“He was with a woman? Are you sure she wasn’t a friend?” I asked hopefully.
Jeremy shot me a look that questioned my intelligence. “That depends. You and Cameron are friends. When you hang out, does he greet you by examining your tonsils with his tongue?”
“He better not, or I’ll rip his fucking tongue out,” Trent grumbled and rolled onto his back.
I ignored Trent’s outburst. He was adorably grumpy in the morning, but I’d have to focus on that after Jeremy didn’t have that heartbroken look on his face. “I think he’s really bi, Jeremy.”
He sighed. “I know.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath, and dropped his arms with a defeated look on his face. “It’s time for me to let him go. I’m not sure how to do that while we’re both here, but graduation is only a few months away. I’m not sticking around after.”
My throat constricted, and a small squeak escaped before I could control myself. The thought of losing Jeremy never occurred to me. We’d been inseparable since the summer Becca and I spent at my parents’ lake house where we met him and Aiden. He was the person I turned to when my best friends moved on with their lives and mine stayed the same.
He was the same age as Aiden, but Jeremy had decided to go with a double major in business and marketing, which delayed his graduation a year past Aiden’s. I loved how ambitious he was and that we would graduate together. It was another sign to me that he and I were like a different kind of soul mates. Stupidly, I’d viewed graduation as a beginning for us, not the end.
“Don’t give me that look, Bite-size, I’m not abandoning you. I don’t think you realize yet, but you aren’t going to need me like you used to. I’m not the main man in your life anymore. Please don’t give me grief over this. I need to move on, move forward, or maybe just move. Please, Toni,” he begged.
I opened my mouth to argue, but I couldn’t deny the pain I saw on his face. I closed it and nodded my agreement.
“Thank you,” he whispered. And that was as much serious emotion as Jeremy could handle. A tiny glimmer came back into his eyes, and his mouth curved up. Always a bad sign. “I want to switch rooms with you.”
“Huh?” I asked, confused.
“You take my room, and I’ll take this one. Something about it creates earth-shaking orgasms. You’ve had your turn in the sex room, now you can take my room,” he explained.
“Sex room?” I asked, waiting for something that made sense to come out of his mouth.
He took another sip of his coffee. “I was sure Becca and Aiden were going to get slapped with a noise violation with their activities in here, and now I have an urge to build a Trent shrine due to the number of times I heard you say his name combined with God’s last night in my sleep.”
“Oh my God,” I exclaimed, embarrassed.
“Trent,” Jeremy added. I gaped at him. “Sorry, you weren’t praying? I heard ‘Oh my God, Trent,’ over and over last night. It’s wormed into my subconscious.”
Trent chuckled, and I slapped his chest. “Don’t encourage him,” I hissed.
“Anyway, if you were planning on praying again this morning, better make it a quickie. Aiden called. They are having a barbeque, and he expects everyone to come. Becca is getting restless, and he wants her to have some fun without leaving the house.”
“I’ll let you know.”
“Two hours and I’m dragging your ass out the door. You can’t keep avoiding everyone, Toni,” Jeremy retorted. He shut the door, preventing me from arguing with him.
“Don’t you want to see your friends?” Trent asked, studying my face.
I sighed. I did, but tension built in my stomach every time I knew I was going to be around them. I wasn’t sure what the cause of it was, but I knew exactly when it started.
It was almost two years ago now when Jeremy called and told me Becca was missing. I was stunned, terrified, and helpless. I couldn’t imagine who would want to hurt her, but looking back, we should have seen it coming.
Aiden’s mom and his ex-girlfriend Vanessa were trying to come between him and Becca. At the same time, a couple of sleazy lawyers from Colorado came to town to harass Becca so she wouldn’t testify against the pedophile that I now know raped her when she was thirteen. Becca stood in the way of Aiden’s gold-digging mom and ex getting their hands on his sizeable inheritance, and when the opportunity to try to get rid of her arose, they jumped at it.
Aiden’s mom and Vanessa paid the lawyers—more like hired goons—to abduct Becca, and they hit her over the head and shoved her into the trunk of their car. Quick thinking on her part helped her escape, but she’ll never get over the fact she killed one of them and put the other in the hospital.
Becca was able to make it to a vacant barn and hide in a storage closet until Reed, who was still a detective at the time, found her nearly frozen and suffering from a concussion. The rest of us spent the night worrying, praying, and trying to comfort each other.
Aiden was a mess, and I didn’t want to burden my friends by having my own freak out, so I locked the fear away deep inside myself. At least that’s what I tried to do, but that night, during the little sleep I managed to get, my nightmare returned.
Instead of the young woman with long, dark hair and a face I never saw clearly, Becca was there. I watched the same events unfold, but the woman I watched die while I hid, shaking in fear, was my best friend. For days after she came home from the hospital, I’d had flashbacks of that image.
Without examining it much, I turned to Kate rather than Becca. I know my distance hurt her, but Aiden and the birth of their son soon distracted her. I hated myself for pulling away from her, but every time I saw her, I felt panic rise in my gut.
Then it all started again when Kate’s ex-husband found her. She started getting creepy gifts, like a doll made to look like a dead baby. He was tormenting her for the child she lost after he beat her and her twin brother, putting both of them in the hospital.
Except this time it wasn’t only my friends that found themselves in danger. I was unlucky enough to be home the night he broke into our house to find her.
Ever since that night, I’ve had two versions of my nightmare. Most nights it’s the same as when I was a kid, and I watch the unknown woman get beaten to death, but some nights the woman looks like me.
It isn’t their fault. They don’t even know I have nightmares, but being around them reminds me of how vulnerable I feel in the dream. Sometimes I’m angry with them because they don’t see how scared I am all the time. It’s stupid, because I do everything I can to hide it, but I still wish they’d notice.
I knew I needed to tell them, but the words never came to me when they were around. It was easy to slip into our expected roles. Jeremy hides behind his humor, and I hide behind my carefree attitude. The truth was we were both a couple of liars.
Only, Jeremy confided in me sometimes. I knew how hurt he was over the way Cameron treated him. Until last night, I’d never even shared the fact I had nightmares. I rarely told him anything about how horrible my relationship with Miguel was, and when I did, I glossed over the details.
Maybe I was lying, not just to my friends, but to myself. I was ready for someone to know me, to see my pain and love me anyway. I hoped Trent could be that someone, and so I told him everything.
“You’re afraid of losing them,” he said when I was finished.
I nodded. Even though it wasn’t a question, I answered. I hadn’t even really allowed myself to get close enough to my feelings to figure out why I felt the way I did. I was terrified of something happening to them, which made the fact I was pushing them away all the more stupid.
“Do you want to go meet my friends?” I asked quietly.
Trent pushed my hair out of my face. “How are you going to introduce me?”
My mouth went dry. We’d talked about us, and I was pretty sure we were together, but what if he didn’t see it the same way? Just because we’d had sex last night didn’t mean he wan
ted me to skip around town telling everyone we were together.
“How do you want me to introduce you?” There, I managed to throw the ball back in his court.
“I’d like them to know I’m your boyfriend. They’re the most important people in your life, and I hope that’s why you want me to meet them,” he said, staring deep into my eyes.
I licked my bottom lip. “I’d like that.”
We took our time getting ready, which included a joint shower that lasted until the hot water ran out. Jeremy offered to drive us, but I opened my mouth to protest. I felt the need to have my own means of escape and was going to suggest Trent and I take his bike there.
“Don’t start, Itsy-bitsy. You have to get over whatever is creating this distance between you and them. They are your friends, and they love you. Why are you constantly pushing them away?”
Jeremy was right. I’d already come to the conclusion that I was being stupid. Unfortunately, realizing something was easier than actually changing my behavior. “You’re right, but I don’t want to discuss it. We’ll ride with you.”
Trent gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, and I told myself I was doing the right thing.
***
It didn’t take long for us to reach the edge of town where the houses became mansions and electronic security gates blocked the driveways. Becca’s life was so much different since she’d married Aiden Ryan, and I was thrilled for her. Not because of his money, but because Aiden was one of the sweetest men on the planet. He wasn’t hard to look at, either. That is, if you went for the tall, muscular, blue-eyed, sexy, boy-next-door look.
Trent’s eyes were wide when we walked around the back of the giant house. After having spent so much time here, I stopped seeing the property for what it was. Now it just seemed like a second home, a crazy, fortress-like second home.
I leaned into Trent and whispered, “I told you a bit about what happened to Becca and Aiden. He has a compulsion to keep them protected, and this is the result.”
“Seems reasonable,” he remarked.
I raised my eyebrow at his reply. I understood the reasons behind Aiden’s overprotectiveness, and I felt comfortable on his compound, but I don’t think I’d ever describe this sprawling property, six-foot fence, and hi-tech security system as “reasonable.”
Trent smirked at my expression and kissed me on the head. “He has money. And from what you’ve told me, he’s already experienced what some people will do to get access to it, and one of those people was his mother. Your friend doesn’t look like she feels smothered by the attention.” He jerked his chin in Becca’s direction.
When he put it that way, Trent was right, and Becca did look happy and loved. She was leaning against Aiden while he rubbed her belly. She was nearly eight months pregnant and had a noticeable bump. We all hoped this pregnancy would be easier than her first, since the drama in her life had gone way down, but she suffered from extreme morning sickness like she had with Scott.
I grabbed Trent’s hand and pulled him closer to where they were gathered. “Come meet my friends.”
We moved into the group, and I felt everyone’s eyes lock on to us. I’d never brought a guy around before, not even Miguel. Kate and Becca were practically vibrating with the urge to pull me aside and ask a million questions, but they held back. Jeremy was right; I’d pushed them away too far and for too long. There never used to be boundaries between Becca and me especially, but now there was a distance in our friendship that was completely my fault.
I smiled shyly. “Guys, this is Trent McKenzie.” I squeezed his hand. “Trent, you met Kate and Reed at their wedding. You know Jeremy. Kate’s twin brother, Cameron, is over there. I think you also met Aiden and Becca at the wedding, too.”
Trent greeted everyone, and it didn’t take long for the guys to engage him in a serious discussion about baseball. Aiden played for the university before he met Becca. After Becca was abducted, he quit the team because he couldn’t stand the idea of being away from her for most of the spring. I think he missed it sometimes, but he was looking forward to coaching Little League when his children started to play.
Reed and Cameron both played in high school, and Jeremy was getting ready to start his last season playing for the college in a few weeks. Needless to say, baseball was practically a religion with these guys. Thankfully, Trent was a huge Mariners fan. I’d have to remember to ask him if he played in school.
With Trent preoccupied, I decided to get the inevitable talk I could see Becca and Kate wanted to have over with. Kate and I moved away from the guys, and Becca waddled quickly in my direction rubbing her lower back with a hand as she made her way toward me.
“Hey there, Momma. How are you doing this time?” I inquired.
Becca looked tired. Her face reflected an ache she was struggling to hide from everyone, probably to help Aiden relax. “I’m fine. Just some back pain,” she replied.
“Don’t try to distract us, not when I see you are finally getting together with the hot bartender,” Kate demanded.
I placed my wrist on her forehead, pretending to check her temperature. “Who are you, and what have you done with my friend Kate? Have you seen her? Tall, blond, legs for days, kinda shy?”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Please, I was reserved, and you try staying that way and be married to Reed, I dare you.” Her expression turned serious. “Don’t think we don’t realize you’re still trying to avoid talking to us.”
My friends deserved honesty. Jeremy ordered me to cut my shit, and he was right. “I wasn’t avoiding you. Well, I was, but not because I didn’t want to see you guys. I’ve almost lost both of you, and it scared me. I suck, I know that, but I’ll do better.”
Kate and Becca exchanged a look and nodded at me.
“We forgive you, but don’t disappear on us again,” Kate said and waved her hand in front of us, as if clearing a slate. “Now that that’s done, tell us about the sexy bartender.”
“Kate,” I exclaimed and laughed. I was still getting used to how she was now that her past was truly behind her. She was so free, and I envied her for that. I shrugged. “Trent and I met at my birthday after everyone left. We’ve been flirting and slowly getting to know each other, but the last few weeks he’s been more demanding. We’re together now, but I don’t know what that means, exactly.”
“Reed gets demanding sometimes,” Kate blurted out and waggled her eyebrows. “It’s hot.”
“Oh my God! I don’t need to know that shit. Reed and Aiden are both hot, but at this point they’re like my brothers. I do not need to hear that Reed likes to get freaky,” I begged.
“Aiden gets all growly and possessive. Obviously it works for me,” Becca said and rubbed her expanding middle. She then winced, and Kate and I both rushed to grab her a chair.
“Thanks,” she said once she sat down. She continued to rub circles on her belly and sighed. “I’ll be glad when this kid is born. I really thought it would be easier the second time. Enough about me, though. Toni, what do you mean you’re together but you don’t know what that means?”
I shrugged. “It means we aren’t seeing other people, and beyond that, I have no freaking clue what to think. Mostly it means I’m scared to think about it too hard, because if he changes his mind, I’m not sure I could keep breathing.”
“He doesn’t look like he’s going to change his mind,” Becca said. “He has the same lovesick expression on his face that Aiden and Reed have on theirs most of the time. It’s terrifying, because you care. The people we love can hurt us far more deeply than anyone else, even when they aren’t trying to.”
“What do I do?” I whispered.
Kate reached out and squeezed my hand. “I’ll tell you what not to do, from my experience. Don’t fight how you feel. Don’t turn away from him. Basically, don’t get in your own way. I wasted so much time running away from Reed, when the entire time I wanted to run straight to him. I thought I was protecting him, myself, or my brother, but I wasn’t. I w
as scared and stupid.”
“I’m trying,” I agreed.
Becca sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry to cut this conversation short, but I think I need to go lie down or something.”
“You don’t look great, Becs. I think you should call your ob-gyn,” I said.
“Toni is right,” Kate said.
Becca stood, and I instantly noticed the blood covering the wooden chair she was sitting in. I pointed at it. “Shit, Kate, look at her chair.”
“Aiden,” Kate screamed.
Everything seemed to happen in fast-forward after that. Becca’s eyes rolled into the back of her head as she slumped forward. Kate managed to grab her and gently lower her to the ground as Aiden barreled toward us.
“We need an ambulance,” I shrieked.
“It’ll take too long.” Aiden scooped her up and ran for the car.
Reed jumped behind the wheel of his SUV, and Aiden climbed into the backseat with Becca on his lap. Kate got into the passenger side, and they sped off.
I stood there frozen, shaking. This was what I was afraid of, this feeling of helplessness as someone I loved was suffering.
Trent came up next to me and handed me my purse. “I turned the grill off. Cameron is going to stay here and watch Scott when he wakes up from his nap. Jeremy is helping him settle in with Scott really quick and is going to meet us at the car. Come on, I have Jeremy’s keys, and we need to get the car pulled around front.”
“Trent, I…”
“I know you’re scared, Wildcat, but your friends need you. I know you’re strong enough to be there for them. Avoiding the hospital isn’t going to stop what’s happening, and it won’t protect you from hurting if something goes wrong.”
God, he was right. I hadn’t really planned on avoiding going to the hospital, but I probably would have tried to delay showing up, as if the problem would magically disappear if I ignored it. But I’d been overlooking my nightmares for years, and those hadn’t left. If I couldn’t solve a problem that was literally in my head by ignoring it, then sticking my head in the sand wasn’t going to help Becca. The only thing I could do for her was to take care of Aiden, and I could do that for her.
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