by M R Field
I enjoy being busy, but my spare time was often spent with Theo. The non-boyfriend. I could perhaps put him into some lace outfit to fill the void from the group, but I doubt he’d let me try. After all, we spent a lot of time tearing clothes off rather than putting them back on. Hence, the power of the vagina.
“Well, at least Alex won’t threaten to cover me up in overalls or something.” Trice rolls her eyes as she sits next to me. “Can’t get over how protective he was. How did Robbie not lose his mind at you, Haze?”
“I think he just liked the idea that at the end of the night I was all his and that he could show me how much he liked the costume. Boy,” she breathes, “he knew how to show me.”
Trice scrunches her nose and visibly shudders. “Do not ask me why I wanted to know that about my brother.”
“Yeah, well, you won’t have to worry about wearing your soundproof headphones. That won’t be happening for a while. Unless they block out Gian.” Haze frowns as she strokes his face gently. “I really hope he isn’t keeping you guys awake. We can’t really control it.”
Trice moves across me to touch Hazel’s arm. “Never, honey. Even if he screamed the house down, I’d happily take him to cuddle to sleep. Know that, okay? It’s us who might get under your feet. We don’t want to disrupt the little famiglia.”
“I love having you guys with us.” Haze’s lip trembles.
Trice straightens, but not before I move closer to Haze. “Hey, what’s going on? Are you okay?” I ask.
Hazel sniffs as she draws Gian tighter to her for a moment. “I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed. At the hospital we had so many nurses around us, and coming home almost feels like a big test. I know I have you gals, but I’m scared I’ll fail. Look at where I’ve come from—the biggest dysfunctional family. My poor son is barely a month old and already I’m worried I’m screwing up somehow.”
Just as I am about to reach for her, the front door opens, and heavy footsteps sound across the polished floorboards.
“Hey, how’s my Farfalla and little man doin’…?” Robbie’s boisterous voice halts as he freezes in the doorway to the lounge. He stares intently at Hazel. “Babe, what’s wrong?” His voice instantly softens.
“I’m just being emotional.” She bends her head, trying to hide the tears that stream down her face.
Robbie walks quickly to the front of the lounge and drops to her knees. “Now, tell me what’s wrong, so I can make it go away.” His voice is like a warm caress, and I watch Hazel’s bottom lip tremble.
“I’m just worried that I’m going to screw up,” she sobs, her eyes filling with tears. “I keep thinking my family has ruined me.”
Robbie places his hand onto her knee and leans closer to her. “Those fuckwits didn’t know perfection while it was staring in their faces. They didn’t know the beauty that they created. The kindness and caring nature of the most captivating woman I’ve ever met was wasted on them.” His knees shift to the floor so he can rise closer to Hazel’s face. “But I know what they’ve missed. I see the beauty and the love you show Gian. They will never take that from you. In less than a month, you have shown yourself to be a better parent than those fuckwits ever were.”
“You’re the best parent too, Tesoro.” She sniffs.
“Only because I have you to guide me.” He pushes off the ground to kiss Haze on the forehead. “They’re fuckwits.” He sighs. “They had no fucking idea.”
“Tesoro.” She giggles. “You can’t swear in front of Gian.”
Robbie leans back and raises one eyebrow at her. A little smirk appears across his lips. “He’s heard worse, but I’ll tone it down.”
“Love you.” She smiles up at him.
“Love you, Farfalla.”
The way they look at each other chips a little at the ice around my heart.
“Okay guys, I’m happy being a zia and all, but the feels here are making me think you’re about to make another baby.” Trice squirms next to me, her mouth in a fake grimace as her eyes twinkle with mischief.
“Well, Alex will be home soon,” Robbie throws back at her. “Maybe you should make Gian a playmate.”
Trice rolls her eyes and pokes me in the ribs. “I think there’s more chance that Trin will do that before us. Kids freak Alex out.”
I tap the couch end next to me and rise abruptly out of my chair. “On that note, my ovaries thank you for your pimping, but sadly my endometriosis is declining that move.” My uterus is on protest, and only surgery is going to help give me a chance to become a mum—if I ever want to be. Funny how the one thing a woman’s body is meant to be able to do, mine has decided it will play Russian Roulette with in a combat warzone. I’m surprised they are still intact after the cramps they gave me earlier this month. Plus, the surgery that I am going to have in a few months is going to give me the big clean-out. Not looking forward to that.
Gesturing to the door, I step away from the couch. “I’m going to go see how many grey hairs appear through my blue hair after my bridezilla appointment.”
“Is your arm different?” Robbie asks, staring at my latest tattoo.
“Sure is.” I paste a grin on my face, pointing to my forearm. I trace my fingers from the cherry blossoms under it until I circle the purple edging of the mandala that sits above them. “It’s a symbol for creativity and harmony.” I feel the vibe change slightly in the room, but I power on. No pity today.
“It’s beautiful.” Trice rises up from the couch and walks over to me and touches it. “It almost makes me want to get another tatt done.”
“Yeah, I haven’t had a chance to go sky-diving lately, so this can be my kick.” It is common knowledge that I like my thrills, but a certain someone is taking up my time.
Turning towards Hazel, I kiss my fingertips and gently touch Gian’s cheek. “See you, little cutie. You keep growing up so fast.”
“Give him six months and he’ll be taller than you, pixie,” Robbie laughs. I glare at him before giving him the bird, while mouthing, “fuck you.” Blowing a kiss to the girls, I turn and give an exaggerated wave as I stroll towards the door.
“Hey Trin,” Robbie calls out to me. I look over my shoulder to see him massaging Haze’s shoulders. “Thanks for looking after my girl, here with Trice.”
“No probs. She was my girl first, buddy. You remember that. You know how us country gals like to roll. Yeehah.” I wink and walk to the front door, the giggling of my friends following me out.
Watching Robbie with Hazel made my heart clench in a good way. Someday, I want that. I want a guy to stare at me like I am his everything and have nothing stand in our way. No ugly past. A baby? I ache for the possibility. But after my recent check-up, it’s clear that my ovaries have other ideas, leaving my chances slim to none.
I shrug as I step out into the street. I am used to heartache. This will be something else I’ll have to learn to hide. I am the master of disguise, after all.
The panel shows the man staring, facing away from the black cloud. “You will not rule me,” he snarls.
“I already do,” The cloud responds.
TTE
THEO
My white-knuckled thumb presses against my index finger as I stare at my laptop. The bright glow from the screen stings my eyes as the sole email that I’ve left unchecked for a week stares back at me. I bet that prick has activated his read receipt on it.
Cole had asked me earlier today if a meeting had finally been set up for the restaurant, as my excuses of, “Mr. Arce has been busy,” were starting to look suspicious. Submitting the designs back to Robbie for his club didn’t take too long, so now I am trying to look busy. People still bug me.
With a sigh, I let my fingers drift over the touchpad. Here goes nothing. With a single tap, the email opens in front of me.
Theo,
I would like to arrange a meeting to discuss our newest project with you. Please email me directly to organise a time. Our company is eager to work with you. I look forward to h
earing from you soon.
Ricardo
Of course he would want to meet up with me. After all, he’s already requested I be the sole person he works with. My finger clicks on the reply button before I can tear apart his email further.
Mr. Arce,
Cole notified me about your interest in our company. Due to the magnitude of your project, may I suggest one of our senior partners to assist you in developing your restaurant? You will find their knowledge and experience superior to mine. May I also suggest you contact Cole with an alternative?
Regards,
Theo Eien
I smile as I hit send and lean back to stretch in my desk chair. Two of the guys in my office chose to sit on physio balls to be more ergonomic, but I needed the stability. It was also satisfying to rub it in occasionally how easy it was for me to move around on my seat, while they were working on their abs—abs that seemed no different than six months ago, due to their pie addictions.
My smile is abruptly halted as the sharp ping of an email notification sounds. Leaning forward, I hastily press the mute button to avoid accidentally interrupting my workers again, considering we are often emailed dozens of times a day.
Ricardo Arce flashes in the address heading. What CEO has time to reply so swiftly to emails? Why isn’t his secretary filtering them?
Clicking on the tab, his short email appears.
Theo,
This is non-negotiable. Your efforts in recent projects have caught our eye. Either I work directly with you, or we take our business elsewhere. I would hate for Cole to lose such a profitable venture over a minor misunderstanding. It would be very disappointing to tarnish the reputation of the company that he works tirelessly to uphold.
Our meeting will be scheduled for Friday. I will CC Cole on an additional email so he is aware of our movements. See to it that you will be there. I look forward to working with you.
Ricardo
My blood simmers below the surface. Schooling my features so as not to raise concern, I lift my hand and slowly close my laptop. No negating my skills—this was just another ploy to speak to me. It took him sixteen years to give a shit, and after he rocked the only world I knew, I ignored him. All I knew after my father had admitted about this jerk was that he took advantage of my mother. Then, surprise! Me. To say that it fucked with my head was an understatement. Now, eight years later, he is back to rupture what stability I recreated. Not a chance. I already had a father, and he was shit. I didn’t need another one. Real or not.
Looking at the wall clock, I see it reads close to five o’clock. I reach below my desk for my rucksack and helmet, and I stand.
The nature of our occupation means that time spent at a desk is flexible. So despite never before leaving or wasting work time, I try not to let any guilt set in. I need to hop on my Ducati and feel the wind whip by.
Waving a quick goodbye to my colleagues, I make my way to the unisex bathroom to change into my leathers and get out on the road. A quick ride is what I need, and while the traffic is going to be a nightmare, I am determined not to let that add to the bullshit that swirls in my mind.
Tightening my thighs against the seat, I whirl down the narrow city streets, dodging the busy areas, gripping the throttle, eager to distance myself from my desk. The vibrations of my bike thunder beneath me, my body naturally veering me towards the quiet, familiar café in North Melbourne. A new wave of determination takes hold, and I’m eager to unleash some of this tension as I ride there.
Parking my bike, I switch the engine off before flinging my leg over my seat onto the curb. Unfastening my helmet and hooking it under my arm, I run my fingers through my hair to smooth it out.
The busy chatter of patrons fills the small café as I stroll inside. Light polished floorboards and sky blue walls with framed travel pics work to ease the manic of the heavily wanted waiters as they shuffle past the tables. This café may be small, but it is never dull.
I scan the room quickly and find Elly behind the bar, loading coffee cups above the coffee machine. Our eyes meet as I head towards her, and a big smile spreads across her face.
“Hey!” She grins as the cups clink against each other. “What brings you to this neck of the woods? I thought we were meeting on Wednesday?”
I perch on a wooden stool and gesture to the cup in her hand. “Fill that. Make it strong, with one sugar.”
She flicks her wrist to spin the cup in her hands, catching it easily. “On it.” She fills the portal-filter and shoves it up into the machine, fastening it. Pressing a button, she rests her hand on the bench as a smile deepens on her face. “We are more similar than you think.”
She clicks her tongue to the roof of her mouth to turn back to the coffee. Grabbing the milk jug from the fridge underneath, she eases it under the nozzle. The steam of the machine whistles as she froths the milk while using her other hand to tap the cup lightly against the bench. Pouring the milk into my cup, she sits it in front of me.
“Thanks.” I smile as I take a sip. A good coffee and a ride is exactly what I needed.
“So, judging from the clock up there, you either have a client in the area or you’re ditching work.”
I place the cup down and turn it between my hands. “I need you to get Ricardo off my back,” I huff as I clutch my cup. “He’s now trying to get me to work with him.”
“Would it be so bad?” she asks, her eyes shooting to the side and back. “Maybe, it’s what you both need.”
“Nope. What for? Too little, too late.”
“If you didn’t find him, you would have never met me, Theo. He only wants to get to know you.”
“I know that. But I don’t understand after twenty-six years, why now?”
“Because you’re my son,” a heavily Spanish-accented voice mutters as I stiffen in my seat.
“Nice to see the CEO of his own company out for a leisurely stroll,” I add sarcastically, swirling the contents of my coffee around in my cup.
“Por favor. This is the only way that I could get close to you, Theo. By setting up these meetings. The only way.”
I turn my eyes towards the man who never existed until I was sixteen. “Has it ever occurred to you that maybe it’s not what I want? You want to get close to me?” I point to my chest. “No, thanks. I already have a father, and he was pretty crap.” Picking up my cup, I sling back the last of my hot coffee before returning it to the table top. “See you, Elly. Catch you next Friday. I know you make the best coffee in town, but everything tastes bitter when he’s around.”
I rise from my seat and adjust my jacket to keep my hands busy. While walking past the man who had abandoned my mother whilst she was pregnant, I can’t help but say, “I guess I’ll see you next Tuesday for our appointment. Mr. Arce.”
“I’ll create another hundred restaurants if it means working with you, Theo. I will do it.” His thick accent is unwavering, but I ignore his plea.
“Better get my passport renewed then,” I grumble. “A secluded island far from here is looking pretty damn good.” My jaw tightens as I pick up speed and march out the door.
“Twenty-six years,” I mutter to no one and myself. “A bit too fucking late.”
My mother raised me in a loveless marriage until she died, leaving me abandoned with a heartless man who I’d thought was my father. I spent forever never being good enough, and now this jerk wants a part of my life. How long will that last? Until his next fancy project? What the hell would anyone want with me? I’m nobody.
My hands twitch as I move them to my side. I need to feel. My skin seems tight as I fumble with my helmet, slamming it onto my head. I need the one person who makes me feel something. Like I matter. I barely sense the vibrations from the bike as I zoom the short distance to her warehouse. I need her, now. I fucking hope she’s ready.
“A girl can never have too many pairs of heels. Make sure at least one pair is pointy as you never know what you’ll want to use them for.”
Love, M
> TRINITY
I rinse my coffee cup in my office sink and wish for the hundredth time that I had put a shot of scotch in it. This bitch better be normal today. Please, for the love of all that is holy, make her be normal, or I’m gonna—
“Hello? HELLO?” Virginia’s ear-piercing shriek sounds from out front.
I place my cup gently on the bench top, trying desperately not to chuck it into the sink. It is, after all, my Wonder Woman one, complete with a cape, and if this bitch makes me crack it, I’m not gonna be happy.
“Coming,” I call out, my voice laced with fake energy. I flick my hair up in a messy bun and jam a pen in it for later. Pushing the loose strands behind my ears, I wish for a moment that they were Medusa’s serpents so I could sick them on her. I reapply my lip gloss and check my eyeliner. Turning sharply, I push my shoulders back and start thinking of ten bald men to calm me down before walking out into the showroom.
I stop abruptly as my nostrils threaten to explode. A wave of nauseating perfume hits me in the face and I stand stunned, wondering what superpower she has to project her perfume across a warehouse floor and into my freaking nostrils. My hand rises to my face and I try, really try, not to swipe the perfume away, but I can’t. My hand starts to fan as I crave clear and unpolluted shitty-perfume-free air.
I make my way over to Virginia, who has taken to the mannequins that I have on display on the other side of the room. Her bridesmaids, Leah, Sky, and Eloise, stand by her, admiring my designs.
This month’s designs are under the theme of “Desire is Futile.” I’ve used my black mannequins to contrast with the red and purple dresses that they’re wearing. I used a red nylon chiffon for a mini skirt that has ribbon lines down it. With French-cut red hot-pants underneath, the focus automatically goes to the sexy behind. I’ve sewn a tight triangle lace bra that is both sexy and cute, but, being my cheeky self, I strapped a thick chunky red belt around the neck.