“Yeah,” she whispered, “I know that—now. One of life’s little chucks under the chin—to tell you that not all people have your best interests at heart in a relationship.”
“People play games, Cam. You’re not a game player—you play for keeps. You bring your honesty, your hard-work ethic, your high moral values and standards to the table with everyone you deal with.”
Amazed that Gus could see all that in her, Cam felt her heart lift a little. She felt some of the grief dissolve beneath his probing cinnamon gaze. When he stood up, her pulse bounded. He held her gaze as he slowly walked around the desk and stopped within a few feet of her.
“You don’t have to apologize for those jerks,” she muttered. Cam stood there, tense and tall, her arms wrapped around herself defensively. Gus wasn’t stupid. He could read body language pretty well and he knew that she was feeling very prickly right now, even toward him—because he was a man. It had been men who had so deeply wounded Cam to the point where she no longer trusted any of them.
“Are you comfortable with me being your X.O. and knowing that I care for you on a personal level, too? That on some days, I might slip and be intimate with you? I’ll try my darnedest to always be businesslike, Cam. You have my promise…but I’m human, too. I might slip. I won’t do it on purpose. I won’t manipulate you like those other men did, but I’m an ordinary guy. Like on the dance floor that night—those words just came out of my mouth, straight from my heart, and I didn’t even realize it until it was too late.”
Gus pursed his lips and held her dark, shadowed gaze. Seeing tears glimmer dangerously in her eyes tore at him. The desire to take two steps toward Cam, hold open his arms and ask her to come into them nearly undid him. It was so tough not to speak what was in his heart.
Choking back the tears that came out of nowhere, Cam slowly unlocked her arms and let them fall to her sides. How badly she wanted to move into Gus’s arms. Cam knew from the searching look on his face that he’d hold her. And she’d be safe. And loved. Stunned by that realization, Cam stood there in shock, staring dumbly at him. Words jammed in her throat and she couldn’t speak for a long moment.
“There isn’t a day that goes by here, Gus, that I don’t look forward to seeing you,” she finally murmured brokenly. “And it scares the hell outta me admitting it to you.”
“Because you think I’ll use it against you? That I’ll try and get you in bed and then walk away, like they did, right?”
“Stupid, isn’t it? But yeah…”
“Listen to me, Cam.” Gus took a huge risk and reached out, sliding his hand against her jaw and cupping her flushed cheek. He saw the tears trail silently down her face. Groaning softly, he rasped, “I won’t ever do that to you. First, I need to earn your trust. Without trust, we have nothing. We can go nowhere.” Her flesh was warm and firm beneath the palm of his hand. When Cam closed her eyes and nuzzled her cheek into his hand, Gus held his breath. Elation soared through him. Cam’s action shouted volumes. She could have slapped him. She could have jerked away. She could have gotten angry and told him to back off, but none of that had happened. Instead, she was trusting him enough to allow this intimate moment with her. The tears, however, were unstringing him.
“Just…let me hold you, Cam? I’ll just hold you for a moment. I think you need to be held. I can do that for you. No manipulation. Just two humans being here for one another?”
A sob jammed in her throat. Gus’s face blurred as she willed herself to look up at him. His hand was warm and stabilizing. Cam ached to ask so much more of Gus, but her fear overrode that. Two feet of space—that’s all that was separating them. That’s all she had to walk. Gus was offering her a safe haven against her pain. Her past. Getting up the courage, Cam tried to smile through her silent tears.
Without a word, she stepped forward.
Groaning softly, Gus placed his arms around her tense shoulders. “Come here, Cam….” he whispered harshly against her ear. Her chestnut hair tickled his nose and cheek. Wrapping his arms around her, he drew her gently against him. Closing his eyes, Gus realized a fragile truce was being built between them, and that Cam was giving him a gift. As she shyly, hesitantly slid her arms around his shoulders and laid her head against his chest, Gus sighed raggedly. Little by little, Cam relaxed against him. Feeling her torn emotions, Gus didn’t try to force her to do anything but what was comfortable for her in that moment.
“You’re a priceless gift to me, Cam,” he said in a low tone. Smiling against her hair, his cheek against her head, Gus felt her sink more surely into his arms. He held her gently, lovingly. And as he felt Cam begin to relax and fit the contours of her body against his, he felt a sob wrack her. Automatically, his arms tightened for a moment around her shoulders. “That’s it, let it out. Let it all out, Cam. You’re safe with me. I promise…. Just get it all out and I’ll hold you….”
Chapter 12
“Don’t worry, they’ll do fine,” Gus reassured Cam as they stood just outside the barracks, the harsh floodlights breaking up the darkness around them.
Cam absorbed Gus’s nearness like a sponge. It was dark, and in the distance, she watched Luis and Antonio climbing into the Apache helicopter, the ground crew ready nearby.
“I just worry,” she said, frowning as she crossed her arms against her chest.
Chuckling, Gus stood inches behind her. “Hey, you’ve flown with these guys every day for the last month. If they don’t have their night ops down pat by now, and interdiction rules memorized, they’re never gonna have them.” He glanced at her shadowed profile. Seeing the concern etched in her face, Gus fought the need to put his hands on her shoulders and tell her not to worry. But he couldn’t. They were in full view of the crew and it wouldn’t be proper military etiquette.
“This will be the first night they’re going up alone.”
“You’ll be here. You’ve got the iridium phone. You’ll be in contact with them,” he coaxed. “Besides, aren’t you tired of flying with each of these guys? Aren’t you looking forward to a night off?” Gus was worried about Cam. Since her two friends had left, he’d seen Cam turn back into a twenty-four-seven workaholic. He’d done what he could to take work from her and give her a breather, but she still had to do the biggest share.
“I know….” Cam whispered. She twisted her head to look up at his dark, serious face. How handsome Gus was to her. And how lonely she’d been without their daily meetings out at the grove. Everything had changed since Wild Woman and Snake had left. She had to fly each night with either Luis, Antonio or Gus, five to seven hours, teaching them interdiction in real time. The entire duty rotation had changed. She was flying every night, without a break. They had only two Apaches available, and while one flew, the other was being serviced. Gus wasn’t up to speed yet on the finer points of interdiction himself. Cam had spent most of her time getting the two Mexican pilots qualified so they could work with one another. Tonight was their first trial by fire, without her guiding them.
“Hey,” Gus whispered, briefly touching her shoulder, “come on, Mama Hen in the Sky. Let’s go to the grove—something we haven’t been able to do for a long time.” He looked forward to the rare personal time with Cam. Ever since she’d walked willingly into his arms, laid her head on his shoulder and cried her heart out, things had changed between them. Gus was earning Cam’s trust one small step at a time. She was worth it to him. Even though he had his own devils to contend with—his fears that she was in a dangerous profession and could get killed just as the other woman he’d loved—Gus couldn’t fight his powerful attraction for Cam.
Cam hungered for his touch. As Gus’s hand grazed her shoulder, her flesh tingled with wanting of him, and she turned, searching his face. “You know what? That sounds wonderful. Since we only fly at night, our whole world has been turned upside down. We’re awake all night and sleep all day.”
“Not exactly great,” Gus agreed as Cam fell into step with him. They walked along the concrete path around
the barracks, then moved away from the lights on the building. In the distance, Gus could hear the Apache revving up for takeoff. Cam had the iridium phone in her left hand. He hoped the two pilots, who had made an amazing about-face, would do everything by the book tonight so Cam wouldn’t have to worry about them so much. If they screwed up, it was on her record, her watch. He didn’t want to see her career torpedoed like that. She didn’t deserve it.
“Where’s your guitar?” Cam asked. How she missed hearing Gus play it. This last month, their former routine had been shattered, and she had discovered just how much she needed this hour alone with Gus. The grove had become a place of healing for her on so many levels, a place where she could, for a little while, leave her responsibilities behind.
He gave her a slight smile as he walked at her side. “It’s already on the picnic table, waiting for you.”
Giving him a narrowed look, Cam murmured, “Why do I think you’ve had this all planned out, Mr. Morales?”
With a boyish grin, Gus said, “Oh, I dunno, Ms. Anderson. Do I look like the type who has a plan up his sleeve?”
Chuckling, Cam said, “That’s one of the many good things about you, Gus—there’re no games. No manipulation.” He wasn’t anything like the men in her past. The afternoon Gus had held her in his arms, so many of the old walls and fears had dissolved within Cam. The last month had been tentative, hopeful, scary, and yet happier than she could ever recall. Gus made her want to trust him. His honesty at every juncture was evident.
Swinging his arms as they stepped off the asphalt and onto the sandy earth leading to the grove, he said with humor, “I can’t say this isn’t something I didn’t cook up. It is.” He held her hopeful gaze. “It’s something you need,” he said enigmatically.
“Uh-oh, I’m in trouble now,” Cam laughed. His returning laughter lifted her spirits and made her heart pound with joy.
“Nah,” Gus teased. Once inside the grove, he slid his hand into hers. In quiet moments, especially in her office with the door closed, Cam allowed him the privilege of touching her hand, her shoulder. And as her trust in him grew during the last month, she’d come into his arms on her own, just to be held for a quiet moment. Gus knew the gift she was sharing with him and never made a move to go beyond what Cam silently asked for. Oh, how he wanted to kiss her! But he didn’t. He waited. If he pushed his will on her, the fragile trust between them would shatter. And there was no way Gus was going to let that happen. His desire for Cam was held firmly in check. He was going to behave.
Cam squeezed his large, warm hand as he led her into the grove. “What have you done, Gus? I can see that wicked glint in your eyes.” Breathless because she needed this playfulness, Cam grinned up at him. His hand tightened around hers as if to quietly reassure her that it was going to be a good surprise.
“Oh,” he hedged, “just some small stuff.” And he led her to the table. Cam stood at his side, lifting her arm and placing it around his waist. Shocked by her bold move, and yet glorying in it, Gus lost his smile. Gently, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Cam leaned against him, her head resting against his chest. Joy sang through him. Clearing his throat and trying to think coherently, because he hadn’t expected Cam’s response, he gestured to the long redwood bench.
“I got your favorite dessert,” he told her in a conspiratorial tone. “A cream puff.” He’d found out that Cam loved them. One night she’d enthused about her mother’s ability to make the world’s best cream puffs.
Touched, Cam moved out of his embrace to the small baker’s box sitting on the bench. “Ohh, Gus, you shouldn’t have!” she cried, quickly opening it.
Just watching the childlike expression on Cam’s face as she leaned over and opened the box did Gus a lot of good. Picking up his guitar, which had been lying on the table, he straddled the bench behind Cam and settled the instrument against him.
“Sit down and enjoy your just dessert,” he teased, as he began to strum the instrument.
Laughing, Cam turned around and straddled the same bench, facing Gus, the box between them. He’d thoughtfully included several large paper napkins, and she placed one on her left thigh and one on his right. The music he played was beautiful to her. Picking up the first huge cream puff, which was oozing with whipped cream, Cam placed it on the napkin on his knee.
“This is yours,” she told him, grinning. Picking up the second one, she eyed it wolfishly. “And this is mine!”
Gus watched as Cam eagerly bit into the pastry. She knew how to attack it without squishing all the whipped cream from the center.
“You’re pretty good at that,” Gus said, impressed. “When I eat one, it squirts all over the place.”
Chuckling and closing her eyes, Cam enjoyed the pastry. “Mmm, this is wonderful, Gus! Thank you so much. It’s so thoughtful of you!” Opening her eyes again, she gave him a huge smile.
Gus grinned. Cam had whipped cream on both sides of her luscious-looking mouth. She quickly slurped it away with the tip of her tongue and attacked the pastry again with great relish.
“Good thing cream puffs don’t fly. They wouldn’t stand a chance with you,” he stated humorously.
Laughing, Cam melted beneath his dark, smoldering gaze. Still in his flight uniform, with a few rebellious strands of hair dipping down across his brow, he looked dangerously handsome to her. “Why don’t you eat yours?” she challenged.
Shrugging, Gus said, “I’ll get it all over me.”
“Chicken.”
Rising to her bait, he placed the guitar on the table beside him and reached for his pastry. “Okay, here goes….”
Cam gave a cry as Gus bit into it, and whipped cream spurted everywhere, including a blotch on her cheek. When he pulled the pastry away from his mouth, he had cream on his face, hands and uniform.
“What a mess you are!” she said, easing to her feet and scooting closer till their knees met. She picked up her napkin and began wiping cream off his smiling mouth. Drowning in his darkened, narrowed gaze, Cam found her hand slowing as she dabbed at the remainder.
“I warned you,” he growled huskily, setting down the cream puff and wiping his hands on his own napkin. “You’ve got a big splotch of whipping cream near the side of your mouth. Want me to kiss it away?”
Heat shot through Cam as he gently cupped her face and tilted her chin slightly upward. Gus wanted to kiss her. And she wanted to kiss him. Her hand came to rest on his chest and Cam gazed wonderingly up into those warm, cinnamon-colored eyes that held such love for her. It was love, Cam realized despite her stunned, spinning senses. She saw his strong mouth curve into a gentle smile as he cocked his head and studied her.
“Y-yes, kiss the whipped cream away,” Cam whispered unsteadily, her voice hoarse.
“Sure?”
“Very sure, Gus.”
“This has to be mutual, Cam….” And it had to be. He saw the desire in her huge and luminous eyes. Gus saw fear in them, too, but he hoped that the trust he’d earned would allow Cam to surrender to him. His fingers tightened briefly beneath her clean jaw-line. Her skin was warm and firm. How badly he wanted to touch it, touch her and kiss her.
Closing her eyes, Cam stretched upward. “Kiss me?”
Never had two words meant so much to Gus. Leaning down, he met her halfway, his mouth moving slowly, provocatively across her parting lips. She tasted of sweet cream. Grazing her lips, Gus smiled and licked off the spot of cream from Cam’s cheek. Hearing her moan softly, feeling her fingers tighten reflexively on his flight uniform, Gus placed a soft kiss on each of her closed eyes.
“You are,” he breathed, “the most beautiful flower in my garden of life, Camelia Anderson.” He allowed his lips to trail down to the tip of her nose, and then lower, to her parted lips. “You are so beautiful to me. Like the delicate flower you are, everything has to be right for you to bloom, to flourish. I want to help you do that, querida. Darling…”
Lost in the heat of his strong mouth closing over hers, of h
is breath, warm and moist, flowing across her cheek, Cam surrendered to Gus. She felt his hands move in a caressing motion across her hair, cherishing her as if she were some fragile, breakable treasure. Never in her life had she felt so loved, so cared for. His mouth was strong and giving, searching and coaxing. She tasted the whipped cream, the sweetness of him, and felt the power of him as a man, held in check.
Moaning, Cam felt his arms move around her shoulders as he drew her more closely against him. Sitting on the bench with their knees pressed together didn’t allow for complete contact, but she didn’t care. Holding him close like this was enough. Her breathing became shallow. Hungry for his continued touch, Cam felt her lower body begin to throb with an ache that moved upward toward her heart.
“I need you….” Gus rasped against her wet, slick mouth. “In every way, querida, whenever you say the word…” And he crushed his mouth against hers as she met and returned the fire that had exploded between them. Pain knotted deep in his lower body. Oh, how he wanted to make slow, delicious, mind-blowing love to Cam! Gus knew in his heart that he could please her and show her that not all men were selfish takers, interested only in their own needs. Her mouth was strong, searching, eager, as he met and matched her sweet assault. Beneath that cool exterior lurked a woman of immense passion, he realized with happiness as he threaded his fingers through the strong, silken strands of her hair.
Moving her hands across his chest and up his thickly corded neck, Cam eagerly traced every inch of Gus. The male odor of him was like a perfume to her flaring nostrils. Heart thundering in her breast, she eagerly slid her lips against his. As his tongue moved in a slow, sensual dance against hers, she shuddered. She wanted to mate with him, to become one with him, and that desire shook her as she’d never been shaken before.
Tearing her mouth from his, Cam drowned in his smoldering, hooded eyes, which were focused on her like those of a predator. “I need you, Gus. I’m afraid, but I can’t stop….” And Cam leaned upward and pressed her lips against his. Feeling a groan ripple through his chest against her flattened breasts, she shared that wonderful animal sound with him. As his fingers slid across her scalp caressingly, Cam lost herself in his arms. Somehow she knew she was safe with Gus, that he wouldn’t take advantage of her. Everything was so right. So beautifully right…
An Honorable Woman Page 14