by Susan Craig
Smiling, and cocooned in lethargy, Diana lay in her bed and listened to the motor of the SUV as he drove away…then she summoned up the strength to roll to her side, and fell asleep.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The next morning, Diana woke deliciously stiff and sore, but uncertain. Somehow, she had expected to wake up in love. She was sated, certainly. Logan had been incredible. But did she love him? It was frustrating not to have an answer, especially after yesterday. I’ve been so focused on what he does to my body, I’ve ignored everything else. Alone in her bed, she blushed and sat up. Was she that shallow? Nonsense. There’s more to him than just that.
As her thoughts began to circle, the discomfort of her muscles intruded on her reflections and refused to be ignored. Setting thought aside for the moment, she walked into the bathroom to shower away the aches left by yesterday’s unaccustomed activities.
Later, sitting on a stool at her kitchen counter and eating a toasted bagel, she let her thoughts settle on Logan once more. He makes me feel marvelous.
And? prompted her brain.
And he’s smart, tough and determined.
And?
He’s got a goal, a dream. She knew that was true. He hadn’t said much—he hadn’t said anything—about hopes and dreams, but she’d read between the lines of his childhood misadventures and taken a guess at filling in the blanks in his journey from orphaned high school boy to engineer. Besides, she’d seen for herself how hard he worked, and pushed, to get the job done.
She saw a man driven to make something of himself, pushing hard to get the job done, seeking recognition and respect. A dreamer with the drive and determination to make his dreams reality. And love?
I can’t say I’m there yet, and I don’t know if he even believes in love.
He believed in responsibility and obligations. That was part of his character. But was there even a chance for love? Diana knew she, at least, felt more for Logan than she’d felt for any other man; but, even the new, real, confident Diana didn’t want to risk her heart if his was not in play.
As she sipped her coffee, Diana felt more and more uneasy about the impression she might have given yesterday. She had wanted him, and she’d chosen to act on it. That was real. It was honest. Yet that wasn’t all it had been—for her. She felt hollow inside. But I haven’t a clue whether he really cares for me or just wants to have sex with me.
The more she thought, the worse she felt. Tension spiraled from her stomach up to the base of her throat. Damn it. She pushed off the stool and tossed the bagel in the trash. Enough of this. What was done was done, and if it had been a mistake, she had no one to blame but herself. In the bedroom she found the soiled coverlet folded in a corner where Logan had left it, and bundled it into a trash bag. She didn’t want to deal with it, or think about it. She’d come too far to beat herself up like this. Grabbing her cell phone, she stuffed a credit card and her driver’s license into the back pocket of her jeans, and snatched up her keys. Depositing the ruined coverlet in the condo dumpster, she turned her Lexus toward the mall. She’d just buy a new quilt.
An hour later, with a replacement for the satin comforter in the trunk of her car, Diana set out for the shelter. Maybe talking to Sally would help. The phone in her pocket vibrated. Who would be...?
She looked at the display. Carmichael.
Her palms started to sweat and her heart pounded. Oh, shoot. I don’t want to talk to him yet. She was a little surprised he’d called her cell. She’d given him the number when he’d taken over Lennox, but this was the first time he’d used it. After a moment she connected and put the phone to her ear. “Hello?”
“Diana? Logan.”
His deep voice caressed her senses and she shivered, as a tingle swept over her body.
After a pause, during which she made no response, he went on. “How are you this morning, darling?”
“I’m fine,” she said—automatically polite—and pulled the car to the side of the road. “How are you?” Careful, Diana.
“Disappointed.”
Disappointed? A wave of sick disbelief washed her confidence away. Numbly she shifted to park and turned off the engine, drowning in a despair that was nearly frantic. In her ear, Logan’s disembodied voice continued.
“I wanted to come see you first thing today, but I got a call from my aunt. There’s a family emergency, and she needs my help. Aunt Lou and Uncle Henry are just about the only family I have left. I couldn’t turn her down. Can you forgive me? There’s no one I’d rather be with today than you, but I’m stuck.
“Oh, sure.” Diana reddened with embarrassment. Thank God they weren’t face to face. “I understand.” Why not take me with you? A cold lump seemed to settle just below her diaphragm. So I’m good to play with, but not to meet your family?
“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Will you have dinner with me then?”
Just another way to say he wants more sex. Diana shuddered and moved the phone from her ear. She stared at it for a moment, then hit the End button. She was Diana Lennox, not some street slut. Her thumb mashed the power button down, turning off the phone. Thoughts tumbled through her brain—all negative—each one hurting a little more than the last.
Damn it. Lost the call. Logan tried again, listening in disgust as Diana’s phone switched him directly to voice mail. No point leaving a message.
“I’ll try again later. Let’s go find the rest of the stuff your mom needs from the mall, then we’ll get some lunch before we head back to Hallum.”
As they dodged around the other shoppers in the Galleria, the petite blonde at Logan’s side smiled up at him. “Sorry Mom dragged you into this, but you know how stressed out she gets—after she sprained her ankle, all she would talk about was how Dad’s surprise party would be ruined, and she refuses to believe I can handle it alone.”
“No need to apologize, Tammy.” Logan ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s probably for the best anyway. It’ll keep me from giving Diana the bum’s rush.” Maybe staying away for a day would give him some control over this crazy need for her. His thoughts flashed back to the day before, and heat raced through his veins. Not a snowball’s chance in hell. Shifting his shoulders restlessly, Logan followed his cousin into the next store on Aunt Lou’s list. He had to settle down.
Settle down, Diana. What is your problem? Diana stared at the cell phone lying on the passenger seat. What was wrong with her? Logan had a family emergency. Her response had been completely irrational. It was probably a good thing she’d cut him off before she actually verbalized what she’d been thinking. Why would she want to meet his family anyway? She didn’t even know where the two of them stood yet.
Suddenly Diana wasn’t ready to talk about yesterday—not even to Sally. First she had to get her own head on straight. Today it would have been too easy to just fall back into bed with Logan—the very thought had her body warming with desire. Tomorrow at dinner they could talk—assuming he’d even bother to call her back after she cut him off like that. What if he didn’t call back? At their next meeting…
Unimpressed by the turmoil in her brain, Diana’s stomach rumbled loudly. She was hungry.
She grasped at the thought as if it were a lifeline. Hunger was concrete, understandable. Hunger she could do something about. She pulled the Lexus back onto the road and made a U-turn. Back to the mall.
By the time she arrived at the Galleria, it was after twelve. Knowing the restaurants immediately outside the center were likely to be overflowing with the Sunday lunch crowd, Diana chose to find something to eat in the food court. Soon she was sitting at a sheltered table near a large planter and picking at a bowl of shrimp and rice.
Trying to ignore the discordancy of her thoughts, she watched people come and go, picking up visual details with no real interest. Mainly, she was giving herself a pep talk.
I am smart, and strong, and worth knowing. No more masks. The real me doesn’t need masks. I make good decis—she straightened up as a tall f
igure caught her eye.
It was Logan, bending down to speak to someone she couldn’t see through the crowd. Straightening, he threw his head back and laughed.
Diana leaned left. She still couldn’t see who he was talking to. She stood, pretending to brush crumbs from her lap. No good. Her hands stiffened against the jeans, and she took a long step sideways then saw… her. Diana wished she hadn’t eaten. A tiny, delicate-looking blonde sat talking to Logan, with a model-thin boyish figure and short curls waving stylishly around her head.
Diana’s stomach churned as the blonde spoke urgently to Logan and he laughed again. So this was his “family emergency.” All the doubts Diana had awakened with that morning quadrupled in strength. She saw clearly now what she was to Logan—an easy lay, and nothing more. She collapsed back into her chair.
Maybe it would have hurt less if she had borne some resemblance to Logan’s “emergency”, but the girl was in every way Diana’s physical opposite.
Her mother’s list of flaws-to-be-hidden slammed back into her mind.
‘You’re so awkwardly tall, Diana…’ unlike the blonde, who looked like a petite cheerleader.
‘Streamline your figure, Diana, curves are just bulges that haven’t sagged yet…’ the blonde wore a classic, sleek skimmer.
‘With those large breasts, my dear, you will have to work extra hard not to look vulgar’… the blonde was model-flat.
‘You must stand erect, Diana, poor posture will make you look even worse, but do remember to keep your escort’s height in mind when you choose your heels…’even on stilts, the blonde would look up to Logan.
And so on, and on.
Feeling ill from the double onslaught—past and present—Diana pushed aside her food and rose to leave. She had taken only a few steps toward the exit when she heard Logan’s voice.
“Diana!”
Automatically, she turned her head toward the sound… No, don’t react… and then swept her eyes the rest of the way across the eating area, trying to look as if she hadn’t seen him. I should have pretended not to hear. Giving a theatrical shrug, as if the call must have been for someone else, she turned and hurried toward the exit, dodging clumsily between the close-packed tables. She had to get away.
“Diana!”
He must have flown through the crowd. No use pretending she didn’t hear this time. She stopped, but didn’t turn, wanting to control her jagged breathing and settle her rolling stomach first. Her legs didn’t feel strong enough to support her. Capture was inevitable.
His hand closed on her arm just above the elbow. “Diana, hold on a minute.”
How rude. He isn’t even winded. The real Diana fumed, then fled the scene in defeat. So, gathering her well-trained dignity about her, Diana Lennox, CEO, pulled her shoulders back, straightened her spine, and turned to Logan.
He was smiling, but did a quick double-take when she turned, mask firmly in place. Making no comment, he moved smoothly on. “I’m glad I caught you. I’d like to introduce you to my cousin Tammy” He caught her hand. “She’s back this way.”
He moved out of the clustered tables, pulling Diana along with him, and began to walk around the edge of the eating area toward the table where he’d left his cousin, but the vivacious blonde came into view, nimbly cutting across the crowded court. They halted, watching her approach.
Stepping clear of the tables, she came straight to Diana, offering a friendly smile and her hand. “Hi, Diana. I’m Tammy, Logan’s cousin. Sorry I stole Logan today—he told me you two had plans—but my mother was fretting something fierce about my dad’s surprise party being ruined—she sprained her ankle yesterday—and she decided Logan and I both had to help get things together. I told her I could handle it, but she wouldn’t listen, and Logan has always been putty in her hands.” She paused for breath, giving Diana a frank appraisal, much like a loving sister would.
Diana glanced at Logan. He looked pained by the putty-in-her-hands remark, but looked at his irrepressible cousin with good humor and affection.
The worst of Diana’s doubts dissolved, washed away by simple truth. “I’m glad to meet you, Tammy.” She smiled at the diminutive blonde.
“Have you eaten?” Tammy looked back over her shoulder. “It looks like our food has been cleared away already.”
Diana looked towards her table. “Mine’s gone too.”
“Let’s get out of here and go where we can sit down and talk over lunch. Logan and I deserve an hour off after all the running Mother’s put us through today. Would you join us?”
The real Diana returned, resurrected. She smiled at Tammy. “I’d like that.”
By the time they were seated, served and had eaten in a nearby restaurant, lunch took two hours. Tammy had done most of the talking—in between quizzing Diana about her work, the shelter, and how she had met Logan. “Sorry if I’m being too pushy, but this is the first time I got to meet anybody Logan dated. I feel like I have to take advantage of the opportunity.”
Tammy laughed, and Diana joined in easily, though she noticed Logan only smiled.
When Tammy excused herself at the end of the meal, Logan reached across the table and captured Diana’s hand. “Forgive me?”
“Not a problem.” She smiled.
“Have dinner with me tomorrow?”
Diana hesitated briefly. She still didn’t know where this relationship stood, but how else would she ever find out? “Yes, I will. What time?”
“I’ll pick you up at six-thirty. At your condo?”
Diana nodded, then rose as Tammy returned to the table. “I really must be going, and I know you two have more to do.” Diana smiled at them both. “Thank you for lunch, Logan. It was a pleasure to get to know you, Tammy.” She turned to leave, but Logan pulled her back. He folded her gently in his arms, pressing a parting kiss on her lips.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Diana.”
“Yes, tomorrow.” She felt as if she’d drunk a glass of Chablis on an empty stomach. Some of her questions were answered. Confidence bubbled up and she gave a quick skip as she walked back to her car. Things were looking up.
Later that afternoon, Diana sat amid the welter of bright pillows on her couch with her legs stretched across the cushions, analyzing the ups and downs of the day. She still didn’t consider herself in love with Logan, but she felt better than she had when the day began. He had introduced her to his cousin Tammy, so at least he liked her well enough to let her meet some of his family. And he hadn’t had to come chasing after her in the food court at all. In fact, Diana was feeling pretty happy with how Logan had behaved… but in retrospect, she was not so pleased with herself.
When Tammy came into view, I ran head-on into Mom’s old list. I thought I’d gotten past that. Diana frowned, remembering the waves of inadequacy that had ripped through her. It hurt to realize how easily her confidence had been undercut. Then, to complete her defeat, she’d coped by putting on her old CEO mask. She shuddered, remembering slipping into the fake persona. It was depressing. She needed a pep talk, so she picked up her cell phone to call Sally.
“For Pete’s sake, honey, cut yourself some slack.” Sally had little patience with Diana’s tendency to castigate herself. “You’ve put in thirty years being the old Diana and less than sixty days as the new improved version. Besides, seeing Logan with another woman after his phone call was bound to be a bit of a shock. You made a pretty quick recovery, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I guess I did.”
“Then let it go. You’re over-analyzing. That’s old-Diana, too, you know. So stop it. Just relax. Go with the flow.”
Diana laughed. “Now that sounds like the captain of my college basketball team.”
“Yeah,” agreed Sally. “I was good then, too.”
Diana smiled and huffed out a happy sigh. “You were indeed. Thanks. I’ll try to be patient with myself. ” But it’ll be a whole lot easier once I know where I stand with him.
“She’s good, Spud. I almost forgot abo
ut her Ms. Executive self, but this morning she let it slip out for a moment.” He paused. “Then she covered it up again, like it had never been.” Logan frowned at Spud, who responded by wagging his tail. The two were sprawled on Logan’s deck, watching the last light of day fade from the sky as Logan idly scratched Spud’s neck and behind his ears. In return, the old dog listened attentively.
“It was a wake-up call, that’s for sure. I was so blown away by the sex, I forgot I was dealing with a career woman—I forgot how deceptive they can be. I’d have swallowed anything she told me, hook, line and sinker.”
Not that Diana had tried to get him to swallow anything—yet.
“I’ve been lucky, Spud, not careful. If I was really smart, I’d keep my distance.” Logan pushed his fingers through his hair… Her hair was longer. It lay heavy in his hands, and soft, like running his fingers through a warm bath. She responded to his every touch. And she’d been a virgin. No deception there—that had been real.
Logan laughed in his throat. Lifting his head, he observed the prominent bulge that had appeared in the front of his shorts. “Damn, Spud. Looks like keeping my distance has been vetoed. Guess I won’t stop playing with fire, but at least now I’ll remember not to get burned.” He let his head fall back onto the deck and switched to rubbing Spud’s ribs. “The thing to remember, old fellow, is you can’t trust ‘em. Never let them get to your heart.”
His pronouncement didn’t feel as satisfying as it should have. As one by one the stars began to appear, part of him idly wondered why.