by Kyrii Rayne
“Come on,” she cooed in his ear as he pressed her hips hard into the pile of furs until they bottomed out on the floor below. “Come on, Jake, baby, give it to me....”
Her purring pillow talk had an effect; he started to groan, every thrust now drawing a tiny pained sound from him that grew louder as his shaking strengthened. Ah... ah... ah....
She looked up and saw him looming over her, eyes shut, a look almost of anguish on his face as his muscles tightened and his lips parted to release longer and harder groans with each breath. Finally, his eyes flew open and he went rigid, breath escaping in a low roar as his cock shuddered ecstatically inside her. She ground against him, pulling every drop of his pleasure from him, finally leaving him collapsed over her, wheezing for breath.
They lay entwined like that, she stroking his hair slowly as he recovered, and she stared out over the gorge with blurry, half-seeing eyes. Something out there seemed a little out of place, but she couldn't tell what it was.
“Oh, baby, I just came so hard,” he managed to gasp. “Okay if I don't... move for a few?”
“Take your time,” she murmured, in no hurry to move herself despite the too-thin padding between her and the floor.
As she lay there, she glimpsed movement across the gorge.
A tall figure, maybe a man, maybe a bear on its back legs. It disappeared into the brush, leaving the branches waving slightly in its wake as they bounced back.
She peered after it, too exhausted and satisfied to do more than wonder vaguely about it until it was gone.
They managed to make it into bed for a nap, and eventually, out of bed for lunch and a hike. The air was getting too cold, even in the daytime, for one of Anna's favorite pursuits; after having to use her hiking skills to run for her life through the icy dark of the woods she was less inclined to push herself when the weather turned. She bundled up more than usual, and walked more slowly, hands shoved in her pockets as they made their way down the steep, switchbacked trail.
“I don't know,” Jake said finally after walking silently beside her for several minutes. He turned back to look at the Lodge looming above them in the thin winter sunlight. “I feel bad for him after everything. But I keep remembering how crazy his thoughts were. When he almost killed me, he wasn't even thinking about hurting me. He lashed out because he couldn't stand not to.” This was also how his father had died — a sudden blow from Graypaw that had sent him flying when he had tried to command the beast to go back into his cage. “The last thing the world needs is a bear shifter with anger problems.”
“Well, thanks to your father, that's what the world has now. He's had a month, Jake — a month where if he had lashed out and caused chaos again, we would have heard about it. We've been living at the Lodge the whole time, after all.”
She blinked and looked back. Jake had stopped dead. His eyes stared off into space, and he blinked several times, seeming both confused and overcome by a mix of unidentifiable emotions. “What is it?”
“Graypaw. He's out here. I just caught his scent.”
“Can you call for him? You know, in your head?” She didn't really understand how bear shifter mindspeech worked, but she knew it existed. It was how they communicated complex things when stuck in bear form. Until he had learned to shift to human, it had been the only language Graypaw had known.
“I'll try.” He went still, eyes closed.
Graypaw was out unsupervised. Or maybe not unsupervised. Maybe Helga was having someone trail and watch him while she caught a break. Either way, Anna shivered a little bit, feeling a blush creep across her cheeks. If he had been outside since breakfast, where had he gone? Had he gone to the gorge? What had he... seen?
Her blush intensified. No, come on now, that's stupid. She had no proof at all that Graypaw had been the source of the disturbed brush she had seen down in the gorge. That could have been anything. A moose, a deer, an ordinary bear. Maybe even a hiker. Though she hoped not the latter, or whoever it was had gotten an eyeful of her and Jake enthusiastically screwing bare inches from a plate glass wall.
“He's following us,” Jake said quietly, and she felt a shiver go up her spine.
“Why?”
“He says he wants to understand what we do together.”
Oh shit. He can't mean— “Uh, could you be more specific?”
“He doesn't understand love, Anna sweetie. To an actual bear, the idea of pair-bonding for life with another being is pretty alien. They're not like wolves, or humans for that matter. But then he sees us together, and he hears stories like the one Helga told, and he gets... curious.” Jake shoved his hands in his pockets.
“So he's just planning to trail us around and watch us from the bushes or something?” She looked around, nervous in spite of herself.
“He's not that close. No, he wants to talk to us, but he's afraid you'll run away.”
Anna blinked, then nodded slowly. “I guess I get that. At least he's recovered enough from what was done to him to recognize that he might scare someone off.”
“And not want to do it.” He frowned. “What do you want to do? Give him a chance?” Jake's expression and tone told her that he was reluctant, but willing to go along.
She took a deep breath. “Jake, I'm willing to give him a chance. It scares me, but I don't think Helga would have worked this long or this hard on him if she thought it was a lost cause.”
“Helga's an idealist,” Jake said in a grumbly voice, but then nodded. “I'll call him out then.”
Chapter 4 - Brother
If you hurt her, Graypaw, I will kill you. I swear to God that I will find a way.
I don't want to hurt her. I don't understand what she is to you, but I don't want to hurt her.
Graypaw's mind-voice had changed. It used to be so edged in pain and madness that it was like touching minds with a rabid dog. Making contact with him had hurt. Now, though, the thoughts that pressed against Jake's consciousness were a bit loud and blurry, but they were clear, and brought no pain with them. Perhaps that was because Graypaw himself was no longer in pain. The primary emotion carried with those rumbling words in his head was confusion, tinged with wonder... and embittered with shame.
A few moments later, the brush stirred. Jake half-stepped in front of Anna before he could stop himself, because Graypaw was in bear form.
The huge, almost storm cloud-colored grizzly could have knocked either of their heads off with one blow, and they both could remember how terrifying he was in his fury. But a moment later, his form blurred and shrank, and his now familiar half-nude man shape stepped out and peeked at them shyly from behind ragged bangs.
“Hello, Gray,” Anna ventured, and he startled and blinked at her.
“Hel-lo.” He stared at her, and his head tilted. “You are even tinier than I remember, mate to my brother.”
She reddened slightly, her smile awkward and a little forced. Jake couldn't blame her. “I kind of think everyone is tiny to you, Gray.”
He blinked, and a smile trembled on his wide, strangely well-shaped mouth for a moment. “That's... true!”
Jake clenched a fist at his side. The innocence in Graypaw's eyes seemed almost obscene compared to the madness that had lived there when they had fought for their lives against him. He had to admit that he was half expecting to see it drop away like a mask being removed as soon as they relaxed their guard enough. He wanted to believe in Helga, and he wanted to hope. But he kept remembering how things had been a month ago, and so he stayed very, very close to Anna while she spoke with Graypaw.
Graypaw seemed to notice, and sagged a little, his lips twisting just slightly with bitterness and frustration. But he simply nodded. “I... did not know what I was doing when I... tried to hurt you,” he said in a sudden burst of words, as if forcing them out before he could stop himself.
Anna blinked up at the huge shifter, who stared down at her soft-eyed, trying on an apology for the first time in his short and violent life. She didn't seem to know what
to say, and instead simply nodded and listened as he struggled to go on.
“I did what I was told. Always what I was told. I thought that was how to be good. To obey. To avoid being... punished.” He crouched down, the denim of his jeans creaking as he tried to make himself look smaller and less threatening. It didn't work very well, but the effort registered with Anna and she relaxed slightly.
“I... can't ask you to trust me now,” he mumbled, scratching nervously at the side of his head with one huge black-nailed hand. “Helga says things like that... take time.”
“They do,” Jake replied flatly. In Graypaw's case he expected it to take years. Years of work to earn it, years of being something other than a man-eating monster to dim the memories of when he had been. That was the sad truth of it all. Whether or not it was really his father's fault that Graypaw had grown up a monster, it was Graypaw's responsibility to come back from that. To get better — not just his mental health, but his ethics. Jake wouldn't cut him a break when it came to that — not at all. He had Anna and any kids they would eventually have to think about. If Graypaw couldn't be safe around them, he would have to go. “You're lucky we will listen now.”
Graypaw nodded, looking down with brief flickers of anguish in his expression.
“You should know... the cage, his rules... he... he would call me his son, but always the cage, and the rules, and always the one thing to eat. Ever. He starved me if I... wouldn't.”
Anna flinched and Gray jumped slightly and then squirmed, face full of shame. He covered his face with his hands and shook his head, then forcibly lowered them, peeking at her.
“I didn't decide people were food. I was told. I was told.” He struggled with his new command of English, pain in his eyes.
“Helga told us,” Anna reassured softly. “She told us that your father kept you in a cage and taught you everything wrong. I know you weren't given a choice. I know you were told these things about humans. Even about me.”
“He... he said you had to die to free my brother.” He peered at Jake, who sucked air and covered his mouth with his hand, half-turning away. The reminders of his father's madness still dug their claws into Jake whenever they came up. His father had truly believed that mating with humans weakened and endangered shifters, which was why he was looking for alternatives... and why he had chosen to throw Anna in as one of the prey in his human hunt.
“I know,” he all but groaned. “I don't know if you can understand this yet, but our father... he was....” Crazy. A monster. A complete bastard. “He was not thinking right. He believed what he thought but what he thought was wrong and not rational.”
Gray's head drooped again, and he made a small sound of pain through his nose. “Back then... I thought... I had to believe him.”
“Why?” Jake snapped, before he could stop himself.
Gray flinched slightly at the accusation in his tone, but then said simply, “He was my father.”
That hit home like a knife to the gut, because it was so innocent and simple, and it should have been a given. Would have been, if fathers were always trustworthy. Damn you, Father. Damn you. He's as innocent as a child in so many ways, and you exploited that to make him a monster. I wish you were alive again, just so I could strangle you.
“I understand,” he breathed finally. “When I found out that he was crazy I couldn't believe it for a long time either.”
Gray looked up at him, eyes pleading. “Ja... cob?”
He had to fight not to roll his eyes, knowing it was a defense — and one more suited to a sullen teenager. “Yeah?”
“Is there a... way to make you not hate me?” The huge shifter's voice was small suddenly, and filled with uncertainty.
...Crap. “I don't hate you,” he reassured, though he wondered if he was lying. He honestly could not tell. Every time Graypaw got near Anna he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up like needles stuck into his flesh. Every time his ‘brother’ spoke, it reminded him of that terrible night a month ago, when Graypaw had nearly killed all of them.
“Then you hate what I did,” Graypaw ventured.
“Anyone would. You could have killed us all.”
He pawed at his face again, and Jake saw his eyes were wet.
Crap, crap, crap. “What is it?”
“I hurt you. I killed Father. I didn't... even mean to.”
This was too heavy a conversation for Jake with everything that had happened.
He focused on the curving softness of Anna's body against his side, and closed his eyes, trying to block everything but her comforting warmth out for a moment.
“He caused all of this,” Jake forced out finally. “I don't expect you to understand, but the truth is that when you killed him, you saved me the trouble. He was a danger to everyone. Even more than you.” For Anthony had been driven, had purpose, bottomless wealth, and the ability to control himself most of his time — paired with obsessions and hatreds far deeper than anything Graypaw could have ever experienced. He had planned the murder of humans on larger and larger scales, and he’d had to be stopped. In a way Graypaw really had saved Jake the trouble.
But not the pain. To this day he lived with the memory of looking down at his father's dying body and realizing that his primary emotion was relief.
“Are fathers... supposed to be cruel?” He looked at Anna, his eyes pleading, and then back to his brother. “Are they supposed to be liars?”
Jake had to lighten the mood somehow. He thought about the whole matter of having kids, and how usually it was anything but horrible, and it took a weight off his chest.
“Well, I don't plan to be, when the time comes.” He realized he was running a hand familiarly over Anna's hip, and stopped, his ears heating up. She giggled.
Some of the dark clouds passed from Gray's expression, and he looked thoughtful. Then he smiled slightly. “I... don't want to be either. If I should ever be... a father. I....”
Jake stared at him in blunt amazement, then shook it off as best he could. “You're getting way ahead of yourself, big guy. Let's think about things like remembering to wear shoes before you worry about fatherhood, okay?”
Gray looked down at his enormous feet with their slightly pointed black nails, and smiled sheepishly. “Do they make shoes my size?”
“...Okay, maybe a shirt then.”
“Nah,” Anna said matter of factly.
“What's that, baby?” Jake looked at her, and her eyes twinkled with mischief. Uh oh.
“If he wants to be a dad, he'll need a girlfriend. If he wants a girlfriend, well, look at him. He should save a step and ban shirts.”
“...Huh?” Gray said in complete innocence, while Jake turned and stared at her.
“Baby, what the hell?”
“Hey, I would have said the same about you, but I got to you too late.” She grinned at him wickedly. “Too bad. Especially since bear shifters don't feel the cold, so it's not like you actually need anything on your upper bodies....”
“What's she talking about?” Gray looked even more baffled than usual while Jake just blinked at her.
“Fashion tips for bear boys?” Still that grin. The tension was trickling out of the conversation, and he wondered — no, he knew. She was doing this deliberately.
His ears burned even as he struggled not to laugh. Dammit Anna. I love you. “She's being silly. Most social situations that you find yourself in, you probably shouldn't have your nipples showing.” He shot her a mock-glare and she stuck her tongue out at him.
“No nipples. Okay.” The giant figure padded after them as they walked, slightly bent to keep at eye level with them. “Wait, no girl nipples either?” He sounded so disappointed that Jake laughed in spite of himself.
“No girl nipples.”
“That's too bad. They're pretty. Especially when they bounce.”
Anna was blushing an awful lot for some reason, and her teasing had cut off suddenly.
“That's the problem. Boobs are distracting. You
get one naked woman in a social situation and nothing gets done. Because there are boobs to look at.”
“Uh-huh.” Graypaw grinned and bobbed his head, showing too many of his sharp-looking teeth, but that was all right now. Context was everything sometimes.
Anna stayed quiet, but Jake was finally feeling a little better. Though he had to laugh at himself. I've gone from thinking him an irredeemable monster to talking about boobs with him. I guess that counts as fraternal bonding....
It was something. It wasn't much, but it was better than their father had had planned for either of them.
Chapter 5 - Show Me
A very strange week passed for Jake and Anna as they struggled to connect with the bizarre, traumatized half-animal who had no other kin to seek out. Anna found her fear slowly diminishing day by day as she spent time with him. He was not gentle... except with those closest to him. She saw him run through the woods, taking advantage of his new man-form by climbing and swinging from trees like an ape, and leaping off the falls to the deep basin below, howling with joy the whole way. She saw him hunt a deer with brutal efficiency, breaking its neck with a single blow, but then sectioning the meat and bringing some home to Helga and the others. She saw the mix of man and animal in him, and his joy at being finally free, and trusted to be free without harming others.
Only once did she have any kind of problem while she was watching Graypaw. It happened when he woke from one of his frequent nightmares. She had heard of his facing them regularly, but had not seen it for herself.
Not until that sleepy afternoon, when she came upon him innocently flopped down in a sitting area overlooking the falls through another window-wall.
The other Lodge members usually avoided him, especially when he behaved a little bizarrely, like sleeping in public like a toddler. But Anna felt a sense of obligation to him that she could barely explain. It wasn't just that they had both been through Hell at the same man's hands; it wasn't just that he was Jake's lost brother. They were both outsiders at the Lodge. Very few of the Lodge members brought their mates along with them when they visited the lands to hunt and socialize with their own.