“I don’t know, something just exploded.” I tried to figure out what had caused it. All I could think was some sort of electric wiring, but I could also have been wrong. Detecting a contorted small frame about three feet ahead of me, I crawled over to the kid’s writhed body. He looked okay; sort of. Aside from being passed out cold, I could tell he had at least a broken leg.
Sweat and dirt blurred my eyes as I picked up the little boy and when the dark cloud that hindered our vision started to dissipate, I spotted my best friend on the floor with a huge beam lying on his inanimate frame. “Bankes? Bankes, answer me.”
With my hands full there wasn’t anything I could do. I kneeled to his level and his petrified pupils met mine. I tried to assess his injuries. I couldn’t see much, but knew there was no chance of him being able to get up. The support beam seemed to have somehow nailed him to the floor. “Go,” he breathed out.
I couldn’t really hear him though, it was more like I’d read it on his lips or maybe I imagined it.
This never would have happened if I hadn’t gone in, in the first place.
This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t frozen in place and did my job.
This wouldn’t have happened if I’d never agreed to take this stupid job.
This wouldn’t have happened if I’d held my promise…
Against all my wishes, I left him there and backed away from his body laying on the floor. I tried to keep an eye on him, but the smoke was so dense there was no way to see where I was going. “This is Lambert. I think Vincent’s passed out. The support beam fell on him after the explosion. It has him pinned to the floor somehow. I need someone to meet me in the stairs, and grab the kid. You can access them from the backdoor.”
“Lambert, this is station of command. Take the kid outside, the paramedics are waiting for you. I’m sending James and Asa in there to bring Bankes out.”
“No.” I gasped on the dark cloud, clambering up the stairs.
“You’re acting like this is a choice.”
“Jackson, with all due respect, fuck your orders.”
Fuck him. I got us into this mess, I’ll get us out of it if it’s the last thing I do.
“It’s getting too damn dangerous for you to risk anyone else’s life. Contrary to the rest of you, I know where he is: I got this.”
“Lambert, I’m at the door,” James responded, ignoring the conversation I was having with our chief. As soon we made eye contact, he dropped the pipe and with an understanding nod, he grabbed the kid from my arms and I went back down. “Naomi, I have the child, but I’ll need you to take over here and tame the kitchen flames while I bring him up front.”
“Ten four, James. I’m heading towards the back,” Naomi’s voice screeched in my receiver.
I hurried my way back down the steps. The flames from the kitchen were getting close to the stairs and if I wanted to get us out alive, there was no room for mistakes. As I reached the bottom floor, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Asa behind me. To be honest, I was glad he came. There was no way I was going to be able to carry Vince’s body upstairs on my own.
I pointed in the direction we needed to go. “About twenty feet to the west. I’ll need you to lift the beam so I can move him.”
After a few tries, we managed to pull out Vince’s dead weight from under the beam and Asa helped me carry him up the steps. Naomi, who was clearing a safe path moved over, letting us through, and when we made it outside an entire team of first responders were waiting to take my best friend to safety.
Trailing behind them, I threw my mask on the ground to take a deep breath. Each inhale stung as the warm polluted air made its way through my constricted airways, but the horrible air quality wasn’t what caused the physical pain. Watching my best friend’s motionless body being laid on the ground and seeing the blood flowing through the main artery of his thigh is what petrified me. As one of the EMT’s started chest compressions, another tended to his leg. We all waited for something to happen, for Vince to give us any kind of sign of life, but time ceased to exist when I saw Aubrey standing on the other side of the security line. Her hand was clasped over her mouth trying to hide her horror and she frantically scanned the area, searching the crowd until she found what she was hunting for. The blazing fire shined through her glossy eyes, and I cursed under my breath. She knew she wasn’t supposed to be there. It was one rule––the only thing I had ever asked her...yet there she was.
Among all the chaotic orders being shouted, the sound of the water flowing through the pipes, the screams coming from the surrounding neighbors, the sirens and the honking; her thundering cries were the only thing I could hear when I lowered my gaze. I couldn’t even move when I heard the police ordered her to stay back, warning her away from danger.
My entire world felt like it was at a standstill and I became my twelve-year-old self all over again.
I watched as she leaped over the barricade. The officers tried to hold her back, but she fought through them until she and I were face-to-face. I was aware she was in front of me, but I couldn’t see her. All I could focus on were my mistakes. “I’m sorry.” They were the only words I managed to utter, over and over again, hoping everyone––anyone would believe that hadn’t meant for all of this to happen.
All I wanted was to save a kid’s life.
“I got a pulse,” someone’s voice called out. The words were enough to pull me out of my daze.
The paramedics had placed Vincent on a stretcher and pushed him inside the ambulance. Without giving it a second thought, I rushed to hop on the bus with him, but my fiancé’s accusing filled eyes met mine.
“Get out.” Venom transpired her whisper.
Confused but mostly irritated by her tone, I tried to reason with her. “Aubrey––”
“Micah––he’s my brother.” Lowering her stare to the body laying in the ambulance, stricken by panic, she peered up at me. “Get the fuck out. Please.”
I had nothing left in me. That moment where her orbs locked with mine, right before the door closed, I could see her worry, I could see her fear, but the sole emotion I managed to retain and focus on was the blame.
I knew that look.
It felt all too familiar.
***
Thirteen years old
He comes back from work and shouts at her.
She stays home and ignores him.
He drinks to forget.
She sleeps to evade.
Same story…every damn day.
“I just––I can’t. Not now. Not tonight,” she shrieked. “You don’t understand.”
“He needs this. You’re supposed to be taking care of him. It’s your responsibility as a mother, Alessia. When will you get off your self-pity boat––”
“She died!”
“And he’s still here. He’s your son––our son. We’re still a family.”
“A family?” she laughed. She sounded cold and bitter, so different than the woman she used to be. “Please, Cade. We haven’t been a real family in months. You flee the house by going to work and instead of coming home when you’re done, you go to The Devil’s Gate and drown your sorrows.”
“And you sleep all day and don’t even bother picking-up the phone when the school calls to tell you Micah isn’t in where he’s supposed to be. Don’t you care about him at all?”
“Of course I do.”
Lies…you both are too self-absorbed to pay attention.
You both hate me too much to care.
“I love him just as much as you do,” she fired back. Of course she’d say that. Taking responsibility for her own actions and decisions was never her strong suit…nor was it my father’s. “But I don’t see you doing anything about it.”
The customary Lambert-Liani blame game. I became so used to it, it was almost comical. They talked about me as if I wasn’t there, or maybe it’s because they thought I couldn’t hear them. Either way, I learned fast enough that I was better off tuning them out. When my paren
ts weren’t arguing, they were ignoring each other and if not that, they were fucking. Or at least that’s what I thought they did when the bedframe hammered a constant thud on the wall over my head. My father didn’t hit my mother…no––that kind of raw anger was meant for me.
I amplified the sound of Eminem playing on my iPod and took another hit. It felt so damn good…or at least I knew that soon enough it would. Everything would become fuzzy. My body would feel numb. And for an hour or two, if I was lucky, I was going to forget.
The funniest part? They didn’t even realize it, or maybe they did, but didn’t care enough to stop me. Pathetic right? But it really wasn’t. Not to me anyway. It became my reality. It’s what I wanted.
Back in the basement.
Back to where it all happened.
Ironic? Again, no. It’s where I chose to be. Why? Because being closer to the pits of hell was exactly where I deserved to be. That’s the way I wanted it to be.
Alone, but most of all; forgotten.
“Micah,” my father barked from the stairwell.
It was a matter of time. He hadn’t managed to get through to her; it was my turn to be his target. As I stepped off my bed and headed towards my bedroom door, I wondered if she knew. I was convinced she hadn’t seen the bruises. She refused to look at me. I even went as far as walking around shirtless countless times to see if maybe she’d noticed the marks on my body while I wasn’t paying attention. She didn’t. Or maybe she did and didn’t care enough to tell him to stop. Either way it was a lost cause.
Passing by the mirror of my wardrobe I noticed my languid gray eyes; sunken, empty, and bloodshot. If I looked closely enough, I could see the two specks of light almost touching each other.
They’re faint, but they’re still there.
She had the same, now they’re gone.
I didn’t want to go upstairs, but if I didn’t follow through on his demand, there was a high chance my body would submit to another session of being choked, punched, and tossed around like a ragdoll. Although I didn’t mind the physical pain all that much, my previous bruises hadn’t healed properly, and to be honest, I couldn’t go through another beating.
Not today anyway. Today she was supposed to turn six…
She would have gotten a ton of unicorns. People thought she loved them more than anything…I would have gotten her a firefly pendant because she loved Blaze from that Tinkerbell movie she kept watching over and over again, more than she loved those stupid horses with horns.
Stepping out of my room, my fingers scraped the walls and my parent’s bickering became a simple faint noise in the background. I closed my eyes and climbed up the stairs step by step abrading my nails against the paint and smiling when I managed to flay a few pieces away.
They used to be colorful. Now they’re plain. White. Lifeless. They used to have picture frames filled with smiles, but now they’re gone…just like her. All the memories, burned to ash like she never existed.
“Micah!” my father growled again. He frowned, inspecting my every move as I took my time walking up the steps. He was all dressed up, it was confusing. My father worked construction, he didn’t wear clean pants and shirts unless we had a special occasion. He waited for me to reach the first floor before addressing me again. “Mr. Palowski called me at work today. He said you didn’t show up to school.”
“Fever.” I dulled, grabbing my skateboard from inside the closet. I figured since I sounded like shit, he’d likely buy my lame excuse. Whatever he had planned, I had no intention of sticking around for it.
“You seem fine to me.”
“Do I?” I remarked with a hint of sarcasm. I was seeking trouble and if I weren’t careful I’d find it.
His eyebrow raised. There was something different; he was sober and for the first time in months, his worry was genuine. I checked the time on the clock behind him, it was still early. Surely his next destination would be the bar…maybe something more classy than the usual tavern he went to. “I’d like to take you two out for dinner tonight.”
I laughed. It came out morbid and loud, making him cringe, but I didn’t care. It had to be some sort of joke. “Sorry, Dad. I have plans.”
“Where are you going, sweetheart?” My mother’s voice was frail, and her sudden worry sounded fake. She could have at least put some effort into it to make it believable.
“Aaryn’s.”
“I don’t like it when you hang out with the Walker kid. She’s a bad influence.”
I snorted. “Tell you what, Mom. I’ll be more than delighted to stay home or join you and Dad for a fake happy family dinner if you can look me in the eye and ask me not to leave.”
She couldn’t do it. Her attempt was worse than pathetic. Less than a second: that’s all it took. As soon as her crystal orbs met mine they hit the hardwood floor. She avoided my eyes more than she avoided my father’s temper. Not because I reminded her of Lillie like she so often repeated. She just wouldn’t make the effort because she hated me for dropping my sister.
She blamed me.
The corners of my lips curled into a snarl. “That’s what I thought. I’ll be back by curfew.”
Chapter 7
Micah
Present
“Where is he?” I demanded running through the ER. Forty minutes had passed since the ambulance had left Moore’s Street with two of the most important people in my life. Jackson had me escorted to the hospital by one of the cops on scene, but on our way there I asked the officer to drop me off at the fire station. I had too much rage bottled up. I needed an outlet before facing the Bankes family, so I stopped by Ethan’s.
In normal circumstances, I avoided the bar in the early evenings. I was distrustful of my father, unsure he wouldn’t decide to grace his favorite drinking place of his presence again.
I hadn’t seen him in years...in fact the last time I saw him was the night I first met Aubrey. Ironically enough, it was also the night Cade’s face was introduced to my fist. I couldn’t even recall what he had said to set me off. I just remembered the soothing sound of his jaw cracking when my knuckles struck his face. Standing outside behind the bar, I hit him over and over again, until he succumbed to his wounds and dropped unconscious. Even when my father’s body lay motionless, Ethan had to jerk me away. Had he not, I wouldn’t have stopped. After sending me back inside, it took the bar owner forever to come back and join me, but then again it wasn't much of a surprise. He was a business man with too many connections, and I learned early enough in our relationship that it was better not ask questions.
That night, while I was inside cleaning up the blood on my hands, I made the decision to leave town. I’d had enough of Saratoga. No matter how hard I tried, my past kept coming back to haunt me. I signed over the lease to my apartment back to Ethan and after an exhausting debate, he handed me the keys to the Ducati I had stored inside his garage. Ready to leave, I pulled away from his fatherly embrace and that’s when I noticed Aubrey sitting at the other end of the bar. She regarded me with the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They reminded me of the glow fireflies emitted when they flew in the meadow behind my old house.
She was one of the reasons I chose to stay…
I should have listened to my gut and stayed away.
Walking past the nurse’s station, I darted towards Aubrey siting inside the hospital waiting room. Alone in a room filled with other people, she was in her own little world not realizing I was standing in front of her. Eventually she peered up, but it was only half a second before she lowered her gaze back down. Her eyes swam in tears, her cheeks were stained by her running mascara, and her face was covered with blemishes. I’d never seen her so broken before. Not even when her grand-mother had passed away.
“What took you so long?” she whispered in a quivering voice. “I thought you were right behind us.”
“I was.” I cleared my throat. “But I stopped by the station to change and grab my stuff. I took my bike to get here and got stuck on E
lms for a while.”
She glanced at the clock and then shifted her gaze to meet mine, studying me with puckered eyebrows for what seemed like an eternity. “Did you perhaps also stop by The Devil’s Gate?”
My jaw tensed.
“You don’t need to hide it, Micah,” she retorted to my silence. “I can smell it on you.”
Although she was mistaken about her assumptions, I didn’t prove her wrong. She was going to hate the truth anyway. I twiddled with my keys inside the front pocket of my hoodie and chewed on my tongue.
“Aub, I’m sorry. I just––” I didn’t know what to say, and my voice just died down.
She didn’t move. She simply stared at her hands while twirling her engagement ring around her finger. I could just picture what she was thinking but didn’t have the guts to say. Rage bubbled inside me, but somehow, I managed to tame it down.
“Please say something.” I’d been replaying everything in my head over and over again.
She was right to be angry with me, but the least she could do was to tell me what was going on with her brother. Vince wasn’t just my best friend. I considered him as my family. But Aubrey didn’t speak. She just sat there admiring the shimmer of her diamond as it reflected the light above us. Her deafening silence filled the chaotic room.
Blame and mistrust: it’s all I could see while she disregarded me.
It’s the only thing I could focus on.
I saw black. “If you don’t want it anymore, you can just hand it back.”
Her knee bounced as the tip of her toes moved up and down against the white tiled floor. Her eyes lingered before meeting mine, but when they did they’d turned ice cold. “Do you want it back?”
I gulped.
That sure as fuck wasn’t the answer I was expecting.
To my silence she blew up. “Are you shitting me right now? My brother is inside that room over there fighting for his life, and you’re here talking about pulling out of our three hour engagement?”
“No––I just––you’re not talking to me Aub.”
Burn Me Anthology Page 54