by Stella Noir
He is so handsome …
“So I know what my future wife’s name is,” he whispers against my skin, and I nearly topple over.
That is how I meet Matthew Roberts. And I have no idea, only a year and a half later; he will make his words a reality, much to the chagrin of his mother. I don’t realize he will place a family heirloom on my ring finger, he will show me love like I never thought I’d know.
I have no idea what’s about to happen …
Chapter 20
I wake up, feeling dazed and confused. I’m sitting in a moving vehicle and someone is fanning me with a brochure. I realize it’s the nervous assistant from the salon, with my mother-in-law sitting in front of me.
In a flash, I remember what happened. I think of her horrible admission, of the horror story she told me. I remember and I yelp softly, but the assistant only fans more furiously.
“Glad you’re back with us, Lola,” my mother-in-law says coldly, refusing to meet my eye. “I think you’re having a case of pre-wedding jitters, aren’t you?”
She looks me straight in the eye, as if challenging me to object.
I find myself nodding, even though her statement is far from the truth, but I just feel so tired … so exhausted from the story, I just cannot argue.
In flashes, the last hour comes back to me. After waking up on the floor, Mrs. Roberts forcefully picked me up and made me go through with the preparations. She didn’t look me in the eyes once, so I didn’t get a chance to post more questions. But just before we left for the car, she clasped my forearm too hard and whispered in my ear.
“He doesn’t know. And you will not tell him.”
I shook at her words and am only realizing what happened now that I’m sitting in the limousine that is taking me to the church where Matthew and I are to be married.
The thing about me is this – I always dreamed of a big family. Even when I was a child, I wanted so many children, a big house, and dogs to play with.
And today, as I locked a whimpering Love in the house, promising her the housekeeper would take care of her; I realized my dreams would never come true.
We have a dog that my fiancé is only warming up to, we have a huge house, which is empty on the inside, and will stay like that forever. Because my husband-to-be can never, ever have kids.
I try to console myself with thoughts of adoption, but I know Matthew and I’m well aware he couldn’t raise a child that is not his own, would never agree to it. And just thinking about it all hurts me more than anything else.
The ride is too fast for my liking, and before I can object or say anything at all, we’ve already arrived in front of the church. It’s beautiful – the day is light and sunny, temperate and pleasant. Everything is decorated with beautiful white hydrangeas and soft pink roses. There are ribbons blowing in the wind, the place looks whimsical and absolutely … perfect.
So why is it that I’m breaking on the inside?
I swallow all my complaints and I let my driver and all the people accompanying me lead me inside, through the back door of the church.
I only have a few minutes left.
A few minutes that will decide my entire life.
My helpers take a few rushed moments to correct my hair, my makeup. They place a veil on me, along with a beautiful tiara that costs more than I’ve made in all the years at my job.
I’m left alone and am about to exhale, when I sense a presence in the room.
I turn around and face my mother-in-law-to-be, realizing she’s making sure I don’t run. No way to escape now, I think bitterly, and condemn myself for even thinking about leaving.
She approaches me like a snake rising to bite its victim, correcting the veil and pulling it over my eyes.
“You will not leave,” she instructs me. “You will tell no one about our talk. You will do nothing foolish. You will be good, or I will make your life a living hell.”
She emphasized the last two words with such venom in her voice it makes the blood curdle in my veins. But she’s missing a vital piece of information …
I’ve already been to hell.
I’ve seen it blaze, and walked through the flames.
And I made it out.
Instead of arguing, I find myself nodding weakly. Mrs. Roberts offers me a curt smile, and then nods quickly. She makes to leave for the door, and just when she’s about to leave me in peace, she gives me one last look over her shoulder, her eyes misty.
“You look like your mother,” she says softly before shutting the door behind me.
Once again, I feel scared. How does she know who my mother is?
I told Matthew a story about my parents – a completely fabricated one. I figured Lexington was a popular enough last name that he would never suspect me of being that Lexington. The one who got away, her trust fund in tow.
I realize maybe Matthew did not figure it out, but she must have.
And she is right.
I do look like my mother.
I sigh heavily when I hear the organ music playing and everything stops for a split second.
The door opens with a creak and I look towards it, feeling more panicked than ever.
A familiar face awaits me, the contours of his face strong, but soft at the same time. His lips curl into that smirk I know so well, and weakly, I return the smile.
“Hello,” Dylan says softly.
“Hi,” I reply, my voice trembling.
I realize he’s wearing a tux, a pink rose in his boutonniere. For one sick, split second, I hope he’s the one who I’m marrying today. I wish he would scoop me up in his arms, take me to the altar and marry me. And I would be with my first love, and I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this …
I fall back to reality, gritting my teeth as the truth hits me. “You stayed,” I say softly. “You stayed for the wedding.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Dylan whispers, offering me a sad, but genuine smile, which I return. “Besides, Matthew asked me to walk you down the aisle. So you could have at least a piece of your past here when it collides with your future.”
His voice doesn’t break, doesn’t show the pain I know he’s in.
And I realize mine will if I speak up, as my heart has just broken in two.
In that moment, I realize I love two men.
I love Dylan, the one who protected me. Loved me. Took care of me. Made me a woman. Made me believe life could be perfect.
And I love Matt. The man who saved me. Who loved me despite it all. Who made sure my best friend walked me down the aisle, even though he’s jealous of him – just because he wants me to be happy.
Tears are threatening to spill down my face, but Dylan is already holding my hand. At this point I’m not sure whether he’s walking me down the altar or dragging me.
He smiles at me softly.
“It’s time,” he whispers, and I nod wordlessly.
“Let’s go,” I respond.
*
Dylan is gripping my hand tightly as we walk out of the back room in the church, rounding the corner until we’re at the door, the entrance to the future.
The organ music is loud, blaring in my ears as we stand in front of the door.
“Ready?” Dylan asks me softly, but I don’t have any words left in my body – not even a shake or nod of my head. When he realizes an answer isn’t coming anytime soon, he squeezes my hand reassuringly and opens the door.
I’m faced with an enormous crowd of eager, smiling faces.
I don’t know a single one of them.
Dylan’s presence suddenly feels even more reassuring and I cling to him even more tightly as he slowly guides me down the aisle.
He’s strong, I am weak.
I keep my gaze on the floor, and only when we take a few long, arduous steps do I allow myself to raise my eyes. Instantly, they find my husband-to-be.
Matthew is standing next to the altar, his hands crossed behind his back, and he just looked up at me. And in his eye
s I find all there is.
Hope.
Courage.
Faith.
Love.
And I know it’s all I need to keep going.
So I keep walking, taking step by step as my heart slows down in my chest. Dylan loosens his grip and reminds me he’s still there, and as painful as it is to see my two loves clashing, I’m glad he’s here. Glad he’s the one to give me away, silently giving his seal of approval.
He never once mentioned his admittance of loving me.
I’m not sure whether I’m happy or sad about that.
Finally we reach the end of the aisle and he passes me to Matthew. Just as my groom reaches for my hand, Dylan grips a little tighter and for a second I’m sure he won’t let go. But then he leans into me, whispering in my ear.
“Always, Lola. I’ll always have you,” his soft words caress my skin and I blush at them.
Sensing my discomfort, he lets go and steps away, leaving Matthew to take my wilting body. And the strong hands holding me change shapes, color and future, but I’m still supported, standing up straight.
I step in front of the minister, not sure of what each new second will bring.
*
“I do,” Matthew says softly. A smile brightens his entire face and I cannot help but return it. A second after that dread fills my body as I realize it’s my turn.
The minister starts talking, and I drop my head just a little lower. Out of the corner of my eyes, I look at Dylan. He’s standing still and strong, always a rock in a tumultuous sea.
“Do you, Lola Kathleen Lexington, take Matthew Prescott Roberts II for your lawfully wedded husband?”
I look up into the eyes of the man I love. There are different emotions reflected there now, including his fear. But behind them all, the love burns bright, so bright it almost blinds me.
“I do,” I say softly, and , a pang grips my heart, clutching my soul in its demonic fingers.
Before the minister can tell us we’re allowed to kiss, Matthew already has me wrapped up in his arms, his lips kissing me with softness, pride and determination.
The crowd laughs at our impatience and I slowly, hesitantly return my husband’s kiss.
All the while, I’m wondering whether I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life …
Chapter 21
Time starts passing, incredibly fast and too slow at the same time.
We walk out of the church and are festooned in rose petals. As the pink fragrant slips of flowers rain down on us, I think it somewhat morbid. We’re being showered with their corpses, yet I’m the only one that seems to notice how disturbing this is.
Simple rice would have been better.
I don’t have time t object, because I’m guided towards a limousine with my husband, his mother, and my only friend at the wedding – Dylan.
What follows is the most awkward ride of a lifetime, during which Matthew stares at me lovingly, I sit there, feeling completely numb, and Mrs. Roberts and Dylan have an intense stare-off.
“You’re her brother?” she asks, her voice cutthroat.
“Nope,” Dylan says, grinning from ear to ear. “I’m her first love.”
Exactly at the time of his confession, which seems to suck out all the air in the already stuffy car, we arrive at out destination. Immediately, the door opens, and before any of us has a chance to respond to what Dylan just said, we’re led onto the beautiful lawn.
Thank God it’s a sunny day, because our whole wedding was planned to be outdoors, except for the exchanging of vows. And I’m sure my mother-in-law had something to do with it – I wouldn’t want to face her wrath had it indeed rained.
We make our way through throngs of wedding guests, Matthew holding my forearm protectively, pulling me closer against him as if afraid I might run off.
Some of the faces are familiar, and some are completely unknown to me, but I manage to be polite and attentive with even the most obscure of guests. I accept congratulations and say thanks until all of the faces blend in my mind into one giant watercolor of all the people attending.
Finally, I can’t take anymore, and I whisper as much in Matthew’s ear. He smiles down at me, and for a second, I’m transported to our engagement party, where he saved me in a similar manner.
He whisks me away from the couple we’re chatting with; claiming he absolutely must have some alone time with his wife. They laugh it off and he leads me away, his charming smile present on his face as always.
“Are you okay, my love?” he asks worriedly, but nothing can mask the expression of pure love on his face. And I know it’s all for me, but instead of comforting me, it only makes me feel guiltier.
“I just wish we were alone,” I whisper, leaning against him for support.
“Want me all to yourself, don’t you?” he laughs against my neck, kissing it ever so softly.
Just then, I raise my eyes and they meet Dylan’s across the room. Matthew’s body hides the lower part of my face, and I know he can’t see my lips trembling, so I try to put on my bravest look.
He raises a glass to me, toasting to my new future, and I blink back tears of regret, pain, and sorrow. All the bad, all the good. But what is done is done.
I move away from Matthew, smiling up at him like I don’t have a worry in the world, even though a splitting headache is threatening to kill me this very minute.
“Of course,” I say, trying to replicate my husband’s soft smile.
But then he does something that proves I made the right decision. He leans into me, taking my face in his hands and landing a passionate kiss on them, right in the middle of the lawn.
He kisses me long and hard and it’s not long before the guests notice, beginning to clap and whistle.
But Matthew ignores them completely. And he erases them from my perspective too with that kiss, until it seems like we’re the only two people in the world, and nothing matters – nothing but the pure love, the beautiful feelings we have for each other.
And I know those are true, even if this marriage is a lie.
“You and me, Lola,” he says against my skin, his breath raising goose bumps on my creamy complexion. “You and me can take over the world together.”
I grasp his hands in mine and hold them tightly. “One wedding party at a time,” I whisper back, and he smiles widely, laughing happily at my words.
Then, he picks me up and twirls me in the air until I’m so dizzy and laughing so hard I can barely breathe. To the cheers of the crowd, he kisses me again and again and again.
He kisses me until there are no more worries.
No more problems.
No more issues.
There is just pure,
Beautiful,
Unspoiled
Love.
*
We’re all sitting down now, and the most dreaded time of all weddings is approaching.
The speeches.
After a few uncles and aunts and god-knows-what’s of Matthew’s, the microphone is passed on to his mother. She’s sitting at our table, along with some relatives.
Dylan is at a completely different table, even though he was supposed to sit with us, and I’m pretty certain my mother-in-law ensured we’d be as far away as possible for the duration of the reception.
She takes the microphone, clears her throat and stands up to much applause and ado.
Humbly, she waves with her hand to make everyone stop, and they all do, because even in an occasion that doesn’t have much to do with her, she commands obedience and attention.
Typical.
“Dearest lovers,” she says to us, and I want to giggle so badly at her address I literally have to bite my tongue to hold back. But the rest of her speech is not laughable in the slightest.
“My son is the light of my life. The apple of my life, and for a long time, the reason I lived, the person I breathed for.”
A hushed silence falls over the crowd as she continues.
“And now he has f
ound a fit. A match that I could not have picked myself. He has met Lola, a woman who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She makes it better – and I’ve seen her do this – like no other. And I know he will find true happiness with none other than her.”
She raises a glass to us.
“So today, I drink to young love. I drink to my two lovers, and wish them a beautiful, happy life together. God knows they deserve it.”
Ending on a confusing note, she takes a curt sip of champagne as applause follows and Matt and I smile at her – me thankfully, and him, lovingly.
Somehow, the microphone ends up in Dylan’s hands, and I look up at him in horror as he gets up to speak. My eyes speak volumes.
Don’t humiliate me.
Don’t be honest.
Don’t tell them.
“I don’t know many of you,” he begins, his smirk already in place, his attention focused on the crowd.
“Well, I don’t know any of you.” The crowd giggles.
“But I know what I’ve witnessed today is pure love. Love in its most magical, most beautiful form. Love that will not be brought apart by nature, time, or actions.”
He looks straight at me.
“I’ve known Lola Lexington her whole life. I know her good moments, her bad moments. And I know that now she’s married Matthew Roberts, there will be twice as many good than bad. I know they will love, support and love each other. They will lean on each other. Their marriage will be all it can, and their love will blossom.”
He clears his throat and my stomach clenches with the love, the memories I share with this boy, now a full-grown man. I feel regret, sorrow, happiness and overwhelming love all at once.
“Let us toast this couple,” Dylan says, his hard gaze on mine. “Because for better or for worse, they’re stuck together, the poor suckers!”
He closes to a roar of laughter and applause, ever the people pleaser, and I drink after he finishes his speech, the walls closing in around me as the champagne burns my throat.
“I can’t drink this,” I whisper to Matthew. “It’s burning my throat.”