Black As He's Painted

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by Ngaio Marsh


  There being nowhere else to put her, they half carried her upstairs and left her with Mrs Chubb, gabbling wildly about how badly he treated her and how she knew when he left the house in a blind rage he would do what he said he would do. All of which was noted down by the officer on duty in the upstairs room.

  In the downstairs room Alleyn, not having a warrant for his arrest, asked Colonel Cockburn-Montfort to come to the Yard where he would be formally charged with the murder of the Sanskrits.

  ‘And I should warn you that –’

  CHAPTER 10

  Epilogue

  ‘It was clear from the moment we saw the bodies,’ Alleyn said, ‘that Montfort was the man. The pig-pottery had been under strict surveillance from the time Sanskrit returned to it from the house-agents. The only gap came after Gibson’s men had been drawn off by the bomb-scare. The traffic in the Mews piled up between Sergeant Jacks and the flat entrance where Montfort leant against the doorbell and for at least five minutes, probably longer, the façade was completely hidden by a van. During that time Montfort, who was beginning to make a scene in the street, had been admitted by one or other of the Sanskrits, with the object, one supposes, of shutting him up.

  They were in a hurry. They had to get to the airport. They had planned to make their getaway within the next quarter of an hour and were packing up the last lot of pigs and writing a note for the agents. Leaving the drunken Colonel to grind to a halt, they returned to their jobs. Sanskrit put the penultimate pig in the case, his sister sat down to write the note. Montfort followed them up, found himself between the two of them, heaved up the last pig doorstop on the bench and in a drunken fury crashed it down left and right. The shock of what he’d done may have partly sobered him. His gloves were bloodied. He shoved them in the kiln, walked out and had the sense or the necessity to lean against the doorbell again. The van still blocked the view, and when it removed itself, there he still was.’

  ‘Who raised the false alarm about the bomb?’ asked Troy.

  ‘Oh, one of the Sanskrits, don’t you think? To draw Gibson’s men off while the two of them did a bunk to Ng’ombwana. They were in a blue funk over the outcome of the assassination and an even bluer one at the thought of the Ku-Klux-Fish. They realized, as they were bound to do, that they’d been rumbled.’

  ‘It would seem,’ Mr Whipplestone said drily, ‘that they did not over-estimate the potential.’

  ‘It would indeed.’

  ‘Rory – how drunk was the wretched man?’ Troy asked.

  ‘Can one talk about degrees of drunkenness in an alcoholic? I suppose one can. According to his wife, and there’s no reason to doubt her, he was plug-ugly drunk and breathing murder when he left the house.’

  ‘And the whole thing, you believe, was completely unpremeditated?’ Mr Whipplestone asked.

  ‘I think so. No coherent plan when he leant on the doorbell. Nothing beyond a blind alcoholic rage to get at them. There was the pig on the work table and there were their heads. Bang, bang and he walked out again. The traffic block was just drunkard’s luck. I don’t for a moment suppose he was aware of it and I think he’d have behaved in exactly the same way if it hadn’t occurred.’

  ‘He had the sense to put his gloves in the kiln,’ Mr Whipplestone pointed out.

  ‘It’s the only bit of hard evidence we’ve got. I wouldn’t venture a guess as to how far the shock of what he’d done sobered him. Or as to how he may have exaggerated his condition for our benefit. He’s been given a blood test and the alcoholic level was astronomical.’

  ‘No doubt he’ll plead drunkenness,’ said Mr Whipplestone.

  ‘You may depend upon it. And to some purpose, I don’t mind betting.’

  ‘What about my poor, silly Chubb?’

  ‘Sam, in the ordinary course of things he’d face a charge of conspiracy. If it does come to that, the past history – his daughter – and the dominance of the others will tell enormously in his favour. With a first-class counsel –’

  ‘I’ll look after that. And his bail. I’ve told him so.’

  ‘I’m not sure we’ve got a case. Apart from the mlinzi’s collar-bone there’s no hard evidence. What we would greatly prefer would be for Chubb to make a clean breast about the conspiracy in return for his own immunity.’

  Mr Whipplestone and Troy looked uncomfortable.

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Alleyn said. ‘But just you think for a bit about Gomez. He’s the only one, apart from Montfort himself who’d be involved and believe me, if ever there was a specimen who deserved what’s coming to him, it’s that one. We’ve got him on a forged passport charge which will do to go on with, and a search of his pseudo coffee-importing premises in the City has brought to light some very dubious transactions in uncut diamonds. And in the background is his Ng’ombwanan conviction for manslaughter of a particularly revolting nature.’

  ‘What about the Embassy angle?’ Troy asked.

  ‘What indeed? What happened within those opéra bouffe walls is, as we keep telling ourselves, their affair although it will figure obliquely as motive in the case against Montfort. But for the other show – the slaughter of the Ambassador by the mlinzi – that’s over to The Boomer and I wish the old so-and-so joy of it.’

  ‘He leaves tomorrow, I’m told.’

  ‘Yes. At 2.30. After giving Troy a final sitting.’

  ‘Really!’ Mr Whipplestone exclaimed, gazing in polite awe at Troy. She burst out laughing.

  ‘Don’t look so shocked,’ she said and to her own, Alleyn’s and Mr Whipplestone’s astonishment dropped a kiss on the top of his head. She saw the pink scalp under the neat strands of hair turn crimson and said: ‘Pay no attention. I’m excited about my work.’

  ‘Don’t ruin everything!’ said Mr Whipplestone with tremendous dash. ‘I’d hoped it was about me.’

  II

  ‘By all the rules, if there were any valid ones,’ Troy said at half past eleven the following morning, ‘it’s an unfinished portrait. But even if you could give me another sitting I don’t think I’d take it.’

  The Boomer stood beside her looking at her work. At no stage of the sitting had he exhibited any of the usual shyness of the sitter who doesn’t want to utter banalities and at no stage had he uttered any.

  ‘There is something African in the way you have gone about this picture,’ he said. ‘We have no portraitists of distinction at present but if we had they would try to do very much as you have done, I think. I find it hard to remember that the painter is not one of my people.’

  ‘You couldn’t have said anything to please me more,’ said Troy.

  ‘No? I am glad. And so I must go: Rory and I have one or two things to settle and I have to change. So it is goodbye, my dear Mrs Rory, and thank you.’

  ‘Goodbye,’ Troy said, ‘my dear President Boomer, and thank you.’

  She gave him her painty hand and saw him into the house where Alleyn waited for him. This time he had come without his mlinzi who, he said, was involved with final arrangements at the Embassy.

  He and Alleyn had a drink together.

  ‘This has been in some ways an unusual visit,’ The Boomer remarked.

  ‘A little unusual,’ Alleyn agreed.

  ‘On your part, my dear Rory, it has been characterized by the tactful avoidance of difficult corners.’

  ‘I’ve done my best. With the assistance, if that’s the right word, of diplomatic immunity.’

  The Boomer gave him a tentative smile. Alleyn reflected that this was a rare occurrence. The Boomer’s habit was to bellow with laughter, beam like a lighthouse or remain entirely solemn.

  ‘So those unpleasant persons,’ he said, ‘have been murdered by Colonel Cockburn-Montfort.’

  ‘It looks like it.’

  ‘They were unpleasant,’ The Boomer said thoughtfully. ‘We were sorry to employ them but needs must. You find the same sort of situation in your own service, of course.’

  This being perfectly true, there was little to
be said in reply.

  ‘We regretted the necessity,’ The Boomer said, ‘to reinstate them in Ng’ombwana.’

  ‘In the event,’ Alleyn said drily, ‘you don’t have to.’

  ‘No!’ he cried gaily. ‘So it’s an ill wind, as the saying goes. We are spared the Sanskrits. What a good thing.’

  Alleyn gazed at him, speechless.

  ‘Is anything the matter, old boy?’ The Boomer asked.

  Alleyn shook his head.

  ‘Ah!’ said The Boomer, ‘I think I know. We have come within sight of that ravine, again.’

  ‘And again we can arrange to meet elsewhere.’

  ‘That is why you have not asked me certain questions. Such as how far was I aware of the successful counterplot against my traitor-Ambassador. Or whether I myself dealt personally with the odious Sanskrits who served us so usefully. Or whether it was I, of my own design, who led our poor Gibson so far down the Embassy garden path.’

  ‘Not only Gibson.’

  An expression of extreme distress came over the large black face. His paws gripped Alleyn’s shoulders and his enormous, slightly bloodshot eyes filled with tears.

  ‘Try to understand,’ he said. ‘Justice has been done in accordance with our need, our grass-roots, our absolute selves. With time we shall evolve a change and adapt and gradually such elements may die out in us. At the present, my very dear friend, you must think of us – of me, if you like, as –’

  He hesitated for a moment and then with a smile and a change in his huge voice: ‘– as an unfinished portrait,’ said The Boomer.

  Coda

  On a very warm morning in mid-summer, Lucy Lockett, wearing the ornamental collar in which she seemed to fancy herself, sat on the front steps of No. 1, Capricorn Walk, contemplating the scene and keeping an ear open on proceedings in the basement flat.

  Mr Whipplestone had found a suitable tenant and the Chubbs were turning out the premises. A vacuum cleaner whined, there were sundry bumps. The windows were open and voices were heard.

  Mr Whipplestone had gone to the Napoli to buy his Camembert and Lucy, who never accompanied him into the Mews, awaited his return.

  The cleaner was switched off. The Chubbs interchanged peaceful remarks and Lucy, suddenly moved by the legendary curiosity of her species and sex, leapt neatly into the garden and thence through the basement window.

  The chattels of the late tenant had been removed but a certain amount of litter still remained. Lucy pretended to kill a crumpled sheet of newspaper and then fossicked about in odd corners. The Chubbs paid little attention to her.

  When Mr Whipplestone returned he found his cat on the top step, couchante, with something between her fore-paws. She gazed up at him and made one of her fetching little remarks.

  ‘What have you got there?’ he asked. He inserted his eyeglass and bent down to see.

  It was a white pottery fish.

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  Acknowledgement

  The author’s warmest thanks are due to

  Sir Alister McIntosh, KCMG and

  P. J. Humphries, Esq., for their very kind advice

  on matters ambassadorial and linguistic.

  Also by the Author

  A Man Lay Dead

  Enter a Murderer

  The Nursing Home Murder

  Death in Ecstasy

  Vintage Murder

  Artists in Crime

  Death in a White Tie

  Overture to Death

  Death at the Bar

  Surfeit of Lampreys

  Death and the Dancing Footman

  Colour Scheme

  Died in the Wool

  Final Curtain

  Swing, Brother, Swing

  Opening Night

  Spinsters in Jeopardy

  Scales of Justice

  Off With His Head

  Singing in the Shrouds

  False Scent

  Hand in Glove

  Dead Water

  Death at the Dolphin

  Clutch of Constables

  When in Rome

  Tied up in Tinsel

  Black As He’s Painted

  Last Ditch

  Grave Mistake

  Photo-Finish

  Light Thickens

  Black Beech and Honeydew (autobiography)

  Copyright

  HARPER

  An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers

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  First published in Great Britain by HarperCollinsPublishers 1974

  Copyright © Ngaio Marsh Ltd 1974

  Ngaio Marsh asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of these works.

  A catalogue copy of this book is available from the British Library.

  This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  Source ISBN: 9780007328789

  EPub Edition © JANUARY 2010 ISBN: 9780007344840

  Version: 2014-06-20

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