“I can’t tell her,” I admit to Abel.
“And why’s that?”
“Because she doesn’t date her employees.”
“And she also doesn’t celebrate her birthday, but look at her tonight.”
“That’s different, man.”
“Is it, though? Things change, people change. I can see the connection between the two of you and so should everyone else. I mean, if they don’t, then they’re fuckin’ blind.”
I doubt that anyone has even noticed. Regardless, could I really ever tell her and then be with her? The part of me that wants her thinks maybe it could work, but the logical part of my brain is telling me there’s no way.
***
It’s late, somewhere in the middle of the night. Everyone else has either left the party or passed out somewhere in the firehouse, which leaves Jill and me the only ones awake.
We’re up on the roof of the fire station just talking and watching the stars.
“Did you have fun tonight?” I ask.
“I really did.”
“Abel told me you don’t celebrate your birthday.”
“I typically don’t. Since I lost my parents, it just felt wrong, until tonight. It was really great.”
“Dang, I’m sorry, Jill.”
“Thanks for saying that.” We are lying back, our bodies close together. It’s a particularly bright night, making it seem as if hundreds of thousands of new stars have come out to wish her a happy birthday.
“What about you, are you close with your parents?”
“Not really. I was hoping moving here would help that, but my father is estranged, and my mom is always at the bingo hall.”
“Oh my God, I used to love to play bingo growing up.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh.” I glance over at her as she smiles, recalling the happy times in her life. “My mom and grandma were huge players, I’d spend hours there.”
“We should go one night,” I say the words before I even realize they’ve come out of my mouth. Being this open with her has my heart thumping like a jackhammer inside my chest.
“I’d like that,” she says, and I glance over at her as she keeps her gaze locked intently on the stars. Being this close to her has my mind blurry. But one thing that is as clear as day is her scent, her soft voice, her laugh. Being as drunk as I am, you’d think I’d miss all of that, but not with Jill. With her, I catch it all.
“Me, too,” I tell her.
“There’s one,” she blurts out and points to the shooting star blazing across the night sky like a rocket. “Did you see it?”
“I did. Did you make a wish?”
“Of course, you?”
“Yep.”
I run my hand through my hair, and as I lay it back next to her, our hands brush against one another’s. I wish I could hold her and kiss her and . . .
“We should clean up,” she suddenly says, turning her head, so she’s facing me.
We’ve been content up here for so long, so why stop now?
“I’ll do it in the morning,” I tell her, and I catch her nod. She is so gorgeous. My eyes can’t help but scan down her body. Her shirt is riding up, showing a bit of her soft tummy skin, and I . . . I want to kiss her. Rolling to my side, I look her in the eyes. She is so comfortable watching the stars, and I take the opportunity to move in. Alcohol is my friend right now, encouraging me. If I don’t do this, then I’ll never know. After all, she did agree to go out with me, even if it is only to bingo. Reaching up, I cup her cheek. She doesn’t move, telling me it’s okay, so I scoot closer. Her eyes meet mine and her expression changes to one of desire. And with that, I drop my lips to hers. They’re soft and warm, and I can barely move as, for the first time ever, we blend together. The point where our bodies connect ignites in fire.
I’ve never felt a kiss like this. She moans a little and reaches up, gripping my bicep. Automatically, my arm flexes beneath her fingers, and the shock holding me hostage breaks. I deepen the kiss, swiping my tongue against hers, tasting her. The blood inside me is rushing to my cock, throbbing and wanting to have so much more with her than just this kiss. The moment doesn’t seem real, and stupidly, as if to reassure myself it is real, I pull away to look at Jill beneath me. She slowly opens her eyes, and as she looks at me, I can see the panic swim slowly into her features, picking up speed with each heartbeat that passes.
“We can’t do this,” she says.
My eyebrows furrow in confusion.
No, we can, we did, and we will again.
I don’t say anything to stop her as she pulls away from me and stands. Before I know it . . . before I can think to stop her, she’s gone.
What the fuck is wrong with me? How did that go from so good to her running off so quickly? I should never have done that, now she hates me. I really made a giant mistake when we were making progress and now screwed everything up.
Chapter 10
Jill
I can’t seem to get out of my clothes fast enough. I feel so guilty and dirty for letting Remi kiss me the way he did. Yes, I wanted it, and if things were different, I’d do so much more with him, but they aren’t, and because of that one reason alone, I had to stop things before they even started. I knew deep in the pit of my stomach that going up on the roof with him was a bad idea.
Turning on the shower, I ignore my phone, which keeps chiming with text after text from Remi, making sure that I’m okay and got home safely. I can’t bring myself to respond. What am I supposed to say to him anyway? He’s my fucking employee.
The steam quickly fills the room, and I get in under the burning water, letting it scald me for what I’ve done, hoping maybe . . . just maybe, it will wash away some of my regrets.
Running my hands through my hair as it’s being pelted by the water, I let the conflicting emotions battle and rage inside me. How did the night end up the way it did? How did things go from being so fun to so wrong?
The water is too hot, so hot that I’m forced to turn it down. After standing there forever searching for the answers, I finally wash my hair and body and then get out. The mirror in my bathroom is fogged, and I wipe away a section so I can see my reflection. My eyes are on my lips as I draw my fingertips across them. Had I not left like I did, would Remi still be kissing me? God, I can still feel his lips on mine, and it’s so wrong.
My phone rings, and I know without looking that it’s him calling me. I let the call go to voicemail and then grab the phone and power it down, needing to just have a break from him, from reality.
As I dry off, I hear my iPad chime from the living room, I walk to get it, stark naked. It’s R.J., and I can’t deny I’ve missed talking to him all day. Taking my iPad into my bedroom, I open the message.
R.J. Smith: How was your birthday?
I glance at the clock. It’s almost three in the morning, which means my birthday is officially over.
Jill Terrano: It was fun.
R.J. Smith: So, you took my advice?
Jill Terrano: I did.
R.J. Smith: Good!
Jill Terrano: Why are you up? It’s the middle of the night?
R.J. Smith: Why are you up?
He flips my question back on me with another question, and I don’t like that.
Jill Terrano: One of my biggest pet peeves is when I ask a question and it’s answered with another question.
R.J. Smith: I know.
Jill Terrano: How do you know that?
R.J. Smith: You told me once. So, did you get any good gifts?
Jill Terrano: I haven’t opened them all.
R.J. Smith: Them all?
Jill Terrano: Yeah, my guys at the station threw me a surprise party.
R.J. Smith: Do you like surprises?
Jill Terrano: Typically no, but this one I did.
R.J. Smith: Anyone hit on you I need to worry about?
I’m not sure how to answer him. Yes, Remi did. But I gave in to it just as much and loved having him by my sid
e all night. Regardless, I don’t think R.J. needs to know. It was only a one-time thing and will never happen again. Plus, R.J. and I haven’t even actually met, so it isn’t as if I owe him any kind of loyalty.
Jill Terrano: Nope, you’re good.
R.J. Smith: All right. Then you gonna let me take care of you?
Jill Terrano: What do you mean?
R.J. Smith: attachment (1)
I don’t hesitate one second before clicking on the picture, but when the image stares back at me, I’m frozen. Part of me is petrified, not sure what to do or even if I should keep looking, and the other part of me is demanding I ask him to send me another one. A better one. Because the image he sent me is of his dick bulging against a pair of gray sweats. His hand is balled into a fist, and he looks to be sitting on a red leather sofa. Jesus, I can feel the dampness between my legs as I lie back on the plush comforter.
Jill Terrano: Is that all I get?
I bravely ask him. My heart is racing waiting for him to respond to me. Each second that passes feels like hours. Then another message comes through.
R.J. Smith: attachment (1)
Staring back at me is his very hard and very large dick. I can see the muscles of his six-pack as his shaft lies against his stomach.
Jill Terrano: I’ve never done this.
R.J. Smith: Me either.
Jill Terrano: You promise?
R.J. Smith: Swear to God.
With that admittance, I feel safe doing this with him. Holding my iPad up, I snap a picture of my entire naked body—minus my face—and send it to him.
Jill Terrano: attachment (1)
R.J. Smith: Holy fuck, I think I just came. You’re so fuckin’ hot, baby.
R.J. Smith: Touch yourself.
Jill Terrano: Are you?
R.J. Smith: Yes.
I send two more pictures, both of me touching myself like R.J. is making me want to do.
Jill Terrano: attachment (2)
R.J. Smith: Yes, touch your fuckin’ pussy like that.
Jill Terrano: Fuck, it feels so good.
R.J. Smith: My cock is so hard for you. I want to fuck you, Jill.
Jill Terrano: Yeah? You want to fuck my tight pussy?
R.J. Smith: Fuck yes, I’d make you scream so loud you’d lose your mind.
Jill Terrano: Jesus, I can feel your huge cock inside me, stretching me, making me so hot.
R.J. Smith: Mmmhhh, and your tight little cunt is so fucking good.
R.J. Smith: attachment (2)
R.J. sends me a picture of his hand gripping his shaft so low his pinky is resting on his balls. Then I click on the other picture, and it’s a video clip of him jerking himself. I rub my pussy fast, watching him please himself. I’m so close to the edge it’s crazy.
R.J. Smith: attachment (1)
R.J. Smith: Let go, baby.
I click on the new attachment and read his words that follow it. Again he is stroking his dick and then suddenly he stops, and I hear him grunt so fucking sexily as cum shoots out the tip of his cock. Instantaneously, I give over to my orgasm. My body rocking and twitching while I scream so loudly that I’m sure my neighbors heard me.
I rub fast and hard, barely able to keep my eyes on the video of him coming as my iPad keeps replaying it over and over.
Chapter 11
Remi
I didn’t sleep for shit last night. After Jill ignored me and then responded to R.J., it fucked me up. It was a low blow, to say the least, and now I’m all confused. I mean, why would she be okay doing that with a guy she just met online, but when I simply try to kiss her, she runs off? It can’t just be because we work together.
Really, I’m at a loss. All I can think is to let Jill go, forget any hopes I had for her and me. They were all a fucking long shot anyway. Hell, the closest I’ve ever gotten to her is being her fake boyfriend online, if that’s what you can even call it.
Blaze barks, and a second later, someone knocks on my front door. I get off my couch to see Saul standing there.
“Your fucking phone dead, bro?” he asks, pushing past me to come inside. “Nah, I turned that shit off. What’s up?”
“Uh, it’s fucking poker night, baby. You ready?”
Once a month, Saul and I go to a poker game at one of his friend’s houses. It’s always more of a night to drink and have fun, which right now is exactly what I need. “Let me put some shoes on and then we can bounce.” Out of habit, I grab my phone off the coffee table even though I’m not turning it on tonight, but I still place it in my pocket.
“You driving?” I ask Saul as I walk back into the living room.
He’s petting Blaze and says, “Sure. Does he need to go out or anything?”
“Nah, he was just out.”
Saul nods, and I follow him out to his car.
“Where are we headed?”
“You remember my buddy, Cory? The first game you went to was at his house.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s at his place, again.”
He lives in a sick-ass high-rise in the heart of San Jose, and it was pretty fun to play there.
“So, what time did you leave last night?” he asks me.
“Uh, not too late. You?”
“I didn’t, I crashed on one of the extra stretchers in the bays, and before I knew it, it was morning.”
“You see Jill at all?”
“She was still there when I called it and has the weekend off. Probably won’t hear from her again till shift on Monday.”
I nod, knowing all of that already. I only asked because I wanted to see what her demeanor was like today.
“Cory said he was gonna have some chicks there tonight that are DTF if you’re interested?”
“Fuck yeah,” I tell him as I mentally shoot the idea down. Being with anyone other than Jill is the last thing I want, and I know it’s dumb. She’s made it clear she’s not into me. Regardless, tonight, I’m not gonna worry about Jill or any of the shit that’s fucked up in my life.
Saul parks in the underground garage, and we make our way up to the top floor.
“What does Cory do for a living, anyway?”
“He’s the head sales manager for a fence manufacturing company.”
“Damn, it must pay pretty well for him to be able to afford this place.”
“He’s a trust fund kid, too. The fence company has been in his family for like fifty years, so he was handed the job.”
As the elevator rises higher and higher, Saul checks his cell phone. I take mine out too and stare at the black screen, it reminds me of so many things. So many things that I am going to leave in this fucking elevator.
The music inside Cory’s apartment is loud, and his place is packed full of people. There are multiple poker tables all jammed full. Cory waves us over, and I follow Saul, looking for a place to grab a drink along the way.
“What’s up, bitches!” Cory says in his high-pitched voice as he waves us to his table. “What are you guys drinking?”
“Whatever you have is fine,” I say, taking one of the open chairs as Saul takes another and we both move to pull out our wallets.
“Nah, nah. I got you both. You’re fucking heroes in our city.” He gives us each a stack of his own chips, and the dealer deals us into the next hand. As I peek at my cards, a beer is placed on the table for me. I glance up to see a chick I remember from last time I was here, and I smile as she tosses me a wink.
“I’m all in!” I call out before taking a sip of my beer, and the table erupts into chaos.
“Fuck that, so you’re just coming up in here with your balls out?” Cory teases me.
“You gonna call me or what, bro?” I ask, and he shakes his head, throwing away his cards. This is what I always do to start a game. I don’t know why, but it’s a superstitious thing.
I take the pot, which is nothing more than the blinds, and add it to my stack of chips. From across the room, I can see the chick still stealing glances in my direction. Man, she
’s nothing compared to Jill, which fucking sucks because maybe being with someone else is just what I need to kick me out of the fucked-up mindset that I’m in.
Chapter 12
Jill
“What the hell, Remi? You missed Mark’s shift that you agreed to cover, and now you’re late to your shift. No one can get ahold of you, with you call me, please?” I plead with his voicemail for what must be the fifteenth time, and I’m really starting to get nervous about him.
“Has anyone gone to his house to check on him? This isn’t like Remi.” Cal’s standing in my doorway, shoulder propped against the doorjamb.
“No, and I called his mom, who’s his emergency contact, but her number is disconnected.”
“I think we should check, he never misses work, you know?”
“I know,” I tell him, not wanting to have to go and check on Remi, but I can’t quiet the part of me that cares for him. He’s one of my guys; I have to make sure he’s okay. “I’ll go. If something did happen, I don’t want you guys to have to deal with it.”
“Are you sure?”
No. I’m not sure at all. Yet, I grab my purse and head out of my office anyway, telling the guys who are in the living room, “I’m going to check on Remi. I’ll let you know what I find out.”
“Good luck,” Mark says, and with that, I leave. I pass Saul, who’s pulling into the lot as I’m pulling out. Jesus, he’s always late.
On the drive to Remi’s, my anxiety is sky high, wondering if this is his way of quitting because I rejected his advance. I guess I won’t know until I’m there. I’ve been to his place once when I picked him up for a shift after his car wouldn’t start. He doesn’t live very far from the station, and as I drive, I can’t help but think the worst. That maybe he never made it home from my party, or worse.
However, being negative isn’t going to help. So, I let those bad thoughts go and focus on the positive. He’s smart and wouldn’t have driven drunk. He would have called a cab.
Burn Me Anthology Page 26