“Rose, if it comes to that I’ll tell them everything I know. I swear. I just can’t go right now. Will you trust me?”
If I was thinking long-term, I didn’t know that I would. I had no guarantee Joe was a safe bet. But four days? What could happen in four days?
“I’ll trust you until Monday.” I wasn't sure if I had told a lie or not, considering I'd be dead Monday. I reached up to kiss him, to seal our deal. But he leaned back, keeping his mouth out of reach. “No, we can’t do this until Monday.”
“What?”
“I want to prove that I’m trustworthy. I won’t touch you until Monday, then you’ll know I really like you and I’m not wantin’ to take advantage of you.”
“Maybe I want you to take advantage of me.”
Joe laughed and shook his head. “I’ll take advantage of you after Monday.”
“That doesn’t help me at all. It’s on my list and I have to do everythin’ on my list by Sunday, preferably Saturday.”
He looked confused. “I thought you said Monday.”
I groaned in frustration at my slipup.
He forged on. “My guess is they’re tryin’ to get evidence to make the charge stick. It’s all circumstantial at this point, right?”
I narrowed my eyes. “How do you know that?”
He shrugged. “Common sense. I watch Law & Order just like everyone else.”
“How’d you know I couldn’t leave the county?”
“What?”
“I didn’t tell you I couldn’t leave the county, but yesterday you knew. How’d you know that?”
He scowled. “I told you, Law & Order. In any case, the police are waitin’ for the DA and he’s not goin’ to file the charges on Sunday. It wouldn't happen until Monday at the earliest.”
I raised eyebrows. “And you know this from Law & Order?”
He grinned and shrugged again. “TV is very educational.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t know about that. So are you gonna help me with my list?”
“You mean your Walmart List?” He looked downright ornery when he said it. “You’re workin’ on your list?”
“My Wish List; I have thirteen and a half already.” I lifted my chin, daring him to mock me.
“How do you get a half?”
“I bought the bra and panties, I just haven’t worn them yet.”
Joe started choking and his face turned red. “Excuse me?”
“Number nineteen. Wear a lacy bra and panties.”
It took him a second to speak. “I suppose you need me to help you with number fifteen?”
“You know what number fifteen is?”
“Of course, how could I forget do more with a man? But technically, you did. We got to second base if I remember correctly, and I’m positive I remember correctly.” He winked.
“Ha, barely! You very well know what I meant. I am not goin’ to die a virgin!”
“Who said anything about dying?” His words were sharp enough to cut through ice.
“Figure of speech.” I waved my hand, trying to convince him. “Who knows what will happen to me in jail.”
He looked like he didn’t believe me. “Well, tonight I’m not doin’ more. I’ll eat dinner with you and hang out with you, but I’m not helpin’ you with number fifteen,” He finished with a frown.
“If you don’t want to help me Joe, you don't have to. I can always find someone else. Why, just the other night I had a man practically offer.”
“Your date?” he scoffed.
I turned up my chin. “No, someone else.”
His expression changed. “Who?”
“It doesn’t matter. I turned him down, but if you don't help me, I'll find someone else who will.”
“Don't do anythin’ stupid, Rose.”
We stared at each other. “You’re tryin’ to boss me around again, Joe. I won’t stand for it. I let people boss me around the last twenty-four years. I’m sure not gonna be bossed around my last four days.” My voice was hard and cold. “I'll give you until Saturday night.”
I picked up Muffy’s leash. “Come on, Muffy.”
“I thought we were eatin’ dinner together.” He called after me.
“I never agreed to dinner, you just assumed. I already have plans.”
I glanced over my shoulder and saw his stunned face. I kind of felt bad for him.
“Help me with my list,” I blurted out.
He grimaced. “I already told…”
“No, the rest of them.” I'd realized it would be more fun to experience everything with someone I cared about. I had to admit I actually did care for Joe. “Do you work on Saturday?”
“No…but you have Sunday too.”
“No, Saturday. I want them all done by midnight.” I only knew that I would die on Sunday, I didn't know what time. It could happen at 12:01 a.m. for all I knew, although I hoped it was closer to 11:59 p.m.
“I need to see your list again, to see what you still need.”
“I still owe you dinner for the lock. Come over tomorrow night and we’ll go over it then.”
Joe looked happier. “Okay.”
“And if you're lucky, I’ll wear my new bra and panties.”
He shook his head. “You’re not gonna make this easy for me, are you?”
I smiled, but it didn't quite reach my eyes. “Not on your life.”
Or more accurately, mine.
Chapter Fifteen
I hated to leave Muffy home alone again, especially after I ignored her so much while I’d thrown myself at Joe. Thank goodness we were behind my house, not that it mattered. Did dead people care if their reputations were besmirched? In the end I brought Muffy with me, hoping it wouldn’t upset Violet. My secret hope was Muffy would wiggle her way into Violet and Mike’s hearts and they would take her when I died.
The look on Violet’s face assured me she had not become immune to the barrage of surprises I kept throwing her way.
“Is this your dog?”
“Her name is Muffy and she is very sensitive.”
Muffy tooted her sensitivity on Violet’s doorstep.
“Oh, dear Lord. The stench…”
“She just needs more roughage in her diet is all, give her a chance. Little Mikey pooped out some nasty stuff and I still love him.”
Violet didn’t look convinced. “You seem more cheerful than when you left.”
“I’ve had some time to get used to things.” As well as some other extracurricular activities.
“Aunt Bessie called and said she’d be here in about ten minutes.”
I led Muffy out to the backyard. Ashley ran behind us, excited to have a dog in her home. Thankfully, she seemed oblivious to Muffy’s physical inadequacies.
“Thanks a lot,” Violet said when I came in, sarcasm dripping off her words like butter slathered on corn on the cob. “You know she wants a dog.”
“I’ll share Muffy with her. She can visit anytime.”
Aunt Bessie gave us both big hugs when she arrived. Mike came home from work early and bounced little Mikey on his knee, keeping him distracted. Violet brought the box to Aunt Bessie in the living room. Violet and I sat on the sofa.
Aunt Bessie perched on a side chair, looking more nervous than I’d ever seen her. She looked down at the lid. “I haven’t seen this box for years.”
“You’ve seen it before?” Violet asked.
“Yes, it was Dora’s.” She stroked the lid, almost as if she touched Dora herself.
“Is Dora my mother?” I asked. I didn't have time to dilly-dally. My giant death clock was ticking down.
Aunt Bessie looked up with a sad smile. “Yes, Dora was your mother.”
I knew this already from the evidence piled in the box on her lap, yet hearing the words spoken out loud felt like a gavel coming down with a final decree. I released a small cry of dismay. Violet reached over, enclosing my hand in hers.
“How can this be, Aunt Bessie?” Violet asked. “Is she my mother too?”
“No, Violet. Your Momma is your mother.” She smiled at me again. “You both know that your Momma was a difficult woman to live with, but years ago, she did try. She loved your father something fierce, but your father was a soft man and her sharp tongue wore him down. After your momma had Violet, she became consumed with her, pushing your daddy to the side. She waited a long time to have Violet, thinking for years she’d never have children. Your father began to work more hours to help buy all the extras your momma wanted. That’s when he met Dora, who’d recently moved to Henryetta from Shreveport. Her family was from around here and she’d run off to the city for a little excitement. Dora was sweet and soft, everything your momma was not. Your daddy loved her and Dora got pregnant.” She nodded in my direction. “With you. Your daddy had to choose who he wanted to be with and he chose Dora.”
Violet squeezed my hand and I wondered if I would still be able to use it when she finished.
“Right before you were born, Rose, he left your Momma and moved in with Dora. I hate to say it, but he was the happiest I ever saw him.” She grimaced toward Violet, “No offense, Violet. He loved you, too.”
Violet nodded through her tears. I put my hand on top of hers. She turned to me, her quivering lower lip lifting into a smile. My heart broke seeing her so hurt.
“When you were born, Rose, your daddy said he finally found what he’d been looking for his whole life. He and Dora were very happy, even though they weren’t married. He had filed for a divorce, but your Momma wouldn’t have any part of it and vowed to fight him every step of the way. She made him promise to keep it a secret from everyone, so no one in Henryetta even knew for sure, although lots of people suspected.”
“Where’s Dora now? Why did Daddy go back to Momma?” I asked.
Aunt Bessie’s lips pursed together and she chose her words carefully. She looked at me, tenderness on her face. I knew the answer before she even spoke the words.
“She’s dead, darlin’. She died in a car wreck, right before the Christmas after you were born.” Aunt Bessie’s eyes teared up. “Your Momma, she was bound and determined to get your daddy back. So she went to confront Dora after she got off work. They had a terrible fight in the parking lot, and your Momma threatened Dora, said she’d see her dead before she’d let your daddy go.” Aunt Bessie shook her head. “Dora ran off the road on the way home and crashed into a tree, killed instantly. We were all so thankful you weren’t in the car. The police thought it looked like the brake lines had been cut, but honestly, the police in Henryetta have always been known to botch investigations. So in the end there was no proof that your Momma had anything to do with it, even though the police suspected she did.”
Violet and I clutched each other’s hands in stunned silence.
“Well, your daddy, he was devastated. He loved Dora with all his heart, but he had a new baby.” Aunt Bessie wiped a tear off her cheek and looked me in the eyes. “He loved you, Rose, but he was too upset to take care of you. Part of him died with Dora that day. So he brought you to Earl and me. Your Momma swooped in and convinced your daddy that she forgave him and begged him to come back home. But she couldn’t lose face with the town, so she and Violet came to live with us for several months, until enough time elapsed that people would buy Rose as her own.
“I thought it was a terrible idea, but your daddy was too grief-stricken to care. He meant the best for you, Rose, but I could see the hate in your momma’s eyes the day she laid eyes on you. As you grew older, she hated you even more. You were the spitting image of Dora, a constant reminder that your daddy wouldn’t be with her if Dora hadn’t died. Your daddy tried to defend you in the beginning, what little I saw. While he thought he deserved your momma’s wrath, he never thought you did. You remember the summer you spent with us when you were seven?”
I nodded through my tears.
“I tried to convince your parents to let you stay with us, your Uncle Earl and I. We never had children and my heart couldn't take how she treated you. But in the end she said no, what would people say? And your daddy had long since stopped trying to stand up to her, even for your sake. Dora would have been so upset to know what became of you. She loved you, child. I know your Momma was an awful mother, but for two months you had a mother who loved you enough to make up for all the hate your Momma had for you.”
We sat in silence, taking it all in. Finally, I held out the ring on my hand. “I found it in the box.”
Aunt Bessie nodded. “That’s the ring your daddy gave Dora.”
I clutched it to my chest. My mother, my real mother who loved me, had worn this ring. I hoped holding it next to my heart would make me feel closer to her, but I only felt empty and cold. And cheated.
“Do you think…” Violet stopped to clear her throat before starting again. “Do you think Momma killed Dora?”
Aunt Bessie was quiet. “I don’t know, Violet. I would sure hope not. How could someone do such a thing, no matter how upset they are? And even if they did, how could they live with it? If she did, she made her own life hell, as well as the hell she made for you girls.”
“What about Daddy?” I asked.
“I loved your father to death, he was my brother, but he made his own hell. He could have done more to protect you girls, should have, but he wallowed in his own misery. He paid for that, too.”
Violet spoke up. “There were other things in the box. A savings passbook, Dora’s will, and a photo of Dora and Rose.”
Aunt Bessie opened the lid and pulled out the passbook first. Violet must have put the papers back in order. I suddenly felt bad abandoning her with the mess of it all. I had luxury of running away and leaving her to pick up the pieces. I’d done it our entire lives. Violet had always been the stronger of the two of us. I got used to leaning on her and letting her take charge. It seemed unfair that I became upset with her now for telling me what and how to do things when I had encouraged it all along.
Life was a complicated mess.
“The will says the money in the savings account is Rose’s.”
Aunt Bessie nodded, pulled the will out, and read it. “The savings account, her parents’ farm, there’s some oil stock as well.” She looked up and nodded. “I knew about all of it. Your daddy told me after Dora died. Her family was long gone; your daddy was all she had, but she never put his name on any of it, just Rose’s. Earl and I watched after it all, waiting.”
“Waiting for what?” Anger rose inside me. I lived in hell for twenty-four years. For what?
“Until it was the right time.”
I stood up, my blood boiling with rage. “The right time? And who got to decide that? If Momma hadn’t been killed, neither one of us would know right now.” I shouted, “Our entire lives are a lie! We had a right to know!”
“You’re right, Rose. You had every right, but it wasn’t my place to tell you.”
“Wasn’t your place to tell? So you just watched her abuse me, us, and no one says a word because it’s not the right time? Did you know she used to lock me in a closet? I would pound on the door, screaming and begging her to let me out. Violet would stand outside the door, crying and pleading to Momma to let me out, but Momma would hit her and tell her it had nothin’ to do with her. We lived through hell. If that wasn’t the right time, when was?” My tirade left me shaky and lightheaded, but my outrage remained, simmering in resentment.
“Rose.” Violet tugged on my arm, crying. “Sweetie, I know you’re upset.”
I sat down next to Violet. “Upset? Aren't you upset? Daddy, Aunt Bessie, Uncle Earl, they all stood by and watched her abuse us. I had money,” I pointed to the box on Aunt Bessie’s lap, “money we could have used to escape from her, but no one told us. They just left us there.”
“I wanted to tell you, Rose, it wasn’t that easy. I promised I wouldn't,” Aunt Bessie said through her tears.
“Promised who?”
She hesitated. “Your daddy.”
Daddy. I couldn't forget his involveme
nt in all of this, him more guilty than Aunt Bessie. Daddy had a front row seat to what Momma had done.
I started to cry.
Violet pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. “It’s okay, Rose. Shh…it’s okay. It’s just gonna take some time.”
Time was the one luxury I didn't have. I’d been cheated out of working through all the emotional garbage of our parents’ past. And worse, I would be leaving Violet to work through it alone.
“There’s something else in here.” Aunt Bessie said, lifting a small square of paper out of the box.
“What is it?”
She opened it and froze in shock. When she recovered, her eyes clouded over. “It’s from your Momma. It's a note to Rose.”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks, then shook my head. “I don't want to hear it, Aunt Bessie. I can't take any more.”
“I think you want to hear this, child.”
I nodded for her to read.
Dear Rose,
I know I’ve been a bad mother to you and there were days I tore myself up with guilt over it. At first I tried to love you like I did Violet, but in the end Violet turned against me, too. Your daddy, Violet-- they both stopped loving me, all because of Dora. In my heart, I knew it weren't your fault, but you were Dora’s, never mine. Your eyes reminded me of it every day, shining with the softness she had in hers, taunting me that your daddy wanted her, not me. Your visions were the last straw, when I finally gave up trying to love you. I’m ashamed to admit, every time I hurt you, in my heart I was hurting her. Later, when you were older, I realized what I had done, and God help me, I tried to stop, but old habits are hard to break.
The irony is that in the end, you were the only one who stayed with me. Your daddy’s body may have died last year, but his spirit died years ago, his body just waiting to catch up. Violet, she left to marry Mike as soon as she got a chance and I hardly saw her after that.
But you, Rose, you were there for me, taking care of me in spite of all my meanness. I watched you sometimes when you weren’t looking, amazed at the gentleness of your spirit and even though I beat it down as often as I could, I envied it. You had what I never did.
Twenty-Eight and a Half Wishes Page 16