by Stella Noir
“I can’t, Dylan,” I admit softly. “I can’t risk it all for you.”
I can feel the effect my words have on him without even raising my gaze. His hands leave my shoulders and he takes a step back. My heart is breaking, and I know I risk shattering it completely, but I still look up into those familiar eyes.
“Dylan,” I breathe.
“I’ll stay,” he says defiantly. “I’ll stay, and I’ll keep out of your way, if that’s what you want. I won’t bother you.”
I nod, breaking at the same time.
“But I won’t give up, Lola,” he says. “I won’t give up on you. On us.”
I look at him again.
“You know what’s right,” he says, raising his chin in the air. “You know it’s always you and me. You can pretend all you want, but you know we belong together.”
With that, he walks off, leaving me stranded on the sidewalk, my legs shaking, my knees almost buckling beneath me. I just stare at his retreating figure until there’s nothing left to see, and when I can, I start slowly walking again.
Because something you should know about me is this:
Whatever happens, however bad it is, I will keep on walking. Keep on living. I’ll make it through.
I make my own path, and I always will – I know this.
The problem is when I encounter a crossroads on my way.
I’ve always been so bad at deciding which way to go …
Chapter 6
I come home in a daze, and am swept up in Matt’s arms.
“Where on earth have you been?” he asks worriedly, showering me with kisses. I let him, laughing as the pain rolls away in waves, overtaken by happiness. Because that’s what Matthew is to me – light. Smiles. Happiness.
“I took the scenic route,” I giggle.
Matt scoops me up on his arms and carries me into the kitchen as I shriek with pleasure. He sets me down of the counter and I spread my legs so he can hold me tightly, kissing me even more deeply.
“I was worried,” he admits against my lips, gently biting them.
“No need,” I try to placate him, returning his kisses with softness. “I just wanted to walk.”
“How was work?” Matthew asks, moving away from me with a fond smile. “Last day went well, I presume?”
He walks to the other side of the kitchen, producing an ice bucket with champagne that probably cost more than my one-month’s paycheck at the gallery.
“It was hard,” I admit, hopping off of the counter and walking to stand by him. “You know I didn’t want to quit.” I don’t mean for it to sound accusing, yet it does.
“It’s for the best,” Matt says with a wide smile, popping the cork out of the bottle with a loud sound. The champagne pours out and he quickly aims for the flutes he’s already placed on the counter.
We clink our glasses together and have a drink. The slightly sour taste never was to my liking, but I swallow my comments and drain the glass of the amber liquid.
Matthew does the same, and then gathers me in his arms again. He can’t get enough of me, and I don’t know why – I’m just a simple girl with a troubled past. Yet he sees past all that, into my core. And he says it’s beautiful, golden.
“Only you,” he whispers in my ear. “Only you make me feel like this.”
He takes my hand; positioning it over his chest so I can feel the steady, fast beat of his heart. I smile at my love, ignoring what happened today.
The past is in the past, and it’s time to move on, I tell myself sternly.
Chapter 7
7 years ago
The day is warm, sunny, perfect, and I couldn’t be happier. Dylan meets me in front of the house after breakfast and I run happily into his arms, my mother waving us off as we head to the beach. I’m wearing a floral sheer dress over my bikini, my beach bag cluttered with stuff I probably won’t even need. My smile is wide, my eyes shining when I see Dylan look at me hungrily.
So he does notice the little changes on my body, I think smugly, pushing my chest out ever so slightly to flaunt my new décolletage. His eyes bulge and I laugh out loud, running in front of him as he tried to catch up, my feet sliding across the hot sand.
“Got you!” he yells as he grabs me from behind, lifting me up in the air, our eyes connecting.
“Always,” he adds with a soft expression, and then our hot smiling mouths crash together for the first time that summer, and my heart beats wildly in my chest.
“Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me,” I whisper in his ear before slipping out of his arms and running for the sea. My bag ends on the sand along with my cover-up, and with a shriek, I land in the beautiful azure water.
Dylan is soon to follow, spraying me with water as I shriek with pleasure. We play around, always ending up in each other’s arms, showering kisses across skin warmed by the hot sun. Dylan’s respectful – he never touches me in inappropriate places, never does more than he should. But I want him to so badly …
I whisper as much in his ear, and he moves back, stumbling in the water and blushing violently.
“So cute when you’re red like a lobster,” I tease him relentlessly, and he comes back at me with a vengeance, dunking my head under the water as I flail around. I return the favor.
After an hour in the water, we retreat to our towels on the sand. Dylan lies on his back with his hands supporting his head, and I position my head on his belly, the sun shining down hard.
We slather ourselves in sunblock, and then we just lie there and tell each other every. Single. Thing.
He tells me about some girl at his school who is supposedly hopelessly in love with him, and I playfully smack him when he says she’s pretty cute.
I tell him about all the books I’ve read this year, telling him every single story I can remember, about all the flaws my favorite characters have.
We talk about music we’ve listened to, concerts we’ve been to, and movies we’ve seen. We catch up for all lost time in those few hours on the beach.
And then Dylan flops on his belly, positioning himself on top of me.
And I catch my breath and wait for more.
Ever so slowly, he lowers his lips over mine, breathing heavily against my parted mouth.
“Kiss me,” I ask him, begging for his touch. “Please,” I add, not worried about sounding desperate because I actually am. I need his kiss, crave his lips.
And he does what I asked, leaning in closer, and his lips soft and playful against mine. We kiss without abandon, trying to make up for lost time.
Right there, on that beach, under the rays of the hot sun, I feel blessed, whole and perfect. I imagine I will never feel as good as I do right now.
And all the while, I have a strange feeling that we are being watched, though I can’t quite understand why …
Chapter 8
That night, Matthew Roberts reminds me why I chose him to be my husband and answered ‘yes’ when he popped the question. As if the beautiful, antique sapphire ring on my finger wasn’t enough, I’m once again reminded of the love we share together.
We sit down to dinner later in the evening, prepared by my dearest. In the candlelit dining room, my problems seem to fade away until it seems like everything is and always will be perfectly fine.
After dinner, he seems thoughtful and I wrap my arms around his waist as he clears the dishes.
“Something on your mind?” I ask him.
He stiffens under my touch and I worry, but then the dish he’s holding drops from his hand, as he turns around to face me eye-to-eye.
“You,” he says softly, smiling and showing me those perfect teeth of his. “Always you on my mind, Lola…”
He plants a long, soft kiss along my collarbone and I shiver with the impact his lips have on my gentle skin.
“Matthew,” I whisper. “I have one thing to ask of you…”
He looks at me questioningly, suddenly grabbing me by the waist and lifting me up in his arms as I screech with
surprise. He carries me all the way into the living room, sitting down on the couch with me in his lap.
“Anything for you, doll,” he tells me, and my hopes soar, but I feel so embarrassed all of a sudden I blush violently.
“What is it?” Matt asks worriedly.
“I…” I begin, but I struggle to get the words out of my mouth.
“Go on,” he nudges me softly, trying to get me to speak, but he doesn’t know how hard this is for me to admit, and I’m feeling strange just thinking about it.
“I want to do something tonight,” I say, looking away because the embarrassment seems too much to handle all of a sudden.
He looks at me expectantly and I can feel his eyes boring into mine as much as I try to look away. “Make love?” he asks cheekily.
I shake my head weakly, gathering the courage to look up at him. I want this so badly though… I have to tell him what it is - we’ve been together for years and I trust him completely.
“I want you to fuck me,” I say softly, and because I’m sitting in his lap, I can feel a stirring between his legs while he looks at me with surprise.
“What’s this all about?” he asks, looking more surprised than ever.
I shrug noncommittally, unwilling to confess the truth of it. Which is, I want to feel like I’m all his, like he owns me. I have a sudden need for it, to feel like I belong with him - whether it is to convince me I don’t need Dylan, I’d rather not now…
I look up to Matthew’s eyes timidly and what I see there surprises me. His expression of confusion changes before my eyes, and now he suddenly looks so determined, and. daring.
I feel my body responding to the change in his gaze, and suddenly, our position on the couch doesn’t feel as innocent anymore.
“You want to be fucked?” he asks me roughly, and my head begins bobbing up and down, without me needing to do it myself. It’s a carnal need I’m feeling, and I know my body speaks for itself tonight, with or without my assistance.
“Yes please,” I say softly, my voice breaking over the words with the need I feel for my soon-to-be husband. “I need you inside me…”
He smirks at me and it’s the first time I’ve seen that on him.
Matthew is all kindness and softness, and I’m more used to this behavior from Dylan… But it definitely suits my fiancé as well and I can feel myself getting more and more turned on by the second.
“Then we’ll just have to do something about that, won’t we?” Matthew continues, his voice raspy and making me squirm in his lap with a growing need to feel him inside me.
Once again, he lifts me up as I gasp, but this time he places me firmly on the floor. Next, he undoes his tie, slipping it from around his neck and bringing it to my wrists as I stare at him with surprise.
“What are you doing?” I ask excitedly, already eager for whatever he has planned for me.
“Be a good girl now,” he tells me roughly as he twists the tie between his fingers, bringing it around my wrists and binding them tightly.
“No escape now, doll,” he tells me with another smirk as all my insides clench with the want I have for him. I know I won’t be able to hold on much longer as a soft whimper leaves my lips, begging for more.
He tugs on the tie that is now binding my wrists together and I squirm under the pressure, but then he grabs ahold of my long hair falling down my back, gathering the strands in his fist and pulling my head back.
The simple act fills me with sudden ecstasy and expectations of what’s to come and I feel wetness between my legs, knowing I’m getting ready for him as he pulls me closer.
“Follow,” he orders me, walking towards the staircase and pulling on the tie just roughly enough to force me to move along, but never hurting me.
Feeling myself getting ready, I stumble behind him as he half pulls; half carries me up the stairs until we reach our bedroom. He makes me stand in front of the bed and looks at me devilishly.
“Take my clothes off,” he orders me.
“Will you untie me?” I ask softly, my heart pounding in my chest, somehow hoping he will deny my request… And he does just that.
“You’re good,” he smirks at me, and gently pulls me closer.
My fingers tremble as they find the buttons of his shirt, slowly taking one button at a time as I try to get them open.
“Too slow, doll,” he scolds me, pulling his shirt apart by himself as all the buttons fly off it. I gasp as I see his perfect broad chest, sculpted and waiting for my fingers to rake down his skin.
“Now the trousers,” he asks impatiently, pushing me gently down until my head is at his crotch and I’m looking right at his stiffness, his cock ready to pound into me.
My breaths get ragged as I unbuckle his belt, undo the zipper and pull down his trousers. He steps out of them and with trembling fingers; I pull down his silk boxers as his rock hard cock springs out, almost touching my lips as I lean forward.
He moans then, and once again, I feel a heat flash rushing through my body, preparing me for what is to come. And I already know, I will submit to whatever request he has for me, ready for anything he has in store.
“Suck it,” he orders again and I do as he says, because for this man, I would do anything… and his cock is too much for me to resist.
I part my lips and take the head in my mouth, leaning forward and taking him as deep as I can in one go as he moans for me to go on. I let my tongue come out and play, gently licking him as I go, my tongue moving across his length and girth as we both moan with pleasure.
“Baby,” he moans softly. “Oh, fuck, I need more.”
I play with the tip of his cock, sliding it in and out of my mouth as he grips the back of my head, preventing me from moving away and making me take the whole thing in my mouth.
I can feel him spasming in my throat and I don’t let go for a second, instead taunting him with my tongue and mouth, sliding it in and out, in and out, until I know he won’t be able to last much longer.
“I can’t hold on,” he says through gritted teeth. “I can’t take it anymore.”
I want to move back and respond, but he’s pushing me forward, right to the tip of his stiff cock, making me take it all in my mouth.
“I want to fill your mouth, baby,” he moans roughly. “Will you be a good girl and swallow for me?”
He’s still pushing me forward and I can’t respond with my mouth full, trembling as I nod my head all the while having his cock in my mouth. I give him a teasing lick, playing with the tip and, with a gasp, he releases his hot liquid in my mouth and I nearly gag with the amount of it.
“There you go,” he moans roughly, his hands loosening around my head, but this time, I’m the one who refuses to move away.
I look right at him as I lap up every last drop of his juices and our eyes meet in the middle as Matthew gasps roughly.
“Fuck,” he curses, looking right at me as I grin and lick my lips and fingers.
“Fuck, I need you right now, Lola,” he admits, and before I know what’s going on or have time to react, I’m in his arms again and he practically throws me on our king sized bed.
He climbs on top of me and before I can say a word, he rams his still hard cock deep inside me as I whimper with the sudden impact.
“Like that?” he asks, his breaths ragged. He grabs my hands and twists them behind my head, the tie slipping off my wrists as he does so.
Somehow, even though I’m still confined, it feels so good and so right…
“Want more, baby?”
I nod as my breaths become more and more desperate and he starts pounding into me.
We’re wild and rough; his mouth finding mine and claiming what I now know is his. His tongue is unrelenting, making my mouth succumb to it as he fucks me both ways.
I moan against his lip but he won’t let a breath escape me, covering my mouth with his and claiming me every which way.
His mouth is hot, his breath like fire on my skin as he moves to my neck,
never stopping the pumping motion between my legs.
And I can’t hold any longer as soon as he moves away from my mouth, yelps escaping my lips as soon as I’m free to make a sound. I don’t talk dirty… at least not usually, but all of a sudden it’s all I can do to hold back all those dirty words that are fighting their way on my lips.
“Deeper,” I ask him softly and he obeys as I gasp with him discovering new depths inside me. It hurts as much as it feels good and my eyes flutter closed with the sheer pain and pleasure.
His mouth is on my collarbone, exploring my skin, both of us burning up with the sensation of his cock inside me, his mouth on my skin, our bodies becoming one with each second that passes, realizing we only belong to each other - and no one else…
He bites me gently, leaving a mark on my gentle skin, the teeth marks embedded in my skin like a rough kiss, redness spreading on my skin along with goose bumps.
Pain.
Pleasure.
That’s what this night is all about, and I can’t get enough.
He moves down my neck until he reaches my breasts, taking a pebbled nipple in his mouth and lapping at it until I’m screaming for more, unable to resist the need and want for him deep in the pit of my belly.
“I can’t,” I whisper in Matthew’s ear. “I need you so bad… Need it right now.”
He laughs softly in my ear, giving me a wicked grin that sets my insides on fire. “Oh baby, but I’m nowhere near finished with you…”
With that, he plunges deeper inside and I curse out loud, surprising myself with the intensity and the words coming out of my mouth I didn’t even know I could say.
He keep playing with me, taunting me. He bites down on my nipple so I yelp in pain, and then he eases back softly by licking, kissing, pulling lightly… And then we’re right back to the biting again.
“You’re going to drive me crazy,” I gasp at one moment as he’s biting my ear.
“Just crazy enough,” he replies with a cheeky grin, and then moans loudly into my neck.