbial load off?”
I thought that she was talking to me, because my mind was very heavy. Luckily, I didn’t answer, or else I never would have heard their conversation.
“I should, I guess.” Alice replied softly, “But I mean, whose mind isn’t heavy right now?”
“Well, those two cuddling lovebirds in the corner are dreaming of each other, blissfully.”
“Really?”
“Absolutely. Dreams are linked, did you know that? Generally, if say, you are dreaming of being in a boat on a sparkling river at twilight with Quinn, he is dreaming the same, or something very similar. By very similar, I mean that he is dreaming of being in a boat with you on a sparkling river at high noon. Right now, Violet is dreaming that she and Nick are running like happy forest gazelles through the happier parts of Shadow Forest. The sun is shining in her mind. In his, it is raining, but he is laughing very much. Oh, they are stopping to kiss, and the two worlds are merging. Sun and rain. Oh, Lord, more frenetic kissing. Let me get out of there.”
Alice giggled.
“The ethical issues of mind reading…” She said.
“I know. They are many. Let us see. James is not currently dreaming, but he is asleep. Penny is dreaming of those rabid chickens, but she is much larger than they are in the dream, so she is not afraid of them. Little tyrant, she is chasing after them, giggling hysterically.” They both laughed again, “She wants to bring one home and help me pick it so we can make chicken soup with curry. Once the chicken is caught, she is going to go ask for garlic from Perry, that Pangaean man who owns the spice farm. She wants to make garlic bread with lots of cheese. Penny dreams of food quite often.”
“Well, she does love to cook with you.”
“I know. But you are not dreaming, which means that your mind is so troubled you cannot sleep. Is it just the usual suspects, shall we say, causing you anxiety? The war, Adam’s new reign of terror, the constant threat of losing our lives?”
“That pretty much sums it up. What more do I need? I just… I almost lost him today, Brynn. Maybe Adam wasn’t going to kill him, but maybe he was. And he was in so much pain. And you; you almost died, too. It’s just… this group is going to get split up one day, isn’t it? We’re immortal, so it’s not like James and Savannah are going to get really old and then die, and then you’re going to die, and then we’ll die, et cetera, et cetera. One of us is going to get killed. Maybe most of us will. Bottom line, we’re not going to all be together forever. There’s no way that we can last like this.” She stopped, perhaps waiting for Brynna to deny that all this was true by citing evidence gathered using her power. But Brynna did not respond, and I sensed that Brynna knew Alice was not done spilling all her anxieties yet, even if Alice thought she was done. Brynna was nothing if not the most patient, most selfless listener, always knowing the ebb and flow of the speaker’s thoughts and feelings when they did not. She never interrupted. She never judged.
“You all are the only family we have.” Alice continued, “Our parents are dead. They were killed by Shadows on Earth. For a while here, we were all we had, but you can’t live with just one other person, I don’t think. We need to be in a group, and you all are our group. We all take care of each other, but you and James take care of Quinn and me like we’re your children, and we need that. I didn’t think that I needed someone to look out for me, but I do. So does Quinn, though he’ll never admit it. So does Nick. And obviously, you know Violet and Penny do. And you shouldn’t be responsible for me, but you never let me think that you don’t want to be responsible for me, even if you really don’t want to be…”
There was silence, and when I opened my eyes as slightly as I could, I saw that Brynna had leaned forward and grasped her hand.
“James and I are responsible for you and Quinn. We are because we want to be, not because we have to be. I do not usually go the way of sentimentality, and through not going that way, I do not speak sentimentally, ever. But for you, right now, I will: We are a family. We are a strange collection, from various walks of life, with various interests and skills, likes and dislikes, beliefs and morals, with varied back stories and darkness aplenty each. But we are together now, and by being together, that means that we face nothing alone. I will take care of you because for all intents and purposes, you’re in my blood now. Both of you are. And if there is one thing I know you both had to have seen, I protect what’s in my blood. And as far as being separated, it may happen, it may not. We will fight like the animals we are to prevent it, but if it does happen, we will fight like the animals we are to find our way back to each other. Now, you are young, and I know that Quinn likes to say that I am only four years older than all of you, but I have never had any inclination to behave in a way that is typical of those my age, whereas you, Quinn, Violet, and Nick have always had the inclination to behave in a way that is typical of seventeen-year-olds. So, because it is now the duty of James and me to take care of each of you, I am telling you that we both want for the four of you to live your young lives free from worry. Therefore, I want you to take all this anxiety and put it away. What is going to come is going to come whether we worry about it or not. It is a trite lesson, but it is one that is undeniably true. So put it away, and live happily, if not for yourself, then for me. Let me feel as though I am doing my job.”
Alice laughed softly, and I saw her wipe at her tearing eyes.
“I could never say thank you enough to you and James. I could never say anything back to you that would express how I feel about you, Violet, James, Penny, and Nick as well as you just did.”
“Well, luckily for you, you don’t have to.”
“Good.” She smiled, “I almost threw it away today. My first time with Quinn.”
“You and Quinn still have not…”
“No. God, no. And actually, it really is ‘God, no,’ isn’t it, because it’s just how I was raised? Wait until marriage, and all that. Of course, I’m not going to wait until marriage now, but I am still waiting. And I don’t know why. Quinn and I have been together for four years, and he is like, scarily patient, and so respectful of my beliefs. He has asked a million times, but every time I’ve said no, he’s never gotten mad at me.”
“That is very surprising for someone his age, but he is very surprising. Though he may not know it, he is very mature for his age, and that maturity makes him respectful of you. Also, his love for you keeps him from pressuring you to break your long-held beliefs on the matter.”
“But I mean, isn’t it weird that I’m like, an almost twenty-year-old virgin?”
“Are you daft, punk?” She asked, and Alice laughed softly again. “Let me turn this conversation into an after-school special right now. The decision to engage in sexual intercourse is not a race to see who gets there first. While we might have lived in a culture that turned virgins into pariahs and girls with swinging door vaginas into heroes, you need to understand that when the time is right, the time is right. If you lose your virginity at fifteen, and it was right for you, then fine, it was right. If you are nineteen, or in my case, twenty-two, then so be it.”
“You were twenty-two? James was the first?”
“The first man, yes.”
“Oh. I always wondered. Wait, what do you mean ‘the first man?’”
“Oh, you did not see the obsolete blog posts about my alleged trysts with a middle-aged journalist named Rachel Lilien? There was photographic evidence, I have been told.”
“No! Does James know about it?”
“No, because he has never asked. I am only telling you about it because you asked who my first was, and if I had said James was my absolute first, I would have been lying in more ways than one. But trust me when I say that my first time with James was far sca
rier than my first time with Rachel, just because of my past, but they were both equally as intimate and world-changing and brilliant and perfect. But with James, it was a little more, because it required so much more trust.”
“My mind is blown right now. I am shocked. I never got those vibes from you, that you swung that way.”
“I do not swing that way. Everyone wants to attribute labels of homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality, et cetera to people, but sometimes, it is not that simple. I like men, but I loved a woman. In my internet research at the time, I found some articles saying such things were completely normal, and others, mainly Christian websites, no offense, that said I needed to book a swift departure to a ‘pray away gay’ facility, as there was still hope of me being saved because I had not yet made up my mind.”
“Did your parents know?”
“About Rachel? Of course. They might not have been religious or even all that conservative, but they were utterly unaccepting of my choice.”
“What did your mother say?”
“My mother did not say anything because my mother did not speak to me.”
“Oh. Right. What about Maura?”
“Supportive. Very much so. Even though Rachel was many years older than me…”
“How many?”
“I was about twenty, she was forty something.”
“God, you have a type! Old people!” Alice said, and they both laughed. I was shocked that Brynna was sharing so easily with Alice, and I was shocked that she was laughing at Alice’s gentle ribbing.
“I do, indeed. One thing on Earth, Pangaea, Mars, or anywhere else that we cannot help is to whom we are attracted. Old people, black people, Asian people, boys when we are boys, girls when we are girls—it is chemical. It is a biological makeup, I believe. I cannot help it that I loved Rachel, who was in her forties, or James, who is forty-seven, or Adam, who is several thousand years old but looks like he is fifty-two. I do not love him, though.” She added hurriedly. “I just… I was attracted…”
“Brynn… it’s okay.” Alice told her, “God, I have learned so much about you tonight. More than I have in the entire two years of us living near each other.”
“Well, you shared with me, so I figured I would share with you. Keep it an even-steven trade, as they say.”
“I have never heard anyone say that.”
“Really? Well, then, I have said it. Did I make you uncomfortable with that revelation?”
“No. Not at all. Honestly. Brynn, I might be religious, but we aren’t all like that. Hating gay people and women and whatever else the Old Spirits hate.”
“Good.” Brynna smiled, “Now, I am sure it is about two AM, old Earth time. So we need to get some sleep. We are required to work in the morning, and I have a feeling that it will be a most grueling day, as Adam will no longer be letting us leave after eight hours on the job.”
“Alright. Goodnight, Brynnie.”
“Did you just call me ‘Brynnie?!’”
“Yup! I’ve been wanting to call you that since Violet told me it used to be your nickname, but I haven’t done it. Now, I feel like I can.” Alice started laughing, “You totally hate that totally affectionate nickname!”
“I will allow you to call me that only if you do not call me it in public. Understood?”
“Crystal clear. Night, Brynnie.”
“Goodnight, Allie. And goodnight to you, Quinnevra.”