Like sneaking over to the Brand property to spy on them? Damn Kerr and his twin link with her.
The tension in the room dropped a notch but still vibrated, like a tightly wound wire. Plucked.
She couldn’t meet Eric’s assessing, heavy stare. Fine. She was guilty. Because you bet, she was already plotting how to get back over to Crazy Neighbor Ground Zero and find out what the hell they were doing.
“We’ll take care of things here,” Garrison nodded at Shelby. “We’ve got this, guys.”
“Oh. Wait. I’m still on call with Search and Rescue,” she said. “What if I have to go in?”
Eric swore. He pushed off the wall. “I’ll call Ben and get a swap for you. Means we’ll be on for a long stretch together over the holidays.”
On call with Eric for weeks at a time? Dangerous but better than leaving her family right about now. “That’s fine,” she said. Better that she took time to get stronger before heading back up to timberline, anyway.
“All right. I’ll take care of changing the schedule.” Eric rested his fist on his hip. “I’ll help you finish loading gear into the trailer, Kerr, then I’m heading home for the night.” The smoldering look he slid past Shelby made her toes tingle.
She couldn’t hold his gaze.
A wave of desire flowed over her, coming from Eric but magnified by her own feelings. Her cheeks heated and she stared at the floor.
Sara touched her hair. “I need to be going. School day tomorrow.”
“You’re not staying alone in town,” Garrison snapped. Then his tone softened. “It’s not safe. You’re welcome to stay here.” He pulled her up to stand next to him.
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.” His eyes shone as he stared down at her.
Their twin smiles blocked out everyone else in the room. Those two projected sappy love and lust like a disco ball throwing off glints of peppy light.
Shelby couldn’t take it. She walked into the kitchen.
Heavy steps preceded the grip on her upper arm as Eric spun her around.
“Let go,” she hissed, making sure no one else could hear her.
He ducked his head until his lips were near her ear. “I meant what I said. I want you. Make a decision. You know the rules.” With a warm nip of her ear that sent a shudder into her belly, he walked through the kitchen door and out into the night.
Kerr sauntered into the kitchen a few minutes later. When he opened his grinning mouth, she cut him off with a slice of her hand through the air.
“Not a word. And stay out of it,” she warned him.
His grin only got wider as he turned around and exited.
Chapter 14
The next morning rose, cold and unhappy, just like Shelby. Her night had stunk, with all of the tossing and turning in bed. One minute she had wanted to throw herself in the car and go see Eric. The next minute she wrote the idea off as the worst decision she’d ever make.
Didn’t help that she had relieved Kerr to watch the ranch from two to six a.m. after waking up in the middle of another one of those weird dreams. The afterimages of molten lava exploding and a woman reaching out to her left a fuzzy, echo-y background sensation in Shelby’s head.
Her feet ached and the wheezes had ramped up again from the early morning chill. Stupid lungs. Stupid fire. Damned Brands.
And how ridiculous had the Taggart family become? Patrolling their own property to stay safe.
How long could they keep up this vigilance?
How long would it be until something else awful happened?
Rubbing the bridge of her nose, she trudged down the hall, each step slower than the last.
She wandered to her father’s room on the first floor. Opening the door a crack, she tiptoed in and brushed a hand over his face, tracing the weathered skin. The lines were deeper than they had ever been before. The starburst of creases from the corners of his eyes had met up with vertical lines on his cheeks from all the smiling and grinning. Now? The skin lay slack, sagged.
“Where’s Marie?” he asked, eyes cracking open. Only one side of his face moved fully. Saliva collected on the weak corner of his mouth.
Mom. Damn it. He was dreaming. Hopefully, he was dreaming. If he truly thought she was her mother, he had worse issues than they had suspected.
“Mom’s been gone for a while, Pop,” she murmured.
“Oh no,” he mumbled. The good side of his face drooped into a sad frown. “When will she come back?” His thin voice quavered. He clutched at the neck of his buttoned pajama shirt. How had her dad withered away so quickly?
A blast of grief raked cruel tines across her mind. Oh God. No way.
She read the emotions. Dad was experiencing the loss of Mom like it had happened yesterday. A fresh wave of his lime-sour despair nearly buckled her knees and she blinked hard to hold back the tears.
The words lodged in her constricted throat. She coughed until she could speak. “She’s not coming back, Dad. Remember, Mom passed away five years ago.”
His jaw quivered, but he shut his eyes. “Yes. That’s right. So sad. Ah, my Marie.” He huddled into the blankets.
It felt like being run over by a truck, watching this great man whittled down to the husk of a human lying in bed.
“Um. Do you need anything? Trip to the bathroom? Something to eat?” She patted him on a slack shoulder. “We should get you up to do some therapy today, Dad. Come on.”
With his good hand, he held onto her wrist. The grip didn’t have the strength of even a month ago. When he squinted up at her, his watery blue eyes focused then slid away, looking at something far in the distance. “No, dear. You’ve been wonderful. I’m a little tired right now. We’ll do some exercises later on. I’d like to sleep for a while longer.”
He let go of her and rolled away, facing the wall.
Another wave washed over her, drowning her senses. Oh, no. Couldn’t be.
Her chest hollowed out until all the air exited. What remained was a vacuum.
She read his emotions driven by his intention.
Her father didn’t want to go on living.
• • •
Eric shoved his truck into park in front of the ranch house, got out, and slammed the vehicle door.
Eight a.m., a wonderful, freezing morning. Great way to start the new day.
What a shitty night of desire and hope. What a shittier morning filled with empty disappointment. Shelby hadn’t showed up. Like he had expected something different?
Yeah. He had hoped.
He stared at the back door of the ranch house. Couldn’t go in there and face her. Not yet.
He needed to stuff his feelings down deep so she didn’t read him. Nothing like giving her the upper hand. Yep, hiding emotions pretty much defined a “dysfunctional” relationship.
He snorted and shook his head.
If it weren’t for the prep he needed to do for the hunting trip, he wouldn’t have returned to the ranch today. A guy could only get his balls kicked so many times before he gave up.
And Lord help him, but his were blue. Last night’s empty bed answered his question about Shelby’s interest. Loud and clear. She had voted with her feet.
Fair’s fair. They were both adults. He could move on here, but not if he had to interact with her in close quarters and under the microscope of her brothers. And if he couldn’t handle being close to her? His future had little substance and even less direction. Maybe this experience was the kick in his ass he needed to make a change.
Since his mom had walked out on him right before he graduated high school, he had been alone, adrift. Sure, the Taggarts helped.
But this wasn’t his life.
What was he going to do?
No idea. But he sure as hell wasn’t going into the kitchen.
So he spun on his heel, pulling the worn canvas coat collar up, and stalked over to the smaller barn where the animals had been moved. He’d shine the tack and make sure the equipment was in perfect c
ondition for the guests coming in tomorrow. A better use of his time than mooning over her, anyway.
The familiar scents of horses, hay, and leather flowed around him in the barn. Then he detected a hint of apple pie and groaned.
“Shelby?”
A pause. “In the back. With Bob.” Her voice had a broken quality this morning. Maybe she was still hoarse from coughing.
Not that he cared.
Peeking in a stall, he drank in her jeans-clad backside as she made practiced strokes with the currycomb. Bob rolled his eyes and pawed the straw in ecstasy.
Lucky bastard.
“Uh, everything okay?” he asked.
Another pause. “Fine.” She resumed the sideways strokes over the horse’s flank.
Eric might not be psychic, but he knew fine. And something in her voice was not fine.
“Need any help?”
“Nope.” Her stiff frame remained facing away from him.
He had almost walked away when he heard the sniff. Could be anything. Allergies, a cold. But combined with the slump of her shoulders and fatigue in her static-y voice, he’d bet there was something more going on here.
Was she looking for attention? No. Shelby shied away from any kind of spotlight.
What if she was giving him the cold shoulder? Made more sense.
Red bled into his vision and his skin twitched. Why didn’t she face him? Sure, she’d rejected him, but she didn’t have to be rude. She should say whatever needed to be said but to his face. Give him some respect. Pressure built behind his eyes as he spun back toward her. Keeping a lock on his emotions, he stuffed them far away from her prying senses. By God, he’d control something about this situation.
“Missed you last night,” he muttered.
The brush stopped moving. Her forehead dropped onto the horse’s side. “Yup. Sorry about that.”
“At least you can look me in the eye and reject me like an adult, Shel.”
“What?” All he got to see was her ramrod-straight backside. Pleasant as that view was, he deserved more.
“Damn it, look at me.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I need to be alone, thanks,” she mumbled. Another sniff. And the brushing started again, harsh in the quiet barn. Bob blinked his disapproval.
Unable to stop himself, Eric grabbed her free arm and spun her around, opening his mouth and taking a big breath. By God, he wanted to take out his disappointment on her.
Her cheeks were wet.
Those gold-flecked eyes swam with tears.
Never in his memory had he seen her cry. A punch to the stomach wouldn’t have stopped him any faster.
“What’s going on, Shelby?”
“Nothing. Just leave.” She stepped to the side.
He dropped her arm and crossed his own, blocking her exit from the stall. “Not happening. No more avoiding things.”
“Sorry, dude, but I can’t handle any in-depth discussion now.”
“Don’t care anymore. I want some answers.” Even he cringed at his caustic tone. Probably not the best choice of words, either, but damn it, he couldn’t hide his feelings and monitor his words at the same time.
“Now you’re turning into a bully?” Her voice cracked.
Wow, he hadn’t seen that response coming. Had he truly become boorish, pushing her around? Bullying her?
Hell, that’s the last thing he wanted to do to Shelby. On the other hand, he had a long list of activities he would give his right arm to do to her, none of which he had accomplished last night. And, based on the intro to this discussion, those things weren’t going to happen anytime soon. If ever.
Her twisted features as she tried not to cry squashed his base desires.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked.
“No.” She stared somewhere on the ground.
“Look, I know you might not want me around, but, um, if you need to talk or something . . . ” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Or if you want to tell me to go to hell. Either way, it’s cool.”
When her laugh broke on a sob that she stifled, the muscles of his gut clenched like that damned horse had kicked him. The vision of Shelby curbing her emotions and then resetting them back to neutral ruined him.
Screw his ultimatum. Screw that getting close to her and then getting rejected time and again hurt like reopening a wound. Some things were more important than male pride.
Pulling her into his chest, he wrapped his arms around her thin frame. The currycomb dropped as she buried her head in his chest and looped her arms under and around his shoulders, like she was hanging on for dear life.
Whatever made her hurt, he needed to destroy it.
Even if that something was him.
Somehow, his fingers ended up buried in the soft strands of her curly hair. Her forehead rested right where he could inhale her scent of outdoors, fresh air, and goddamned apple pie. Uniquely Shelby. The scent of joy and pain.
For the longest time, she didn’t make a sound.
What the hell was he supposed to do? Man, it would be nice to have her gift to read emotions. Would save a lot of shoving his foot in his mouth and apologizing. But he could try.
“Want to talk?” He slid his hand down to her neck and rubbed. “Or my other offer still stands . . . you can also tell me to go take a hike, if it will make you feel better. I’m okay with that. Sounds like I kind of deserve it.”
Her muffled laugh gave him brief hope. “I’m just tired and overwhelmed.”
“I don’t have your gift, but this seems like more than tired to me.”
“Okay, Mr. Psychiatrist, you got me.” She leaned back and glanced at him, then moved to rest her cheek on his shoulder. Like it was meant to be there, damn it all. He tightened his arm around her lower back. The contact of her body against his created the sweetest suffering he could imagine. “For the record, I was up most of the night, watching the ranch, so I’m also pretty beat.”
His hand tightened on her neck. Yeah, he’d misjudged everything, and selfish bastard that he was, somehow turned her absence last night . . . into a commentary about him. “Damn it, why didn’t you or Kerr call? I would have come over to help.”
“Because you’ve been dragged through this crap enough.”
“You know I would have pitched in.”
“No question. You always do.” She sighed. “Also, Dad’s not doing great.” Her thin shoulders rose and fell. “I got a sense from him this morning that he’s given up.”
“Geez. Not good.”
“You’re right. And there’s not a lot I can do, which really sucks.” With a sniff, she said, “There’s not a lot I can do about most of what’s going on here. All I can do is stay strong and try to hold things together.”
He set her away from him but kept his arms around her. “How’s that working out for you?”
Her laugh got choked up again. “Great. Obviously, right?”
“Sure.” He swallowed. She was letting him see a part of Shelby that no one else saw. Tough but vulnerable. Cracks showing in the façade. Strong for everyone else.
Who would be strong for Shelby?
Squeezing his shoulder, she said, “That nurse is supposed to be coming for an interview today, so here’s hoping that she can help.”
“Sure she can.”
She scowled up at him. “Don’t patronize me. I can tell, you know.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it. And I really do agree. Having help will take some of the load off from all of you.”
“But to what end? If Dad’s given up . . . ” He felt her jagged breath transmit through the ribs of his own chest.
He opened his mouth, trying to think of something helpful to say.
Thank God she stepped back and held up her hand. “Don’t give me any ‘circle of life’ bullshit. I understand it but am not ready to hear it. Okay?”
“Got it.”
“No, I don’t think you do. I’m serious. If you tell me it’s his t
ime or anything along those lines, I will stomp on your foot.”
“Roger.” He smiled at her attempt to shove a brave, stubborn face into place, quivering lower lip and all.
Then she stood up straight. Back to prickly. Good. That particular state he had experience with and understood well.
“Well. Uh, thanks for the, um, hug and all. Sorry to . . . ”
“Lean on me?” He pinned her stricken expression with his own, holding eye contact. “I want you to lean on me anytime. I mean it.”
The pink rose in her cheeks. “Yeah. Um. Sorry I didn’t come by last night.” She waved her hand around. “With stuff going on here and everything happening—”
He cut her off with a quick kiss then stepped back. Had to. If he didn’t move away, he’d do something they would both regret. Something she wasn’t able to process right now. “Hey, I’m still around. And I understand now isn’t a great time for you to deal with . . . other stuff. I get it.”
That sad laugh raked him like jagged nails on bare skin. “Like there’s ever a good time? When will life slow down to see what else . . . ? Damn it. Never mind.”
One more touch and then he’d leave, even if it killed him. He fought the need to take control, soothe her with more kisses, replace pain with pleasure. Instead, he brushed the back of her warm cheek with his knuckles. “One day, there will be time. That is, if you want to explore things further. If not, I will not push you, I swear.”
“Really? Because you put quite a time limit on it yesterday.”
“Never claimed to be a smart man.” Just desperate. “Take the time you need. I mean that.”
When she caught her lower lip with her teeth, he wanted it to be his teeth on that soft flesh.
Her eyes widened.
Stop. Don’t pummel her with how you feel. He clamped down everything he felt into a polite, neutral feeling.
Walking out of that barn was one of the hardest things he’d had to do in a long time.
Chapter 15
That afternoon, the sound of a vehicle caught Shelby’s attention. Her heart pounded, more in dread than excitement. The nurse had arrived. Somehow, this one person’s presence made their Dad’s condition far too real. Too serious.
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