All of them, including the female seer who had been helping me find dresses for the last hour-plus and the male seer who had brought Jon his drink, were holding their hands up in that respectful sign of the Bridge.
I looked at Jon. Realizing I still had my hand on his chest, I took it off.
He was still fighting to slow his breathing, still nearly gasping although no longer to the point of hyper-ventilation. Wide-eyed, he looked around at the kneeling seers just like I had, only from the look on his face, it seemed like he thought they might attack us both. He gripped the divan's crushed velvet upholstery in both hands, supporting his weight where he half-leaned back towards his elbows.
When he looked back at me, he let out a kind of choked laugh.
Unthinking, I took hold of one of his hands, the one missing its thumb and forefingers, and helped him up to a seated position. He let me guide him up, but I couldn't help noticing he was shaking...and still staring at me like I was some kind of alien. Even so, he gripped my hand in return, hard enough that I laughed myself...although I couldn't have said why.
I still had tears streaming down my face, too, but it was impossible to feel sad, at least right then. I felt pretty out of it, but not sad...more like I was coming off a major dose of some kind of super-clean and super-charged drug. I shook from it, too, I realized. I felt him notice, and then he was smiling below that wide-eyed stare.
I could tell our behavior was probably freaking the other seers out, though.
"It's okay," I told them, stumbling over my words as I waved them off with my free hand, towards the beaded curtain. "It's okay...really. We're all right...you can go...you don't need to stay here. Really..."
Jon gave another strangled laugh.
I don't know if he'd been trying to talk and couldn't, or if it was just some way of expelling the energy that still vibrated both of our lights.
I saw the other seers in the room look at one another, their eyes still filled with that same light...and now a kind of blank confusion. Like Jon did and like I must, too...they all looked a bit drugged out, like they'd just been hit with a syringe full of something intense. But their glazed expressions weren't what unnerved me. It was the reverential looks on their faces as they stared at me that made it hard to hold their gazes. Nothing inherently creepy or fanatical lived in their expressions...at least not that I could see. They just looked like they'd had their minds blown, and thought me responsible.
More than anything, I wanted to tell them that it hadn't been me. That the light they felt, it had all been Jon...but somehow, that felt inappropriate, too. Not like a secret, exactly, but more like...well, okay, maybe it did feel like a secret, of sorts.
In either case, their stares, combined with that strung-out, high-adrenaline shaking feeling I seemed to be sharing with Jon, really put me in a weird space.
Still keeping their heads and faces below mine, they began backing out of the room one by one, their hands still lifted, palm-sideways, in the sign of the Bridge. I focused back on Jon, seeing the thoughts skim past his eyes as he watched them leave, like he'd been thinking some of the same things as me. His expression remained so open he looked about ten years younger.
"Are you okay?" I asked, squeezing his fingers.
"I have no fucking idea," he muttered, still following the seers with his eyes.
Looking at his hazel irises, I jumped. Those gold flecks that decorated his green and brown rings remained bright...oddly so.
"Hey," I said. "Jon...look at me."
He turned immediately. When he did I flinched again, more so that time.
His irises had somehow transformed completely from what they had been, while still remaining utterly and recognizably his. The rings had morphed from their flatter green-brown hazel into an odd calico of light flecks and darker browns. I saw new colors too...blues, orangish-red, light brown, gold. They were nothing like Surli's, though; Jon's were much, much lighter overall, and those gold flecks dominated the rest, shockingly bright and difficult to look at without blinking.
"What the hell did you do to me?" Jon said, still slightly breathless.
I shook my head. "I have no idea."
"What does that mean?" he said, staring at me. "What do you mean you have no idea?"
"Honestly, Jon...I really don't know."
"Why did you do it, then?"
I shrugged again. "I don't know." Hesitating, I looked at the beaded curtain again before adding in a lower voice, "...I just know it felt like you. Not me. You."
His stare intensified. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Shaking my head in confusion, I fought to find more adequate words. I was still turning over things to say, getting images of him sleeping that morning coupled with that strong desire to see him today...when a chorus of other voices suddenly grew audible in my mind.
I saw Jon flinch in the same instant I did, right when those voices started.
What the hell was that? Wreg said, his voice coming through first, and so loud I almost laughed. Did someone breach the construct? What is happening? Where is Jon?
It is the Bridge... Jax sent. It has to have been her...
It was her, Balidor affirmed. Is everything all right, Alyson?
What is going on? Tenzi sent. What just happened?
Is Jon with her? Yumi asked. I feel Jon there...did something happen to Jon?
I feel Jon too, Loki said. Do you need help, Esteemed Bridge? Brother Jon?
Revik's mind felt quieter than the rest, but also seemed to have the most awareness behind it.
Do you either of you want any of us to come? he sent.
No, I sent, addressing Revik first, then opening my mind to all of them. No, it's okay. Really everyone...we're fine. Jon's with me, we're both fine. Sorry for freaking everyone out...
I hesitated, feeling their confusion, especially Balidor and Wreg's.
Really, I added, somewhat more lamely. We're good...
Are you going to tell us what happened, Esteemed Bridge? Wreg sent. The worry in his thoughts came through more tangibly that time. What happened to Jon?
We'll tell you everything, I sent. Sure...of course. As soon as either one of us has the faintest idea what happened ourselves...
When Jon snorted at this, laughing, I glanced at him once more, unable to keep the amazement from my thoughts.
...By the way, I'd be careful what you think right now...about Jon at least... I added.
Unable to help it, I laughed with him, probably grinning like a loon.
In fact, I'd be careful what you think about around Jon in general from now on...I'm pretty sure he'll probably hear you...
I FELT A little strange leaving Jon after all that, and I told him so.
Especially to go on a date, of all things.
Feeling where I was going in my mind, probably well before I started talking even, he waved me off, looking more tired than anything.
"No," he said. "Go. Seriously. I need a break."
"Are you sure?"
I still found myself watching his face closely enough and intensely enough to make him uncomfortable. I could tell all of my staring, combined with pretty much every seer in the construct checking him out from behind the Barrier, was making him increasingly tense...and probably actually irritating him by now.
I also couldn't help remembering what he'd said about Vash's death, and how I'd behaved since. I knew he was right in a way, that I'd pretty much not dealt with any of that, or the fact that San Francisco was now a plague-infested war zone. It wasn't because I didn't care. I guess I'd been waiting for some kind of breather. Something that might tell me it was all right to stop long enough to let the worst of it sink in.
The Vash thing, and the Cass thing, probably bothered me the most, when I let myself go anywhere near my actual feelings on what had gone down in the last few weeks. Truthfully, something about Cass being missing probably bothered me more than anything.
Which really begged the question...why
hadn't I gone looking for her? Why hadn't I sent anyone, apart from encouraging Revik to deploy Gar and the others to San Fran?
"Allie," Jon said. "You should go. You and Revik need this. Both of you." Seeing me about to protest again, he waved me off, then studied my face, looking faintly embarrassed. I'd already noticed that something in what we'd done in that dressing room had pretty much obliterated any trace of alcohol from his system.
"And, Allie, hey," he began, his voice more tentative. "About those things I said..."
Feeling where he was going, I shook my head.
"Don't worry about it. Seriously."
"Yeah, well...that stuff about Revik. And Vash. I was out of line. I hope you know I don't really think any of those things. I really don't...I mean it..."
I shook my head again. "I said don't worry about it, and I mean it. Anyway, you were drunk, and entitled to a good vent. In fact, I think that might have been about five years overdue, considering everything that's happened..."
He frowned, looking about to apologize again, or maybe argue with me, so I headed him off before he could.
"You really think this was an okay choice?" I said, holding out my arms to show him the dress. "You weren't just trying to get me to be done with the whole thing?"
As I'd hoped, his eyes flickered down, going into objective appraisal mode.
We were hanging out by the elevators, more or less where Revik had told me to be. I'd gone there straight from the dress shop, since the female seer had offered to help me with make up and hair so I wouldn't have to go back upstairs, where I would probably run into Revik in the suite. The whole friggin' hotel seemed to know we were going out, which I couldn't help finding funny...and also a little unnerving. I was pretty sure I'd even glimpsed a few infiltrators at the doorway of the dress shop's changing room, peering inside to get a look at me before Revik came downstairs.
"It's a good choice," Jon said after another moment. "I like the shoes, too...and she did a good job on your makeup. Better than you do..."
"Haha." I rolled my eyes. "And jeez, Jon. My shoes? You really are gay."
He punched me lightly on the arm and even smiled, but I could still see that tense look behind his eyes. I could tell he was still thinking about whatever had happened before, and I didn't really have much helpful to say to him in that area, at least not yet.
"You're sure this isn't bad timing?" I said again.
"Yes, I'm sure," he said, rolling his eyes. "Despite my snarky comments earlier, you two really do need this. You're driving the rest of us crazy. And by the way," he added, kissing me on the cheek. "...Happy birthday."
I smiled, slinging an arm around him. "It's not my real birthday, you know."
"I know, I know...but..." he shrugged. "It's sort of our version. Seeing as how it was mom's version, I guess it's ours now."
I flinched. I hadn't actually thought about our mother in awhile, either. The realization once again brought back some of the choicer comments Jon made in that dressing room. It also made me wonder just how good I was getting at stuffing my emotions.
"I said I was sorry," he reminded me, softer.
"It's not that," I said. I looked up at him, realizing suddenly what I'd wanted to say before, but hadn't. "I do want to go there," I said. "Soon, I mean."
"To San Francisco?"
"Yeah," I said, nodding. "I really do. I want to find Cass."
Jon nodded, his face unreadable. After another moment, he shrugged.
"Well, I'm sure we'll hear from Gar soon enough," he said, his voice neutral. "He can tell us if it makes sense for us to head that way. In the meantime, it probably doesn't hurt to try and get confirmation that the disease won't kill you. From someone other than our enemies, I mean. I hear the science staff is working on a test for all of us...seer and human. They're hoping not all humans are susceptible to it, either..."
I nodded back, but still felt like there was something I wanted to say.
I wanted him to know something about what I was worried about in regard to Cass, I guess. I needed to express it to someone, and Jon of all people might be the only one who really understood, since he'd known her as long as I had. I fumbled with words, trying to think about how best to explain what I was worried about...if it even made sense to me, or if it was more in that 'unexplainable feeling' category.
I was still struggling a bit with my own mental sluggishness, when Jon nudged my shoulder, moving out from under my arm. It didn't occur to me why he might do that until I saw his eyes trained on one set of elevator doors.
Before I'd focused on who was inside, Jon let out a low whistle.
"Well I guess that answers that question," he commented.
"Which question was that?" I said, still looking blankly at the elevator doors.
"You didn't overdress," Jon replied, nudging me playfully with his arm again.
By then, Revik had emerged. Seeing him, I felt an odd rush of nerves. I'd never really seen him dressed up before, other than for that shindig in Delhi, and once in the Barrier. Since that time in the Barrier had been for his wedding to his first wife, Elise, I didn't really have a burning desire to dwell on how good he'd looked then. As far as the night in Delhi, I'd had a lot of other things on my mind at that press conference, including the fact that he might be there to kidnap or kill me.
He looked different now anyway, and not only because he wasn't as buffed out or as arrogant as he had been at that hotel in India. His light, the way he carried himself, the expression on his face...everything was different. And he looked nervous, too. In fact, he bounced a little on his heels as he walked, like he did when he thought he might get into a fight. I saw Wreg see me first, and grin, right before he nudged Revik in the arm, saying something to him without taking his eyes off me. I didn't hear it, of course, or catch any part of it in the Barrier even, but the look on Wreg's face brought warmth to mine.
It was pretty hard not to stare at Revik, though.
The tux he wore looked like it had been made for him, but it was of an unusual style I'd only seen on the feeds. The jacket and shirt had what they called a Mandarin-style collar, and he wore a light gray embroidered vest that somehow made the suit look dated despite the modern lines. He'd managed to get a haircut sometime that day, too, leaving it shorter than I'd seen it in over a year. For some reason he looked taller to me again, too, but that might have been the lines of the black tux...or maybe the dress shoes.
In any case, he looked good. Really, really good...maybe better than I'd ever seen him look. The style of the tux suited the long lines of his body, and fit somehow with the more feral, angular lines of his face. The dark jacket and light vest also seemed to highlight his clear eyes, making them stand out more than usual.
Just looking at him made me feel nervous.
I couldn't quite remember feeling so awkward around him before actually, as he walked up to where I stood. He had kind of a funny look on his face as he stared at me, too...enough that I went into a mild panic, wondering if maybe I should have gone with the green dress after all.
I'd gone with one of the floor-length styles in the end. They looked more elegant to me, and less show-girly, and I already knew he'd liked me in a long dress once before. This one was strapless though, a dark gold detailed with black...and according to Jon, more classic looking than what I'd worn in Delhi. The material tightened to a near corset over my upper body, with looser fabric forming a softer decolletage. The fabric did something similar below my waist, bunching up around my hips before draping straight down my legs to form a slight train in back. The saleswoman found me open-toed, gold, high-heeled shoes to go with it, and even put up my hair with gold and green pins. I also wore dark, satin gloves she'd insisted went with the dress, since they matched the embroidered detail on the front. They went up past my elbows, and considering I'd never really worn gloves like that before, were surprisingly comfortable.
I tugged on the ends of them anyway, avoiding looking at Revik and Wreg, even as
Jon nudged me, rolling his eyes.
I definitely should have gone with the green.
"There's green in it..." Jon said quietly.
"Not really green," I muttered. "It's gold."
"Goldish-green..."
"It's gold, Jon," I muttered again. "Bordering on yellow..."
By then Revik and Wreg were standing there, and Jon and I fell silent. Wreg was grinning at me, shoving at Revik's arm again like we were all in grammar school.
Revik gave him a half-smile, but it didn't really dissipate the awkward look on his face when he glanced back at me, pulling at the sleeve of his shirt to straighten it. He even wore cufflinks, I noticed, with what looked like some kind of gold symbol on them. After giving me the quickest once-over imaginable, his clear eyes returned to mine, holding more light than usual.
"You ready?" he asked me.
Wreg laughed. "Gods almighty, Nenz. Sword or not...you are a pup. That's all you have to say to your wife when she looks like that?"
Revik gave me a sideways look. I saw that smile touch his lips again, but he didn't seem to react much to what Wreg had said. Even so, I saw his eyes flicker down the length of me once more, lingering longer that time, long enough to stare at my feet. Maybe he'd overheard Jon's shoe comment and wanted to check them out for himself.
"You ready?" he asked me again, giving me another of those smiles.
Nodding, I took his proffered arm, rolling my eyes at Wreg when he clicked at the two of us in mock disapproval. I let Revik lead me down the stairs towards the main doors of the hotel, aware now that more than simply Jon and Wreg were watching us go. The female seer from the dress shop and her two assistants stood by the glass doors, along with another female seer I was slowly getting to know who worked the registration desk. I could feel Jax, Mila and Holo around too, along with Neela and that seer who just joined the military arm, Oli.
I glanced back to see Wreg saying something in Jon's ear, right before Jon laughed, the sound bursting out of him in near-surprise. Shaking his head at the muscular seer with an amused smile, Jon turned that smile towards me, giving me a 'go on, leave' gesture with one hand, as if shooing us out the door. I couldn't help smiling at him first, though...that laugh almost sounded like a real laugh to me. It was certainly the closest I'd heard from him since Dorje and Vash died, and maybe even for a few months before then.
Allie's War Season Three Page 46