The Last Christmas Cowboy

by Maisey Yates

  Maybe she just needed...cake.

  And what about you?

  She looked back over at Logan.

  Love.

  She genuinely hadn’t wanted to fall in love.

  But now she had to think about what Pansy had said. Was that what this was? Was that what it had always been?

  Chatter had moved on around them, questions being lobbed back and forth about Iris’s bakery, and then things shifted to weddings, presents and football.

  But things inside of her had not shifted. She was still thinking. About her place in the world. Her place in the family. And love.

  Where it came from.

  If you had to earn it.

  If kisses and sex made it appear. Or if love, in all of its multifaceted states, was just there. Part of who you were. Down in your bones. And what it took was a shift to bring it out. For Pansy, a new person coming into town. For her, the light hitting Logan’s eyes a little bit different one afternoon when he came in the door.

  And for her family... It was born in them. Then it had shifted and changed when tragedy came. They had cared for each other as they’d needed to.

  But maybe it wasn’t about earning or doing.

  Maybe there was just an inevitability to it all.

  And that both cheered and terrified her in equal measure. Because if there was inevitability at play it meant that perhaps that feeling of not being enough, that feeling of being a burden, and needing to earn the affection of her family... Maybe that was wrong.

  But on the other hand that might also mean that whatever was happening with Logan... Whatever it was now... She was never going to be able to control what it became.

  Which seemed to be an annoying life lesson. That these kinds of truths could be blindingly freeing as revelations went, and utterly terrifying.

  She separated from Logan and went over to Iris. “I’m really happy to hear that you want to open a bakery, and that you’re going to actually take steps to do it.”

  “Thanks,” Iris said. “You know, I was mad at you. About the whole thing with Elliott. But the thing is... The problem is... Things like that are dependent on other people. There’s plenty in my power that I can do to change my life. And I’ve been happy. I haven’t wanted to change it until now.”

  “You haven’t felt stuck?”

  “No,” Iris said. “Why would I feel stuck?”

  “You never even, like...went to any high school dances or anything. You were always taking care of me. And cooking for all of us.”

  “I know,” Iris said. “And after losing our parents I couldn’t think of anything better than to be home surrounded by family. It didn’t make me sad.”

  “Oh,” Rose said.

  “I promise it didn’t,” Iris said. “Look at Pansy—she left, moved away from the ranch and got a job. Jake and Colt left. The three of us stayed. And Sammy. And Logan. We stayed because we chose to. And I imagine that when you’re ready to move on you’ll move on.”

  Terror gripped Rose. Because she didn’t want to move on. She wanted to stay here and work this ranch. She wanted to work this ranch with Logan for the rest of her life.

  She blinked.

  Well. That was clarifying.

  She had always wondered if there was something wrong with her because she hadn’t thought much about the future. Because she didn’t do a whole lot of dreaming. Because she might have felt compelled to set her sister up with someone, but she hadn’t wanted to do the same for herself.

  It was because she was where she wanted to be. Next to the man she wanted to be beside.

  She swallowed hard. “Good,” she said. “Good.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I’m just... I’m sorting some things out. I’m really sorry that I dragged you into me sorting things out.”

  “You made a mistake. It’s not that big of a deal. You don’t have to keep punishing yourself for it.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “And I meant what I said before. Whatever grunt work you need... For the bakery or for the wedding. I promise I’ll help.”

  “Good.”

  “I’m going to head out,” Logan said, moving over to where she was.

  “I’ll walk you out,” she replied.

  She thought that maybe her family would think it was strange, but they didn’t. Because only she and Logan were aware of the shift between them.

  And anyway... She was starting to think she didn’t care. Because it all just felt...like it had always been there.

  Inevitable.

  She grabbed her coat and a hat, and Logan layered up too, and she walked outside with him.

  “I’m glad you came,” he said. “Because I was going to find a way to get you to sneak out anyway.”

  “Really?”

  “Because I have your present. And I wanted to give it to you privately.”

  “Oh,” she said, the breath escaping her body in one intense burst.

  Logan didn’t give presents. Ever. He didn’t do any official Christmas things. And she hadn’t expected this at all.

  He cleared his throat and reached into his jacket. The gift he pulled out was wrapped. “Did you do that yourself?”

  “I did,” he said.

  He’d wrapped a gift. For her. This man who didn’t do Christmas. It felt so much bigger than the beautiful little box in her hand.

  She smiled. “What is it?”

  “Come on. Don’t ask me that. That’s cliché. Open it.”

  She did. And inside the wrapping paper was a slim white box. She opened it, and then frowned. Inside the box was a delicate gold chain. And on the chain was a charm.

  She looked closely at it, examining it as best she could in the dim light. It was a cameo. White and light blue. She had never owned anything remotely like this. Nothing half so feminine or delicate or pretty.

  “What is this?”

  “It was... It was my mom’s,” he said. “And it’s just been sitting in a jewelry box for the last seventeen years with no one wearing it. I just... I was looking at it the other night, and I thought it would look good on you.”

  She touched it, carefully, reverently. “It was your mom’s?”

  And she knew then what she had to get him for Christmas. She’d considered it earlier, and she knew she had to do it now. Her throat went tight, her eyes filling with tears. She swallowed. “It’s beautiful,” she said. “And no one’s ever given me anything like this before.”

  “I’ve never given anyone anything like it before. I...”

  She loved him. She really did. She hadn’t even realized it, for all this time. All this time, when she had woken up in the morning, gone outside and worked next to the man she loved. All this time, when she had been in the place that made her happiest in the world, she had been with the person who seemed to be the person who made her happiest.

  She had been living her dream.

  And it was only now that it had shifted into place. That it had become everything. It was like she’d been looking at a view through a dirty window all of her life, thinking it was the whole view. Thinking she had seen so clearly. But now she did. Now she did.

  Now she saw it all. And she couldn’t believe that she hadn’t realized all that she’d been missing before.

  Like that girl who didn’t know what it looked like when a man wanted her was from another life. From another time.

  Now she was a woman who knew.

  A woman who wanted that man right back. And who knew what it was to have him.

  Except... Did she?

  She loved him. But she didn’t know what he wanted out of all this. Except that she knew that he didn’t seem to think he was a man who wanted commitment or anything like that.

  She hadn’t even really started thinking of it in those terms.

 
But she supposed that was what it meant when you loved somebody. That you wanted to marry them.

  Make a family with them.

  Except, Logan already was family, so what did that mean?

  He had given her this necklace, and she didn’t know what that meant, either.

  “Let me put it on you.”

  He lifted it out of the box and fastened it around her neck, the cameo sitting heavily between her breasts. “Thank you.” She wrapped her arm around his neck, cradled the back of his head and brought it down for a kiss. They were right outside, and she supposed anyone could walk out and see them making out underneath that clear sky, silver stars scattered against the black velvet like glitter.

  She didn’t really care. Not right now.

  Right now, she felt ready to accept any consequence. Any and all.

  She felt ready to stand and defend what they were. Because it wasn’t... It wasn’t new. It was just a shift. Which didn’t make it less. No. It was a miracle.

  A shift that made her see everything in her life differently. That made her see herself differently.

  So she kissed him. Like it didn’t matter if anyone knew. And part of her hoped...wished that they would get caught. Because if it was out in the open, then they would have to decide. To fight for it. To keep it. Call it something. To make it something.

  But no one caught them, and the kiss ended. “I should go back inside,” she said. “You know. For a while.”

  “Sure,” he said.

  “Logan...” She flung her arms around his neck and kissed him again, deeper, harder. And he scooped her up, lifted her feet up off the ground, returning the kiss with as much ferocity as she gave. “Your present will come soon,” she whispered.

  He hesitated for a moment. “I hope that means you’re coming to my house tonight.”

  “You can count on it.”

  Then she released her hold on him and ran back to the house, her heart thundering hard, and when she went inside, she was thankful for the cold, because her cheeks would be pink from the weather. At least, that was what her family would assume.

  She knew that she was flushed from his kisses. From her desire for him.

  From the overwhelming...everything that was rolling around inside of her.

  She saw Pansy’s laser focus go to the necklace around her neck. Rose touched it and nodded slightly.

  A smile curved Pansy’s lips, wistful, but accepting.

  Though, she hoped that Pansy didn’t think it meant that Logan... That he felt the same way. But what if he did? He said that he’d wanted her all this time. What if it was more than wanting?

  She felt like she had to sit with that for a while. Because she didn’t know what to do with it. Not completely.

  For now, she figured she would just enjoy what she was certain of. Her family. Sammy beckoned her to where the girls were sitting and pulled her into their conversation. And she tried to pay attention. But her mind and her heart were with Logan.

  It was different. But it didn’t really make her sad.

  It was just part of life. Changing, moving on. Everything at Hope Springs Ranch was changing. But in the years since their tragedy, they had only added people into the fold. They hadn’t lost any.

  And in the face of the tragedy that had come before, Rose found that to be incredibly cheering.

  Whatever happened between herself and Logan. Whatever happened in the future...

  Her life felt full right now.

  She was going to cling to that as her Christmas miracle.

  And then tomorrow, she was going to have to go hunting through the barn that had all of their parents’ things for a recipe. Then she was going to have to practice her cookie baking.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  IT HAD TAKEN two hours of relentless digging in the barn where they stored all of their things for Rose to emerge triumphant with the recipe.

  She remembered Jane Heath’s oatmeal chocolate chip cookies well, and she knew exactly how they were supposed to taste. The problem was, she didn’t actually know how to bake. Which could present a bit of an issue. The other problem was, she knew that there was a certain amount of trial and error that she had put into the recipe, and that what was written down wasn’t precisely what she had done in the end to produce the cookies that they were used to.

  And Rose had been just a kid the last time she’d had them, so whether or not her memory of them was exactly accurate, she didn’t know.

  Iris and Sammy found her frustrated and surrounded by piles of cookies three hours later.

  “What are you...doing?” Iris asked.

  “I’m baking,” Rose said, furious.

  “You’re baking?” Sammy asked. “You. You, the master of bringing soda to potlucks?”

  “Me,” Rose growled. “Yes, me.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m trying to make Logan’s mother’s cookies.”

  She knew that saying that was going to be... Well, maybe it was revealing, maybe it wasn’t. She was having difficulty sorting through what was just a normal thing to do for your friend, and what was the thing you did for a man you were in love with, who you got naked with.

  She supposed the fact that she had never made cookies for him prior to getting naked with him was evidence enough that it was a little bit suspicious.

  “Okay,” Iris said. “What’s going wrong?”

  “I don’t know? I just know that they don’t taste like they should. And I really want them to. I want them to be right. Otherwise I’m just giving him random chocolate chip cookies, and there’s no real meaning behind it. And that’s kind of a stupid Christmas present.”

  She looked imploringly at Iris and Sammy. “Can you help me?”

  “Sure.”

  “Of course,” they said at the same time.

  They washed their hands, and both of them began to examine the recipe. Cutting and talking between each other.

  “What are you doing?” Rose asked.

  “Game plan,” Iris said.

  “Wow. I didn’t know baking was so serious.”

  “Baking is deadly serious,” Iris said.

  After that, they tasted every single cookie that Rose had produced. Sammy had never had the original cookies, so she couldn’t taste them in that way, but Iris had, and did remember them.

  “I think... I think your problem is the amount of vanilla. And, I don’t think these are the right chocolate chips. I remember her using a really specific brand. You need to make sure that the chocolate chips are semisweet.”

  That resulted in a quick trip to the store, followed by the most successful batch of cookie dough she had produced so far.

  “So, if this is it make sure to write down all your tweaks,” Iris said. “And you can give him that, too.”

  She smiled slightly, and she could feel heat blooming in her cheeks. “Right. I could do that, too.”

  “It’s very sweet of you,” Iris said slowly. “To give that to him.”

  “He’s been talking about her lately,” Rose said. “About his mom.”

  She did not touch the necklace that was hanging from her neck. Nobody had commented on it, nothing beyond the look that Pansy had given her when she had come into the house wearing it. So, if anyone had noticed that she was suddenly wearing jewelry, she had no idea.

  “I just... I thought it was really sad. He said it was one of those things that he just had to miss. That he could never have her back, so he could never have her cookies, either. And... I don’t want him to miss that. He’ll always miss his mom. I know I do. Our mom and dad. His mom. Our aunt and uncle.”

  Sammy smiled faintly and touched her stomach. “It makes me feel good to hear that you miss them. Not because I’m glad that you do... That’s not what I meant. It’s just... I don’t know what it’s like to miss my parents.
I miss the idea that I could’ve had functional parents. That I could’ve had something. A life that I didn’t get. But that’s not the same as missing actual real people that you loved. Since I’m going to be a mother... It makes me feel good to know that kids love you that way. I’m going to get to be loved that way. Of course, the way that Ryder loves me has been pretty great and amazing.”

  “I’m happy for you both,” Iris said. “We’ve missed enough love. It’s nice to have it.”

  Iris sounded slightly wistful. “Of course, baking feels a lot like love.”

  “Hopefully cookies do,” Rose said softly.

  She saw Iris and Sammy exchange a glance. But neither of them said anything to her. And she wondered if she should. She decided not to. Because her feelings for Logan were not something she wanted to share with somebody before she shared them with him. Not that she was embarrassed about it. Not because she wanted to keep them a secret. She didn’t particularly. She was getting to the point where she felt like they couldn’t keep it a secret anymore, frankly. She just didn’t want to have a whole discussion about feelings for him without him involved. She would tell them all when the time came. And she would know when it was time.

  Anyway. It was clear they were suspicious.

  So, they could just go on being suspicious. It wasn’t like they were going to be blindsided by it.

  “You know,” Sammy said slowly, when they were taking the cookies out of the oven and waiting for them to cool. “He cares about you.”

  She looked at Sammy, and she wondered very much what her sister-in-law knew.

  “Yeah,” Rose said. “I know.”

  “Good,” Sammy said. “I’m glad you know. I think you’re really special to him.”

  Sammy might have an idea that Rose had some feelings for Logan, but what she suspected was that she didn’t know that things had progressed between them. That things had become...naked between them. And again, that was something she wasn’t going to talk about just yet.

  “Well, hopefully he cares about these cookies. And likes them.”