Beyond the Storm

by Diana Finley

  Jakob is entranced by Anna. For two years they spend every spare minute together. Due to new rulings of the government, he has had to leave his architecture course before completing it, and Anna is working as a governess and nanny, having been unable to attend university. They have discussed the future and agreed that it will be necessary to travel abroad if they are to have the opportunities they both want. Paulina has provided a modest allowance for her grandsons to allow them some independence. Jakob loves Anna’s enthusiasm for every experience: theatres, concerts, riding, swimming, skiing. She enjoys his company and always seems delighted to see him. But Jakob worries that perhaps she does not love him with the same intensity he feels for her.

  ‘She is still young,’ Paulina reassures him. ‘Give her time. Anna likes all of life’s pleasures – that is clear. Make sure she has a good time with you, and don’t put too much pressure on her.’

  But it is not in Jakob’s nature to concentrate on life’s pleasures alone. He wants a commitment from Anna. He visits Artur Feldman to ask his permission to marry his middle daughter. Artur grips Jakob’s arm affectionately and steers him into his study. Kaethe brings a tray of coffee. She leaves with a curtsey and a curious look at Jakob.

  ‘And have you asked Anna to marry you, Jakob?’

  ‘Well, not in so many words. I felt it best to ask you first. But I think we have both assumed we will always be together.’

  Artur studies the earnest young man before him. Jakob’s face is tense. He licks his lips and blinks at Artur. His left knee jiggles a continuous nervous rhythm.

  ‘That is very proper. But with Anna, I suggest it is best to assume nothing. She is still young of course.’ Artur echoes Paulina’s words.

  Jakob is disappointed that Anna does not immediately leap at his proposal, but instead asks for time to consider it. It takes some weeks before she tells him that yes, she would like to marry him, and they become formally engaged. Jakob is overjoyed.

  * * *

  Some months after this, Jakob receives a note from Fritz Henkelmann, asking to meet in a coffee house known to both of them. It is nearly a year since they have seen one another.

  ‘First of all, I have heard about your engagement. Many congratulations to you – you’re a lucky man, Jakob. Anna is a lovely girl.’

  ‘Thank you, Fritz. I am a lucky man, and I know it. The wedding may be a little while off, but I hope you will be my best man? I imagine we will have to leave Austria before much longer, with all the restrictions imposed by this poisonous government.’

  Fritz scrutinises his friend silently, as the waiter brings a coffee pot and lays out their cups. He stirs his coffee thoughtfully. ‘You should go soon, very soon.’

  ‘Mmm. Well of course, it will take time to make all the arrangements.’

  ‘No, Jakob. Do not delay.’

  ‘Oh …?’

  ‘Look. We’ve been friends for many years …’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I like you, Jakob – you know that. I like you and Anna.’

  Jakob feels a growing sense of unease. ‘What are you saying?’

  ‘I want you to know that I am in total support of this “poisonous government”, as you put it. I am a fully-fledged member of the National Socialist Party, and I believe absolutely in their policies.’

  Jakob laughs out loud for a moment, his laughter fading as he takes in his friend’s humourless face.

  ‘I don’t believe it! Fritz, is this some kind of joke? Really I don’t find it very funny, not funny at all.’

  ‘It’s no joke. I believe the Nazis are right: with the Jews’ monopoly on large areas of trade and business, they are a major cause of the social and economic difficulties both Germany and Austria are suffering. We must eliminate the Jews in Austria and restore racial purity to our country. That is absolutely essential.’

  Jakob feels sweat trickling down his spine. He shivers. ‘Racial purity! How can you talk like this? You know I am a Jew … and Anna’s family is also Jewish.’

  ‘Of course I know it. That is why I wanted to speak to you.’

  ‘You agree to the “elimination” of Jews, yet you call yourself my friend?’

  ‘I said we had been friends for many years. I said I like you.’

  ‘But our friendship is now at an end?’

  ‘We cannot continue to be friends as before, that is certain, but I do care what happens to you. It is because of our friendship that I want to help you – you and Anna. I would not want harm to come to either of you.’

  ‘This is absurd! You want all Jews driven out or … what? Beaten up? Killed? Yet you feel some sympathy for me, some loyalty to me – a Jew!’

  ‘That is exactly right. We must all make a distinction between what is personal and what is principle. Listen, Jakob, we could go on debating this round and round all evening, but I don’t have much time. The fact is I have come to warn you.’

  ‘Oh? Are you about to bring a brown-shirted mob round to beat us up?’

  Fritz does not smile. He glances at his watch. ‘Believe me, this really is no joke. You must leave Vienna, leave Austria. You and Anna must get out as soon as you can.’ Fritz leans forward and lowers his voice. ‘I have seen your name on a list, Jakob. Did you really think no one watches those communist gatherings? What a stupid thing to do. Now your name is on the list, and sooner or later they will come for you – and that little fool of a sister of Anna’s.’

  ‘Margaret … but she’s hardly more than a child.’

  ‘That makes no difference. The important thing is don’t delay. I may be able to help with papers, and I have some contacts, here and abroad. Make sure you go soon – and if you care for your families, try to get them out too.’

  Jakob sits for a long time after Fritz has left, trying to calm the leaping of his heart and the trembling of his hands. He will have to persuade Anna to leave her home, her family to whom she is so deeply attached, and accompany him to a new land. Will she do it? They have talked of leaving, but never as an immediate intention. It was discussed as a vague possibility, almost as a fairy tale. How would Anna react? Would she even believe his account of his conversation with Fritz? He hardly believes it himself. Jakob resolves not to speak to Anna of what Fritz has told him, not yet at least. Instead he must find other means of persuading her of the necessity of leaving.

  An unexpected opportunity to achieve this presents itself before very long, an opportunity Jakob does not welcome at all.

  Chapter 6

  It should have been a perfect day, away from the cares of work and routine; a picnic long planned for in the Vienna Woods. In the soft autumn sunshine, the air is fragrant with the scent of warm grass, late flowers and pine trees. But from the start, Anna’s tension clouds the atmosphere. They sit on a log in a dappled clearing, their picnic bags unopened.

  ‘Tell me what is wrong.’

  ‘Oh, Jakob, it is hard, so hard. I’m so very sorry.’

  ‘About what? You are frightening me. What’s the matter? You must tell me, Anna.’

  At last, staring at her hands in her lap, Anna tells Jakob what has happened. She has had an affair with Otto, her employer, the father of the children in her care.

  Jakob’s initial reaction is one of total disbelief – is it possible that Anna, pure, innocent Anna, would behave in this way? Gradually, disbelief gives way to fury. His anger is not directed at Anna so much as at Otto. Anna has to agree that Otto has exploited her: she young and trustful, he an older man of wealth and experience. She is deeply ashamed of her naivety, and even more ashamed of her treachery towards Karin, who has come to regard her as a friend. She had wanted to believe Otto’s soothing assurances, while knowing in her heart they were not true. A pleasant diversion with a pretty young woman: that was all it was for him. He was confident that she would never make a fuss – it would ruin her reputation if it became known. No doubt it was not his first affair.

  ‘Jakob … I’m so sorry,’ she says again, putting her hand on h
is trembling arm. Jakob shakes her off and turns away. Anna covers her face with her hands. She does not tell him of her attraction to Otto’s suave charm, his delicious brown skin. She does not tell him she had been overwhelmed by desire.

  ‘Jakob. There is something else.’

  There will be a child, she tells him. It is just the beginning, early days, but the signs are clear. There can be no doubt – she is sure. Jakob leaps to his feet, stands with his back to her, his hands clasped around his head, as though trying to block out the news. He makes a strange noise, something between a groan and a cry, and swings his upper body from side to side. She explains that she has not told Otto about the baby and does not intend to, ever. He would never acknowledge the child as his. Also, she does not want to hurt Karin, who has been so good to her and who knows nothing of the relationship.

  ‘How could you, Anna, how could you? Oh God it’s unbelievable, it’s a nightmare. I can’t understand how … how you could abandon all your moral standards.’

  ‘I have no explanation. I can’t understand it myself.’

  How could the feelings be so strong, so totally consuming, as to overcome any thought of morality, of caution, any idea of possible consequences? Anna is frightened when she thinks about the inevitability of her journey into Otto’s arms. She is even more frightened by the absence of such a pull towards Jakob.

  Jakob says little for the rest of the day. They walk in silence through the wooded paths. The beauty of the gold and red leaves shimmering in the slanting sunshine appears to mock the dark mood between them. Then, as the sun grows low behind the trees, Jakob seems to reach a resolution. Grimly, he steers Anna to the train back to Vienna. They go to Emil’s, their favourite coffee house. Emil knows them well. There are few other customers at this time. Emil comes from the kitchen to greet them, a white apron fastened around his generous middle. He looks closely at them and throws open his arms.

  ‘Nah! Children, children – what’s the matter? Such faces. A lovers’ tiff already? Wait ’til you’re married – plenty of time for quarrelling then.’

  Jakob cannot respond in the same spirit. Unsmiling, he orders two coffees. Emil glances at Anna and shrugs theatrically. She smiles back half-heartedly and follows Jakob into one of the dark wooden booths.

  ‘I can’t accept this child as mine. It’s not my child, not our child.’

  ‘I understand.’

  ‘But,’ he continues, ‘I can’t let you … you cannot go through … an abortion.’ He grasps each of Anna’s wrists and holds them in front of him with violent force. He looks fiercely into her eyes. ‘Do you still want to marry me?’

  Anna feels as though a heavy stone is compressing the base of her throat, choking her. She looks back at him, and nods.

  * * *

  Jakob makes arrangements with military precision. Esther, Anna’s older sister, and her new husband, Reuben, are the only ones involved. No one else must know.

  ‘We will have to bring the date of our marriage forward.’

  Anna struggles to stifle an involuntary gasp. The walls of the room seem to sway and then close in on her.

  ‘And, we will have to emigrate to Palestine much sooner than we planned.’

  A sense of panic worms up Anna’s spine, touches the back of her neck. Does she even like Jakob? He is so solemn, so strict. She breathes in deeply.

  ‘It’s not such a big deal,’ he says. ‘We’d have to go anyway – there’s nothing for us here any more. It’s just a change in the timing. Others are doing the same.’

  It is true. Esther and Reuben are planning to go to America, and Margaret to England. Immediately after their marriage, Jakob explains, they will travel to Switzerland. It should be possible to find temporary jobs in Zurich. He has one or two contacts. He will sort out their papers – and of course Fritz has offered to help. Until they leave, normal life must go on as far as the families are concerned. Artur is already displeased that Anna has left her job. He is suspicious too, knowing how ambivalent she had felt about marriage to Jakob.

  ‘Marriage is a big commitment, Anna. You are quite sure? Why such a great rush all of a sudden?’

  ‘I’m sure, Papa.’

  ‘Otto and Karin like you. What possible reason is there to give up a good position at a time like this? You young people have no stamina.’

  ‘There were problems, Papa.’

  She wishes she could tell her father the truth.

  ‘Problems, problems – you think no one else has problems? Have you even thought about your mother and how this will upset her?’

  * * *

  Although Jakob has not been able to complete his architectural training, he is offered a position as a clerk in a firm of Zurich architects. He has no option but to accept it, though Anna knows he finds it beneath him. She is able to present testimonials from her work as a nanny and governess, including – to her great shame – a glowing one from Karin. These enable her to find a job as an assistant at a kindergarten. Jakob also makes the necessary arrangements with a discreet maternity clinic in Zurich.

  Esther and Reuben visit Switzerland from time to time, on the pretext of ‘walking expeditions’. Esther’s visits mean everything to Anna; she misses her parents desperately – it will be many months before she can see them again. Jakob and Anna live simply in a clean but modest apartment block. They rent one small room, and share a tiny kitchen and bathroom with four other families. They spend little, saving as much as possible for the journey ahead.

  The year 1935 is an exceptionally hot summer and Anna becomes tired and depressed by the final month, when she has to give up her job. Despite having agreed readily to the baby’s adoption at first, as the time draws near, she is taken over by a sick foreboding. She tries not to visualise the baby as a child, but rather as the unfortunate by-product of a mistake. Yet as her belly grows, the baby makes its presence felt more and more, kicking and turning. Sometimes a part of its body pushes against the wall of her stomach. She finds herself responding involuntarily, by stroking what must be a foot, or a tiny elbow, and smiling. She stops hastily if she notices Jakob watching her. Anna dreads the birth. As long as she is pregnant, the child inside her is hers alone.

  Anna grows increasingly quiet and withdrawn as the birth draws near. Finally, one night, she gently touches Jakob awake and whispers, ‘It’s coming.’

  She is wheeled into a delivery room, while Jakob is told to wait outside, his face pale and drawn. At this most monumental event of her life, they are separate. It is the beginning of a pattern that will continue for years to come, one she is powerless to alter.

  Anna screams. Jakob, alone outside, is agonised by sounds he is unable to interpret fully. He leaps to his feet, his heart pounding unevenly, his fists clenched. Every now and then one of the nurses leaves the room to tell Jakob that all is going as it should, all is well.

  At last the struggle is over. Jakob hears a thin wailing sound. He leans against the closed door, sobbing. The sound that comes next is more disturbing, a strange primitive howling, like a wild animal in extreme pain. The door is flung open and the noise envelops Jakob. He realises it comes from Anna. A nurse scurries past him, holding a small bundle. She pauses in front of Jakob, revealing a tiny monkey-like face in the white shawl.

  Jakob tries everything. He brings Anna small delicacies to try to tempt her to eat, suggests outings to the mountains or to Bodensee, even tries being stern with her. She remains distant, silent, wan. They have agreed never to speak of the events of the past months. She is grateful for that. Sometimes at night she wakes trembling and sweating.

  ‘Shhh,’ Jakob whispers. He holds her and strokes her hair until the shaking subsides and her breathing steadies.

  ‘I’m sorry to disturb you,’ is all she can say.

  By the end of the summer, they are ready to leave for Haifa. Esther and Reuben have gone to make their new lives in America, their parting an agony for Anna. Will she ever see them again? Jakob is calmer than before. For him, th
e worst is now over. It is a matter of gradual recovery. He is confident that in time their new life will absorb them and blot out the past.

  Before making their way south to Brindisi, they stop in Vienna for a few days to see their families. They try to convince them of the increasingly precarious situation, to persuade them too to leave.

  ‘We are too old to move to a new country,’ Jakob’s mother and grandmother say complacently. ‘That is for young people.’

  They do not truly believe the most ferocious policies of the Nazi government will ever materialise – ‘not here in Vienna’. They cannot contemplate change to their comfortable and privileged lives.

  Anna’s father is more realistic. He has other reasons for resisting change.

  ‘Your mother is not well enough to make such a journey. She would not survive it – and I will never leave while she lives, never.’

  Anna sits on her mother’s bed, struggling to keep tears under control.

  ‘Anna, Anna, you are so pale. Are you not well?’

  ‘I’m fine, Mamma, fine. Just a little stomach upset.’

  Matilde clutches Anna’s hand and presses it to her chest.

  ‘Be happy in this new land, my precious girl. You will have a good life, I am sure of it. Remember what I have always told you: look for the rainbow – the beautiful rainbow – and run towards it! You will find happiness. I will not see you again – not in this life – my dearest Anna, I know that, but you will be here in my heart, always.’

  ‘Nonsense, Mamma, of course we will see each other again, you’ll see.’

  * * *

  Jakob lies on the deck, where he has fallen into an exhausted sleep. Anna reaches out to stroke his cheek, then withdraws her hand. She studies Jakob’s face. It is still a handsome face; shadowed with several days’ growth of beard, so out of character for a fastidious man like him. There are lines between his brows and deep hollows at the sides of his mouth. He looks gaunt. Even in sleep his expression is one of anguish.